Overstepping My Boundry?

I think (as long as you dont mind planning the party) you should pin her down and let her know that you would enjoy planning the party for her or help her to plan one, and get her to give you a date and time. Maybe she's just a procrastinator? It is kind of sad that her maternal instincts arent a little more sensitive. You sound like an awesome Auntie. And, really, that's what family is for..... where some family members drop the ball others pick it up and are able to run with it.

I agree w/ the other moms; just ask her and preface it with you love to plan parties, etc. I think what you're doing is wonderful; you are going to make him the happiest boy in the world!! Good for you.

If you've been asked and are willing, then go ahead and plan it. It's not being pushy if you're *asked* to do something!

No mama bashing.... That honestly sounds to me like depression :( I've been there, so I know the signs. Approaching that subject with her will be harder than your decision to plan the party or not. Regardless of depression, etc, I think someone needs to help her feel more responsible for her son. It's a tough situation when your parents take over just because you're young. Her parents should've made her responsible for him from Day 1, but that didn't happen, so I think everyone needs to find ways to help her connect with him and feel closer and more responsible for him.

For his party, I would go to her and tell her you want to do something special for your nephew for his birthday and would she like to help you plan it? Especially since she knows his friends, etc. Try to include her, but I would go ahead and plan it.

I say just call her and let her know your brother asked you to plan the party since you've had so much experience. Then ask her if she has any preferences or wants to help in any way and then go at it! No big deal.

You have a great attitude towards all the people involved and are obviously concerned about over stepping or offending your sister in law. You mention she was very young when she had her son. Maybe she is embarrassed to admit how much she doesn't know. Planning parties is easy and fun for a lot of people and as a great grandmother I am astounded at how fancy some birthday parties have become. I am so glad that I was raised and raised my children during a time when parties were more simple and less costly etc. I wouldn't have a clue as to how to go about planning one like today's children are used to..

That having been said I agree with the responders who have said to contact her and let her know how much you enjoy planning parties (mention what your brother offered if it fits in). Tell her you wanted to make sure she wants you to do this as well and then find out how much she wants to be involved in helping plan and carry out the plans. She is the mom and it appears that you want her son and her to have a closer relationship so this could help bring that about. Maybe helping you with the plans will teach her and make her more confident

I love your attitude and have fun with this opportunity!! May it work out for all concerned!

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Of course, plan his party. It sounds like she won't mind -- she will probably be happy to have you do it.

Just say, "Do you want me to plan Timmy's party?" I'm sure she will say yes. If for some reason she says no, just monitor the situation so you can make him a party at the last minute if she flakes out.

You can't let this poor little boy go without a party. And it does sound like she may be depressed. It's a good thing this little boy has you.

I would let your brother do the planning. Or, you could call or go over and see her and ask her if she wants any help from you in planning his party.

Hi A.! I was thinking that maybe you could go to your SIL and tell her that you know she is busy and stuff and was wondering if she would mind if you planned the birthday party to help her out. If you make it out like you are trying to take the load off of her and trying to help her, then maybe she won't feel like you're being "pushy". I personally would have appreciated the help when my kids were young and it sounds like maybe she would too. I hope this helps. ~L.

I think you should try to do it with your SIL. If you go too big for her son then she may look at it as if your trying to make her look bad. Maybe she suffers from some depression? Doesn't mean that she has a tough life or miserable, could be genetic? Or maybe that is just who she is. I think if you try to include her and see if she has any ideas and you run with some things she suggests it may bring you closer. Good luck!

Plan the party.
Let her your brother explain it to her, she is his wife.
Make it a wonderful birthday for the child.
Have fun.

:)

No, I wouldn't plan the party. I would maybe ask her what the day and time is and if she needs any help and that you are all excited to come and celebrate with the little boy. You can offer to help plan the party... take over the reins and seek her input if it's okay for her. Otherwise, if anyone should plan the party if his mom won't, it should be the stepdad. If she falls through the cracks, then take the boy out on his birthday and do something fun with him.

It is your brother's step son and you are the aunt, so simply ask the M. if she minds you throwing the party for your nephew and if she seems non-chalant, then go ahead, if she seems offended, then do not do it - but ask HER, not your brother and do not do it on your own either.

If your brother asked you to plan and you want to plan it - then plan it!! It sounds like you enjoy doing that type of thing. I have a blast planning parties - some people just aren't into it, and have no idea where to start. I say you plan it and make it a great day for him!!

I would call her, sounds like you say she is nice. Mention to her that your brother asked if you'd help out with the party. Let her know that you love party planning and theis sort of thing is right up your alley. Make it sound as if she would be doing you a favor if you could plan it. Other than that, I would feel uncomfortable myself planning it without talking to her about it.

I'd go ahead and plan the party for your nephew... you are more Mother oriented it seems and better suited to making the party more fun and proper. Anyways - her husband, your brother ASKED YOU to... good enough reason!

Wow sounds like she has depression.

I would plan it, she very likely told her husband to do it, and he gave it to you.

Wow --sounds like you handled it perfectly! Kudos to you for stepping in with such grace and respect. Sounds like they just needed a little nudge in the right direction. Your nephew is very lucky to have an aunt like you! :-)

His father asked you to plan the party. You've been asked. You're not overstepping a boundary.

