Seeking Encouragement

Hi- I don't really have any advice, but wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I am actually a high school teacher too and I am finding out how hard it is to balance everything. It is impossible. My new motto is grade less, clean less and spend more "fun" time with my kids. Don't know if that is helpful or not.

Take it easy, there! I don't do half the things you do and I can't keep it all together! And you're right, guys don't get it at all...From what you said it seems like you're taking it all too seriously. Try saying this more often: Phuck It.

Well, since you don't really have a specific request I guess I should just tell you that don't worry about what you are or what you do. Sounds to me like you have a couple bumps in the road but you can always find a way to smooth them out right?

I think what your feeling is something every women, mother, wife etc feels at some point in time…I am 24 years old and a single mother to 2 loving kids. My life is no longer my own…when you become a mother I think you realize that pedicures and sleeping in are all a luxury. Instead you race around trying to keep your house in order and try to be the best parent, attending all the PTA meeting, involving your kids in everything from tap dance to little league. My daughter is 3 and my son is 2…I have been on my own since 8 months pregnant with the first, I tried to give it a second shot and dad bailed again when the news about # 2 came up. Let me tell you EVERY day is a struggle for me. I support my 2 kids financially and emotionally all on my own. Some days I think I just cant do it. It’s 7:10 am my 2 year old refuses to put his jacket on…thinks he can have lettuce for breakfast and will not come down the stairs, mind you I have to some how in heels manage myself down 2 flights of stairs, purse and laptop on my arm with 2 screaming kids in tow…somehow we make it, and even though I may be a few minutes late we all survived the experience at made it to our destination safely. That’s reality… these kids of mine don’t know the reality, all they know is that they have a mother who loves them and does everything and anything humanly possible for them even if it means bringing the whole head of lettuce along for the ride to the babysitter’s…. im sure that yuour husband and childeren dont really know your reality and how things are difficult. all they see is you doing what they need you too. Now my experience is a little different from your considering you are married and all, but I think as mothers we carry a lot of the same stress. I was raised by a very anal mother, not in a bad way just very set in her ways, always wanting the house to be spotless kids to play every sport, yard kept up etc. That has played a big part in who I am today…however I learn more and more everyday what is actually important isn’t my house being spotless or my kids having the best looking clothes, toys etc. The most important thing is that I accept today. I accept my life for what it is, accept that I am only one person and can only do so much…I may have 10 things to do in a day…I work 8 hours a day 45 mins from home so if I can get “something done” I deserve to feel a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes when I get home I want to cook, and clean and bathe and iron my clothes for the next day…and many times I struggle to do so, however sometimes instead of all of that I curl up on the couch next to my babies and watch SHREK for the 100th time and yet still feel that sense of accomplishment. Remember to not be so hard on yourself, if you can be happy with yourself and your loved ones around are happy then you are already serving your purpose as a mother and a wife. Asking dad to pick up on the slack a little to alleviate some of the tedious things, may free up some of your time to focus on things that may make you feel a little less overwhelmed and a little more like your doing your part. Remember that the stress you carry most defiantly trickles down to your children and possibly to your husband…all the positive energy will too. I could go on forever but I guess what I am saying is if you can see the cup as half full instead of half empty…you already won half the battle…Your doing a great job I just know it!

I didn't read all of these responses, but they are great. But here is my 2 cents.

