Response to an Annoying Remarks by a Librarian

Oh my word. This was a joke. Nothing to do about bullying AT ALL. Please take a deep breath. If you think THAT was bullying then you are in for a lot of problems.

I think she was trying to help you.

My goodness, parenting without humor must be a very daunting task indeed.

:(

From what you've written, it sounds like a totally innocent joke to me. I don't think it's anything to be upset about, and certainly not something you need to respond to. Because you'd already gone along with the joke of her working there, they were just being silly. Please don't spend too much time thinking about this... it is not worth the energy. I hope today is a better day for you.

That was not a mocking or racist comment, that was a joke. No one was making fun of you or your child, and it had nothing to do with ethnicity.

The comment was supposed to be funny because #1 a 2 year old is clearly not capable of cleaning the bathroom, and #2 cleaning the bathroom is one chore that many adults dislike.

When I've had kids over to play with mine and they didn't want to leave when their mother came to pick them up, I've said things like "You can live here with me, but you have to help out. First you can clean the bathroom, then do the dishes..." to which the child says 'No', giggles, and goes home.

ETA: Why do you keep changing your question? Adding and deleting details that were in the first version. Our opinions are the same... it was a JOKE

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Good grief, you need to grow a thicker skin.

In no way was any comment racist or bullying. It was a JOKE.

It is sick how people have to walk on eggshells in order not to offend someone because no matter what is said and in what context, someone, somewhere will find it racist or bully. What's next? Do you want to sue the librarian or city? UGH

Your child is 2yrs old, there will be a bunch of hills to climb and real issues to deal with later in her life. You might start by preparing yourself now.

Let it go.

I'm sorry, but I can't see how that remark would or could be construed as racist or bullying in any way. What she was suggesting to your child was that if she stay and help out she will have to do the least desirable job, so more incentive to go home with mommy. She was trying to convince you little girl to go home with you.

I am sure whoever you reported this to will see how you have misunderstood this comment.

ETA: This is a pretty standard way of telling a child "Playtime is over. It is time to go because now it is work time."

i'm flabbergasted that you would read racism or bullying into this. it's pretty over-the-top paranoid to be bugged by it all, but to this degree?
really?
how you read 'mocking' into a light statement made by a teacher to your uncooperative child translates into a tightly-wound degree of over-sensitivity and some weird back-handed entitlement.
your 'smiling' response that your toddler should smart-mouth a response back is far ruder than anything the teacher did.
as for reporting it to the administration, that REALLY sucks. you don't know for sure that it was meant as a put-down (it almost certainly was not) but 'just in case' you got the teacher in trouble, all because you chose to feel insulted over a random inoffensive remark.
i'm betting this library hopes you find somewhere else to take your perfect poopsies who are so fragile they might shatter at the slightest noise.
khairete
S.

She was being light-hearted and joking with you! She was also probably sympathizing with you as we've all had those instances when we're trying to get out the door but the kids keep straggling behind!

I'm not being insensitive here; it's just an observation on my part by the way you've written, but is it possible that culture is a bit of a barrier here? Are you relatively new here? I can't think of a single mom I know who would have been offended by this.

If you are relatively new to American culture, it is good that you asked so you can learn and so you have something by which you can evaluate future exchanges and experiences.

Best to you,

J. F.

Sorry, you are being ridiculous... That comment had nothing to do with racism or bullying. I've used that very comment with my friends kids when they don't wanna go home from playing at my house. I might say somethjng like "awesome, little Johnny's gonna stay! He can clean my toilets while I watch tv since that's what I'm doing next!"... We all laugh and Johnny realizes playtime is over. Taking EVERY comment ppl make and turning it into something negative is no way to live.

If someone said that to my two year old I would have taken it as the joke it was suppose to be and laughed.

I really don't see how this remark could be construed as racist or nasty and it certainly was not bullying. I am just baffled, truly baffled, that you would think the woman's remarks had anything at all to do with your appearance.

