L.,
NOBODY wants to hear "bad news" about their unborn baby. I'm sorry for the pain it's causing you. But please leave room for hope in your heart! My husband and I have a six year old son with Down syndrome who is such a BRIGHT spot in our lives! My triple screen results showed increased risk for DS, and we decided to have the amnio done because I wanted to know for sure. I wasn't worried about miscarriage - I just had a reassuring feeling that would not happen. When we got the results of the amnio, we were devastated. World caved in. I won't lie - it was the single most painful event in my life. We did not want this baby. Where was the "perfect child" we deserved? We just did not want to be in that place. As my husband and I talked that night, called our parents, etc., I realized that the pain of terminating the pregnancy would FAR outweigh the pain of having a child with a disability. I read some accounts on a website from women who had terminated, and their grief and regret sounded unbearable and unquenchable. From the moment we decided to keep and love our son, our outlook improved. We were blessed to be in agreement - some couples disagree on termination vs. continuation and that can be a source of stress. Our son has been the most wonderful blessing in our lives. He is our brown-haired, mischievous, playful, naughty, dirt-loving boy! He's more alike other children than he is different! None of us can imagine life without him. Our family has become more accepting, insightful, and courageous because of his influence. Of course there have been challenges, and they will continue, I'm sure. But what child comes without challenges? The challenges just may be different. The "perfect child" is a myth! In many ways, my son with DS is easier than my 13 year old daughter or my 4 year old son.
I consider myself "pro right choice," if that makes sense. I would not rule out abortion in severe cases, like if the mom's health is at risk, or if the fetus is completely incapable of sustaining life. But I personally feel that far too many couples abort for the wrong reasons. Of course this is my opinion, and it may be offensive to some. Down syndrome is not a reason to abort. I've found it to be an amazing gift wrapped in a deceivingly doubtful package. My hope is that doctors will offer pregnant couples the support and hope they need, instead of just gloom and doom. A great example of a couple going through the heart-wrenching situation you are, is that of Greg and Tierney Fairchild. Their story is told in a book called, "Choosing Naia," by Mitchell Zuckoff. When the Fairchilds find out their unborn baby has Down syndrome and a heart defect, they really dig in and investigate before they make their decision. They interview doctors, geneticists, Down syndrome families, and even adoption services. It's a great read, if you're up to it. Also a great read is "Welcome to Holland," a short essay by Emily Perl Kingsley.
Sorry for the long post and for the very strong opinions. I don't mean to offend or worsen the situation. I just feel like I have a secret to share that many are hesitant to believe: life with a child with Down syndrome is not horrible! In fact, it's very rewarding!! Be brave, give the baby a chance to prove it to you. At least take the time to thoughtfully consider everything before making an irreversible decision.
If you don't hate me for what I've said, and would like to talk/write more, please reply, and I'll be happy to correspond with you privately. Lastly, I am not you. It's not my place to judge any decision you make. But, I do feel like I should share my story, so that's what I've done. Best wishes to you!!