Problems with My Inlaws

My knee jerk reaction is that this isn't your problem to handle. Is your husband stepping in and telling her to have some respect for his wife? If he's not, he should be. That is his family, and it is his job to keep them 'in check'. My husband would never let his family treat me this way. If he's not manning up and telling her to back the heck off, I'd be more pissed at him!

Stop the bleeding! Clamp down on any & all personal information. If your MIL tells auntie, stop giving MIL info as well. Your husband needs to agree to this as well.

I made the mistake once of telling my mom we were short on money and having a hard time. Then FOREVER I heard every time I bought something "I thought you didn't have any money". So guess what, unfortunately, lesson learned...mom doesn't hear any details of our life anymore because really, she can't handle it and it isnt worth MY stress of hearing her comments all the time. So my advice is to limit your conversations (litterally chat about the weather if you have to!) and limit your time with his family. Focus on your husband and kids and make sure you all are happy...don't need to worry about anyone else. Good luck!

Um... how about stop telling her about your personal lives? Obviously, someone is telling her what is going on. If it's a mil or sister or whatever, stop spreading the gossip. Keep your life quiet and private. If it's your husband whose doing it, then calmly talk about why this needs to stop. Seriously, fighting and arguing over a meddling relative isn't normal... maybe you two do need to seek some marital counseling to get you on the same page and learn how to have a united front. Seriously, if she doesn't take the hint, I'd tell her off... who cares if she gets pissed, she'll leave you alone.

My first question is how does she know what is going on in your marriage? Are you telling her? If yes, STOP. If your husband is, HE STOPS.

And I second Nikki!

I agree with Nikki. I had problems with my in laws too but no matter what I said or how I felt they continued with their interference. As soon as my husband began putting them in their place and keeping them out of our business they backed off. We only let them know what we want to let them know and that is very minimal.

If it's not your husband's mother, TELL ON the Aunt, tell his mama and let her lay into HER sister! Will she do that? Hope so.

Blessings....

This isn't necessarily "your" problem....it IS your husband - while you are "family" the fact is that that is HIS aunt...HE needs to step up and tell her to knock it off - if he can't do that - then he doesn't respect you enough to keep his family in "check"....

I would also stop going to family functions....they may not like it - but if all you get is ridicule from them - then WHY put yourself in that situation? Your husband MUST step up to the plate and tell his family HE IS HAPPILY MARRIED AND TO BACK OFF!!!!

It also sounds like his family is testing your "mettle" or worth - crappy thing to do - but I would tell them all to pound sand. I'm bold that way. I had problems with my MIL - I told her FLAT OUT - HER SON IS HAPPY if she can't see that or doesn't like that - well,she can talk to HER SON and tell HIM to his face how she feels.....that changed our relationship forever. She knew I was in it for the long haul, etc....

GOOD LUCK!!

Try this -- nod and smile and say as genuinely as you can, "You really do seem to know a lot about relationships. Thanks for your advice." If she presses, ask her distracting questions about her past. Do your best to pretend like you care how she feels. (I know this seems very political, but sometimes that is the only way!)
Why is she interfering? She probably just wants her opinions to be valued. If you use very polite, noncommittal phrases (don't actually agree with her and don't act on her advice, just be polite), the argument will be over.
Think about this -- she does have her nephew's best interests in mind, and she really does think she is helping. Kind of sad that she can't show her love for him in a more productive way -- it might be easier for you to react kindly to her if you feel sorry for her that she has such a difficulty showing love.
Also make sure that your husband and you have a united front on this -- ask him if there really is any way that you can improve (and try your best to listen -- criticism is very hard, at least to me). And ask him to be polite to her too. This aunt will quickly get bored when there is no more conflict.

Ah the Aunt in Law...we have a common problem. However, she shut up once we got married. She still treats me like a second class citizen. Nothing overt, she just goes through spells where she alternatively tries to be my best friend then ignores me completely. I finally told my husband enough is enough and that I was done with it. Since then I just try and stay as far away from her as possible. If she was as intrusive as your aunt in law is, then I would expect my husband to keep her in check, if he is unwilling, I would tell him that gives you free reign to tell her to shut the hell up.

She thinks she has access to your personal affairs because you are young-kindly tell her that her advice , while not necessary, is so thoughtful and will be considered, however, you're sorting all this out togehter and you are confident about the outcome-"the big picture". Don't judge yourself-but be confident and well thought out in your choices-if she questions you-cite an article you read on a website at the Mayo clinic or New England Journal of Medicine or such-it's killing her how smart you are-and how open you re to being smart always-which means you want to learn somthing new everyday-you're great-just keep doing what you are doing to be vibrant and successful-never give up on you dreams and aspriations and how they fit into the "big picture". Happy Mother's Day! to a wonderful Mom!