My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 20 months, we had one miscarriage in November. After that I found out I have Insulin Resistant PCOS, and it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant without help. Well come to find out that I am pregnant!
Here is the catch, we have no idea how far along I am. I had no symptoms of pregnancy at all. I posted a question last week about my nipples leaking and specifically put in there that there was no way I was pregnant. HA, was I wrong! The baby is already kicking, YIKES! We are thinking I am between 17-20 weeks along. I am terrified that because I didn't know I was pregnant (yes, I REALLY didn't know) and have had no prenatal care that something will be wrong with the baby. I feel like an idiot. How can you not know you are pregnant? If you don't know, with PCOS you do not have regular periods, I have not had a period since February- and there was no reason for me to think I could be pregnant. I have had two other healthy pregnancies, was it that I was so out of tune with myself that I didn't see the change in my body? I can't get over this guilt that I didn't know.
When I say I had no symptoms, I had none. No sickess, no weight gain, no fatigue, no nothing. I have not gained a single pound, felt nauseous one time, or had any cramping or spotting. The first symptom was my nipples leaking, and even then I was sure it was something other than pregnancy. It was my husband who said "what if..." .
Yes, I do have an appointment with my OB already, but it is not for 3 weeks. That is the soonest they could get me in. Even though I am far along they still have to follow the same procedures as any other pregnancy. Switching to somone else is not an option. He is the only OB in our town and I am very happy with him. I have also started taking my prenatal vitamins. But this guilt that not knowing could have harmed the baby is eating me alive.
Since I have to ask a question here one is- how do I forgive myself for not knowing?
Congratulations! You didnt know. thats all.. Its that simple. You didnt know. So cheer up, get excited and do the best you can now. Im excited for you!
First of all CONGRATS!! No need to worry though! I was 17wks when I found out I was pregnant with my son. I definitely was NOT trying to get pregnant. And, on top of it, I got my period until I was about 5mos along. So, with no missed period & no symptoms, how was I to know I was actually pregnant!?!? He was totally fine, and is now a healthy and busy 8yr old!!
Congrats, and most of all, relax & enjoy it!!!!
J.
Don't sweat it. It happens more often than you know. One of my sister in laws passed out one day and found out she was 7 months pregnant. Her child was fine and is grown now. CONGRATS
Why feel guilty? Spend time being excited!!! With our # 3 I actually chose NOT to go to the doctor right away because I figured WHY??? I'm pregnant, so it's not necessary for me to go to the doctor for them to just tell me that I am pregnant!!! Well, because I waited so long to go in to my first appointment (as you are doing), yes, they confirmed the pregnancy, I dressed and was walking out the door of the doctor's office when the doctor actually called out the door and said "uh, you're actually far enough along, if you'd like, we can listen to the heartbeat if you'd like to hear the baby's heartbeat"....I thought "sure, why not"...I have to get partially undressed again...but it'll be worth it to hear the heartbeat! So, she couldn't find the heartbeat where it was supposed to be, so she did one of those little ultrasounds that were in her office, put her hand on my
arm and said "P., there's two babies in there"......talk about a shock!!!!
So, our best laid plans of having three children, turned into having FOUR! :) :) They are our youngest and have just graduated and are 18!
Not harm at all, don't worry and congratulations!!!!
Aaawwww! Such happy news! Congrats! I'm sure it'll be just fine.
:)
Oh hon! Congrats!! I'm sure the baby is fine. Even if you had a few drinks, it's not like you got drunk every night right? The baby is going to take what it needs from you. If anyone is going to suffer because of this, it could be you...but you seem to be fine, so I wouldn't worry.
*hugs* (And congrats again! This is the time to celebrate!)
Forgive yourself. In the past women didn't see doctors at all sometimes. So unless you are doing massive drugs and or drinking massive quantities you have done nothing wrong. 20 weeks pregnant is only 5 months you would have only been seeing the doctor once a month so far anyway. So now here is the big sentence. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
I didn't know I was pregnant with my first for three months. He is fine, well as good as can be expected considering the gene pool. :p Babies will take what they need, I would be more worried about your physical health.