Wow... someone was having a little sweet moment with your girl, not actually complaining about her....

Get over it. Join the real world. Some of us are actually very friendly and joke a little. You are rather oversensitive if you really read that as someone wanting a two year old to clean a bathroom.

Common sense..... please use this apparently-diminishing resource. Common sense would suggest that you are making WAY more of this than it ever warranted. You brought this to our attention-- that's fine, take the joke and walk away. Even we white moms have our kids clean bathrooms.

I really hope this post is a joke as well, come to think of it.

It was a

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Bullying? Geez. Not even close.

Sounds like you are a bit new to this country? I mean my question in a friendly way. I have a friend from Kenya who is sometimes confused by American "humor". She is very respectful, soft spoken, gentle to kids and Christian, so she's shocked by some of the sarcasm and other "harsh humor" styles we have here.

The librarian was thinking of the biggest yuckiest task they have there and as a JOKE asked a very small child to do it because OF COURSE they would not really expect a toddler or any other patron to clean their bathroom. She probably thought your daughter was cute, and maybe even helping, so she tried to engage you guys in a joke. I understand it may seem crass or rude to you, but it was meant as a joke. And it was certainly not based on race. People say crazy things to kids here to be outlandish and funny. Don't be concerned!

I would consider you hyper sensitive.

I would not think of racism or bully. Then again I am white and I am not in the shoes of someone who has been treated differently because of the skin color.

I was a little confused because I thought you were letting us know you made an agism remark to her (the senior teacher comment) first and you may have felt she was getting even?

edit: Apparently you changed your question. I didn't know you reported her to admin. I have a feeling all the librarians in a 50 mile radius know about this.

It was a joke. I think you are being too sensitive. I also agree that you are going to find parenting very difficult if you don't develop a sense of humor. Humor is one of the best parenting tools there is.

If you are from another culture, and that's why you don't understand this joke, maybe you should start watching some stand-up comedians, so you can start to understand American humor.

If your 2 year old is not listening, pick her up and carry her out.

Not all jokes are particularly funny, but that does not mean there was mal intent. Do you think there was bad intention? What did you feel was the insinuation?
It sounds like they were admiring your daughter and joked that they wanted her to stay with them, or they were encouraging her to follow mama by giving her a fake reason not to stay in an effort to help you.
People love that age of child. They are cute and people feel compelled to talk with them. But since 2-year-olds are non-communicative, people often joke, or communicate in ways that are over the child's head. Not everyone is good at communicating with small children and lets face it- librarians aren't known for their people skills.

When the jokes aren't particularly cute or funny, I just smile anyways. These people go out of their way to make my children feel special and part of the community even if their banter falls flat. I appreciate the effort people make to acknowledge little ones.

To me, it sounded like a joke, meant to make the job sound unpleasant so your daughter would want to leave with you. A couple times I have kids playing at my house who don't want to leave. So I asked them if they will help me with the laundry if they want to live here. One girl said yes! Lol I don't think the librarian meant any harm by her comment, especially if she was if all of you were laughing/smiling?

Hi N.,

It's possible you haven't hear this kind of joke before. I think the librarian's remarks were intended in a good way - to be helpful to you :)

I think you have to be careful not to transfer your own experiences (if you've experienced racism) onto innocent situations - don't always assume the worst in people.

I think it would have been best (where another mom mentioned you complained to the library) if you take offense to a comment someone makes to just ask them to clarify.

I think you would have found that she was well meaning and intended to be helpful.

If you did report her, you may want to just explain next time you're in the library. Hope that helps :)

What Jill B said.

And I'm sorry if people have been jerks so often that you've become sensitive.

Sometimes people can be major jerks, but I don't think that was the case here.

I'm also wondering if there might be a cultural component that made this particular phrase about bathroom cleaning feel worse that it was. I'm guessing the bathroom comment may be something that just isn't joked about in your culture of origin, so I could see that being really uncomfortable and wrong for you, even if it was not intended at all by the librarian.

