Raising Our Nephew

There is no real way to get financial support without you having legal custody, at least not one that I know of. You might want to try talking to a lawyer that specializes in family law, they might know of a way.

Go back on Mamasource and request lawyer recommendations. You need to have some legal back up in regards to medical care. Without some type of legal guardianship, you may find yourselves in a scary situation if your nephew ever has a medical emergency.

Good luck to you and your family. There must be help out there. You are by no means alone in this. Family has been taking in family forever and the courts are trying to keep up with all of it. I have a friend who works for the court system in Cook County. I will ask her what she recommends and I will get back to you.

My heart is with you in your situation. It is difficult to understand why your husband doesn't want to go to court when his brother hasn't been supporting his own son for the last six years while you have been raising him out of your own pockets. As tough as it is, you need to go to court for the boy's sake. If both of his parents cannot or aren't willing to provide for him, it is in his best interest that you and your husband have legal custody and get some financial support for his needs in the process. Your husband's position is not admirable when his brother has been neglecting his son and expecting you to pay for everything all these years. FWIW... P.

I agree with you it would be fair if the parents stepped up to the plate and take responsibility. However, without knowing the whole story...they don't sound like responsible people which is why your nephew is with you to begin with.

If you go the legal route, your nephew has to become a ward of the state, the parents have to be determined unfit or they need to sign over their rights...the process can take years. The financial gain is minimal once the adoption is final.

If you ask parents for money and they are forced legally to give you money they might determine that they can care for this child themselves...to forgo the payments...would this be best for your nephew?

You and your husband are doing something amazing. You are helping make a difference in a child's life. You are molding and helping to define his future. I know it is tough and the rewards are sometimes few are far between, but you deserve a big huge pat on the back. Keep plugging away...

Hello. You said your husband and yourself have been raising your nephew for the past 6 years, How have you been able to sign all his papers, Drs appt. things like that if you don't have LEGAL custody or Guardenship??? You have to do it the right way according to the law, Your going to have to hire a lawyer and go to court. If you live in the state of WI we have a law that if the Parents LEAVE their child with anyone and has NO contact with you or the child in 6 MONTHS then you can get their Parental Rights Taken Away. You are right They BOTH should be paying yous' child support for their son. You can call your local court house and ask them what room to go to. If you live in Kenosha its Room 109. I'm kinda in the same position but I'm going through a Legal Custody battle right now and its been going on for 1 1/2 years. This is an UGLY one. And the lawyer told me that in the state of WI there is a MAX. price the attorneys can't go over for cases and for custody battles its $10,000.00 So be prepared. I had to put half down. I really hope everything goes good for yous' and if you need any more information just let me know and I'll see if I can ask my lawyer for you. Feel free to email anytime. ____@____.com

Wow, I am moved by your situation. I have legal custody of my half sister (our mother died 3 years ago) and her father has never been involved in her life. Before our mother died we had legal papers prepared by a lawyer stating that my mother wanted me to have custody of my sister(then 14). After she died even with those papers in place I still had to pay a lawyer to take us to court to get legal documentation that I was her guardian. Her father had a certain amount of time to fight it (which he did not of course). My only point is that this is such a complicated and time consuming process even when all involved agree what should be done. I'm thinking that for the best interest of your nephew you should find out first how his parents will react to this idea. If they don't want to give you legal custody then starting that process to fight for it might end up with your nephew being put someplace you would not want him to be.
Since your husband is worried about his brothers feelings here (which is interesting) you could approach the subject by pointing out how if an emergency arises you would need the authority to make decisions, etc. Then once you have the custody you could think about asking for the support later. But you would be protecting yourself and your nephew by getting the custody now. Just approach it delicately with the mother and father and if they react badly you should probably just let it go and do the best you can without their support. The fact that they don't feel the need to give any now means that they probably aren't going to give any even if asked to. God bless you for what you are doing!
Good luck!

L.

There is a way to fill for an order of emergency support in the state of Il but you have to have legal parental rights to the child. You will need to go to court. Since the parents don't seem all that interested in their rights it will cost less. It will only cost more if they fight you getting parental rights. Also you will want SOLE Gaurdianship. This way you have more of a say about how the child is raised with out seeking constant paretnal consent on everything. Not only that it seems as it for 6 years you've been doing it on your own already. Be prepared for some additonal stress in your life. The parents seem as if they are rather inmature and may give you some headaches about support. Be prepared to justisy why you are the better provider for this child. Keep a journal about contact the child does have with the parents and how that affects behavior and mood. You will need a good lawyer to protect your rights and to protect the child's too. Good Luck!

Do you & your husband have Legal Custody or Guardianship? I took Guardianship of my grandson & I too am wondering about some sort of support. I think that you would have to do the whole court thing.

I understand how your husband feels but think about your nephew. Do you legal say in case of an emergency? In case of an injury or illness the doctor's are not going to let you make any decisions about his care. You will have to contact them in a time of crisis when time may be working against you. I really think your husband needs to talk to his brother and explain this to him. Maybe if he understands why you need to do this he won't be offended. At the same time you can explain for the need of monetary support. Good Luck!

S., I feel for you and I think your nephew is very lucky to have such a loving Aunt and Uncle. I don't understand why your husband won't kick his brother in the butt and talk him into being the father he should be to his child. Unless he loves the child so much and is afraid that his brother will take him away. After raising him for so long, who's to blame him.
I suggest that you do as I and my Mother did for my eldest daughter. My daughter was a full time student and had a full time job. My grandaughter has severe cerebral palsy. Daycare was not an option. We didn't seek the advice of a lawyer. We sat down and wrote a letter naming my mother and I as temporary gaurdians in the event my daughter was unavailable. In the letter it stated that my daughter wasn't in any way giving up her right as the childs parent but only giving temporary gaurdianship. It was signed by all. My daughters signature was notorized. We have been able to make medical decisions for her with no problems while my daughter was in school or work.
Ask your husband if he would be willing to at least take this baby step in securing your right to at least make decisions for his acedemic and medical needs. See how receptive the parents are to this. Feel them out. If they are totally for it, it may not be too difficult to ask for sole custody.
I could show you or e-mail you a copy of my letter that the doctors and hospitals have been accepting as the right to make decisions for my granddaughter, just let me know. You can also ask a lawyer to draw one up for you. The latter would probobly be best.

Good luck honey. Keep loving that child that's what he needs most. Never blame the child for the parents irresponsible actions. Stay Srong. Hang in there. You will be rewarded for your efforts some how.