Anybody else out there suddenly always angry with their husband? It used to be that Id get angry during PMS time, but, now I feel like everything he does annoys me all the time. We've been married for 10 years, but, we've been together for about 20(we started going out as teens). We have 2 kids together..and he's great with them. He tries really hard to show his love for me every day, but, lately, I just feel like I cant return the same type of love. I feel bad, because i feel he deserves better than how I treat him. I know I cant see myself with anybody else, but, why do I feel like this? I want to feel happy with him again. Anybody have any suggestions?
Are you battling depression or seasonal mood disorder. I was starting to get like this a few weeks ago - he couldn't do anything right and I just always felt angry. But, I could feel depression creeping up on me. We've had quite a few sunny days now and I've been outside a lot and am feeling much better and no longer angry all the time.
How long has this been going on with you?
Could be that the winter from hell has something to do with it. Think we all need sun and warmth. I think that might help barring any real issues. Spring is coming!!!!
Yup, irritability and anger can be signs of depression. If you don't have a history of depression there are a few things you can try before you see a doctor:
1. Sunshine. Try to get outside every day and go for a walk.
2. Take care of your "self". Have a spa day. And/Or take a day alone and go for a hike. Join the YMCA and take time to yourself to go swimming or take a class. Yoga is great for depression, too.
3. Eat well and often. Blood sugar levels can drop so much that it will affect your mood if you aren't eating at least every 4 hours during a typical busy day.
4. Drink plenty of water.
5. Date night, every week if you can swing it. Have one night in and one night out that you only spend with each other. Don't talk about the kids. Find something the two of you enjoy doing together and do it. This is really really important, don't shortchange your marriage by deciding you don't have enough time in the day or week for each other. Marriage is work sometimes, you have to nurture it like a living thing for it to last.
Hormonal changes and pre-menapause. It can make you feel like you are going crazy.
You got some great answers and only you guys know if you could use this but we were in bad shape and went to a Retrovaille weekend. It is for troubled relationships. Real couples that had real problems and overcame them are the leaders. Very good, very emotional. It will get you guys on the right road quickly.
I wish you the best. Relationships are full of peaks and valleys and sometimes it's just hard to snap back.
Sudden unexplained anger can be a sign of clinical depression. It's not always sadness or lack of energy. Talk to your doctor, and then a counselor. If this was happening while you were PMSing then I would make sure your hormones are not out of balance and move forward from there.
Can you approach your anger as a messenger? What is your anger trying to tell you about your life? What in your life could use a shift or change? What is unresolved in your life? Where are your boundaries being dropped or invaded? Are you a people-pleaser? Are you even on the list?
Generally, we are taught as women that anger is a bad thing and that we are bad if we feel anger. That is a lie. We need anger to let us know that our boundaries have been crossed. We need anger to let us know that we may not be taking care of ourselves. We need anger to let us know that we are allowing other people to treat us poorly.
It isn't anger that is the problem. It is how we choose to express that anger that is. Too often women suppress that anger and end up severely depressed instead. Or we try and ignore our anger and it comes out sideways.
Embrace and accept your anger. It can help you understand what you have been denying or minimizing in your life. It can help you make needed adjustments and create the space for healing.
Try choosing to express your anger on paper or by screaming in the car instead of taking it out on your hubby. Honor your feelings by allowing them to be expressed fully, just in an appropriate way.
Get a physical and talk to your doctor about your moods.
It could be a lot of things.
Hormones, lack of sun, depression, thyroid, etc.
How difficult is it for you to treat him better?
It doesn't have to be extravagant but little things count a lot.
Write him little love notes, thank him for the things he does for you/family.
Gratitude goes a long way.
Try to have a date night with him every so often - just the two of you - get a sitter for the kids.
A guy I use to work with went with his wife to take an oriental cooking class together as something fun for the two of them to do without the kids.
As a temporary measure treat your husband as if you felt the love. The saying "fake it until you make it" has saved many a relationship and a job.
Consider both individual and couples therapy. My cousin went on Wellbutrin and credits it with saving her marriage.
Relationships have ebbs and tides.
