Hi...I have a 9 1/2 month old little girl, and she will not sleep through the night. Her disposition during the day is great! She takes great naps, and goes to sleep no problem, so we have a great routine. I am still breastfeeding and both my husband and I are usually waking up to feed/rock once to four or five times a night. SHe changes her sleep habits every week. I have ruled out any allergies, teething, and ear infections. I have tried to let her cry for a bit both in her crib, and on me while I rock, taking her into bed with me, singing, rubbing/patting her back, offering her water, background noise, you name it. How do I convey to her that night time is for sleep? I am committed to breastfeeding for another 2 1/2 months, so stopping now is not an option. My husband and I are very frustrated, especially since my now seven year old was very easy when it came to sleeping. I certainly did not expect the same, but I definetly did not expect this, and would so appreciate any other feedback/suggestions that any of may have, or that has worked for other SAHM's out there...Thanks!
Thanks to everyone for some great input!! Since she is on solids, I am not having to breastfeed during the day, except for the mornings, so I decided to pump 4-5 oz. for her for the night, (I was worried maybe my milk supply was running out, and that was causing her stress during the night - thanks to some of you suggesting that :) So last night, she was out by 6:45, up at 12:30am, my husband fed her, rocked her, and she was out and in her crib by 12:55am, and slept until 6:15!! So, I have decided to pump to ensure she is getting enough at night, and I have made her room darker, as well as added a "sleep buddy" to associate with bedtime. Thanks for all the great advice. Let's hope it continues!!!
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HAPPY SLEEPING! :)
Hey T....
My son is coming up on 17 months and still doesn't sleep through the night. I have a friend whose children didn't sleep through the night until the were in Kindergarten. Don't lose heart. Every child is different and yes you may have to continue to get up throughout the night. My son is on the thin side and he DOES eat at night and NEEDS to eat at night. Your daughter might be as well. Now if she's chubby already then she should be able to sleep longer periods at a time at night. At least it's not every hour waking... I've had to deal with that as well. Congrats on your breastfeeding... I'm still at it... my son HATES milk so I don't have much of a choice right now! :)
yay that your breast feeding! thats great! but as a suggestion have you tried solids (something heavy like rice cerel/oatmeal?).
when i started sleep training my daughter at 4 months i would cluster feed her at night. at dinner time i would give her thick rice cereal then gave her a bottle (about 2oz less then normal) then about an hour later when it was time for quiet time and bed i would give her a whole bottle with a little rice cereal in her bottle. breast milk is a lot lighter then formula which can cause bf babies to wake more at night to feed. so if your open to starting solids like rice cereal/oatmeal or any baby cereal maybe try cluster feeding her before bed. good luck!
T.,
We naturally wake up 5 to 8 times a night (see: http://www.lullabyluna.com/2009/04/sleep-ponderings-from-...) and then go back to sleep. Your daughter is doing this but instead of going back to sleep by soothing herself, she has gotten into the habit of expecting you to do it (this becomes more difficult to do as they get older which it appears you are finding).
She must learn how to soothe herself- the sooner the better (it gets harder as they get older) for you and for her. Crying it out is probably the easiest and most efficient way to accomplish this- not the only way but the most efficient.
Most people need to change the way they think about crying it out- think of it as giving your sweet girl the opportunity to figure out how to soothe herself to sleep (if you are holding her or what not she cannot do this). Crying is her only way of complaining that things are changing and of course she doesn't like it (which doesn't mean it isn't the best decision).
At this age she should be getting about 14-15 hours a day: 2 naps- one at 9ish and one at 1ish, and then a bedtime around 7/7:30 (see this post: http://www.lullabyluna.com/2009/04/saturday-sleep-tip.html)
Also, think about her sleep environment: see this post http://www.lullabyluna.com/2008/12/happy-new-year.html
If you would like some other ideas besides crying it out please contact me.
Good luck and you can do this!!
