Overprotective or Not??

I agree with you. My daughter is 6 and I still don't let her go to a friends house with out me unless it's my best friend and I have an appointment to go to. You are not over protective. My daughter still hasn't even had a sleep over yet.

I think you're being normally protective, BUT you're having an adult reaction to a kid's request. Kids don't yet get all the social rules, routines, etc. that we have in place for this kind of thing. They just want to play. Introductions, coordinating, scheduling, age, etc. are out of their sphere. They just think - hey, a kid next door; I want to play with him; I'll go ask; why can't we play now?

I'd give him a simple answer - you have to meet the mom and get to know them first cause you're son's still little and you want to make sure everything's ok first. Then talk to his mom and do the adult stuff to make it happen :)

I am much more like you, and I think 4 is still quite young. I think 6 is still quite young. I think it is fine for your son to play there on his own - onc eyou get to know the family a little bit. I started doing independent playdates around 4-5. Why don't you invite the parents and kids over for a playdate, and then follow-up for independent play?

Definately don't change your rules for peer pressure, and just be honest - Johnny is just four and I dont' allow him to xyz yet. How about we do this...?? Good luck. I usually find myself the more protective parent on the block too, but I think other moms respect me if I say, I don't think I am ready for that yet or we have a different rule.

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I would invite them over for a BBQ and get to know them. If they are crazy people, well- no unsupervised time in their home! If they seem like a nice family, then I would welcome the other child over to play, but explain to that child that your son can't go on playdates by himself until he's in Kindergarten.

The other little boy is probably bored and doesn't know anyone yet! Once school starts, I'm sure he'll be over less often.

These are you neighbors. They are going to be there awhile. I suggest you get to know them and establish whether you trust them or not. For the time being, I suggest supervising them outside or allow the child to play at your home. Tell them you're not ready for him to have playdates at other peoples house yet. I once invited a little girl over for a play date and her dad came and stayed. I was a little taken aback, but I respected him for it. Maybe you can coordinate a family potluck so all the kids can play and you can get to know them. And even if you decide a play date at their house is okay, there should be a protocol. My daughter is 8 and plays with the kids across the street all the time. But we check with each other if it's okay and for how long and we walk the kids across the street. They just roam around out front. And we live on a very quiet street! LOL

4 is a little young to be playing outside by himself, but why not go meet the parents and get a conversation started? Then you can mention that your kids go to bed early and as much as you would love for their child to come over, it just doesn't work out during the week.

I live in a cul-de-sac with 11 families and around 20 kids aging from 19 years down to 2 years. The majority of younger ones play together outside daily while us mom's get some adult conversation while watching the kids. Its a win/win situation. If you could get to be friends with the neighbors, it makes life much more enjoyable. :)

In our neighborhood, there are a few houses with safe responsible parents. The neighborhood kids all flow pretty freely back and forth among these houses. Other houses have irresponsible/unpredictable parents and/or are filled with unsupervised teenagers. My kids know they are only allowed in those houses if I am present.

It has worked out really well. All the responsible parents have responsible childcare easily available. All the kids who would otherwise be unsupervised have a safe place to go, and tend to be a whole lot less trouble to the neighborhood at large. The age range of these kids is 4 to 17.

Make friends with your neighbors. If you decide you like and trust them, it is pure gold to be able to say "I need to run to the store for 30 minutes. Can my son play at your house for a while?"

Go meet the mother.

You mentioned that this 6 yr old is their youngest child. Your 4 yr old is your oldest. Even taking away parenting styles - how we parent our oldest versus the youngest is very different - and this child is 50% older than yours and 2 years is a big difference at this age.

I have always been like you - I would never let my child go into someone else's house unless I knew them. But if this mom has a few other kids she's done the 6 yr old thing before and she may have already made a judgement call on your family based on what your house looks like, if she hears you talking to your children outside in your yard, etc. If she's been home all day trying to unpack and get her home in order and you're out working all day that 6 yr old is glued to the window waiting for your kid to come home.

And yes a 6 yr old wanting to play with a 4 yr old is a little bit of a stretch - but he's new in the nieghborhood and doesn't know anyone else. Once he gets to school and meets other 6 yr olds I expect that you'll be more off the hook.

Yes, when my children were 4 I was outside with them and we live on the cul-de-sac of a VERY quiet street. You are not being over-protective. But I don't understand what's the harm of allowing this child to come in to your house? I would write my phone number on a note and send the child home to his mom and ask to have his mom call you. At that time you can explain that "you're a little over protective, and it's a busy street and my child is only 4 and I work and don't get home until it's almost dinner time and it's a busy time - but otherwise we wouldn't mind having your child come and play once in a while...."

