I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with a similar issue to this:
My daughter is 4 years old & has been potty trained for almost a year now. However, recently she has started peeing in odd places. It started with an accident in her closet. She was playing dress-up & got so involved that she didn't go to the bathroom. I simply told her that it was no big deal but that she needed to remember to make it to the bathroom. However, with in a few days, she actually pulled down her pants & peed in the closet. I sent her to the bathroom while I cleaned up & told her that if it happened again she would loose toys. Since then she has repeated the incident twice; once on her doll blanket while home with her aunt & then last night, in the corner of her room. She is currently "grounded" for the later & has lost her TV privileges along with having to stay in her room for 2 days (except for going to the potty & eating). She did fine today, then when my husband came home this evening, she went to the potty & peed in a cup that she normally plays with in the tub. I just don't get it. She's extremely smart, well spoken & adjusted. Is she just acting out & if so, how can we get past this phase?
Thanks to everyone who responded to my inquiry. Just a note, the situation was not one of her having an accident. She is purposely peeing for some reason. I think I may have lead the subject to that path by mentioning the one accident she had several months ago. We do not have any issues with accidents. On the rare occasion that they happen, we clean her up & I make sure that she is OK. Also, for those worried that I am "over-punishing", there is no need to worry. Once I reread my inital request, I realized that it sounds worse than the punishment actually was. Although she was told to stay in her room, I was in there with her most of the time. She really only lost TV, movie & computer privelages. After having another talk with her this evening, to insure that she understands why she was being punished, she is now outside with her daddy, riding bikes. Anyway, I think that this IS just a phase that we need to get past & hopefully already have.
Thanks again!
T.
My daughter did the same thing at that age, always peed in the closet. Anyway, she is now 10 and we were talking about a month ago or so, and she said that she remembers she was afraid of the bathroom and toilet. I asked her why she didnt tell me and she just said I dont know? Could be something to it?
i have an almost 4 yo daughter who is not even potty trained yet!!! I think sometimes when they are very smart and can communicate well we expect more out of them but they are still 4 years old.
Hi T.,
I have a 9 year old who did the same thing at that age. I finally had her help with the clean up and after a second time cleaning it up, she didn't do it again!
Good luck!
Hello T.,
this was so funny that I actually burst out laughing. i think that your daughter is just pushing the boundaries. My suggestion for you is that you do not over punish. she is only 4 and might not even remember why you grounded her after a few hours. I agree with taking away the favorite toys, tv privilages but also you should start reminding her to go to the bathroom and actually stay there to make sure that she does it in the right place. Also when she pees in the toilet, praise and reward her with something she likes very much. This would break the cycle.
Goodluck dear.
A.
I'm going through something similar with my 3 year old who is almost four. She is extremely intelligent but goes through phases of using the bathroom on herself. I don't understand it, she is completely potty trained and knows what to do but just doesn't do it. I'm at my wit's end. I also took away her TV privileges and juice drinks. I also put her on a regular bathroom schedule.
Something is really really bothering her. You HAVE TO find out what it is and rectify it. Good luck.
My only concern is to make sure she isn't acting out because of a serious incident (like being inappropriately touched by someone). If this isn't the case, then make her responsible for cleaning up her messes. If everytime this occurs she needs to wash out her clothing, wash the floor, and take a bath, then it won't be worth her time. She's old enough to clean her own messes (you can go back and clean everything more thoroughly later, when she isn't around). Make sure you balance the negative attention with positive attention at a different time. Soon she'll only want the positive attention.
You might have her "practice" going potty on the potty when she goes in an inappropriate place. It reinforces the good skills of remembering where and when to go without actually punishing the child (altho she might see it that way). Just make it matter of fact - oops, you had an accident, we need to practice going to the potty 5 (or 10) times. Then have her start from where she had the accident and run to the potty, pull her pants down, sit on the potty, get up and go to another spot and practice again. Sooner or later the extra practice and the bother of having to practice (rather than play) will make this not such a good way to get attention. I actually used this method when potty training my 2 daughters. I didn't get mad at them for having accidents, just had them practice so they would remember how to go. :) Good luck.
Are you actually in the room when she is peeing in these odd places? and i do not agree with you putting your 4 year old child in her room and only coming out to go to the bathroom or eat. that is completely absurd.
is this the only time she is getting attention from you? when she has done this strange thing that you are fixated on? i am a mother of a 4 year old, and sometimes she does things i do not understand as well. have you ever just told her to clean it up herself....give her a lysol wipe or two and watch her clean it up.
Hi! I just wanted to comment on the consequences for your daughters behavior. I think she might be a little too young for staying in her room for 2 days. Personally, I think that's too much. Also, Is there a reason she is giving you for doing this? Maybe letting her to clean up after her doing might help.
I'm sorry to say that I don't have a solution for you as I'm going through the same exact thing right now but I want you to know that you are not alone as you've seen from the response. I have a 3 year old with a 3 month old new sister and all of a suddent he's pee peeing on himself in odd places at school on his mat etc...He's not neglected at all we have time alone with him as well as allowing him to help with his little sis he is much loved so I don't know what he's lacking. Just so that you'll know it's very frustrating and if you are a SAHM then its ok to allow it to pass but when your child is in childcare it is possible for the teachers to lose patience and you just can't always allow time to pass. We as parents don't come with manuals and we do the best that we can whether it may seem extreme to others or not. Sometimes we just don't know what to do. I'm planning on getting my son evaluated just to make sure we are not missing anything...I do believe it is a cry for something, but I just CAN'T put my finger on it. I wish you well and if I find any good suggestions I will certainly pass it on.
I have a 4 1/2 year old boy who does the same type of thing. I thought it was a boy thing, but I guess not. I think he's just testing his boundaries and see what kind of reaction he can get from me. He pulled his pants down and peed in the middle of the living room on Saturday and told me that he couldn't make it to the toilet that was 10 feet away. I put him in time out and made him clean it up and refused to help (until he was out of the room). He didn't care for it because it's nasty. Just hang in there and make her clean up her own mess. She's bound to outgrow it.
Oh my. Staying in her room for 2 days? That seems completely wrong to me - abusive even. You didn't mention any positive rewards and attention for having her NOT do this behavior, so maybe that is something you can try. You want her to get attention for doing Good things.
My daughter peed in her bathroom cupboard under the sink with a friend for a few weeks - it was a game. She got over it quickly once it was discovered.
I'm not going to tell you what you have done is wrong, but I think that you probably realized it after you read what you wrote. My daughter is 3, and she will wet her pants when she wants to act out and get some attention. Fortunately I have three children ages 3,3,20 mths., unfortunately there are times that one child will get more attention than the other two. (One is sick, or has been hurt, or just needs a little extra attention that day.) I will sit with her and talk about it, and let her know that she is a big girl, and that big girls don't potty their pants. I agree with the fact that she is acting out, for whatever reason, but I would spend some time with her and talk to her about it. Don't reward her every time she goes to the potty, but maybe at the end of the day. I would try this before going to the extremes. I hope this helps a little.