Make sure you find time for you. When I worked full time and had 2 little girls, I would pick them up at 6 come home to homework and dinner, baths, laundry, dishes and you name it. Anyway I had to find time for me, this is when I found it. I'm a neat freak: therefor a dirty house was just not going to happen (though with 3 kids it's definitly not as clean) I use to come home Friday night, fix dinner then start cleaning like a crazy person. I would be up till 2 sometimes 3 in the morning cleaning, my family learned to sleep through the vaccum. When I was finally done I would get a bowl of ice cream sit on the couch long enough to eat and admire the vaccum lines in the carpet. Then I'd go to bed.
Dad kept an eye on the kids they would usually fall asleep with dad so I had to put them in their own beds. But my house was clean for the weekend. I slept in, the kids would get up and watch tv and dad would help them with breakfast so I could sleep. This way I had my clean house, my moment to myself and sleep. I also toke saturday walks, at the time we lived close to some horses so we would take carrots or apple slices and walk to see the horses, we went on Bike rides around the neighbor hood. I tried to be with my kids on saturday's (their time).
Remember these few things:
1. if you dust today, there will still be dust tomorrow so putting it of a day or 2 won't make a diffrence.
2. if you don't take care on you, no one else will.
3. if you need a time out: take one, you'll be a better mom if you take time, to just pray, think, deal with anger, whatever. (hide in your kids closet, they never seemed to find me their, and I could here their little voices yelling mom where are you, are you hiding, so I knew that they were ok). With a few minutes to myself before they realized I was missing I was a diffrent person, hearing them look for me would bring a smile to my face and all would be well.
4. you are superwomen: don't let anyone tell you your not. every family is diffrent, therefore no-one has walked in your shoes. Situations can be similar but personalities mess up the exactly the same part.(All women are supermoms, anyone who can do 10 things at once, keep a weekly calendar for everyone in the household, and read little peoples minds are supermoms).
5. You will always have time to clean house later, when your kids have grown. If there are toys all over the floor today, they will be all over the floor tomorrow as well. So only pick them up when there are to many toys out or it's time to clean this room and vaccum.
6. Spend as much time with your kids as you can possible stand. Because tomorrow they'll be to big for kissing in public, the next day they'll want to be with their friends instead of with family, and the next day they'll be leaving for college. (my oldest is 17 1/2 and we are looking into colleges, I'm not ready the time went way to fast) But at least I made every moment count.
7. if you keep taking from the money jar doesn't it become empty, someone needs to feel it up. This means when your heart bucket is empty someone needs to feel it up. (most likely it will be you)so find that something to make you full again. You can only give, if you have something to give.

Take a few days and think about things that might work for you, even if it's when hubby comes home you go for a 15 to 20 minute walk and relax, think about goals and dream. Not the daily grinds. Best of luck to you if you ever need to talk, email me. J.

I bought the best book when I was having a total meltdown, feeling very similar to how you described. It's called "I was a really good mom before I had kids." I recommend it to everyone. It's so uplifting in a practical, funny way. It's not your traditional self-help book at all. Check it out on Amazon.com - I think you can read a couple of pages online. It's well worth the buy. Keep your head up!

Hi. I know your original request is kind of old; I joined Mamasource after that date so I never saw it til today. Anyway, I SO understand the feeling. If nobody else suggested it to you, check out www.flylady.net. Flylady's site is partly about housekeeping and organization but it's also very much about taking time for yourself and how to do that, changing your mindset so you enjoy your life more, etc. She mixes a lot of TLC/self-help/self-esteem stuff in with the practical matters of housekeeping, finances, cleaning, organizing, etc. Free website. The daily emails you can sign up for are an enormous help. Try it! Good luck!

Hi J., I feel for you and I have three things to say. #1) About ten years ago, I heard Oprah say "you can have it all, just not at the same time." There is truth to this. We are always so hard on ourselves trying to pull of Superwoman and you know what, we don't need to be superwomen. Let me repeat: We don't need to be great at everything! That expectation is unrealistic and unhealthy. Rather then trying to be perfect at everything, focus on one or two things that make you happy and let the rest be par. You will feel so much better having a few self-satisfying successes rather than feeling like you have failed at everything. #2) Control your controllables. These are words to live by. They were given to me by my manager at work and I have applied this not only to work but all aspects of my life. If you take a look at the big picture of your life, about 90-95% of things are out of your control. You can't control your family members or how they will react to things. in your profession, you can't control the "no child left behind" school policies on test scoring and other teaching & testing standards set by your district. So all those things you can't control, let go of. Ahhhhhhhh. The things you can, claim and kick butt in. (i.e. Like establishing date night once a week to reconnect in a stress-free way, setting and enforcing boundaries on personal time, create a special mommy and me activity.). And finally, #3) Give yourself a tap-out. Sounds like you need some R&R. A walk/workout by yourself, mani/pedi, girls night out, meditation in the morning. This will recoup your soul and give you better perspective on the wonderful life you have created! Take Care, L.

I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone. When I read your message I couldn't hold back the tears. Like you I also work in a school system and as rewarding as it is, it litterally drains me...Thank God for summer! I too recently went through a very overwhelming breakdown. I felt so alone and inadequate compared to other moms I knew that seemed like the stinkin' energizer bunny.I made an appointment with a great Christian counselor and I have come to realize how much it helps to unload on a third party that my life does not effect. He has made me realize I have to slow down and learn to say no.He said it is very common for young women to try and do it all. We tend to look at other women and think they have it ALL together and we put a huge expectation on ourselves to do the same. What helps me now when I start feeling like the bottom is about to fall out is to step back and realize how many blessing I do have and enjoy the little things. The dishes can wait a bit, my house does not always need to look like it belongs in a country living magazine, or everytime I leave the house look like i am entering into a beauty contest. Our children love us no matter and they are only little once, I'll be stuck with house work for a lifetime. Also it's okay to be a little selfish...go get a pedicure or massage, treat yourself every once in awhile and don't feel guilty about it. I started reading a book that is so amazing,it keeps me focused on my goal as a mother and helps me unwind for the day it's called "The Power of a Positive Mom" by Karol Ladd. Anyways thanks for sharing your story...and know that you are never alone. God Bless

