Seeking Advise on Daughters ODD

I am a single mom to a child who has bi-polar, ODD, ADHD, among other things. It's trying!!! First things first. Learn to pick your battles. It's the biggest thing. Let her know what you expect from her. Within her own limits. Which may vary greatly from the other children. At her "good times" use those times to your advantage.

Hi J.,

I have never heard of this in my life.

I think all children are defiant at some age or another. Some more than others.

I would just love them and try not to make mole hills become mountains. Choose which arguments you want to go after.

Is there one thing that bothers her more than the next? Is she acting out because you have a daycare and she's craving attention? How many children do you take care of? Are there any that are younger than your daughter, and need more attending to than she does?

If so, I would make her look like the big sister, and be a helper. Have her be mommy's helper. Give her a job or something that she can do that only she gets to do and nobody else. Create a job that only "she" can do. Make her feel special. Kids with ADHD are usually extremely smart and get bored easily. There minds are going a mile a minute. My nephew has this. He has lots of games to keep his mind busy. He gets in trouble in school alot, but he's a genius. He's in a bad family situation though. (long story)

Best wishes,

Just give them lots of love and find out what her nitch is and then fill it. What about dance? karate? swimming? piano?

J.

We take my son who has ODD and ADHD to see a phsycologist we go once a week with him sometimes we all talk sometimes just him. I also limit the sugar he eats. Also limit tv time or screen time of any sort. It seems like those things trigger him more. Hope this helps. Some days are still really hard.
J.

Hi there,
I have a friend who's son has ODD and OCD to boot. I don't know if it's the "right" thing to do or not but it worked well for her. First she remained extremely patient sometimes I just don't even know how she can remain so calm. The next thing she did was purposefully setting up the situations before they occurred. Such as reverse psychology in a way. When he put a toy in the middle of the floor no one was allowed to move it without sending him into a tantrum. So, she would act liked she wanted it there all the while telling him the benefit it would have on him should he put it away. It seemed to work. Of course it didn't cure him or anything but it helped. So that is my tiny bit of advice. That and to make sure you take him regularly to a therapist as they will tell you the best way to handle things all while helping your daughter.
Best wishes to you.
P.S.
Took me off guard I just realized your name is J. and that is my friends name too :)

Okay... I have to know, what is ODD?
What would be signs of ODD?
Just want to know; I haven't heard of this before.

J.,
I'm an area teacher and have worked extensively with at-risk children. My first piece of advice is to get a second opinion. No that the first diagnosis may be incorrect -- but any life changing diagnosis should be checked into. ODD is a serious disorder if not handled effectively. Second, I would immediately start a "game plan" and make sure everyone is on board from family to school to neighbors or anyone who will be interacting with your child. The discipline philosophy "love & Logic" is amazing! My school has used it for years and it is well documented educationally and psychologically (30+ years). I have used if effectively with ADD, ADHD, ED, ODD, and Autistic non-verbal students. This program tells you exactly what to do and exactly what to say in any given situation. I can't say enough about it. www.loveandlogic.com for more information. They have books on ODD and ADHD specifically as well.

Hi J.,

I have a 7 yr old son who is also diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. My best advice to you is to not get into a power struggle. I have learned that whenever there's something my son refuses to do I simply give him two choices...whatever I want him to do or an unpleasant consequence. I give him a short time to choose and then I count to three. If he hasn't made a choice by then I simply tell him he no longer has a choice and he gets the unpleasant consequence. The key to making this work is to find a consequence that matters to her. With my son I take away his bonuses. He earns bonuses for doing chores and for good behavior and they are each worth 50 cents. Everytime he doesn't listen or I have to count he loses a bonus. Also, with the ADHD I have learned that it is best to have an immediate consequence that does not get prolonged, such as "You are grounded for one hour for each time I have to count." The ADHD makes it hard for them to comprehend that and by the end of being grounded they usually don't remember why they are grounded anyway. I hope this is helpful to you. I know it can be a huge struggle, especially with the school if they are not willing to get on board and listen to your suggestions. Let me know if I can be more help.

K.

hey J., i'm a mom of an 8yr old with ADHD and ODD. my son was diagnosed 5 years ago. believe me i definately know what u r going through and what lies ahead of u. at times u will want to pull your hair out. some days are good and some days are really, really bad. if u have any questions please let me know. i am here if u need. take care and let me know.

N. A.

Dear J.,

I haven't been through quite what your family is experiencing, but my son had a lot of other troubles when he was younger and I know how difficult it can be to have someone you love and care about struggling so much.

I do, however, know several families with children who have been able to overcome or at least greatly reduce symptoms associated with ADHD, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and even autism.

I'd be happy to get some information to you if you're interested. It's pretty great how different their kids are now, so much happier. I guess what they did worked out a lot better than drugs and various therapies. I would even make some introductions so you can talk with my friends directly since they know better what your daughter is experiencing than I do.

Send me a private message with your number and when you'd like me to call and set something up.

Wishing you the best success with your daughter! I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT that she can helped. You've just got to find the right thing for her.

~A.