Reward System Ideas to Use with Behavioral Chart?

Good Heaven! It's just not that complicated.

When they get it right, you celebrate, you dance on the table, you shower them with attention. They LIKE that, see?

When they piss you off you get mad, you tell them what they did that's not cool in a matter of fact manner, then you more or less ignore them. They DON'T like that.

:)

:) I think "paralysis through over-analysis" is a good summary of all this.

I don't know what you are trying to get your 5 year olds to do, or not do, but is it really worth all this aggravation? Maybe you should just take them out to a park, and climb around on the monkey bars with them, or go sledding if it's all covered with snow where you are. Boys do best with physical activity, where they can screech outdoors.

I'm exhausted just thinking about this star system, I think you might find it exhausting too.

I think they are just five and should be allowed to be children just a bit longer.

Wow!! I am an adult and I am already confused. WAY to complicated. Rewards should be given for acts of kindness, not for behavior. Children should behave, they have to do they homework, they should strive for good grades. What did our parents do raising us without charts, and constant praise and rewards!! Sorry, don't mean to criticize but I look around and I see a society of overindulged children, who are not willing to do anything unless they receive some type of reward or compensation. Take a look around at the work ethic of our youth, yes they are much smarter then we were, but are not willing to do anything unless they are paid a ton of money. Not willing to work their way up, instant gratification. Children should be praised for kind gestures, helping a friend, helping their mom, volunteering. etc. I guess you can see I do not believe in behavior charts. Just my opinion, however if you choose to do a chart, I think the system although well thought out is to complicated for a 5 year old to understand and follow. Good luck!!

You're language indicates you are highly educated. I am going to say that you're are so over thinking this.

Please google cognitive development in a 60+ month old person. I do believe that this age child is just not able to process what you are doing here. They shouldn't even have math homework yet.

Extra booktime won't really mean a lot to a child this age either. They can't associate events that happen later to something that happened days before. They just aren't wired like that yet. Not until they get to a more concrete stage of development.

You need to give instant rewards for the desired action then have a star chart for the big things, and only a couple of them listed on it even then.

Another web site you might enjoy is parentcenter.com. You can sign up for emails that tell you developmental milestones and what types of things should work with this age child.

I also think that getting 5 stars is much more what a 5 year old can obtain and learn from than trying to get to 21.

You are expecting way too much out of a child that was only 4 a few days ago. They just aren't ready for organized rewards and you are not going to get any of your expected behaviors.

Keep in mind that the more complicated the system the less likely you will be to stick with it!

What if you formatted it as once you achieve __# of stars, we get to _____? That way, if they get all their stars in 3 days, they see the rewards of their efforts sooner. If it takes them 3 weeks to achieve the goal, then they will see they need to work harder next time. I do believe the rewards should be given as quickly as reasonably possible.

I am not a fan of the trinkets either. I would make the rewards experiences like taking a bike ride together, going to the park, feeding the ducks, watching a special movie together, a game night, going out for an ice cream cone, a trip to the library, baking a special treat together, etc. My daughters' favorite reward was playing hide and go seek in our house in the dark. They are now 12 & 15 and we still play.

I seriously agree with Gamma G, I feel you are way overthinking this, to the point you are dooming the whole system before it starts. They WON'T get 21 stars a week, that's a given.

Also, if you want to help reduce and eliminate some not so good behaviors, perhaps you should consider having instant consequences. High pitch screaming/screetching in a five year old resulting in losing a star is probably not going to do much other than quash interest in earning stars. My guy will turn 4 in April, whining or tantruming earn him a trip to his room behind a closed door immediately. I've been doing this for a couple of years now so I can count on one hand how many times he's done it the last few months, it isn't worth it to him to lose his audience and stop doing whatever he was doing prior to throwing a fit ;)

Non-monetary rewards they could redeem during the following week could include:
They get to choose what's for dinner or where to eat it...back yard, living room floor...
A special dessert after a meal.
They pick a board game (one you have) the whole family plays together.
A picnic at a nearby park.
A family bike ride.
A night they get to decide what the family watches on TV.
30 minutes extra screen time for TV, computer, videos games or hand-held games.
Sleep in the living room camp-out style.
A visit to a museum (check Target's site for free admission days to nearby museums.)
Make a craft with them, or provide the supplies and directions for them to do it. (Some will require minimal supplies, buy supplies on sale so you have them. I pick things up and take from my stash as needed, I detest paying full price, lol.) You/they can make your own playdough, a gift for someone, something to play with or hang in their room.
http://spoonful.com/crafts is a starting point for ideas, it used to be Family Fun, it's a Disney site, there's oodles of ideas.

Best wishes with the behavior chart!

I HATE behavior charts. Ugh, too much work. They are just as much work as getting the child to do the chore!