J.
I know this is way after your original post, but after reading it and all the fabulous responses, I had to respond. It's like reading my own thoughts. I don't have any great advice for you except to tell you that you are definitely not alone. Just last week I thought I had completely lost it. My poor husband is trying so hard to help me around the house and with our four month old, but he is lost when it comes to helping me feel like I'm not failing at everything. My house is a pit, I feel like I not making enough breastmilk and I feel like I'm letting my co-workers down by not picking up the extra shifts that I used to be able to (I'm a nurse). Anyway, I had a good heart-to-heart with a wonderful friend that I work with who has a six month old and all she had to do was remind me that I'm not alone and I felt better. So...
"You're not alone"! And because you worry about all these things it means they are priorities for you and that's what's important. Your children, husband, family, and students are all very lucky to have you in their lives because you care about them and you love them!
And from now on, when I'm having a completely overwhelming, lost my mind, feel like I stink at everything kind of day, I'll remember your post and all the responses you got and I'll know that I'm not alone.
Thanks
J. M.

J. -- are you by chance a perfectionist? You are putting WAY too much on your plate. Listen to your demands on yourself: "great mom, great wife, great teacher, great etc. etc. etc." It's no wonder you feel overwhelmed!!!

NOBODY can be a "great" all those things. And no one is, even if some people appear to be on the surface.

Forget about giving back to the community right now. Just focus on your family. If you manage to create wonderful human beings you have given a lot to the community right there. When the kids have left home you can give to the community.

Ease up on yourself girlfriend!!

p.s. No, guys don't get it.

Hi J....

Wow - first of all, you're living in the same world that so very many of us can relate to!

I'm a homeschooling mother of 3 girls, a wonderful husband (who recently was forced to retire after having a heart attack... and is now home... ALL THE TIME...) and we're very active in our church.

I'm often totally overwhelmed and sometimes wish I was back into the working world, that I loved, but felt like I neglected my family, so I retired to be home. Four months later, hubby was forced to retired... YIKES.

As silly as this sounds, I found a website that helped lift my spirits and regroup my routine so I felt more organized. I'm extremely inconsistent with the cleaning ideas, but I do go back to it regularly when I feel overwhelmed and it helps me to regroup when I need it!

Here's a link:
www.flylady.net

I'm not selling anything here - it's all free. And all you need to get started on your pick me up is a binder to put the information in. (That way, when you lose momentum, you have it all printed and can pick it up and start where you left off whenever you want to. :-)

Silly things like having a picnic dinner on the patio relieve stress for our family.

Hang in there... you're obviously a hard working wife, mom, teacher, housekeeper, shopper, chef, etc. Those who have passed beyond our stage tell me it won't always be this crazy!

Blessings,

M.

You're right! You just can't be all those things: a great wife, mother, teacher, sister, friend, daughter, involved community member, and self ... at least not simultaneously. You may go through the motions of all of those roles but some of them will be compromised, maybe even all of them. One person can only do so much. That's just a fact.

I went through a similar dilemma, then realized that I wasn't giving anything my best. I was always "robbing Peter to pay Paul" and my husband and I decided to have a good look at our priorities. We realized that our best efforts should be going into raising the kids and establishing a sane and loving home. It seemed impossible to do but realizing no thing, no picture perfect home, no nice car, no ability to buy things on a whim, no anything was worth looking back on our lives and wishing we had spent more time and expended more energies went with our kids. NOW was the time so we just made it happen with some changes and sacrifices. We live less "well" than most of our family and friends but we know we live more well than we ever did before. Good luck. I hope you find your solution. (and I secretly hope it's the same as mine was because the results are so worthwhile!!)

Hi Ladies, Blessing to all that Encourage each other. That's what helps us all Grow Stronger and able to cope! Just doing our best one day at a time. God sure has shown his hands in this! I see the Blessing very Clearly, Encouragement... J.

