Parenting Methods: Which One Do You Recommend?

My son is 22 months and we are going through this too.

I read Magic 1-2-3 and Happiest Toddler on the block and am utilizing both with good success. I rented the dvd on Magic 1-2-3 and the author was really funny. I also rented the happiest toddler on the block video and it was not the author but a reader and reading the book was good enough.

My son is articulate but when he is upset there is no rationalizing and the above methods have really helped to give him a voice.
Good luck.

Of course, different approaches work differently for different kids. :) At that age, I did the same thing you said with DS (and now starting to with 19-month-old DD). They are only just barely learning the concept that you are giving them instructions ("hold my hand") and that there will be consequences ("or I'll pick you up and carry you"). I think they're way too young to get the reasons for instructions (you want them to be safe in the garden center).

I do exactly what you said, and then when she is throwing herself around in my arms, I'm big on distraction at this age. She does this every night on the way to the car at daycare. She wants to walk in the parking lot but doesn't understand holding my hand (she collapses into tears on the ground :) ). So when she cries in my arms I do something silly like spin around and make silly noises, or hold her upside down, or make a big deal about saying good bye to the big tree. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes not. If not, I just talk to her calmly (which usually doesn't work :) ).

In a store situation, I'd bring distractions for that type of problem. Favorite toy, etc. If it doesn't help, I guess I go with how important the trip is. I usually stay, let them cry in the cart, try to give them distractions, and when all else fails, ignore and shop FAST!! :)

That was long-winded, but the bottom line for me is distraction. But just DON'T give in on the underlying consequences (they have to be carried if they won't hold your hand, you'll take away their toy if they keep throwing it, etc.)

Btw, at home, I usually ignore the tantrum because with my kids that's usually the fastest way it gets extinguished.

Good luck. I remember when DS (now 4-1/2) was this age. Up till that point, as he developed, DH and I would always say, "THIS is the best age." Then three months later when he'd learn something new, we'd say "THIS is the best age." When he hit about 18 months and started throwing tantrums, it was the first time we said, "This is NOT the best age!" hee hee! :)

L.

I tried Happiest Toddler on the Block when my son was around that age. It worked at times, but I admit, I felt a little embarrassed applying the technique in public.

I do feel every kid is different and sometimes they may need different approaches. No one likes to be told what to do. it's in our nature to explore, so when we tell our kids they can't do something, they naturally feel angry. I found that diverting my sons attention to something else helped in situations like yours. See if you can make it into a game. Maybe he can help you pick out some plants and if he likes that idea, ask him to sit in a shopping cart and give him an inexpensive plant to look at...show him how to touch it without making too much of a mess. Or have some toys on hand to distract him.

The Happiest Toddler on The Block maybe what works. It's well worth a try. I didn't give enough time to try it out. Try coming down to his level and happily call him over as if you have a secret. Then try to explain why he needs to stay with you and try to see if you can make your shopping experience fun for him in some way.

Really hope this helps. :)

You did the right thing by picking him up when he wanted to run around and his reaction was totally normal too because he wasn't getting what he wanted. Next time avoid the whole thing and set him in the seat of the cart. My son wasn't allowed to walk with me until he was 3 1/2 and when he doesn't stay by me or listen, he gets put in the seat.

Instead of trying one method one day and something different the next, stick with one way for at least a few weeks to see if it is going to work or not. Get ready to repeat yourself over and over too!!

The key is to stay consistent!
Good luck
S.

I try to use non-violent parenting. No hitting, little yelling (I won't lie and say I never yell :P ). I haven't read any books about it, but I know they are out there. I think La Leche League has one of their "Adventures in...." series books on parenting and people seem to like it.
Anyhow, don't sorry too much about what one book says. Take what you can from different places and people and use what works for you. Just stay consistent once you find what works.

It took 3 or 4 months, but after consistently using my method, it's really working for my 3.5-year-old - enough that he's using it too! Here's what you do. Example: Eli hit Jordan.

"Eli, it makes me angry when you hit Jordan because it hurts him. Next time please tell him to stop taking your toys and tell me if he doesn't listen."

Now instead of hitting, he tells Jordan "You're making me angry! No hitting!" Obviously it's not exactly the same, but he's learning and he's not hitting and that's what counts!

Another thing is that they don't understand qualifiers and contractions like "Don't and No". They just hear the verbs. You need to tell him what TO do instead of what NOT to do. Don't say "Don't run inside", say "Please walk inside". Don't say "Don't yell", say "Please be quieter".

Remember that it's his age. He's supposed to be pushing his boundaries and trying to show his independence. Give him choices so he has a say. "Do you want to take a bath or brush your teeth first?" He has to do both, but he has some control when you let him choose which he does first.

Hope that helps:)

I have gone through exactly as you have described. It is rough. I think it is easy to get caught up in the idea of a specific parenting method...but remember, they are generic methods. Your child is unique, and some of the methods will work, some will not. Some that used to work may not in the future. REading up on methods, and philosophies and getting ideas is great; but you know your child and you will discovere what works best for you both.

There have been multiple times at the store when my son did as you described. There was one time when he yelled at me that he was Soooo Angry with me (he was very articulate for two) and I told him that it was perfectly ok for him to be angry with me, but that he could not hit or kick. I told him I was sorry he felt that way, but it still was not ok to hit or kick.