Congrats!!
How do you forgive yourself for NOT KNOWING? (laughing) You Did. Not. Know.
You have two little ones to chase around. You'd been told you couldn't conceive. You have an irregular menses. You didn't have symptoms, and when there was a symptom you recognized it. So...yah...it HAPPENS! ;-)
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
Now. Take a deep breath. Our children (and fetuses) are not made from glass.
I mean, they will be FINE...unless...Have you been sitting in a hot tube of bleach and mercury, drinking from dusk to dawn, smoking crack, while taking a hammer and repeatedly hitting your uterine area? NO? Didn't think so!
Seriously. Congratulations. Enjoy this special time.
Congratulations! What a blessing!! First of all, you need to get on TLC's "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." ; )
There's nothing to forgive. You didn't know. I didn't know I was pregnant with my first and I was not on prenatal vitamins until about 6 weeks, but my DD is very healthy. Our bodies were designed to take care of the baby first and mommy second. Think about women in third world countries who have no prenatal care and very little food for themselves, yet their babies survive. Right now is the time to rejoice in this wonderful gift you've been given! Don't allow your fear and anxiety about what might happen overrule this happy time in your life.
Conratulations! I'm so happy for you!
You should be fine as long as you didn't do drugs or drink excessively.
Start taking pre-natal vitamins now.
Then start eating right (you need plenty of vitamins, calories etc).
Then make an appt to see your O.B.
Something I have started to tell myself: Women have been having babies forever......There has not always been medical care, especially that of today's standards and yet we have survived.
My mom didn't receive the same care 28 years ago when I was born and her mom didn't receive the same care when she was born 51 years ago and so on and so on. There are different rules, different standards of care, etc, etc......but somehow there have been millions of healthy babies born each year since the beginning of time.
Please do not freak out on a guilt trip over nothing. You did not know, how could you know with the situation you've described?! You are taking care of yourself now, you have a doctor appt. scheduled and you are on the right track with your care.....Give yourself a break and ENJOY because you are BLESSED with a new little one to love!
EXACTLY what PAm said. YOUR PREGNANT against all the odds!!!!!!! Thats a miracle right there!!! Don't worry I knew that I was pregnant but couldn't get seen till I was 15 weeks along. I tried to take prenatals but I got sicker with them (I was sick the entire 9 months) so I stopped taking them. PLUS think about how many babies have been born in the past with out any medical intervention with sonograms, prenatals, measuring, blood tests. Don't freak out till there is a reason to :D
Congrats!!!! It happens. Dont beat yourself up for it. My mom had an accident as a kid and was told she would never have kids, she never had a normal menstrual cycle so she thought nothing of it when she missed it for several months at a time. She got pregnant with me and had no idea, she had no symptoms didnt gain an ounce, she went to the dr for a stomach ache...and found out she was 8months pregnant..I was born 3 weeks later, perfectly healthy.
It took me a while to get to the doctor with my first--maybe 12 or 14 weeks? I knew but had no insurance. I was taking vitamins and eating pretty well and rarely drank alcohol or took any medication. If you are like me then it might not make that much difference in how you live you life on a day to day basis. Even with my second when I knew sooner my midwife didn't need to see me or do much of anything until almost 3 months along either. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Have you done anything specific you are worried about? In that case talk to your doctor about the specifics. My doctor the first time pretty much said not to worry about it and just start being careful now (I had taken cold medicine a few times and had 1 drink on one occasion).
I just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS! This is such wonderful news!
You forgive yourself because you have a condition that masked the kid's presence. Just take care of yourself NOW and move on. There will be a lifetime of other things to worry about (first tooth, first steps, first day of school, first date....;) )
CONGRATS!
You haven't been drinking heavily or doing drugs, right? Then don't worry, the baby is fine.
No need to beat yourself up, this is all good news! And you'are already halfway there, with apparently no morning sickness or anything!
It's all good!
