Our almost 1 year old has recently started pitching a fit when my husband picks her up from her babysitter's house. She does this to some extent with me as well, but not nearly as bad. It's only been going on for a week or two. She loves her daddy and is always smiling at him when we're home, etc., so I don't know what is going on. The only thing I can think of is that she doesn't want to leave because she gets to play with the other children there, but then why would she not do this as bad when I pick her up? It's starting to hurt my hubby's feelings, and I just want to be able to give him some sort of explanation so he doesn't feel so bad. Anyone??
We've tried making the transitioning part easier for her. My husband asked our babysitter to let our daughter stay down on the floor or in the pack n' play right before he picks her up, and the first day she did this, it worked pretty well. She fussed a little, but not too bad, and then as soon as he picked her up, she was fine. He's also taking a little more time, talking with the sitter, etc. This seems to be helping. Another thing he's doing is telling our daughter who will be picking her up that day, so I'm hoping she understands and will not be surprised by who walks in the door. Thank you all for the great advice and reassurance!!
She's probably getting used to being at the babysitters all day and at one years of age, is a little confused who mom or dad are and why she's leaving this place she's been at al day.
Its a phase. Almost ALL kids, go through this.
Tell him not to take it personally... it is not personal nor a critique of your Husband by your child.
It is also that, children and babies don't "transition" well all the time... from one activity to another... they have to transition. So, especially if they were having fun, they don't want to stop suddenly. Just basic feelings a child has, at THAT moment.
She doesn't do it that bad with you... because you are her Mommy. And kids just find Mommy more "cozy." That is the way my kids say it, literally. They will sometimes not even notice my Hubby/Dad... and then all pile up on my lap...and just tell me "Mommy is so cozy...." and it is just bonding as well. Not that they don't like my Hubby/Daddy... they just are kids, and they just think of me in a cozy way.
It is ALL developmental based. A child naturally goes through this, at different age junctures. It is their forming of themselves and feelings... and feelings/emotions at this age are not even fully nor completely developed yet. Nor do they even completely understand their feelings/emotions yet, at this age. So, your child doing this is partly normal development and her just not able to control what goes on... maybe she was expecting you to pick her up... in other words. But it was Daddy. So she got upset. Not that she doesn't like Daddy...but a child/baby this age, does not rationalize like we adults do.
They are just "reactors" to situations as well... because they do not yet have any impulse control or the ability to rationalize.
Maybe on the days your Husband will pick her up... tell her that. So she knows what to expect later. Not it being a sudden surprise and it not being what she "thought" and that you were going to pick her up. Let her know... who will pick her up, or drop her off.
all the best,
Susan
Alot of the kids that I used to watch cried when they got picked up. You're right. They are having so much fun sometimes that they just didn't want to leave. It's normal. As far as with you, she just might be more excited to see you. It's natural. You're mommy! Just don't tell your hubby that. ;)
I did daycare for many years and you'd be surprised how many little ones cry when their parents come to get them.
It's a transition thing and not something to be taken personally.
I found it worked best when parents came in and greeted me and just had a seat for a minute. Hi, how was your day? Lovely or cold weather we're having....
It really is just a phase and at that young age, they don't know how to say, "Dad, I don't want to leave yet."
It has nothing to do with either of you, it really doesn't.
I'm not saying to let things drag out, because I'm a mom myself and I understand being in a hurry sometimes, but little ones do well when they're in the crying phase over transition if you give them a few minutes to recognize you're there while you make sure you have all their belongings.
In my experience, when this happens, it's just a matter of the changing from one thing to the next. Some kids think nothing of it, but others just need a transition routine you can work out with the babysitter.
Your daughter won't always cry when you or your husband pick her up.
It will pass.
I believe Shane and SH have it right: sudden transitions are hard, and mommies are generally more comforting (daddies are often more fun to play with). Giving your daughter a few minutes to accept the need to leave, and perhaps distracting her with the thought of some treat or favorite toy waiting for her in the car (or handing it to her on the way out), or the thought of going home to mommie, could be helpful.
.
Lots of kids hate transitions, regardless of who or what they're transitioning to. It's possible that the "mom's here!" excitement just overshadows that when you show up. Would it be possible to pick her up TOGETHER so he can have some of that happy to see you energy?
As a side note there is a little boy at my son's preschool who've I've known as a classmate of his since he was 6 months old (now 4yo) Until he was 3 he cried ever day on drop off AND pick up... he still does some days... I mean laying on the floor at the door screaming!!! Anyway, if you show up at a different time than his mom, he's happy and social, he just HATES the change.
Tell you hubby to hang in there and don't let the baby hurt his feelings, she doesn't mean to :-)
Do you hang around and make small talk, etc. when you pick her up? Maybe the transition is smoother with you than with him. If your pick up style is slower and gives her more time to adjust to the fact that she has to leave her friends, then she may do better with you and worse with him (assuming he's a grab-n-go kinda guy).
As a working mom myself, I know how hard it is when your kids cry to stay at the sitters, but remember it is the ultimate compliment about how well they are cared for!!!! You are very lucky!!
Hi J.,
I nannied for two years to two adorable girls. The little one screamed when I left for the day. This is normal. Parents are constants and children innately know that they will always be there and will always come back. They don't understand that about their new "playmates." It's the same thing when older children hide when it's time to leave their favorite Uncle's house.
I know it's unsettling but please don't take this personally. There is comfortable familiarity there and change, switching off from parent to caregiver, is uncomfortable for any little one. The parent raises the child and gets the unconditional, never ending love. If those two little girls I cared for walked past me right now (at age 23 and 20) they would have no clue who I was.
Tell your husband that it's okay!!!
God bless,
M.
Hi J., rest assured this has no reflection on your husband or you! All kids (or almost all) go through something like that. I stay home with my kids and both of them went through a stage like that when their father got home. Its not that they do not want to see him, just the opposite, but it is just their way of having an emotional response to the parent being gone and then coming back. It is a stage that will pass. Try not to let it hurt your feelings.
D..
its the mommy stage. my 9mth old freaks out when papa goes and gets her from the crib. i feel bad for him because he so badly wants her to get excited to see him. its only a fase it will pass with time. have him bring a fav stuffed animal or toy that she will only get with him. gl
