Overwhelmed with Three

My kids are grown now, but when they were preschool, I also felt isolated. I finally got involved in their elementary school PTA and made a few very close friends, and 15 years later, still am very close with several of them. It helps to have something in common, then it's easier to make those playdates.

Good luck, keep cool somehow (maybe the village pool?) and try to stay optimistic, having gratitude for... list a few, and hopefully today won't be so hard. (Me, I'm grate for Mamapedia, my 3 kids, my work, my house...)

One thing that REALLY helps me is our family gym membership. I go 3-4 times a week. My 13 month old is in one room, my 3.5 year old is in another room with older kids. Air conditioned, lots of new toys, and caring staff. I get to workout for 45 min to an hour, and then spend about 20 min in the locker room. We get up to 2 hours a day, but I don't need the entire time.

Our total monthly cost for the family membership is under $100.

You are not alone. I have 3 kids very close in age too, they are girl/3, girl almost 5, & boy/6, so 3 kids in 3 yrs. It is always chaos. Someone is always fighting, crying, hungry, all talk to me at once which leads to screaming then hitting, spilling juice, calling names, into something, etc. My middle one is a whiner & has the same voice as Fran Drescher from The Nanny.

So I don't have a schedule, well I tried but doesn't work for us. So I have a list on the fridge of fun things to do. I always have a bag packed & ready in the van with extra change of clothes, shoes, bathing suits, sunscreen, towels, pool toys & a portable potty!!! These items always stay in my van. Then in the morning I make PB & J, water bottles, snacks & we leave. Most of the time we don't have a plan but we can figure that out while we are in the car. On the days we don't have anything going on they play outside & I constantly give them popscicles & fill up the little pool. They also love to finger paint, outside only, then it leads to body paint. So I give all of them bowls with different colors of crayola washable paints & some paint brushes & paper & they have tons of fun painting on the paper then they start painting eachother. It is hilarious they paint eachothers entire bodies. The only thing to watch for is when the paint starts to dry it pinches the skin a little, it takes a long time for that to happen but it's kind of funny when they don't know what the heck is happening. By then I put a bucket of water with a little soap & 3 wash clothes so they can clean eachother up.

I also suggest trying some playdates at least once a week. But going to parks is equally as effective for some social interaction. We have lots of parks by us that have water pads so the kids can run thru them to release some energy.

Housework is very hard to get to. The only thing that works for me is to clean my butt off at night or put a movie in & hope they sit thru it. We finished our basement for their playroom which helped me to clean. I also use paper plates quite a bit. I do laundry everyday to keep the piles down. I literally don't sit at all when we are home all I do is clean & keep up with the house. So I am trying to let things go a bit more for my sanity& my kids since I am on top of them every minute of the day.

I can say now that my youngest is 3 things are getting a bit easier for me to get things done & to up & go since she doesn't take naps anymore, although she needs them sometimes. So hang in there, next summer will be easier!

It can be difficult at times. You, and the kids, would benefit getting out more. Check local message boards for playgroups as a place to start. Heck, even the park. Early morning (I am not a morning person, lol) or evening when it is a bit cooler. You might even find someone to chat with for a while, and perhaps someone to have playdates with.

Getting time for yourself, getting stuff done around the house, umm, good luck, lol. If you can get a good schedule going for household chores, you might find you can keep it all together, but that has not been a strong point for me, lol. Time for myself is nearly impossible, but I also have more kids, iin a wider range of ages.

You have a lot of great ideas here so I'm not going to give too many suggestions. Just some advice. Remember you shouldn't be doing this alone. Your 5 year old can really be a help - and probably wants to. My 5 year old just loves the dust buster and after he puts his plate in the sink runs to get it to vacuum up under my 18 month olds chair. I really talk up what a great help he is at dinner so daddy can hear it and it has really pushed him to ask to help a lot. And if you have a husband, he should be helping too. I'm actually a working mom (my husband is home with the kids in the summer) and found it to be a lot of pressure to do anything for myself because I felt guilty. But this year was my year of change and I'm going to the gym at least every Saturday and I try to go 2 more times before work or get my nails done once after work. And you know what, it has made me so much happier that my husband reminds me to go out. And make time to be with your husband too. Remember a happy mommy is a happy family. You want to enjoy these years, not miss them with stress.

You aren't a bad mom; I have a four and a half year old and a three year old and we don't get out much either. I've enrolled my son in Tai Jitsu, it's a form of Martial Arts (here is the link to the school my son goes to: http://annarborcollegeofmartialarts.com/) I know you live in New York and I live in Michigan, but perhaps it will make it easier for you to find a Dojo in your area that teaches it.

