Possibly PPD?

I'm just wondering why you say you chose not to become a mother, you said it twice, so it struck a nerve in me. Perhaps you also have resentful feelings towards them and the person who apparently coerced you into birthing and keeping multiple children and this is a major underlying factor into your issues.

PPD typically ranges from birth to one year, and if it's much later, then it's a separate detachment and depression issue.

I would implore you to seek professional counseling. To deal with your attachment issues, your resentment, your emotional withdrawal, which by the way is a form of emotional neglect. The children deserve a mother who loves them and SHOWS them they love them regularly, and you deserve to be happy and comfortable in your life decisions. All can be attained and a happy medium can be had. First, you need to understand that in the long run, even if it was a rocky beginning, you have chosen to be a mother, you could have adopted out, run away, aborted, left the person who was getting you repeatedly pregnant... but you chose to stay so that's something.

Also, perhaps you just need a break. If you need to work outside of the home, or join a mother's group or a hobby group of something you love, you can do that too so you don't always feels bogged down by taking care of little ones all day. It's tiring I know! I sincerely wish you and your family peace, and luck.

Also, here is some expert advice on maintaining anger under control to kids:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061800.asp
and using humor to discipline:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061400.asp

And this book is called, "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen and has great advice on teaching you how to reconnecting with your children and teaching them through positive discipline.

http://www.amazon.com/Playful-Parenting-Lawrence-J-Cohen/...

It definitely sounds like depression, yes I do think so. While your post makes me sad for you and for the kids, I think you're incredibly brave for reaching out and trying to get some advice about this.

First, I would make an appointment to talk to a family therapist about your feelings. I'd do that today.

Secondly, for sure you are missing time for yourself. You need to find an outlet for yourself that makes you feel good and feel whole. For some people, that's yoga. For others, it's just having an hour or two a week to go to a coffee shop alone and read a book, or window shop, or get a pedicure, or whatever it is that makes you happy. Exercise is pretty ideal since it helps you feel better both emotionally and physically, but any simple outlet that gives you a moment to yourself and makes you feel relaxed helps.

Third I would try to look into what free activities are offered in your community - things you can go and do with the kids. Maybe breaking out of your normal daily humdrum routine will invigorate everyone. Doing something with them and for them is pretty darn rewarding.

I think every mom has really hard days and hard moments. We raise our voice about something and feel bad about later, or we decline a request to read a story so we can vacuum the carpet. But at the end of the day we can all just strive to keep improving, keep loving them, and becoming better and better moms. You have to commit yourself to that notion, your kids deserve it, and so do you. Once your feelings about being around them improve, they will improve, and then life will seem a lot lighter and more fun. I once heard someone say there's a little blue pill in life - it's acting like a kid yourself. Try it. Best of luck to your family.

I'm not sure if you stay at home or work but if you stay at home, you might be better off working outside the home. It seems like women who found their calling as mothers sometimes feel a bit superiour and try to make the rest of us feel bad. So I console myself by saying maybe I'm better at other things than these women are. Everyone has their strengths and maybe parenting isn't yours (or mine). Not your fault. But if you decided to work out of the house, it may make things better. There tends to be guilt that goes along with it but it does give you time away. You may also be much better when the kids are older. I've found I am. Lots of women secretly admit they don't actually like playing blocks w/ their 2 year old. It's boring. But when they're older, it gets more fun for some mothers. So I'd suggest a talk with your doctor for an antidepressant potentially and then maybe consider changing your lifestyle. I've read that what most affects children is not whether their mother works or not but whether she is happy or not...

I think this is definitely a sign of PPD or some deeper emotional issue. If you get upset/annoyed/aggravated occasionally, that is normal with parenting. But if your first response to them is to suck it up, stop being a baby, etc, then you need to get help as soon as possible so your children can have the mother they deserve back.

Does this have anything to do with the father? Are you still with him? If not, this could account for some of your resentment and feelings.

I get annoyed at times with my kids, but I would NEVER say that I am unattached or resent them. Not because I'm a better mother (not saying that) but because it's true. So for you to be able to easily say that, I think there is something wrong.