I know I'm late in responding to this but I just wanted to share. I'm a perfectionist and control freak so I want to be good at everything and think I can just do it myself easier. I'm 44 yrs. old and have finally begun to relax on how strict I am on myself! I recommend starting each morning with a prayer and give thanks that you've got another day to see your family. We can't control many things that come at us in the day, but we can control how we react and handle the situations. I used to exhaust myself by staying up late cleaning house so it would look perfect. We still keep it nice and clean, however, I have realized that the time I did that would have been better served sitting with my family and visiting or sleeping. If your family is happy and content, that's the most important thing. Most of us have to work to have the things we need but I leave that behind when I walk out the door and I stick to my schedule - no staying late. I do more take out dinners during the week and we are all healthy (rotissere chickens and vege., barbecue salads, etc.). On Sunday afternoon I cook a couple of meals and then we have that to eat on also. A large roast in the crock pot can also serve two meals with only having to prepare the sides. I don't have time to do volunteer work right now, but I know I will in a few years when the kids are older and I'll work hard with those projects at that time. We just can not do it ALL at once and be good at it. Relax and take every opportunity to just sit with the kids and your husband to watch tv or get outside. I had an unexpected illness and emergency surgery that stopped me in the middle of a day during the Christmas holidays and guess what - it all continued just fine and happened without my planning and stressing. I was forced to sit and recuperate with my husband and children by my side and the loving care and concern from my other family members. It showed me what's really important and I've definitely benefitted. I'm back to 100% now but enjoying my days much more with this steady pace.

Hi J.!
I usually don't respond to these postings, but I just enjoy reading them because I relate so much. However, I felt particularly inspired by your posting and wanted to respond. I think you are experiencing what the majority of working moms feel on a daily basis. But you know what....you don't have to feel lacking in anyway, anymore!!! I have been where you are now, and trust me it is no good, and will not get better if you keep your current mind-set. Question - who do you think is going to crown you with these titles - "great mom," "great wife," etc? Are you waiting for someone to do this, or have some event where you feel this "idea" to be true? If you think about it like that - it seems quite silly, because the only person that can do this - is you! You will not get this feeling of being satisfied from anyone else but yourself. Let me share with you how I have "found" my own satisfaction in all that I do. I just be. I take hold of those flowing toxic thoughts and see them for what they are... my ego. The ego will always always try to create problems for you, it does not want the present moment to be in control. Practice becoming aware of your breathing, feel the air flowing in and out of you. To help stop any thoughts from coming in your head, picture your lungs working within your body, feel your heart beating. Try to just be in the moment at all times, because you can always cope with the "now". Ask yourself what problem you have right now...not five minutes from now, not tomorrow, not in five years, but right at the present moment. You will be able to cope no matter what, and you will be amazed at how things will fall into place, effortlessly. I wish that I could explain more to you about how to reach a different space - but ultimately you can do it. You have everything you need right now. It's all within you.
You should read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, or his newest one - A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. These books are amazing and you will benefit, I know. If you need anyone to talk to - just say so.

I think that's a pretty common feeling if not universal these days. I certainly feel like that. Every day is a struggle to remember my priorities and relax about the rest - and I think that's all you can do.
The reality about being a working Mom is that we DON'T have time for everything. The Mom's that have their hair perfect, nails done, and seem really put together... I guarantee you are neglecting something else. Maybe they have a nanny, or maybe they are on a stimulant and only sleep 4 hours a night (this is more common than you think.) Guilt makes us do weird stuff.
Anyway, my advice... Sit down with a pen and paper and really think. Make a prioritized list of your roles. For instance mine looks like this.
1. Wife
2. Mother
3. Myself
4. Nanny (my job)
5. Daughter
6. Friend
7. Sister
8. Community leader
You may not agree with my order, but make your list, and keep it with you. Look at it as you are planning your day to remind you what you really NEED to do and what you would ideally LIKE to do. Take care of your needs first, and if there is time move on to your likes. Look at the list when you are feeling overwhelmed (or remember it in your head.) Also remember it is ok to say NO. Actually its pretty awesome. For an "over-doer" it is the best to say no and really feel good about it.
Anyway, I hope this helps. This is the speech my husband gives me all the time when I complain about being overwhelmed. It always makes me feel better. I hope it did the same for you.

As moms, we have to do things to re energize/relax, and nurture ourselves. Take time for hot baths, you can even read in there!! I often go to the coffee shop to read. Take up a hobbie and reserve a little time for yourself!!

Just know that you are special, you are doing the best you can, and what an impact you are making!! Your H.S. students are lucky to have you and your kids love you, and will appreciate (one day) all that you do for them.
We are all going through days like these. Really relish the days that go well, and even play them back in your mind when it gets rough.

Best wishes!!