It was a joke.
I ask my daycare kids to scrub the toilets, scoop the litter box, use their tooth brushes to mop the floor. I tell them I'm selling them to the circus to become clowns and selling them to the zoo to clean up monkey and elephant poop. I tell them I'm going to send them to Oompa-Loompa school, where their skin will turn orange and their hair will turn green thanks to a special diet. I tell them I'm going to cut off their hair and serve it for lunch, along with dirty diapers and booger sandwiches.. It's all said with a smile and a laugh and the kids think it's hilarious, as do their parents, because they know it would never happen.
The librarian made a joke that had nothing to do with race and was in no way, shape, or form bullying.

Sounds like a joke to me. Some people are always making jokes and have a great sense of humor. Sometimes something they say to get a laugh is not so funny to others. She was just trying to think of some unappealing job to a 2 year old...making a joke because that is a job no one really wants to do. Would you rather go home with mommy or help us here by cleaning? No big deal. PS - The funny thing is my kids at age 2 thought it was great fun to help clean so you should have told that lady your daughter would probably take her up on that offer! haha (joke).

I would not assume there was any intent to make a racist joke. It sounds like the joke was that they would put her to work since she was so engrossed in activity in the library, she didn't want to leave with her mom.

Maybe bathroom cleaning is a part of the duties these librarians have in their jobs, and they were just making a joke that they would be happy to let her take that task off their list if she wants to stay. Bathroom cleaning is probably their least desired duty, so it was funny to them to joke that someone else (anyone else) can do it. This same remark could have easily been made to a child of any race.

Honestly though, I can see why that make have struck you the wrong way. I am sorry that felt hurtful. Even though that caused you to be uncomfortable, I think you have to really question, was that the intent of the remark? Sometimes people make jokes with no clue that they could be taken offensively. They just aren't even thinking about their words in other contexts.

You have a right to speak your mind if you felt uncomfortable, of course, but I think you should have spoken directly to the person who made the remark, not the administration. She would then know how bad you felt and she could reflect on why her comment could be taken offensively, and apologized to you. At that point, you would have a good idea of her true character. A good person would sincerely apologize for offending you. If she treated you rudely at that point, then yes, you could go higher up. I don't think going above anyone's head as the first action is an effective way to bring about positive change. But hopefully, you and your daughter can go back to enjoying the library.

When my kids don;t want to leave a place, we often joke that if they stay, they'll be put to work. At one store, the employee told my daughter she could help load boxes other times it was she could sweep the floor etc. It is all in fun. I have never heard it in a mean way. It usually helps get the kid out the door.

Of course, one time, one of my older girls decided she really did want to work and grabbed a broom and starting sweeping.We gave her a minute and then the guy took the broom and thanked her-told her she was an awesome worker.

Sounds to me like the librarian was hoping to make your child think it was much more preferable to go with you than to stay there with them. Or that she was joking about cleaning the bathroom (after all, if someone was going to stay to "help", I'm sure the bathroom would free up the librarians to do the far less dirty work of shelving books).

Sometimes humor is a really regional thing - if you're not from that area, you may not pick up the little nuances of language or tone.

Ignore it - I'm very sure nothing rude or offensive was intended. You of course want to protect your kids, but there's nothing here that they need protection from. Teach them to see the best in people and the humor in situations - this was light conversation and nothing to be concerned about.

Huge overreaction on your part, huge. Not racist, not bullying. It was a joke, not even a nasty one. Your response to the librarian was perfect, take that attitude all around and you're doing great.

I'm coming late and am inferring that the question has changed.

I would say to avoid this situation in the future that u take your child's hand when it is time to go...she can be your big helper and give the books to the librarian to check out..or click your keys to open the door to your car...give her a job....don't play ridiculous games of walking away from her and telling her mommy is leaving...that is disrespectful to your child and rude to the library staff that needs to watch to make sure she actually follows you.