Ask the father to be sure he's told the mother you're planning the party. If so there should be no problem.

I would just flat out ask her. Tell her your bro asked you to plan it, is she cool with that?

On the other hand (and you know her better than I do), your brother is his step-dad and primary care-taker. He is within his rights to ask you to help plan the party. Just make sure he knows you won't take the fall if she gets upset. You will point her right in his direction.

She definitely sounds depressed. What is stopping you from just talking to her and asking her if you could help her plan the party? Then just take the reigns. I'm sure she won't mind.

I don't think you'd be overstepping your boundary. It sounds like she either just doesn't know how to interact with her son, or parties aren't her 'thing'. You mention that she had him at a really young age and that her parents raised him for a while. She may just be still trying to live out her teen care-free years. While I don't think that's what she should be doing, I can understand that a person in her postion might want to do it. Also, because you say she stays in her room, sleeps or watches tv a lot, have you considered that she may be depressed?
As far as planning the party goes, my suggestion is that you talk to her directly, tell her your brother has suggested that you might plan a party for the boy and try to get her to work with you on the plans. This may bring out some interest or talent in her that you haven't seen before. Go in with your ideas, and ask her opinion. If she still is lethargic about the whole deal, go ahead with the plans, but make it look as much as you can like she's working with you on them. I think that would be better for the boy than it would be for him to see you just taking over and doing it on your own.

Help your brother plan the party, let it come off as his idea. But poor little boy, parties are a big thing at that age, he is sure lucky to have you around. But yes please help, and maybe for your next party ask her to help you and maybe she will get the party planning bug and next year do a great job.

Please, please plan the party! It's breaking my heart to think of this little guy being disappointed at having no party! You can let brother take all the credit and/or blame if need be, and do all the planning in the background. I think it's wonderful you are being attentive to and sensitive to his needs and hope you continue doing what you are doing for him!

Let this boy have a party make it a big deal for him I hope his mommy goes & doesn't stay home while it's going on.Is she the kind of person that can pop things up really quickly?Maybe she is dwelling on what she really wants for him maybe not,but since you all know hes having a birthday coming up soon try not to make plans.Your brother sounds like an awesome step dad :)

This party is about your nephew. Plan it so he can be happy. My sonwho is 5 would be crushed if he didn't have a party. It doesn't have to be as huge as your boys I bet he would be happy with just a cake. Plan the party.

Tell your brother you will help him plan it, but only if he asks her first. If she is depressed, you don't want her feeling worse than she already does.

Plan the party. Your brother has already asked you to so you are not overstepping your boundaries.

Plus he's a young boy. Why should he have to suffer because his Mom is not attentive. He's got an aunt and a dad who are.

Please celebrate him.

Besides, his mom may want to do those things, and just not know how. Show her.

Good luck.

Talk to your brother, and tell him that you would love to do it BUT tell him that he will have to take the credit for planning the party because you don't want to over step your boundaries with the boys mother.

Take care.

It doesn't sound like she would be bothered by you planning the party. She miht even be relieved...pluss your brother asked you to do it so you can fall back on that if she does get updset. Think about what would be worse - dealing with a little attitude or backlash from her or the devastation of a child thinking no one cares enough to throw him a party. This can be a super traumatic thing for a child, something they take a long time to get over if ever.

Clearly everyone knows she is a loser mother so just plan the party. This little boy deserves it and if you can help, that would be the best thing to do since your brother probably can't do it and he seems to really help during all other times. I would just call and say hey, my brother asked me to plan this party so its going to be at this day and time and at this place. And leave it at that. Plan it and have a great time. Good luck.

I would offer to help her and your brother to plan the party. I wouldn't plan it all on your own, that would be overstepping your bounds.

I'd ask her if she knew if his bio dad/bio grandparents etc are planning a birthday party for him bc you kind of wanted to have a party for him on YOUR side as well, but didn't want to over-do it.

Engage her by saying "we'd love to have this at our home on ___ day, let us know what you think and whether or not ____ has plans with his bio dad that day"

Gosh, she IS a 'neglectful' parent.
I'm sorry, but
She is neglecting her kid and Husband and family responsibilities.

GOOD thing, your Brother, is doing it. All.
Or the boy would be, neglected even more.

She does nothing.
So how can she take offense, that YOU planned that party, which her HUSBAND asked you, to do?????
You ALREADY asked her, about the plans.
She had no response.

Next, is she clinically Depressed or something???
Her behavior, is NOT normal.
She needs to see a Doctor.
Again, this is not, normal.

She doesn't even watch him nor is attentive. As you said, she just stays in her room and watches TV or sleeps.
This is not normal.
Your Brother even has to ask if "she knows where he is" when your Brother is not with him.
C'mon.. that is really not safe.

She sounds like a typical husband. They're roles seem to have been reversed, and there's nothing wrong with that. Which leads me to ask, would you ask someone else to plan a party for your child? Husbands/fathers get out of a lot of things like this just because the're male. But, it doesn't seem like anyone would mind, so you might as well go for it.