Hey J.,
Don't feel bad I'm 41 yrs old, I have grown kids, and two wonderful Grandbabies, I have just stopped working to be a stay at home wife, if there is one thing I have learned over my years, is that "I'M NOT WONDER WOMAN, BUT GOD MADE ME WONDERFUL" and what I mean by that is-I try to do all those wonderful things you want to do-as women, we are harder on ourselves then on anyone else, I try to make a perfect birthday party, and something goes wrong, I try to look as good and pleasing to my husband but there is always someone else who looks better than me, It sounds to me like you've made lots of accomplishments in your life, You have a great career, you have two wonderful children, and a great husband, Sweetie it's not that you are not energetic, you might just be tired, and that is OKAY, you're giving back to the community in more ways than you can imagine, raising great kids, and teaching as a profession!!! If you need a time out to rest up, go for it, You have a great family and they will definately understand, It may even make you want to spend some alone time with your husband, which by the way, is very important. everything else will fall into place. GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE AWESOME AND HAVE IT GOING ON!

Hi J.,

Bravo to you for opening up and talking about this. That is the first step of balancing out your life. MOst important J. is to center yourself. You really need to have time for yourself before you can be there for anyone else. I've learned that lesson. For me, I stopped saying I can't do this or that or I don't have time because guess what, you won't have the time. What helped me was to write things down so I can plan it. Having a visual of the day and week helped me handle it and be prepared when the time came. And most imporantly, I prayed to God for strength and spirit is there for me all the time. You are a great person and you need to believe in yourself!

Good morning sunshine! I know you are probably thinking this is a crazy woman to be so positive - but no, not crazy, just a woman who has been where you are and made positive changes in my life to help me deal with life, life and more life. I have read all the posts and agree with every single one of them; they all give you different tools for you to incorporate into your daily routine. I think the most effective suggestion (and I have done this) is to learn to say NO and then do it! Don't feel bad about it either. Also, there are other alternatives to medical anti-depressants if you are apprehensive about that. There are fantastic natural supplements available to you. Check out this website: www.marketamerica.com/eshoppe and look at a product called Bliss. An all natural supplement that can help you regain your mental balance. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me through this site. :-)

I had such a good time reading all the other moms' responses and copying down titles of the books that were suggested, I thought I'd say thanks to you, J., for bringing us this conversation topic.

15 years ago, my 3rd born was being baby-sat by a wise-woman while I attended a few classes per week at UNT in Denton. One day, we were visiting, and I complained that I felt that I wasn't "contributing" anything to the world. She said something that gave me a new perspective and that I've never forgotten:

"Being a mom is your job right now, and that's the most IMPORTANT job in the world."

At first I didn't believe her. But when her WORDS finally did sink in, I RELAXED!! I focused on the kids: feed them, bathe them, feed them again, bathe them again. The time flew by fast and now, with two away in college, I have so much more free time for myself & volunteering & work.

No your not the only one who feels that way, and the feeling of being overwhelemed is frutrating and can get you down, but it doesn't have to be that way. I felt that way at first. I became frustrated because I felt that I was failing as a person to be a good student ( I am in college), mother, daughter, friend, girlfriend,employee,and I felt like i didn't have time for myself (such as just relaxing,working out or reflecting). But I found that I cant do it on my own, and I can't be th perfect everything at once, I need help, and only God can help,otherwise I find myself getting exhuasted and getting no where. I foun it helpfulo to pray in the mornings ( and throughout the day whenever I needed it:) I read to get guidence and inspiration, and I always find a little time for myself in the day, even if it is only fifteen minutes to do whatever it is I want (like maybe excersise read or journal). Being a mom is a fulltime job, friends and family understand that its difficult to try and please everyone at the same time while being a student and raising a baby. I try to stay being a good friend by calling and inviting them over when I have free time, when I can I try and do something special for my mom like cook dinner, clean house ( I live with her, this might not be the easiest if you don't) Guys wont understand all the time, because they couldn't ever fully undrstand what it is like being a mother and everything else. I think it is the small things we do that really counts in the first place for the ones we love.. If you are a mom,wife, and teacher I admire you already ( I want to be a teacher and one day a wife:) I could guarentee you that you are doing a great job already...Who can find a vrtuaous woman?for her price is far above rubies Proverbs 31:10..Cast thy burden uponthe Lord, and he shall sustain thee he shall never suffer the righteous t be moved. Psalm 55:22

Hello! I have some of the same problems you do. I think as women we expect to much of ourselves, but we can't just turn it off because someone tells us it's okay to not be perfect! that being said, I have two things for you... 1. go to the flylady website. She really helps you streamline your life so that it isn't quite so overwhelming. She teaches you to do small tasks at a time and not just look at a messy room and go cry ;-) She also helps with working women trying to juggle everything. 2. I would suggest taking a step back and asking yourself if you are suffering from depression. While it is normal to be frustrated that you can't everything done. When you feel like you fail at everything, it sounds a little worse than just being hard on yourself. Yes I know from experience. Good luck, and try to be patient with yourself.