C., mother of 3, sleep consultant, sleep blog writer www.lullabyluna.com
T.,
Your situation sounded so familiar that I had to respond. I had the same thing with my son. The advice that I got from a mother of 8 was this.....If someone offered your very favorite meal to you in the middle of the night every night, wouldn't you get up for it? My son is now almost a year, and I still nurse, but I stopped nursing about that age at night. For the first few days I went to him, and used other soothing methods. My son is pretty stubborn though, so I eventually worked my way to not going in after I had put him down. It was a bit painful, but in the end totally worth it! He almost always sleeps through the night now and has learned to self sooth when he wakes in the night. When I really started paying attention instead of running to pick him up when he cried, I found that by picking him up I was actually waking him more. He was crying in his sleep for soothing because he was almost awake. I love the book....Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Good luck!!
C. H
Hi T., I am a Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach. The reason the crying it out hasn't worked for you in the past is because at some point you gave in and picked her up. So, in effect, she has learned to cry until- until you give in. The key to crying it out is that you can't let her cry and then go pick her up. You have to make a decision, a plan, and stick to it. You do not have to stop breastfeeding, I would never recommend that. But breastfeeding shouldn't be used as a means of getting our children back to sleep. She needs to learn some self soothing skills. I believe that the key to sleep training is to concentrate on the whole child, not just the sleep issue. What factors could be making it hard for her to sleep, and how do we remedy the situation?
Check out my site at www.theindependentchild.com
K. Smith
I highly recommend the Ferber Method. It work for us. The book is an easy read and he explains everything. Good Luck!
It concerns me that she still cries when you are holding or rocking her. To me that says it is not just sleep training that she needs. (if if was she would be happy as long as she was being held.) If YOU have been sick recently your breast milk supply may have gone down and she may be hungry. Is she eating solids, drinking water or diluted juices? Not necessary for healthy diet, but a way to add calories and make sure she is not dehydrated, while you are figuring it out. Is she gaining weight appropriately? Ask your ped. if it is time to add more calorie dense and nutritionally dense food, like pureed table food rather than baby foods, which have a lot of water. And to bring your milk level back up, ask you husband to spend the day with your other child, and go to bed with the baby for a weekend, doing nothing but eating, drinking, sleeping and nursing. You can watch TV or read books, but you can't really get out of bed, except to bathe and use the toilet (so your husband has to wait on you and bring you food and drinks) Drink plenty of fluids and nurse on demand for at least 24 hours. The reason you can't get up is because you want all the calories from your food to be converted to milk production. It works, I did it a couple of times with each of my boys when my milk got low.
If you do not think she is hungry, I would take her to the Dr. and ask him what it could be. I just don't think she would whimper when you are holding and rocking her, if there wasn't something wrong. You have ruled out allergies, teething and ear infections, what about breathing problems, or any kind of pain?
Yes, babies change their sleep patterns a LOT, every month, per their development... and/or teething, and/or developmental changes and/or their changing motor skills, and/or their changing emotional development, and/or separation anxiety, and/or colds, and/or tummy upset, and/or gas problems.
THIS is normal however. A baby changes, all the time. They do not have "sleep" down pat like an adult. At this age, and even a TEENager for that matter, will not just go to sleep even though you "convey" that to them. Kids.
Then, once the baby does seem to sleep nicely like how we want, then they change again, and they will have to get into a pattern again.
BUT, the pre-bedtime routine, can be the same. This is important.
Each child is also different in temperament/ability/personality/needs. My first child was very hard to put to bed or nap. My 2nd child, is not. So, I had to use different methods for each of them, but my PRE-bed/nap routines were the same. BUT, their abilities and needs during sleep, were different. I woke, whenever they woke. I nursed on demand 24/7. I nursed them until they both self-weaned. I woke and soothed them whenever they woke for any reason... but I also knew their "sounds" and what each cry/grumbling/babbling/scream meant.. .and what each pitch in their voice meant... and I went according to that.
And well, it's probably separation anxiety. My kids had that from 6 months old. Our Pediatrician said this is normal... and yes, they even have it when they are supposed to be sleeping, because they wake, want to see you, miss you, AND their sense of awareness is changing too.
