As I read the other responses, I just have to agree -- we have all been there even if we don't have twins.
I have three children 3,5,7. My husband is out of town more & more. We firmly believe in my staying home & being home once they are all in school. My youngest will start pre-school for two days in the fall. We are living far from family & friends & money is always a concern.
The afternoon time is just not fun. My mom always tells me "enjoy your children -- they grow up so quickly." My 5 & 7 year old want to come home & have my attention and unwind from their school day. My 3 year old wants all the attention. Bickering starts from the moment we open the door at 3 p.m.
(Did I mention I've given up "rest" time for my 3 yr. old?)
Summer is coming & I want to have a fun-filled summer with my children because they do grow up so quickly, and I want to enjoy every age with them and not pack them off to a camp from 9 to 2 every day.
I've read so many articles about bickering & watch Supernanny faithful & I was former school teacher for the gifted.
Children bicker when they want OUR attention; when they are tired of playing with each other; when they are tired period; when they are hungry; when they are mentally bored.
I've read books about misplaced anger as well since I, too, am not happy with how I've yelled in the past & pretty much spanked when I don't believe in spanking at all -- the last straw it seems to me.
Sorry to be long-winded.
Essentially, I know my children's time of the day for "breaking down" is right before lunch & right before dinner -- always right before dinner.
I consciously know this is when all "H*ll" will break out & I am usually in the kitchen trying to prepare a meal.
So I plan for it. I don't like more than one hour
(1 1/2 tops) a day for t.v. -- but I plan on that pre-dinner time for something they could watch -- educational. Sometimes I'll ask each child "separately" to help me with one component of dinner (setting the plates; or putting something on the table).
Also, after staying home for 7 years, and not taking regular showers, and not really "pampering" myself (which isn't really pampering), I've decided for the good of everyone -- mommy needs mommy time. Dad steps up sometimes & I'll just go do something I want to do.....which isn't too exciting -- maybe just reading the newspaper in an empty coffee shop for 30 min. because I really love my family & don't want to spend time away from them -- just that short amount of time changes my frame of mind. I run home & want to be with them all.
In the house, with my very talkative 3 yr. old all day, I have to get out in the morning & "run" him at the park and try to have playdates most days.
Also, in the afternoon, when all the kids (and the neighbor's little girl who comes over almost every day) -- 4 children under the age of 7, I try to set the ground rules for playing.
If they all seem tired or hungry or in that bickering stage, I set up art time at the kitchen table while I"m cooking dinner. Or something where I can praise them, cook & give them attention.
Moreover, I try to remember that although my children and husband are my world, I cannot deny activities I want to do (read, write, listen to my music, talk to other adults, sometimes even sew -- although that's kinda a necessity more than fun.) Music has calmed me & the whole crew in the afternoon (our bewitching time)-- and I play jazz, classical, the 80's music sometimes. I used to only play kid music & once I started playing music for me -- it opened up a new world for them.
Lastly, I once read that children do listen to us, but more importantly, they WATCH us & how we live our lives (we are the teachers -- they are the students. if the teacher watches the students all the time -- no one is learning anything).
I'm not saying you do this -- but I've learned in my own life: a mom who always denies herself for her children is not showing a proper balance in her life. When I joined a book club, my children were surprised mom was leaving before dinner (it is once every month or a month and a half). But now even my 3 year old sees that I like books & guess what -- he is becoming more interested in books than ever before.
Oh, one more thing, always have a yearly physical -- I get one as a birthday present to myself. Mention to your doctor the yelling times (which I think all moms have sometimes).
Sleep, exercise, & hormones -- all play a part. I strongly recommend the YMCA for you. I would never ever leave my children in a group setting until kindergarten. But check out the YMCA. Some of them have awesome childcare & that gives you two hours of breathing time a day!(sometimes I only use one hour -- mommy guilt:) I work out & sometimes just read a book or magazine & drink a cup of coffee. Think about: children wake up at 6:30 a.m. & with no "rest time" - they do not go to bed until 7 p.m. That's a lot of hours with no mental break & even the children need a break from us too.
I did want to mention that if you hear the bickering or
feel yourself about to explode -- as long as neither child is about to hurt themselves physically -- walk away. I've trained myself (most of the time) to walk to my bedroom and breath. I take a mental break and think about happy moments and breath deep. Then after some time (and you do not have to rush back if they are not physically hurting each other), I get up & try to mediate what just happened -- teaching them -- not screaming at them.
More times than not, one has bopped the other in the head (by accident) and the other (my 3 & 5 year olds) bops the other back & that calls for immediate time outs in their rooms (if they share find two separate far away sitting areas for them) and
then YOU go for your time out. I don't even talk until I breath & relax first.
Now saying all this & giving all this advice, I can say I've improved my behavior when bickering starts, but I am no means "CURED" of yelling first, asking questions later.
One idea that has helped me so much is that I hate yelling & had two parents who yelled so much during my childhood that I cannot believe I talk above a whisper now. So I try to think about what a scared kid I used to be & that stops me almost every time.
But it doesn't happen overnight. You have stress
in your life, the natural anxiety of a mom -- TWINS for goodness sake -- and the stay at home life, although AMAZING & WONDERFUL; however, you have to be really creative most of the time for your children & your sake!
I hope I didn't overwhelm you with my tips.
Remember you are not a nut job -- just first go for that physical, then focus on changing your response to their behavior.
Expect the bickering & imagine your measured response to it.
And plan your daily activities to include those times when you know they are getting tired of each other (or you:).
Most importantly, GIVE time to YOUR spirit, don't forget.
Prayer is really helpful too:)