Congratulations mama !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Worries - Stress is NOT good for the baby or you !!!!!!!!! The baby is Fine, your Fine!!!
Happy Healthy Pregnancy
Happy Healthy Delivery
Happy Healthy Baby
CONGRATULATIONS ! ! !
My wife did not have any of the symptons of pregnancy either, except she didn't have a period. If you are eating properly and not doing drugs or alcohol, or smoking, you are doing all the things necessary for a happy, healthy baby.
Worry about something else if you have to worry about something.
We will keep you in our prayers, even if saying so is not politically correct.
Good luck to you and yours.
Congratulations on your miracle baby!!
Don't beat yourself up. A very smart woman once told me that your body will give your baby all it needs. I had an unexpected pregnancy and was not taking the prenatals, exercising the way I would have wanted to be, yadda, yadda, yadda. The baby was perfect!
As long as you were not out severly drinking, drugging, partying and being totally crazy (and I am assuming you weren't with two other kiddies already) than you are most likely okay.
Best of luck.
~C.
Congrats! Jo W. is right. Babies take their share of the nutrition first, then Mom gets what's left over. Glad you have an appt to see the OB soon. Relax, eat a healthy diet (watch those carbs but don't eliminate them altogether), take those vitamins and try to fit in some daily exercise.
My mother was 5 months pregnant with me before she discovered she was pregnant. She felt movement and went back to Dr. Dr told her twice earlier in the pregnancy she was NOT pregnant. This stuff happens. May God bless you and yours.....Midwife Mom of 3
GURL your prayers have been answered have faith nothing is wrong...congrads! I'm next :)
I think you will be fine. I think when people are in the mindset of getting pregnant they lead a pretty clean life. Anyway I would call your OB back and demand to be let in at least for a quick heartbeat check and ultrasound. There is NO reason you should be on the same schedule as someone who is 8 weeks along. Small office or not, that is ridiculous.
I went 2 months in the middle of my pregnancy without seeing my obgyn. I felt so horrible, and I was sure I was gonna go into pre-term labor. When I finally went in the doc said that nature was prob just taking care of the baby all on its own (if that makes sense can't remember exactly how he put it.) Turns out baby and I were both perfectly healthy. For me the guilt eased up as soon as the doc told me the baby was all good. I'm sure you'll feel better when as soon as you see that sweet little guy/gal. Congrats on the baby! Don't forget to just be Happy; bc a new baby is a huge blessing :)!
Forgive yourself, it happens. I didn't gain weight at all until I was 6 months along and even then it was only a little, I didn't "blow up" til 8 months. When I was 3 weeks along my military unit had a huge run and I felt a huge pain in my abdomen area and went to medical. Had we not had the run I wouldn't have known lol. I'm sure your baby is just great :) I knew and I was horrible about taking prenatal vitamins, after forgetting 4 or 5 times I had to put an appointment reminder on my phone so it would go off and I would remember, I am not a medicine taker at all :P You should shrug that off and get excited... YOU ARE HAVING A BABY, A MIRACLE BABY! AWESOME! Congratulations!
Hi,
Most likely your baby is just fine in there--look at all the women on " I didn't know I was pregnant" etc. Eat well, take your vitamins and go to the doctor for your labs and ultrasounds. Congrats to you and your family!!!! So exciting!
Take care,
M
Congrats! I hope that you are taking some time away from the guilt to feel excited!!
As far as forgiving yourself, keep in mind that a stressed out mom can result in a stressed out pregnancy. So tell yourself you have to relax and put the guilt aside because THAT is the best thing you can do to help your baby. Your body didn't give you any signs and your PCOS made it so there was no reason to think you were pregnant, so you couldn't have known unless you took a pregnancy test every week (which is not realistic at all).
You've contacted your OB, you're taking your vitamins and, I assume, you're not drinking, smoking, etc now that you know. So focus on that - the fact that as soon as you found out you are pregnant, you started doing all that you could to care for the baby.
The baby is kicking already - that's a good sign that he/she is growing and doing well.
