You are yelling at someone (whether they deserve it or not) and they are showing they are pissed about it by the look on their face and fists at their sides. DO you believe it is OK to actually physically attack that person or goad them into attacking you?
ETA - I cannot edit the actual question for some reason. I want to add Does the gender or relationship of the people make a difference to you? Why or why not?
CLARIFICATION ALERT! I mean do you think it is OK to attack the person you are yelling at because they are showing they are angry by making a an angry face or balling up thier fists at their sides?
I hope the guys answer too!
Tracey - Confirmation in my thinking that is is not OK ever.
MelMel - Yes I have been hit, many more times than I want to remember. I've done the hitting too and your right, it doesnt do anything but make everyone feel like crap.
JEEZ Some people are SO funny! I was the mom in this scene and the players were my husband and 19yr old son. My husband says its perfectly normal, acceptable, all men act this way and I should just shut up and accept it. (my son does not act this way) I didnt want biased answers which is why i left that out.
Seriously? Physical violence is never ok. Why would you try to get them to attack you? And why would you attack them?
This makes no sense to me...
Wow, if your hubby thinks that's normal, that's just WRONG. It's normal behavior for A-holes, but not for "men".
If someone is yelling at me, you bet I'm going to be angry!! If they try to hit me, you bet I'll call the freaking police.
Physical force...unless you are being attacked and literally fighting for your life...is never OK. Baiting someone into it...is just stupid. Literally, stupid. Anyone who would do that, is dense.
It is never ok under any circumstance to hit someone!
Honestly if you can see they are getting to the point of snapping and may hit its not ok to keep pushing the person either verbally until they do. When that happens both parties are just as guilty imo.
no gender does not make a difference.
I also think that no matter the gender who ever takes the first swing better be prepared to get hit back. I hate it when a female hits a male and thinks they can't get hit back only because they are female... nope imo if a female thinks she is strong enough to hit a male they better be strong enough to get hit back. Every one has a right to defend themselves regardless of the gender.
** with your clarifaction.. no its not ok to hit them because they are showing signs of being angry or balling up thier fists. That's when you walk away! they haven't actually acted on those feelings, if you keep yelling or hit first then you just opened the door to what ever follows. Im sure what follows isn't going to be pretty.
uuuuuummm no.
what are you really asking? are you trying to get confirmation that it's not ok? Hell No. It's not ok. Unless someone breaks your personal space bubble and you are defending yourself or in a martial arts class, no it's not ok
No. Absolutely not. What are we, twelve years old?
It is absolutely NOT okay to physically attack someone because they are making an agry face and balling up their fists at their sides.
There's no rule against showing you are angry for being yelled at. And balling your fists/looking angry is NOT a threat that needs to be met with physical violence.
I never hit first, unless I am defending someone else. I have done that only on two occasions, one was a guy/girl fight and the other was a way bigger person beating the heck out of a smaller person.
Anyway, if someone is yelling at me, they get a warning. Lower your voice if you are going to talk to me. If they continue, then they will probably get some yelling back. I try to walk away before it gets out of hand.
ETA: Wait a minute...you are wondering if it is ok to hit someone because they look angry because you are yelling at them? Well OF COURSE they are going to look angry, YOU ARE YELLING AT THEM! So no, it absolutely NOT ok to hit someone for that reason.
If someone hits me first, then all bets are off.
No. Physical violence is never okay. If you're being physically attacked, then you have to defend yourself, but it's never okay to hit someone first nor is it okay to goad someone into hitting you. Why would you want to goad someone into attacking you (unless you really want to fight, which I never would or have).
The only people I have ever hit in anger -as an adult- were ones who already had an extensive history of abusing me. I think when you've been abused, lashing out in frustration starts to seem normal.
No two adults who theoretically care about each other should be in this situation. It's a relief to say it's not a situation I've been in for many years. If this is a relationship you are committed to, or if it's one with your child, everyone needs to get outside help to learn a healthier dynamic.
If there is an abuser involved who will not get help - s/he needs to remove themselves or BE removed.
Best of luck to you.
Really? Your profile says you are a working mother of teens, you are not a teen yourself. I would think that any adult in a heated conversation would not result to blows, no matter what the gender or how mad they are. Its never ok to physically lay a hand on someone. And honestly, if it gets to the point of actually yelling, you need help with communication skills and possibly anger management classes. You're supposed to mature as you get older and learn how to control yourself. Just my opinion. Good luck.
No. It is nowhere close to okay. I would recommend that you (or whoever is considering hitting someone in this scenario) take a class in Anger Management, ASAP.
The gender of the people involved has no bearing on it. I don't care if they're men, women, or space aliens. You do not hit somebody, ever, unless that person is pummeling or assaulting you or your child.
No, not OK...unless you are trying to teach your son how to get arrested in the future. I think we should teach kids to control their anger, to talk it out, to count and walk away...NOT to react physically. Learning to use a physical reaction is likely to get them hurt or arrested in the future.
Heck no! WHY in the world would you want to?
No. Not ok. Not all men behave like that or think that is ok. My husband and his friends do not get into fights now or even when they were younger. Maybe they are "sissies." If that is true. I like it!
Some men think fighting is manly. Others think its dumb (and painful). I dated a guy in college who got into fights and it was a pain in the a$$. We were always getting kicked out of clubs or parties because he or his friends were getting into a fight with someone over nothing.
I'm THRILLED to have a husband that shows manly -ness by changing diapers, cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, and buying my favorite soup when I am sick.
Much sexier than having to leave social situations because your man just got into a fight because he thought someone was looking at me funny.
Escalating anger into physical violence on either side would be wrong. For that matter, yelling at someone is wrong too, as it is disrespectful and doesn't actually resolve a conflict. When you yell at someone (deserved or not), they may physically hear you, but they are not going to mentally "hear you." The natural reaction when someone yells at you is to get angry; it's not to go "gosh, maybe I deserve for this person to treat me in a disrespectful manner."
Yes, I do it all the time.
Of course not! We all need to do what we can to diffuse a situation, not exaberrate it.
This was the One time that I answered without reading answers. I just read the details. The scenario reminded me of my childhood. I can't imagine getting that mad now. I have trained myself out of it. I would get that mad as a child (and teen.)
When my mother got around me, I would get so stressed and defensive that I used to curl my hands, fingernails cutting into my palms. I remember that she slapped my hands trying to get me to stop. She tried to lovingly brush my hair off of my face once and I ducked to the ground expecting a blow - ans she had not even raised her voice at the time.
Obviously the person getting yelled at has a fight or flight response. This increases when the situation has escalated in the past. For this "programmed response" - yes, hubby and nature have worked together to program him, and then he get's physically attacked???
I admire your son. This is so abusive. Please get out of the situation. If you are strong enough to deal with that kind of behavior in your life, you are strong enough to make it on your own. That behavior drains you. Don't let it drag you and your son down anymore.
PS. Even if you want to stay, you may have to leave for a while, otherwise, why should hubby change? Things are working out for him. A few nice words perhaps or a present and he can just keep doing what he's doing.
no it's not ok.
It's devious entrapment.
It's bully-ish provocation.
Seriously, you would be the one assaulting the other person first, and not to mention just because of the assumption of what their hand position in their personal space meant.
why would you expect anyone to not get angry when someone is yelling at them??
...and making a fist at one's side sounds like a rather personal, non-offensive, energy expelling way to manage anger/natural reaction to getting upset - letting that fist touch someone or wagging it someone's face is altogether a different story.
Also, teens and parents have fought forever. Dragging your abusive past into it may not be the wisest thing to do. Are you putting unfair assumptions from past experience with another person onto this man or was he the abuser?