The only thing that we tried that worked was the marble jar, and we only really did it for a few months. I really advocate just having them do their chores because they are supposed to and then you just get on them until they are done. If they are bad, they get an immediate consequence that fits the crime. End of story.

However, here is how our marble jar worked.

1. Make your daily list such as brush teeth, make bed, etc.
2. When they do the chore, they get a marble in the jar for each chore.
3. Marbles are "cashed in" for pre-determined awards. 10 marbles = 1 extra hour of computer time, etc.
4. Marbles can be removed for bad behavior.
5. Extra marbles can be added for "being caught being good"

It was much easier to count marbles than to put stickers on a chart. Marbles can be saved from week to week. My daughter seemed to like seeing the marbles. She'd often take out her jar and just play with the ones she earned.

It's also pretty funny when they get upset and scream "I'm losing my marbles!!" LOL!

I would give her a warning: "This is your warning, keep it up and you're losing a marble."

I also liked how she was able to "earn" the marbles back by doing extra things. That taught her that even though she misbehaved, she had the opportunity to make it right and earn it back by doing something EXTRA. She always thought of the extra thing herself, and it really did help her to be better. That way when she lost a marble I'd say "well, you lost a marble so if you want it back you need to do your chore, and then think of something extra." She always did.

Good luck!

our chart has more things than you are thinking about, but ours have allowance tied to them ($0.50 per year of age) plus a special reward (of their choosing, but it can not cost money, so late bedtime, extra story, they can get pretty creative!) they can earn. If they get all of their stars, they get their full allowance AND the special reward. If they are missing one star they do not get the special reward, but they DO get their full allowance. After that, they lose $0.05 per year of age for every missed star.

It's difficult to track progress and make good on every promise because you're all part of a family and have a ton of external variables trying to undo everything. Also, what starts to work against the reward system is, the focus on what went wrong and the taking away of rewards. That then becomes so much of the thrust of the day, that you start to lose a sense of what you are trying to accomplish in the first place-getting the work done!! It is better to simply say when the math will be done-like right after school, where it will be done-kitchen table, for instance, and how-in silence. Better to be the task master than attempt a confusing system of rewards for behavior that is expected of maturing children. Is it possible for the children to stay after school and get picked up when the homework is done?

You might find the most success in the reward system if the children are involved in the process of creating it. (This might also save you some thinking!) You can guide them in the process as you let them take some ownership of it. Then they may be more likely to want to see it through.

Be prepared to give reasonable examples of rewards at pre-determined steps (after 5 stars, 10 stars, whatever, they get an extra book, an outing of their choice, etc.), and know how you would like to implement the reward (that day, within 3 days, however you want to do it). Also let them know up front that you have veto power (you will not be buying them motorcycles, etc.). Then let them know your idea and see what they come back with! At this age they are very capable of sound ideas and you might be pleasantly surprised at their creativity.

You can also ask them what they think should happen if they display a behavior that they know is not ok with you: should they lose a star? Should they lose 2? Should they not be able to earn a star that day? Or maybe they get an extra chore? Again, be prepared with ideas, and as long as the response they give you seems reasonable enough, go with it. They are more likely to accept the system if they have some say in it.

The other bonus of the joint reward-chart-making activity is that it highlights to the boys how important it is to you to develop a concrete system to monitor their behavior, while letting them know that you believe that they are capable of seeing the end-game, so to speak.

Unrelated to the reward system: get them outside as much as you can! They likely have a lot of energy (being 5 year old boys and all) and letting them get it out outside might go a long way towards helping their behavior.

Good luck!

Hi, C.:

Have you sat down with the boys and made up a list of
expectations for appropriate behavior?

Ask them to give you a list of appropriate behaviors.
Then add your list that doesn't match yours, such as:
Do Math homework every day.
No screaming/screeching when upset.

Ask them what kind of consequence would they suggest for
inappropriate behaviors.

Write all this down.

With the consequence ask the offending child these questions:

1. What happened?
2. What were you thinking?
3. What have you thought about since?
4. Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
5. What do you think you need to do to make things right?

With the one who has been offended, ask these questions.

1.What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2. What impact has this incident had on you and others?
3. What has been the hardest thing for you?
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

The family sits down and makes a list of expectations and the consequences.
Then use the above questions to repair the harm and restore the relationship.

You want to teach the children to do the right thing without thought of reward.
Good luck.
D.

Honestly if they are healthy "normal" boys then I just don't see why you need the hassle (in my opinion) of charts. I would imagine constant guidance, reminders and praise would be enough to keep them growing and learning to make good choices. I usually associate behavior charts with slightly older children who are struggling with behavioral issues and need an extra incentive to try harder. Most kids just don't need this.