Talk to your husband, and make an arrangement for him to be with the kids after dinner; he gives them a bath, puts them to bed, etc while you go out for coffee or a movie. Good luck!

I feel for you. I have three that are close in age to yours and I basically have zero time for myself. I'm lucky if I can get a shower. I find getting out and being with other s helps the make days easier. If I'm home all day with them I get so damn tired I literally can't keep my eyes open. Here's an example of how my morning has gone. See if you can relate. I'm up at 4:30 with the baby because she's a crazy early riser. I walk her to get a coffee and then home around 6:30 and my other two are up. I took a quick shower, thank god, and since then it's been getting breakfast, getting my husbands lunch, getting my son's stuff ready for day camp, getting snacks for all of them, and it's now 8:30 and I have had nothing to eat. typical. and on top of that, out food budget is so tight these days and I try to spend so little. There was about 8 oz of apple juice left this morning and my husband wanted the bottle so I told him to put it into a glass, since my kids drink very watered down juice, it would last a while. then I went to get it to put some in my son's bag and my husband had drank it. I almost cried. Anyway, enough about me, I suggest some playdates and getting out more. There should be a MOMS club or a newcomers club in your area. Those helped me get playgroups and activities. Best of luck and hang in there. You are not alone. you are doing the biggest job there is and it is not easy. Don't be too hard on yourself. Hugs from kids help a lot too.

Does your community center have activities to do? Does your library have a reading time? Do you have a moms group (you can google that term and your area to see)? Do you have museums near by? Do you have any zoos near you? If the answer is yes to any of those, start there! When we moved 7 hours away I knew no one and definitely had to start over. These were some of the things that helped me. I also suggest taking walks in the evening through your neighborhood. We met SO many new friends just by being out during cooler hours! Good luck!

Join a playgroup. Meetup.com. It occupies the kids while you can chat with other moms who understand.

I'm sure many people can identify with you. I have a 1 year old, 2 year old and another one due in October. So, <13 months apart, and then 16 months apart. I can identify with you, for sure :) I don't stay home with them (my bf does), but I work from home full time and when I'm not working, I'm with them pretty much full time, and have to keep up with everything else. Its hard. Its not easy. I don't get any time to myself, nor do I take care of myself.

From what I hear from everyone else is that you need ME time. Its the only way to balance life with kids and feel like you're not bottom of the totem pole. You also need to spend time with friends outside of the kids. Playdates are great, I'm sure, but we've yet to have any (except with their cousins).

And no, you shouldn't need to be "out and about" all the time. Spending time at home is fine too. Your older kids spend time with others at the morning camp....and you have to remember that your kids are NEVER isolated -- they have each other, and they are very close in age (like mine). Try to find some things they'd like to all do together....maybe painting outside with pudding (the young one will eat it, but no big deal!).

I totally feel for you as my kids are really close to yours in age. 5.5, 3.5 and 1. I am not really a stay at home mom i was laid off, therefore, add to everything you are doing job searching and that is us. Here it has been around 100 ever day for over a week, so outside is impossible unless a pool is envolved, and that costs money so that is hard to fit in. I think the gym sounds nice, and i might look into that. I have also looked at VBS but am not totally comfortable leaving my kids with strangers. I do not think you are a bad mom, it sounds like you try really hard to keep them happy. And if you need to talk feel free to message me.

First of all you should give yourself a pat on the back. Taking care of three kids and all the house work is tremendous work. I share your pain and I only have one son. I am off for the summer, and I agree that it is just been too hot to plan any outdoor activites. I am guilty of the same things that you've talked about: I feel as though I have to take my son to swimming lessons, and music lessons, and the park, etc.....However, I've realized that my son is perfectly content to stay at home a play in the sprinkler, watch tv or play with play dough. Running here and there takes a toll on you and uses a lot of your energy. Also, maybe you can enlist the help of your husband, family or friends to give you a break. I just started reading this book called "Taking Care of the Me in Mommy" and its given me a lot of tips on how to make time for myself. This is very important, so that you do not burn out. Good luck and remember to find some time to take a bubble bath or do something relaxing that you like to do.

It is hard being a mom of young kids! Mine are 4 and 1.5. Sometimes it takes hours to get them ready and out anywhere, making me even more crazy in the process. I try and get them places a few times a week and out for a little (even just a walk or errands) every day. If it is in your budget you can get a teenager who can be a mother's helper and/or babysitter specifically to play with the kids. I had this job starting at age 13 and I am still friends with the family 25 years later!

I think that if you can afford it put them in daycare even if it's for a hour. No need to feel guilty about it, all mommies need a break! I'm so glad my son loves school and is currently in summer school or else i'd feel the same.