I believe that the problem you are having is a result of trying to do it all when you are right, there are only 24 hours in a day. I was just like you. I had 3 kids, a husband, and worked as a nurse while I was working on my PhD in Psychology and felt that I never lived up to my expectations at any of them. One day as I finished charting on my day's clients, I realized that most of them had problems related to absentee parents. I quit school a disertation away from finishing and decided to focus on being the one thing that no one else could be to my family...a wife and mother. I worked on call as needed, but always put them first. I now have 2 out of college and one is a sophomore. I have all the time to do whatever I want, even finish my doctorate, but I have an intact family, very successful and secure children, and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I would suggest going to being a substitute teacher or tutoring so you don't have to live so torn. It will wear you down.

Hi J.,

I don't know if this will help, but I am a mom and a wife and a teacher as well, I had this same dilemma. The solution for me has been to get a new, different type of job. I work for CAVA (California Virtual Academy). It is a "full time" teaching position that you do from home (online). I do not normally have to put in 40 hours and I am at home a lot so I get to spend time with my family more, plus less driving and gas money. I do elementary, but we hire HS teachers constantly.

The salary is less that a regular teaching job, but there are full health benifits and it is worth the sacrifice to not have to get up really early everyday and the money you save in gas and child care really add up.

If you would like to apply, please go to www.caliva.org. We are starting to hire new teachers now to work next year.

Also, you can email me for more information, it is easier to get hired if you use an employees name in your cover letter. My work email is ____@____.com luck!

You are totally amazing !!! Doing all the things you do. I would count being a high school teacher as major community service! Maybe the services of a housecleaner might be good.
I live in a house with another single mom, and we were both working alot. The house cleaner every 2 weeks makes us all feel better, and has helped cut down on clutter. Have a great guilt free weekend! J.

Contrary to popular belief- You can't do it all! It's impossible.

I can't give you too much advice in this area....I'm just here to say that you are DEFINITELY not alone. I feel the same way as you do each and every day! If I have a great day a work, I feel guilty for not doing better with the housework, the kids, the husband. If I have a great time with my husband, I feel like I've neglected the house and the kids...If my house is clean and the kids are fed and happy, I feel like I'm neglecting my husband, my mom, my job...and on and on...

I am always stressing out about what I haven't achieved and have a very hard time focusing on what I have achieved! My husband always tells me "What are you stressed about? We have great kids and a great life!" I used to think that he didn't "get it" either--but maybe we have it backwards. Maybe our husbands are the ones that do "get it" and we just need to stop expecting the impossible of ourselves? I don't know...I still wish I could do more and be more for everyone....I think it is just part of our chemistry. If we didn't want everything to be great for everyone around us, then who would?

Ok J. i am the mother of five kids a single mother at that. My heart goes out to you can i can truley relate and sometimes i want to run from it all. You are so right when you say men don't get it because they run on different kinds of emotions. Sometimes we have to put all of our feelings on hold and raise the kids and it seems like we do not have a life. That becomes so overwhelming and then we want out i feel you totally. I love being a mother don't get me wrong because kids are a special gift but sometimes i want to be free with no fears, worries, or responsibilities. But we all know that is not the case. With kids you are going to worry be fearful and of course responsibilites are a big part to the puzzle. Now a husband is a horse of another color most of them are good men but they need the attention as much as the children. With that i am going to say keep praying for strength and serenity and through it all make sure you take some time for you. Go get a pedicure, grab a good book and go sit by some water and clear your mine honey it works. Need to talk any further you can email me at ____@____.com so we can exchange stories cause i have some to tell you......

J., you are expecting to much of yourself. You can't be everything to everyone 24/7. You have to pick you battles. (smile) What you can do, do. What you can't, don't. Those who love and care about you will understand. Your kids don't realize that you forgot to do the laundry one day. Do the major things, and the minor things catch them when you can. I am also a teacher, but I decided to take a break after having my son. I wanted to be with him in these formative years. He is like a little sponge. He soaks up everything. And I would rather him learn them from me, than a complete stranger. But thats me. I don't worry about the things that I can't help. Just learn to relax.
And no husbands can't seem to understand the things we worry about. Mine at times can be so clueless, but he helps me to understand that I don't have to worry about things I can't change.
I hope that helps!