Relax and enjoy the ride!! Congrats again.
I didn't know I was pregnant till I was 21 weeks along... and I did have some symptoms but I was still having a perioid. Now I know it was just spotting but thankfully I wasn't a big drinker and he was born perfectly fine! But I do still have a lot of guilt about not knowing cause I did smoke cigarettes until I found out. Of course then I stopped immediately... But I think I will alway blame myself if something when wrong with his heath... sad but true
With my 5th I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was about 12 weeks pregnant. I was socially drinking and smoking on several occasions while I was pregnant. I was in denial because my first four were conceived through fertility injections and IUI and we were DONE! I gave away everything and had nothing smaller than a few size 18 month clothes. So when I started skipping periods I figured I was starting menopause(I was 42 at the time). Finally on the day before Mother's day I decided that I should check because I knew I had to start being responsible if I was pregnant, and lo and behold that stick turned so fast and dark there was no denying it anymore. Anyway, the following December I had my 5th baby in my arms, none the worse for wear for what I did that previous spring. SO...don't worry, no guilt, the baby is just fine. Good luck and congratulations!
Congrats!
And on the forgiving yourself for not knowing - if you have a hard time letting yourself forgive yourself for your own peace of mind, tell yourself that you're letting go of the guilt for the health of your baby. You're going to be proactive and redirect the worry-energy of "what if I did something that harmed the baby?" into "I'm going to drink plenty of water, eat healthy foods, take walks and do what's within my control to take care of my health and my baby's health", because the worrying doesn't have a constructive purpose and is just draining you of energy and brainpower that could be put to better use.
Happy healthy pregnancy to you!
Not your fault. The baby will be fine. Please get someone else on the phone at your OBs office and beg for an earlier appointment - waiting 3 weeks seems completely wrong. Maybe you could even just try and go in there???
Don't beat yourself up and enjoy it. You know now. These babies are tough little things, and I am sure there is nothing you could have done that would cause harm or alter this little one. If you are eager, why don't you ask your doctor to do some blood work and and ultrasound before your appt comes up so you have some idea where you are. That is what I did when I had no clue about my dates.
Unless you have gone on a wild binge drinking party spree in the last few weeks, you probably have nothing to worry about! (and even if you did, you can't change it... so just relax and chances are everything will be ok anyways)
Of course, from now on eat healthy, watch your weight (make sure you are gaining SLOW and STEADY) and take those vitamins! If the OB was worried about your pregnancy, he would have had you rush in to the office. If you are killing yourself with worry you could always check and see if any family practices or urgent care's around your town will do an ultrasound and quick checkup before your regular appt.
Don't feel guilty, you are not a bad person to have not just "known" you were pregnant! Chances are if you look back you might have had really subtle symptoms... just not "in your face" ones, and since you have been diagnosed with PCOS, naturally your first thought wouldn't be "I'm pregnant". Both times I was pregnant my first clue was morning sickness, and both times I was certain I had a stomach bug until someone else suggested I might be pregnant... I probably could have spent weeks thinking I had some "illness" before my belly pooched enough to think otherwise... (that or when I finally thought, gosh, it sure has been a while since I have had my period...)
Point being; you are not an idiot... life happens and sometimes we don't noctice things like others do. Keep in mind that our bodies protect that little embryo pretty well for the first few weeks, specifically because WE DON'T always take care of ourselves. If you have lasted this long, chances are that is a tough little bean!
Good Luck and Congrats!
-M.
Congratulations! Don't beat yourself up over it, that will just stress you out. You're taking your vitamins and just eat healthy, get plenty of rest. I am, however, concerned as your doc is not seeing you. I'd call back and insist and still be looking for another. They need to do an in-office ultrasound to see how far along you are, as that determines necessary care and obviously baby's health.
My friend had no idea she was pregnant and found out when she was 19 weeks along. Her life was very busy she had a toddler and was a full time nursing student. She didn't have symtoms of pregnancy. Her son is almost two now and perfect. Good Luck
