good morning mamas! okay this is more of a "i was right, wasn't i?" question. because i was just a little irritated by the situation.
yesterday my brother and his girlfriend (they're so cute, they're 20 and sooo full of energy! lol) took my son, my neice (from my other brother), and the girlfriend's two little brothers (so four kids 5 years old and under) to the pumpkin patch. it was the sweetest most fun day.
they all came back to my moms and we were hanging out outside. the kids were playing around the side of the house (we were out in the country, the kids were having a hayday running all over the place and just having a ball) and here comes my son, pretty subduded, not crying but just i could tell he wasn't feeling good, he said that he cracked heads with my neice. ouch! so he sat down to take a breather, and about thirty seconds later (after we had gotten the story from my son) here comes my neice just BAWLING like the world was ending, huge tears, red face, and the loudest wails you've ever heard. well my brother's (SUPER sweet) girlfriend, meaning well, rushes up to her, "OH MY GOSH what happened!" hugging her, carrying her from the porch to the patio where we sat, just making a huge fuss (MISTAKE!) and my adorable sweet niece says with these huge crocodile tears, "ADAN HIT ME!"
ooookay. my brother's gf says, "honey i thought that you two both hit your heads on each other?? i'm pretty sure it was an accident ok?"
and my neice continues to sniffle and have this horribly put upon look on her face, just making the biggest drama out of it...i kept my mouth shut because i am not the mother of a 4 year old little girl, but as much as i love my neice, i've been around her enough to know that she is DRAMA CENTRAL. even though she was attempting to get MY son in trouble, i kept my mouth shut.
so the funny part came when , ten minutes later, we all went inside, except my son who said, "I don't want to go inside with her right now" (meaning my neice, which i kinda had to inwardly smile at - i didn't blame him) so he sat out on the patio while we all went inside to eat lunch. after awhile i went out to check on him and he was still sitting there kinda bummed. i talked him into coming inside, and he was well on his way to getting over it, when, while i handed my neice her plate, she says to me, "Aunt C., ADAN hit -" and i couldn't help it.
i put my hand up, cut her off, and said, "mya honey, you have already tried to tattle on Adan over something that was an accident. you got your cry and your cuddles and it is OVER. and i dont' want to hear ANY more tattling, because we dont' do that at my house. you deal with it and you go on. eat your lunch".
sooooo....i get that she's a kid. i do. and i get that i was getting a bit mama bear ish and a bit irrational seeing as how she IS in fact, a kid lol. i am not harboring bad feelings towards her, i love my neice. maybe someone can shed light that this is, indeed, a four year old little girl thing. and tell me i'm not crazy for getting onto her lol. no one said anything so i couldn't really judge. and her mom and dad weren't there. so i guess i just want to know, what would you have done?
Exactly the same thing. By you telling her that she got her hugs and it was an accient her feelings were validated, but you refused to hear her sob story. She will respect you later for being strong. Right now she will think you are unfair.
AHHHH Girls are manipulative from the minute they are born. We have two.
I think it has alot to do with the kids are handled by their parents. When they get big reactions, and oodles of sympathy over every little thing....they're gonna be drama queens/kings.
I think you handled it beautifully! I would've been irritated too. She obviously was still fishing for attention, and yes while she is a kid it's still annoying lol My neice is like that, but ONLY if my mom's around because my mom babies her to death. She's 10 and my mom acts like she's 3. I get annoyed w/ my OWN kids if they're being overly dramatic!
I don't really believe that girls are manipulative and boys are innocent as some have suggested. I have a daughter and a son (16 and 12 now).
I think you did the right thing by not giving in to the drama. Some kids are just like that. I think you handled the situation perfectly. She got the attention that she wanted, and you made it clear that this was an accident and she wasn't going to get someone else in trouble. Some kids, boy or girl, are big tattlers. When my son was younger, a girl on our block would do this all the time. She'd come up to me and tell me that my son said something mean to another kid on the bus. Um, it didn't happen to you, and the other kid has a mouth, so why are you telling me this? If it's the truth, the other kid will say something.
I think that being firm with your niece and setting the precedent that she is not going to get attention from you over this will make her not try it again.