Another time, I could see him gearing up for a round of fits, because he was frustrated that he couldn't touch this or that, and I looked him strait in the eyes and said "Do you need a hug?" He was so shocked at my question, that he just nodded his head and for quite a long time, hugs solved the problem.

Now, your son is a bit younger than that. Redirection is fabulous at this age. Also, giving him an alternative. You cannot touch those items, but you can play with xyz...Oh, look at the blah blah blaah! Sometimes this works. Introducing choices like you are doing is good, but it may take awhile for him to fully understand what you mean.

Finally, just be calm, remember to breath. If it gets really bad, take him to the car and let him have some space to vent his emotions in a safe place. Being young like that is frustrating, as someone has said, it is natural to want to explore and frustrating to be constently reined in. Someone once said that the first two years of our lives are very negative base -- we are always being told NO!.

Best of luck to you!

Dr. Karp's insights into the toddler mind are accurate, and he can help you get your child on your team by teaching yourself how to convince him you are on HIS team.

You can go to youtube for a whole bunch of videos and interviews about this book, and some quick testimonials from parents who have tried these methods. Here's on to start: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&f...

I think you'll like the results you get with this empathetic approach. Another book that I just love carries these sorts of techniques a step further, and helps the slightly older child learn how to actively become part of the solution to his own problems. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk is an essential guide to clear but compassionate parenting.

My kids are teenagers, but I'm going to share what worked for me.
I told them right out what I expected in language they could understand. If they misbehaved, they got time out or they got removed from the situation. I gave timeouts in the grocery store. I gave time outs in the mall. I even gave timeout at the pool. It works.
As for tantrums, I either ignored them - if we were home - or took them out and put them in the car if we were elsewhere.
I also used positive reinforcement a lot. If we were out and my oldest was holding the stroller or my hand, I'd tell him that I liked that. If he was behaving, I'd tell him how proud I was of his behavior. It worked well. He just wanted attention...
I also always put them in a carriage or a stroller at a store or the mall. There was no walking to be done. If they whined or complained, a cup of water or something shiny to look at often distracted them.
YMMV
LBC

I LOVED Happiest Toddler on the Block. Worked wonders!!! Dr. Harvey Karp makes a lot of sense and give practical examples in the book that are very helpful!

For the most part...I do all the things Ladybug suggested. I use what works for my son and stick to it. I don't have a method name that I know of.
Time outs are awesome. They take a day or a week for the kid to catch on to whats going on, but once they do they behave. You have to leave them in time out for their age...so 18 months would be 1.5 minutes. You have to do time out every time they break the rule. Talk to them after the time out about what they did wrong and have them apologize. Time outs still work for many things with my 7 year old!
I give one warning and then it's punishment. If you get an inch they will take a mile. I RARELY give in to any rule I have, and if I do I make a big deal out of this is a one time thing and then make sure to punish the next time for sure.
I try to stick to few very important rules and lead by example. They are going to do what you do and act how you act, so remember that with every move you make.
Best of luck!

The safest way to take your toddlers out is on a leash. They LOVE it! I used one on both my kids (40 years ago), all the kids I've kept for friends (full-time daycare), any new babies in the family, and my 6yr. old granddaughter. (She asks for it.)They get the freedom of walking, but they don't have to hold your hand. (If you or your hubby is tall, look at your poor toddler's arm when you're holding his hand.) With the leash on your wrist, your hands are free to do what you want and you're not constantly pulling on his shoulder. As soon as they were old enough to walk, I introduced it to them. They would ALWAYS ask to wear it instead of being carried or in a cart. They can get away in a second if you stop to look at something without it, and this granny doesn't run. If you've ever lost a child in a store, it's an awful experience. With a leash, they can't wander off, and no one can snatch them . I've had people stop me with good and bad comments. To the people who say I'm treating her "like a dog", I say, " you leash your dog to protect it and keep it safe. Why on earth would you not do the same for your precious child?" If you have a dog, you know how excited they get when they see the leash come out! I even make them ( about $2) and have sold them at car shows (my husband shows a car) where people struggle to hang onto their kids. I call them, "I Walk!" Read all you want about teaching, time out, and whatever--all good stuff you need to know as your child grows. This, however, is a very simple, stress-free solution.

I am old school when it comes to parenting. And i mean swats in the middle of church old school lol. Anyways when my daughter would act like that I would swat her butt and make her lay her head down. It worked for us. My daughter is now 3 and we use time outs and swats when needed.

Mostly using Happiest Toddler and having good success- but as another mom said- it is a little embarrassing to use some of the techniques in public.. but then again no more embarrassing then a public toddler tantrum! For being out in public/shopping with a little one who tries to run around- we give her a warning that if she does not stop we will have to leave- if she keeps it up we leave/ or one of us goes and sits in the car with her. This has worked really well for us- we have only had to actually leave once- now just the threat works. A few times we have walked out of a store/ restraunt but once outside she has calmed right down, agreed to do what she is told and has been able to return. The key here is to uphold your threat. my LO is 22mos.

When you told your son he had to hold your hand OR you would pick him up.......that was perfect! I know it was difficult for you to handle a kicking and screaming baby, but he will think twice next time. At some point he should get it.

If the tantrums are sudden and brand new I would consider a quick trip to the pediatrician. Could be something as little as an ear infection.

I am a "Love and Logic" believer.