I recommend my book! Creating Space: 38 Strategies to Help You Create More Time for What's Important. This book was written for people like you! Check it out at www.creatingspacebook.com or on Amazon. Good luck! D. Fletcher

Sounds like your focusing on the things you don't want. I don't know you, but I bet that your already great at all of those things and why I think that is because you care enough to think about it and be concerned about it. I can tell you from personal experience that the way to get what you want is to focus on the positive, appreciate yourself and all the good you do not the lack, because you get what you focus on. Focus on how great you are and that's what you'll get! I hope that helps. GW

Hey J.,
You came to the right place, the women on this website are the most encouraging you will find!!!!
Let me say this first..."You are NOT Superwoman"(or maybe you are, being that you teach high school kids,my hat's off to you as I could NEVER do that). Even if your students,kids,husband,co-workers,sister,friends etc all think you are,superwoman. You can only do what you can do. One of the first things I have personally tried, to ease my stress factor, is to learn how to say "NO" sometimes...
It really is the hardest thing for me to do as I am usually a people pleaser....but I was tired of feeling like I got everything done, but not done well. But I got it all done....right????
We(mom's) always feel this way...atleast I have heard the same complaint from other mom's too! Someone in the family usually pays the price,a game or performance that's missed because we just had too many things to get done in one day,or ourselves. Try to force some "ME" time in your schedule (hard to do but a MUST). Just enough time to get a mani/pedi or read that book you keep saying you'll read,or the day spa,or even just a couple hours to take a long soak in the tub...with "moms day" coming maybe you could suggest some much needed alone time. Have your husband take to kids out ALL day....or go away for a mini getaway.(this can even be done by staying at a local hotel for the night...your not so far away if your needed but you can still enjoy some alone time .Watch the movie you wanted to see, take the long bath with candles & champagne, order dinner from that resturant you've been wanting to go to but can't afford to take the whole family)etc.....
Sorry I got so long winded....I hope these suggestions help. If you find it's not enough then I would say you should find a professional to unload your problems on. You pay them & they HAVE TO LISTEN!!!!!
Or if you ever want to e-mail me direct??? I find life so much easier if I can just unload my problems at the end of the day. It doesn't always make the problems any better or make them go away but I don't carry around the guilt & I can usually sleep at night....Good Luck and let me say you ARE an amazing woman!!!!!

J.,
I know exactly how you feel, there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day. I am also a teacher, mom, wife, friend, etc; but I am also a student, Passion Parties consultant, and travel agent. Sometimes I feel like I am going insane! However, I have found that when I sat back and really focussed on how good I am at each, instead of the fact that I feel like I am not, I started to realize that there is more good than bad (no matter how overwhelming it can be). You are Superwoman! However, it is ok if things get put off to tomorrow...

There are two things I suggest trying. The first is to be fully present at whatever you are doing at the time. When you are teaching, that is your focus and give your heart and soul to it. When you are home with your children, set aside time to be with them; no interuptions, no grading papers, no emails, etc. Your husband, family, and friends, all deserve this also. Being fully present when you are with someone is the best gift you can ever give them.

The second piece of advice is to sit down every night, before you go to bed, and write down the good parts of your day. Focus on how much you accomplished and how wonderful it was to spend your time with your children and family. When you focus on the positive you will get more positive.

Good luck!

S.

ENCOURAGE YOURSELF, LOVE YOURSELF, IN THE LORD!!! Let go and let God! I know how you feel and what you're going through, but neither one of us is Super Woman, and surely don't have Super Powers. It's okay to not be able to do everything in one day. Set a goal for yourself to do simple task within a month and maybe that will help. I'm sure you are wonderful person and everyone knows what you are to them. Don't doubt yourself, do what you can when you can, and leave the rest to God. If you don't believe in God, I hope I haven't offended you. I just know what he's done for me and how he's helped me during these moments. God bless you and take care of yourself first! :)

A positive attitude is a good suggestion. Relax, watch a good movie, listen to music to calm your nerves. I get frustrated myself and my boys tend to push my buttons. Take a hot bath and soak in it. Sometimes negative thoughts get into our heads, and we feel miserable. I had my car stolen, instead of getting the negative thoughts, I said we will get the car back, sure enough it was around the corner parked on the street. Same thing happened to my dad, we got his car back too. We chased the kid that was driving it.
When I have alot on my mind and can't talk to anyone, I eat flower seeds or chrochet to distract myself. I used to keep a journal for my inner thoughts, once I write them down, I ease up the tension that I have.

