I laughed when I read this, not because it's funny, but because I can totally relate! I have a butt, but most modern jeans just don't have enough coverage. I went on a mad shopping "no more crack" campaign last year, and I'll share what I've found. You don't mention what size woman you are or what your budget is, so I don't know whether all my recommendations will be helpful, but here goes.
If you are in the plus range (I straddle misses/plus, and thus can shop both), Lane Bryant has a great idea called Right Fit. Their jeans, which start at a 14W (which they've renamed size 1 - I'm not sure who they think they're fooling), come in 3 different cuts with different proportions for different shapes of woman, including the "I-have-no-waist-or-butt" shape. (Of course, they don't call it that.)
Lands' End now has three different cuts - modern (low waist - avoid), classic, and traditional. The traditional have a higher waist and may work better for you. These are available online or at Sears.
Eddie Bauer has a variety of different cuts, too. I find that natural fit or classic fit work best for me. They also have what they call their loose fit available online, with an above-the-waist waistline. I haven't tried them, because they also have a tapered leg, which is not a look that works on a woman of my shape. You might like them, though.
On the spendy end, there are the Not Your Daughter's jeans, available at department stores. They are very nice-looking jeans that define a waist and cover butts, but they do run $89 and up.
Happy hunting!