One thing is, since you are breastfeeding... 9 months old is a "growth-spurt" time. AND their intake needs increases and the frequency of their feedings increases too. Sometimes they even need to "cluster feed" which is normal and it means they even need to nurse every hour. Now, if a baby is not satisfied or is still "hungry" they WILL wake and be constantly hungry. I'm assuming you are still feeding on demand???? Next, has your milk supply decreased in any way? If so, your baby will not be getting enough milk... and may be wanting more... thus, she is not satisfied. This happens many times... it happened to about 3 friends of mine, for this reason.
For the 1st year of life.... a baby needs to be fed ON demand, 24/7. Not with water, nor juice nor other things. Breastmilk/Formula should be the primary source of nutrition, not solids. This is my per my Pediatrician.
I know it's not easy... your baby is still very young to be sleeping all night, and she is probably going through developmental changes... it is growing pains. Even their sleep/REM cycles change and is still developing in a baby and per each age-juncture.
All the best,
Susan
Welcome to the club. Both of my kids didn't sleep throught the night at that age. If she's happy during the day, then she isn't sleep deprived...you are.
Sleep when ever she sleeps. During her naps etc.
Dr Jay Gordon wrote a good book on sleep. You can try the cry it out method. It's a rough one. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" has some good info and some not so good info.
I co-sleep most of the night with my 13 month old. She gets in bed with us at around 3 am. Some nights she wakes up only that one time to nurse and then goes right back, other times she'll wake up again at around 5 or 6 to nurse. I can smell her breath and she's definately VERY hungry. She gets that empty stomach acid smelling breath. I feed her a big meal right before bed too. I guess what I'm saying is that sleeping through the night takes time. Some say that sleeping through the night means sleeping for 5 uninterupted hours. In which case, my little one is doing that.
BTW breast fed babies eat more often. Formula fills babies up for longer, but isn't as good for your little one as breast milk.
Congratulations on keeping up the breast feeding. It's so good for the both of you.
Good luck!
Hi T.,
Does your daughter use a pacifier? My son did and he was constantly waking up at night. It was confusing whether he really needed to eat or was just looking for the pacifier. I finally took it away cold turkey at 9 months and after a few days he started sleeping 12+ hours through the night. He developed a new "lovey" with a blanket instead.
Otherwise, I'm not sure how else to advise you! My older sister's baby was the same way (except she never got attached to a pacifier) until about 10 months old and then all of a sudden she just started sleeping through. Good luck, and hopefully you all start getting some rest soon!
Out of desperation I tried a friend's recommendation...bought a DVD/book on sleepyplanet.com called the Sleep Easy Solution. Followed it to the tee (my husband was out of town and I just did each step they said meticulously) and within three days my son became the best night time sleeper EVER- and still is. I know you have lots of great advice from people, but if you get desperate- try that DVD. I have let many friends borrow it and always say that it helped me but not sure if it will help them (since all kids and Mommies are different) but each friend has had incredible success and thanks me, still, anytime I see them. Watching the DVD is great because you see these ladies training kids how to sleep through the night and exactly what to do and not to do if you go in their room.
Good luck!
My advice... just hang in there. I tried everything in the books with my son, and he didn't sleep through the night until 13months. He just wasn't ready! Now he is a GREAT sleeper! My 2.5month old already sleeps great, and I've done nothing different. I believe they do it when they are ready!
Well, what worked for me: husband gets baby, brings baby to bed, I nurse baby. I don't stimulate him with any other interaction in the middle of the night. What I read at one point and seems to work is that it is important to keep the middle of the night as BORING as possible for the baby so they have no incentive to stay awake.
But my pediatrician did tell me that sleeping through the night for a kid under a year is about 6 hours...
YOur child may be getting inspirations during the middle of the night. Sometimes advanced or prodigy children do wake up at 1 or 2 in the morning and want to paint or compose music. You just have to let them. You may also want to try a lavender or verbena mister for the sheets and pollows. L'Occitane or Whole foods have linen misters.
Be well.
N.
