Screaming Skirt Hugger

I know it can be frustrating, but it's actually pretty typical 1 year old behavior. Both my girls were the same way-- the leg clinging/crying when you leave the room business is separation anxiety. She wants more attention from you. The squiggling out of diaper changes and dressing struggles are VERY common of this age and very typical. She'll eventually settle down. Just try to get her dressed quickly and if you need help holding her down, solicit help from other family members. It's not her getting "lazy," it's a stage of development she's going through... they all do it. Hang in there, know that it's pretty typical, get through it the best you can and then be ready for the terrible-2's and the even-worse-3's!! :)

It sounds like she is upset by something. Some amount of annoying behavior is expected from small children. I don't know everything about your situation, so don't take this the wrong way, but....Have you thought about getting your life together with just you and your kids? The way your post is written, I am assuming that your BF isn't the father of your 1 year old. If your child is being passed around by you and the dad, being watched by a daycare, by friends, by relatives, by the BF.....well that's pretty stressful to a baby. You say that you "hang out" at his house. Why can't he come to your home and interact with your child on her own terms, in her own time instead of dragging her into a stressful place. Do you really think that she is receiving the attention she needs when you are distracted by being at your BF's house. Oh, and he has 3 MORE kids.
I really really really don't mean to be harsh, but babies don't get "lazy". Parents do.

By reading your post...this is not your first child and he/she has been uprooted and now living with you and your BF who has 3 children and obviously no interest of more kiddos.

No wonder he/she is skirt hugging.....because from my read of your post.......he/she is looking for some stability and YOU ..........MOM.

You want a play pen to "cage" this kid up? I'm not getting it here sounds like a case mamapedia spam or more severly a case for CPS where ever you are located.

Hi H.--
I'm going to get a little bit clinical on you. Your child is not only experiencing separation anxiety (which others have said below)--a perfectly normal stage for her age--she is also experiencing what would be clinically called insecure attachment. Symptoms are wanting to be held all the time but as soon as you pick her up she screams, not looking for you when you leave, etc. In other words, exactly what you are experiencing. It means what others are saying--her world has been turned upside down and she no longer knows who to trust or where she is safe. This isn't to say you did anything wrong--it's just the changes she's been through have made her very insecure. Check out the following link for ideas on how to stop this issue before it gets worse or effects her future relationships--it spells out how you can help her and therefore help yourself.
http://helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_at...
Good luck!
J.

It sounds like your child needs more stability. She's probably reacting to the separation, the new boyfriend, etc. She's only 1-year-old... she's not a dog and she's not lazy. Try hanging out at your house in a child-friendly area. Pay her lots of attention. Love her! Laugh at her silliness.

Take a compassionate parenting class, I had to do it 'cause I had NO idea what being a mom would be like, NO idea what developmental stages children go through, and NO idea how to keep from following the same sick patterns I learned from my parents. A class will help immensely. Failing that try the library for books, my favorites are by Ames & Ilg, i.e. "Your One Year Old".
Try to look at the situation from her point of view. Her daddy for the first year is gone, she's amongst bigger kids, massive changes, mommy's obviously stressed out, and she's only a year old, clinging is asking for attention---try sitting on the floor and just holding her, rocking her, soothing her. Let her know that you're not going to leave her, that you love her.

How would you feel if you were her?

Stop seeing your boyfriend and focus on your daughter (and your other chiild). Your job is to be her mom. That is your #1 priority in life right now and until she is grown. She is a baby! She needs your total love and attention. If you've recently separated, that affects her as well. Take the time to be your kids' mom, without spending time being someone's girlfriend. Your kids are human beings, not dogs, and what they learn from you now will affect them the rest of their lives.

I'm laughing at this because you know the saying terrible two's? Well thats nothing compared to the threes and fours . When they go to school, and some daycare they see how other kids behave and what is expected of them. Sometimes they comply, sometimes they don't . But what it really sounds like is someone really wanting all of your attention. The screaming in the diaper changes...well does she have a diaper rash, use soothing products. If not try distracting her with a really special toy that she can only have while getting her diaper changed. Again same thing when she runs,she is getting your attention and lets face it running around naked is sooo cool when your a baby, (but not really) so let her get cold, then she will help you get her dressed, "here let me help you get warm" while applying the shirt and pants. You can change her behavior with how you react to hers. Stop getting mad, start laughing and if that doesnt work start ignoring.