Please seek help so that you and your children can live happily as you all deserve!

I did much research on PPD, before my son was born. I spoke with my dr. in-depth about it. I am not prone to depression, but I wanted to be prepared, just in case it's something I had to deal with. I did not experience this, fortunately.

How old are your children? PPD, is diagnosed as depression from birth, up to one year. Anything after a year, something else, is at work here. This is not PPD, if your children are not infants. You might have clinical depression. It sounds like you resent your children and felt forced into having them. Please understand, if there wasn't a gun to your head, or an act of violence, no one can force you to conceive a child. I'm not bashing you, I'm just being honest. You are misguiding your anger to your children, as they did not choose to be born to you. Whoever you feel forced you into motherhood, is where your real anger is held. I would seek counseling ASAP. They can help you deal with these feelings. Help channel them, and even help you enjoy your children. There is nothing wrong with depression and some mental difficulties...I think we'd all do well to be in counseling, at some point. I do think, left alone, this will get worse and worse. Please get some help for yourself and your children. This attitude affects them most and believe me, they know how you feel towards them.

I wouldn't say I have "trouble liking my kid" as you ask, but overall, I adore him. Sometimes he gets on my nerves, drives me nuts and irritates me but never do I "not like him."
I think you might be wise to talk to your doctor about this. Good luck.

I am not sure how old your kids are but how long have you felt that way? Have you felt that way the whole time since your first child I am assuming you have more than 1 - I think you are brave to come forward w/ these feelings. I just had a child myself and I was surprised that even w/ all the recent court cases even going as far back as andrea yates. They don't provide some kind of counselling to the mother no matter her age, finical position, material status, I would try to reach out to a group that deals in psychiatric care- or a church, womans shelter. I hope this helps

How old are your kids? Are they really little? How many? I think if you are around little kids forever without a good break where you can feel refreshed, sometimes after so many hours, days, weeks, and months of them demanding things from you and fighting and whining and crying, you get kind of burned out and not very compassionate. I don't know. I can't say I feel the same as you, but there are times where I feel completely drained and burned out and those times I don't feel sympathetic but wish they would stop crying and leave me alone. Those are red flag times for me to get a sitter or something and get together with some girlfriends for some adult time. Then when I come back I am usually back to myself.

PPD? I had a form of that once and it was where I was irrationally depressed about everything. I thought everything in the world was horrible, including me, and cried about everything and said lots of dramatic things to my husband, but I didn't feel the same way you are describing.

My next question would be, how sympathic and lovey dovey were your parents to you as a kid? Did they not show much at all? That could be why you feel this way. HTH>

I

Have you talked to your doctor about this? Please contact your doctor or go to a therapist/counselor to discuss these serious issues. Also, many school districts and cities have parenting classes that may have some helpful ideas on how to better deal with kids. There is help out there.

I have felt that VERY same way! I was not sure if I was going to have kids or not, when I found myself pregnant with my first child. I had a big career. One thing led to another and I had 4 babies in 5 years. Then I started to feel like I didn't want to be a Mom and resented having to do all that comes with it. I also resent the whining and fussing that comes along with little ones. At my lowest I was contemplating a divorce (even though I LOVE my husband dearly) , but I thought that sharing the kids and only having them half the time would be a lot easier on me. Yes, that was my thinking. I just wanted out of my life.
I didn't come out and tell my husband that, but we talked about how I have changed. My husband and I agreed that this "change" in me occurred around the time I had a Mirena IUD inserted. I am very sensitive to hormonal changes. I had PPD from hormones after my babies as well. I had the IUD out and I don't take any hormones. I also took up running because I have read it helps with depression. It's been 3 months since the IUD was removed and ALL those feelings are gone. Sure I get tired of the whining and all, but that feeling of distance and lack of bonding I felt with the kids is gone. I also don't feel like I just want out of my life anymore.

I'm sorry that you are feeling like this! Please get help. You don't have to feel this way! It was my hormones and maybe it is with you too? I would look at your birth control method and PPD. Best wishes!!