I think it will become less of an issue once school begins. (On the other hand, they could be wackos!) ;o)

Growing up, I played all day every day with my neighbors starting at age 3. I remember sometimes getting my shorts stuck on the white picket fence on the way to my best friend Paul's house. I actually had to go through my neighbor's yard, climb a rock, climb over the fence, then through another neighbor's yard to get to my friend's house.

I think that you'll get used to it, but having a friend to play with for a little while every day is not unheard of. It's summer time. Let them play while they can - before you know it, school will start, it'll be dark at 4 in the afternoon, etc. and you won't be seeing your neighbor at all during the week.

On another note, my youngest (now 5) has been having play dates with other kids for at least a year. Some of his friends are still not ready to come over our house without their mom staying and that's OK too, but an unaccompanied play date at age 4 or 5 is totally routine. Introduce youself to the neighbors and get to know them a bit so that you're comfortable. Hopefully they will be people you like and your kids will be friends for years to come - good neighbors are a gift!

I'm amazed at the neighborhood kids that have come in my house and I've never met the parents. One kid is at my house (inside sometimes) and I couldn't pick his parents out of a line up. Since your son is 4 and the other one is 6 just tell him that he can play but has to stay in your yard since he's younger. I had a similar situation with kids across the street and this worked for us. They could play in the backyard and I could check out the window to see them.

at 4, my son was going to friend's houses to play--kids that I knew the parents fairly well from nursery/preschool activities, etc.

I think as you get to know the family better, you will feel more comfortable with it. But always trust your mommy gut.

I'd definitly hold off til you get to know your neighbors really well. It's not like it used to be where practically everyone was trustworthy. Just b/c a person 'seems' okay, doesn't mean they are unfortunately. I'd stick w/your gut & just hold off. Maybe y'all can get together & go to a public park instead?? You can also get to know one another that way too w/o being in someone's private home/private space at first. If you just don't feel comfortable about your kids playing w/the new kids simply b/c of age, then just explain to the new kids that you'd rather wait til your son is older to go out & play. Hope this helps, good luck.

When my oldest was four, I would let her play in our backyard with the neighborhood kids...well, some of them. We have very strict rules about who she can and can't play with, and the whole neighborhood knows it, and I'm okay with that. The naughty kids aren't allowed in our yard. We live on a SUPER busy road, but the kids know they are to be in the backyard only, and we've NEVER had a slip up with that. We have a large backyard which I can see through the kitchen windows, so I am okay with that. Now that she's six, she's outside all the time with the other children, without an adult, but we are always RIGHT HERE and we peek out every ten minutes or so.

However, with new people, I like to get to know them first, both the child and parents. Also, I wouldn't really let my daughter go to another house...they are allowed to play in our backyard, the neighbors backyard (which is open to ours) or on the neighbors back porch, which I can also see from my window.

Having a good friend Right next door it the BEST! get to know this family and hope all goes well. As to when you will start letting your son play outside without you right there depends on your street, I cant give an opinion.

I think that you are a cautious mother but in doing so you aren't sure where to let go some. We live on a busy street and my grandkids are allowed to play in the back by themselves, they are 4 and 5. I have to see them from the window and so does my husband. When we were little going to friends houses was what we did from the time we were 3 or 4 and never worried about it to much. We lived on a ranch when my kids were young and they use to walk up to their grandparents which we can watch them go all the way down the private road between the houses at age 3. I would sit outside with the boys while they played outside and let the neighbor play indoors at your house. I would also get to know the mother so you feel better letting your son go over there. You do not want your child to miss out on a nice friendship or be scared of boogymen hidden in each home, so you have to let him have a little independence now when you can pick and choose it because once he is in school he will have a lot that you can't control.

Maybe you could talk to the little boy, or even the mom, and explain that while you would love to let your son play with him, you are just too busy during the week. You could offer to have him over to play on the weekend instead.

I think you are making a big deal out of it. The kid just moved to a new town and is eager to make friends. Give him a break. Why not invite him to go on your walks and play time at home on occasion? That way you will get to know him better, and maybe you could include the parents as well too that way you won't feel so weird about it. I see nothing wrong with a 2 year age difference when neighborhood kids want to play together. But if you don't know them yet and don't feel comfortable with your son going to their house, no big deal, just invite the other boy over, and let him know what your rules and expectations are, and when he is allowed to come over. Remember they will probably be going to school together in a few years and it will be nice for your little guy to already see familiar faces when he is there.