Quick Rant (About Men and Dating)

Sorry. I know it's frustrating. I can understand why you would want to give up. How about not giving up, but not trying too hard either. Just enjoy. Do things you enjoy and if you find a man along the way that is great, but you don't NEED it. Know that.

Men. Can't live with 'em, and it's all illegal to chain the Swedish Masseur to your bedroom wall.

;)

Upside... you wouldn't want to be with men so hung up on the superficial, anyway. Because the surface always changes. Ditto Marda... I've learned in my own life, as well if a guys says; "I'm not good enough for you" = Correct. Moving on. So, in a way, it sounds like the PERFECT timing. Because you got out before getting married to guys with serious issues. Doesn't make it easier. But definitely adds some "Whew! Dodged a bullet!!" to the mix.

I understand what you are saying- but you need to be secure in yourself and love yourself inside and out before you can be ready for someone else to love you. If you are whole and complete, you will attract whole and complete men. Otherwise, you will continue to be judged based on your physical appearance and not for all of the other wonderful qualities you have. You can have both---you just have to be ready and wait for it to find you.

I am working with a woman who spends most of our lunchtime talking about herself, her workouts, how men are idiots, all they look for is blah,blah, blah....she totters around in eighteen inch heels or so (yes they are cute, but we do not work in a situation where this is a great idea)_ and basically although she talks about how she wants men to like her for her brilliance or whatever, her whole package portrays a different attitude. Believe me, it could be true that men are threatened by beauty, but I think they are most threatened by someone who doesn't appear all that interested in them. She in this case is all about her. Her conversations could basically be this: Memememe. Heck, you could be gorgeous as all heck, and the guy might want to dethrone you from your spikes, but he also does want you to lay next to him under a car with a screwdriver and get dirty. In several ways. Life is about being that person/that possible mate's best friend. We gain weight, we lose weight. Unless you stink and are unhealthy I do not know too many men who find weight gain or loss, that horrible except for shallow ones that is WOULD YOU REALLY WANT EM?
You are going through process of elimination. Believe me, I have gone through the same thing and found out I was the one putting the emphasis on me looking hot. And lucky for me I found out it didn't work that way, before it was too late.

Guys suck at explaining emotions or feelings so they always explain things in terms of looks. So chances are pretty good your personalities didn't match if that makes you feel any better.

I think it is kind of stupid of guys to be like that because it leaves this group of women out there that are completely fixated on their looks when it is actually their personality that is off putting. See then you work on your looks but your attitude actually gets worse. I suppose the dumpers don't care because they are never going back to you but it leaves this fleet of damaged women.

Okay don't start going all men suck, I can explain to you how women damage men, it isn't any prettier.

Figure out who you are by not looking at what you think guys want. Clearly they can't articulate what they need so you are doing everything all wrong anyway. So stop doing that! Figure out what you like to do, what you enjoy, what makes you happy and start doing that by yourself. The funny thing that happens is you meet men with the exact same interests, like really the same interests not saying they have the same interests which is what is happening with you.

Be honest with yourself and the rest will fall in place,
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Going back and reading this I don't know if what I meant to say is even in there. You are not the problem, you are just not dating the right guys. Be yourself and not what you think they want and you will attract the right guys.

It sucks, but in a way you're lucky. The first guy was a d!ck and the 2nd was WAY to insecure for a relationship. A REAL man would have seen the REAL you when you were heavy, and can handle your hotness now without being afraid you'll move on.

Take some time off for you, then take a class in something quirky that you're interested in. You'll feel better and meet new people :)

Your primary motivation for making yourself attractive should be for yourself, not to attract some guy. It's nice to be attractive, but ultimately relationships shouldn't be based on attractiveness primarily, or on attractiveness alone.

If you are with a guy who doesn't want you to be attractive or whose self-esteem is so low that he keeps thinking you're going to dump him because you're too hot for him -- then I don't even know why you want him. Can you really find such an insecure guy appealing?

You, and he, are the only ones ultimately placing too much emphasis on looks, you can't blame society. It's nice that you're now in shape -- keep that up and enjoy it -- but you and your bf should go get a hobby or do something good for society or something of social value, and stop being so focused on superficialities.

Plus, I also think it's weird that your bf is so worried about your being better-looking, since it's quite common for females to be better-looking than their mates. It's much more uncommon for a guy to date "down," looks-wise.

There are many fish in the sea (if you are under 40--lol). Go on a dating website, go out with the girls, take a vacation alone...

One you stop actively looking--one will come.

This sounds cliche' but I have found it to be true.