Think of it like this: One day you and your husband will be in your 80's or 90's. You will look back at vacations, and rasing kids, and different cars and homes you've had.
Lust is something that holds couples together for a time, just enough time though to make sure that the relationship can survive on your mutual interests-- providing there are some other than just sex.
Hang in there. All marriages go thru emotionally stagnant periods of time, but we love our spouse and we should always be their number one fan.
Have a similar issue except I didn't feel loved added to it. We spoke to a couple at our church for counseling. Men want respect! The book "Love and respect" was recommended. Women aren't taught how to respect. The woman said that when she began to respect her husband she really enjoyed him. I still need to read the book. Their marriage is truly what everyone would want now. My needs aren't getting met. But when I show him respect I see a glimmer of hope and a love for him again instead of anger.
you need to get to the root of the problem,when did he hurt your feelings,or piss you off? once you figure that out-you can go from there-good luck plus its been a long cold nasty winter,everyone has a severe case of cabin fever.
Welcome to peri-menopause ! Or at least it sounds like that.
Also, have your vitamin D checked. You live in MN and it has been wintery for months and months ! This is important !
Lack of water, proper nutrition (Even Suzanne Sommers said it on tv the other day), EXCERCISE is important, too !
Have a blood test to see if you are low in any key vitamins. Talk to your OBGYN about the changes. Beware if the dr jumps to an anti-depression med.
If you have a quality health food store nearby, ask a nutritionist on staff what you could do.....
Christianne Northrup has written a wonderful book.
I remember reading that you are supposed to approach this period as a new chapter of life...Only is my waist would not get bigger !!!
Hi DJ.
Watch this series if you have time- then reevaluate your anger and feelings.
Any of you reading this who have been or are married will get some good chuckles as well.
http://eaglebrookchurch.com/media-resources/weekend-messa...
It's not preachy. The first message is really for those choosing a partner. I have my kids watch it. The rest- how to be happy EVEN (not EVER) after.
If my hubby had any interest in the 1,1,1 principle our counselors (as well as author Gottman, john- 7 principles to make marriage work) recommends, we'd have stood a much better chance of remaining a couple.
Marriage is hard work.
It's great you see your part in that and want to work at it.
I'm not sure where you reside in mpls, but there are 5 churches if you ever care to visit in person.
About me: 53 yo , mom of 12 yo twin girls, perfusionist, wellness coach.
B. j
Books: HOW WE LOVE: Discover Your Relationship Style, Enhance Your Marriage by Milan Yerkovich
http://www.amazon.com/How-We-Love-Discover-Marriage/dp/14...
LOVE AND RESPECT: THE LOVE SHE MOST DESIRES; THE RESPECT HE DESPERATELY NEEDS
by Emerson Eggerichs
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Ne...
5 LOVE LANGUAGES
by Gary D. Chapman
http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Languages-Secret-Lasts/dp/...
He's got books for kids and teens too. Everybody has a "love language." That means certain things make people tick, float their boat.... They are:
- Gifts
- Physical touch
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality time
Me: Birthdays mean nothing to me. If someone forgets my birthday, I could care less. I enjoy giving gifts, but me receiving gifts, eh. I have a friend who must rate high on GIFTS because if she tallies who gives her gifts and doesn't on her bday. It's a big deal to her.
I LOVE words of affirmation. I HATE the opposite (criticism).
Lots of good advice by the other ladies as well.
I went through that. I felt trapped. He was wonderful. I just needed to 'come out' and felt it was his fault.
It sounds like you need a medical workup to confirm or rule out a physical issue. If not, then a therapist may be in order to help sort out the cause.
It is good that you recognize that the issue is coming from you and is irrational. That means you have a good chance of being able to fix it.
It sounds like you really love your husband. I would caution you against putting too much stock in how you feel....emotions can be very misleading. After 20 years with the same person, there will be times when it doesn't "feel" like you believe it ought. Focus on the kind and caring things that he does for you and your children and then find something to do or say that tells him how much you appreciate him. Marriage can be work - but it is totally worth it! Good luck!