Lol. Sometimes you just need to lay the law down. It think it's fine. You obviously love her, but kids who whine and are drama freaks, need to be told when enough is enough. I had my own drama king, and although it sometimes ruffles my feathers, yes, people need to tell him to stop. We nipped it in the butt as a little guy, (4-5 y.o.) and now he is pretty mellow and go with the flow. But dang, when he was smaller, he cried and fussed over EVERYTHING! So annoying! so maybe even her mamma was secretly going thank god someone did something! Haha. Anyhow, just my POV from as a drama kings mom,
Some of the biggest drama "queens" I've seen have been little boys...so it can go either way.
I think you did fine by being sympathetic up to a point and then saying enough is enough and calling her out on it. I try to do the same thing with my daughter, who is 4, because I don't want her turning into a drama queen either and I can't stand whining. If she gets hurt I give her a hug, kiss the boo-boo, and then she needs to move on - I tell her to just shake it off and let her know she's fine. If she starts up whining and going on and on about it, I very firmly tell her that is enough, and if she wants to keep whining about it, she can do it in her room by herself.
Funny thing is, she had a friend over yesterday for a play date, who is a little girl the same age with a very sweet disposition, but also very whiny about everything. After she left, my daughter told me, "I don't like it she whines like that. She whines a lot. It hurts my ears." I just told my daughter that that's why we don't like to listen to her whine either! LOL!
Her mom needs to handle her like that. 4 year old girls (and boys, poleeeez have you seeeen some whiny boys or WHAT?!) will be drama queens for sure, but they only milk it way too long if they're allowed to. The code word in my house is "HUP!" sort of like when drill sergeants say,"Hup two three four, hup two three..."
After a play mortality has occurred, and everyone has cried, tattled, apologized and hugged, if anyone tries to whine any longer, they get a "HUP!" from me and know not to push it.
And especially with guests, relatives or kids in public, they know the extra drama is NOT allowed, and they are sure to act well to keep the privilege of playing. It's amazing how tough and resilient kids are when you don't allow the theatrics. I learned this from their cousins before them, and now I'm amazed at some of the really tough spills the kids will take and then just brush off and keep going saying, "I'm all right!" I'll be like, "Are you SURE??!!" all concerned, and they're like, 'MOM, I'm FINE!"
I don't think you did anything wrong. But, no not all girls are like this. lol My daughter is three and is the most laid back kid ever. In fact last time she went to art class, she was pushed down by another girl and my daughter just pointed an laughed at the other girl. Kids take stuff from her and she just looks at me like, "What the hell is wrong with them?" :)
Very well handled.
I do the same with my own kids. I can't take the whining, and I tell them beforehand, if they're going to play, they should expect to fall and get hurt. If they're going to come to me, because someone pushed them, by accident and the crying, and complaining begins, then home they go until our next outing.
I just want to hug you for seeing what she was doing, giving both kid some time and TLC and telling her to move on. My cousin used to milk everything for-ev-er and would be fine, but hit the bottom of the stairs and start the tears for her audience. She's still a drama queen (and I still can't stand her). She was rarely called on her dramatics to her face, though sometimes I overheard our aunt say things like, "She hurt her finger three hours ago. Why can't she get over it already?" You will be doing her a favor to be kind but firm when she's milking something.
I think boys and girls can equally be this way. Depends on the kid. I babysat a little boy, about 6 yrs old, who would always milk whatever happened to get extra attention. He was the younger brother and very cute.
Your niece, my daughter, cut from the same cloth...
She will tattle on her brother for pooping his bed... 4 weeks ago...
She will tell everyone have she got bit by a flea... 6 days ago...
I wish i knew how to stop her from doing it too.
Same as you - good job!
You did good! Not only did you handle your niece correctly but you also let your son see you stand up for him. Without saying it, you let him know that you believed that it was, in fact, an accident and that you thought he had handled it correctly. Kids need to know their parents are in their corner.
As an Aunt and a mother, you were right on. Without being one sided or rude. Hooray! for you. Sounds like she needs that kind of reinforcement more often.