It does sound pretty typical for her age, especially with all the changes that have gone on in her life lately. So the first thing to do is relax - the more worked up you get the worse it could get - what you give attention to will increase!

Make sure you give her plenty of attention. She needs that right now. It's not about her learning to be independent or to be non-obnoxious right now. She needs to learn that her world is safe and stable again. It's great to spend a lot of time with your BF, and for her to be involved, but she needs YOU right now! (I'm not saying ditch him, I just saying take a step back and make sure she's getting lots of attention, play, lovies, cuddles, etc)

Plan an occaisional outing without her. When you're able to recharge yourself, you will be better able to deal with her.

Avoid any type of harsh discipline. Spanking right now is definately OUT, because it will break down the feeling of safety even more. She's really too young for time-outs too. The big thing is to redirect her to things that are okay. And plan on holding her a lot for a while. When it is time to change her diaper or clothes, do it quicky and with as little reaction from you as possible. Then give her loves and hugs when its done until she settles down again.

Hi H., I'd like to share a couple of thoughts with you. First I think it would be wise to discontinue calling your daughter a name. It may seem fitting but it could actually make the situation worse. Kids are smarter then we give them credit for and I think your little girl is not sure how to deal with all the changes going on in her life (yes her life..not yours). You didn't mention where her Dad is so I assume he's not in the picture but she could be missing him and perhaps her old house. Kids need familiarity and something sure/secure. Is that happening for her? Regarding her temper tantrums when it comes to diaper changes. Mom, you are in charge, so take charge. In a very firm voice (not angry) tell her no and give her a little switch on the bottom with a small stick/switch. We used a small switch with our d who was constantly wiggling away and trying to turn over. She must not have enjoyed the sting because she only did it once or twice after that and that was the end of the problem. Keep in mind it works great for many other (authority) issues. Whatever disciplinary form you choose please be consistent with it. She will not take you seriously if you are not consistent. Kids need consistency in all areas of their lives no matter what you're trying to teach them. If you think about it...kids are a lot like dogs, they are smart and eager to please "the master". But they must have an "alpha" who will lead and correct when neccessary. And what makes a well trained dog arrive at great obedience? Consistency!! I would also suggest you give "No Greater Joy" a try online. They have some terrific child training techniques and ideas that will encourage you and help you to enjoy your children more. Blessings, L.

Sounds very normal for her age and situation. A very helpful book is 365 Wacky Wonderful Ways to Get Your Kids to Do What You Want, by Crary. It takes common toddler issues, such as diaper changing, and gives 10 positive discipline techniques to enlist cooperation. The book also briefly mentions parent's personality traits and child's developmental phases, to help paint an accurate picture and help us grow in our patient responses. It might be at your library, otherwise, worth every penny. :)

Sounds like she's feeling insecure with all the changes in her household. Have you tried a sling? Recently my kids spent several hours at my mom's, which they loved, but the next day my 17 month old was so cranky and clingy I could barely get anything done. Carrying her around in the sling for a while helped a lot. She still wasn't happy when I had to put her down to cook, but by then I'd had an hour or so of peace from her and could tolerate her fits better. Your daughter's diaper changes and getting dressed sound pretty normal for her age. One year olds don't want to be stopped. They want to go go go and do whatever pops into their minds to do, so they protest when we try to put some order into their lives. Take lots of deep breaths. :) In a few months her vocabulary will expand and it will get easier to communicate with her.
When my mom and step-dad were dating and then newlyweds, my mom was very distracted by him. She of course thought I was being especially onery and demanding, but the truth was she wanted to be paying attention to her new love, not paying so much attention to me. But I still needed the same amount of attention and care as before. Yes, she "deserved" to have an adult relationship and share her time with someone else, but the reality was she still had to be the mommy. I was at an age that I didn't need extra attention to comfort me in our time of changing households, but I did need her to get out of her twitterpation and notice me speaking to her. But your daughter is at an age that she probably needs you more because of the changes. Be patient with her.

Sorry but there really isnt anything "obnoxious" about her attitudes at all. Babies especially older babies/toddlers are amazingly smart - don't you think it might be a little normal for her to be acting out in your situation? She sounds like she is angry with you. There is a new man in your life (and hers) as well as a new environment and new kids to deal with.

Some of her behavior is pretty normal baby/toddler stuff - the acting out behavior is more about you and how she is feeling.

I don't agree you have to ditch the boyfriend - just start looking at her like your daughter who needs to know for certain she has your love and attention.