Planning a Memorial Service

There is a short parable titled "The Water Bug" (www.healingheart.net/stories/waterbug.html) that we used for my dad's service a few months ago. It describes the transition being made and clearly helps those of us left behind find a bit of comfort.

rmz2769

I think that you need to think about your MIL. What kind of music did she like? Would she have wanted friends/family to speak? Was she traditional or new age? I agree with Tori H. that anything works as long as it has meaning to the person that has passed away. I will never forget that my grandmother made all of us grandchildren sing "Amazing Grace" at my grandfather's funeral. It was HORRIBLE! We couldn't get through it without crying, and thinking about my grandfather, he would have never chosen a song like that! Just don't let what you all want get in the way of what she would want.

On a side note, this may be a great time for you and your hubby to discuss what you would want done at your own funerals. No one wants to discuss those things, but it is good to know what they want in advance so you aren't having to do all of the work while grieving too! I'm sorry for your loss.

Family Photos with her about her life. Like wedding photos, photos with the children, happy ones. Amazing Grace was played at my dads. We also had her favorite music in the back ground. Sorry for your loss.

I agree with Julie P. At my mother's service, I had a slide show of pictures that featured her all throughout her life. It was great! It let many people that knew her in the "now" she was she was like "then" and vice versa. I also collected pictures and featured them through out the room. It made people walk down memory lane and instead of all the crying (mom would have hated that) people were laughing and remembering how funny she was. Definitely play music she loved and don't be afraid to laugh. The departed live on in your heart so rejoice that they are in a better place now and celebrate the life that they lived. Also at mom's service I asked if anyone wanted to share a funny story or memory of mom and many stood to speak. It was wonderful to hear what sticks in others minds of something mom said or did.
Another idea, my neighbor just lost her grandmother and that grandmother loved red. So they all wore red to the service. The ladies painted their nails/toe nails red in honor of grandmother because she would always do that. It was just a fond way to remember what was special to her.
Funeral services do not have to be sad, do something your mother in law would have enjoyed.

I don't think anything is out of the question as long as you think it might have meant something to her. If she liked showtunes, go for it! I would think you might be able to find some things on line too if you search through google or something. We played songs my father would have enjoyed at his service and had people speak. Also, we did have some pictures blown up to put around the funeral home and we had a tiny bit of trouble with it...just an FYI but places aren't supposed to blow up anything that was taken professionally b/c of copyright purposes. I didn't even think of that so when I burst into tears in the middle of Kinkos they did it for me anyway, so just be prepared, I do think they are a little more lenient in situations like this though!

We did a dove release at my stepfather's graveside and it was truly beautiful and up lifting. It raised eyes to heaven and not at the ground. They played "You Lift Me Up" during the release. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I am so very sorry for your loss. My dad passed away suddenly while on vacation in March and it was a big shock to my family. It was very hard on me because I was to plan everything (he was divorced). I relied on the funeral director and our church to help guide me. We used Messinger Funeral Home in Scottsdale and they were amazing. The same person was with us from beginning to end, including bringing my dad home. One of the things I did do was make up two poster board size photo collages of my dad. It was nice for family and friends to see and remember. I also placed a lot of framed photos of my dad around during the wake and mass. My dad LOVED to have fun and make people feel welcome and laugh. The immediate family did a "silly" tribute to my dad during the wake. You could reflect back on the happy things your mother-in-law did for the family and tell everyone about it. My two young daughter and my nephew wrote their own remembrances and spoke to everyone during the wake. You could ask people to come up tell stories about her. Just go with your heart and try to celebrate your mother-in-law.

Again, I am sorry for your loss. May God be with you and your family and give you strength.

Hugs!

B.,

First I am so sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, I have attended several memorial services the last few months so this topic is on my mind. All of the other posts offer great ideas and suggestions! I whole-heartedly agree to do something that she would love and has meaning to celebrate the life she lived.

One of the services we attended was my husbands uncle who passed away very suddenly this spring. Because his faith was meaningful to him, he family had a very traditional religious service. But for the wake before there were a lot of pictures like others suggested. Plus there was a display of baseball memorabelia and some very nice cigars, 2 things he enjoyed and all friends and family would understand.

The other service was a man, I didn't know personally. He was the brother of a dear friend who also passed away suddenly. BUT when I left that memorial service I felt like I 'knew" him if that makes sense. He too was very active in his church but in a non-tradional way, that was discussed. He was a high-school drama teacher and that was discussed. He came from a large family and his only sister (my friend) spoke about how different they were but how alike and gave very specific examples and cracked everyone up! The after service dinner was catered by Hooters because that was his favorite! There were other things too such as the military honors at the end of the service. But everything they did painted a picture of who he was. And as I said before, I didn't know this guy at all, but when we left I knew did.

So sorry for your loss. How about a powerpoint/slideshow set to music of photos of her throughout her life. Some of her friends or family may even have photos of her that you've never seen. Maybe they could get a copy for you of them.

I recently lost my sister to breast cancer... we wanted to have a flower arrangement made in the shape of a breast cancer ribbon.. and we all wore purple because that was her favorite color.. she had a beautiful poem on her annoucement.. but I am not sure if that would relate to your situaiton.
I think it was called the Golden Heart

Good Luck...

I am sorry about your loss..

For my grandmother's wake, my cousin put together a slide show of pictures and it played in the back of the room. Many family members contributed photos from over the years and it was beautiful. We also had some poster boards with photos and frames, but the slide show was the big hit. If you have someone "techie" in the family who could scan photos and put that together, it was very nice. There was also a cabinet in the room to display items that were important to her- her apron, rolling pin, bible, etc. I'm sorry for your loss.

There's a memorial poem called "The Ship" that I love. I heard it recited at a memorial service and it just spoke to my heart. I've printed it out and sent it with condolence cards many times since. Contact me if you can't find it, and I'll forward a copy to you.
So sorry for you and your husband's loss.