Hi,

I just want you to know that you are so not alone with feeling this way. I am a new mom with a 4 month old, a husband, and a full time job which is 40 miles away from my house. On top of that, I am trying to stay in shape and lose the rest of my pregnancy weight by going to the gym and eating healthy which is more time added to my day with getting to the gym and preparing healthy meals and snacks for work. At any rate, I keep asking myself when am I going to be able to find some type of balance as like you said my day is literally 24 hours now. I am so exhausted all the time these days and like you I want to have time for myself, give back to the community, be active in my church, etc but where do I find the energy and time???

What I do each day is just try to keep a positive attitude and think about that precious little boy of mine and my wonderful husband and I also tell myself that God will never put more on me than I can handle. I've also had to realize that I am not Super Woman and that I can't do everything. Sometimes I think we as women may add more stress to ourselves than we have to but we are naturally nurturers. So, I said all this to say that it's all in your attitude and how you start your stay!!!! Keep up the good work Mommy and stay encouraged!

Omigosh, J., you are not alone! I know many of us believe that there are those women out there who are doing it all, but they're not. Something that may really surprise you is that other people probably look at you, and think YOU are the person who has it all in balance! (I know this for a fact, because I think I am your twin...only difference is I have a husband who shakes his head in disbelief when I complain about falling short - he thinks I walk on water!) Your desire to be the best you can for your family and for your kids at school is the most important gift you have right now. Enjoy it daily and know that there are many of us who can relate. Just remember, if the house burned down tomorrow, all that extra housework would have been for nothing, but the memories built with your family would survive unscathed. Concentrate on what has the greatest staying power! Blessings to you in finding peace with this.

You already are doing all the right things and asking the right questions. Just keep your priorities straight. It helps to write them down at the beginning of each week. List the top one or two things you want to make sure you do that week if nothing else happens with your kids, husband and school. Realize you can't do everything in one day but in the course of a week you can pretty much keep it in balance. Remember to take care of yourself, too. Maybe with yoga, prayer, a walk with the family, reading, a bath, or any other thing that gives you time in your hectic life to relax, reevaluate and enjoy life. Best wishes. n, also with 2 kids.

Hi J.,

I know you got a million responses--but I thought I'd add a few QUICK things:

1. You are doing fantastic!!

2. Think of your top priority of each moment and give it your all...

Now I just have to follow this!

I am also a working mom (run my own buz) and can't sometimes seem to keep it together. Within the last year, we had 2 deaths in my husband's family. It really helped me prioritize and figure out what's important and that it's okay to say NO to some things and maybe YES to others that are A#1 important! My hubby and I also go to some talk therapy and I have also been taking and anti-anxiety (very low dose) medication called buspar that had helped me "even out" a bit. I was opposed to "drugs" at first--but honestly, I barely ever touch alcohol now and really feel great most of the time.

Lastly, I found the following books to be helpful:

The Feminine Mistake (regarding continuing to work after having children)

Mommy Wars (similar)

Down Came the Rain (Brook Shields)

and one of my favorites--and it is FUNNY

BabyProofing Your Marriage

Most of these took me forever to read, but they have some good tips, etc.

Best of luck and keep up the great job you are doing!

C.

No one gets it all done. I had incredibly grand visions of how I was going to run my life and my family at this point and I was way off. You need to make a point to stop feeling like a failure an start appreciating everything you do for yourself and your family. Then tell your husband that you need to hear it from him too. Guys forget to communicate sometimes. I had this talk with my guy and now he makes a point to tell me at least once a week that i'm a good mom and everytime I hear it it lifts my spirits.

By the way, you are a good mother,wife, friend ect. The fact that you're concerned that you're not doing a good job l means that you are trying to do all you can for those you love.

Take care and keep up the good work,

Alli

dear J.:

i have learned to give from the heart, not "try to be the best" at anything, and be true to my self , be in constant harmony of my mind body and spirit...
i let others do their part, and yes, my kids don;t clean like i do, hubby does not cook like i do, and yes, sometimes the house is a mess when we come back, but we all clean and cook,etc,,
that is how i am teaching them to take care of themselves and help the family, not me.. because we all live as a family, i learned that if i am happy with my self,my family enjoy me more... we have time to go to the movies sometime, soccer games,etc... it is more important to share time together then to have a spotless house and every one upset because you are upset.... in the long run, no one remembers how clean and organized you keep their closets,room,and house,,, they do remember the times you spend together..

life is made up of precious or bad memories.... take the time to enjoy your family...
kids grow so fast, and what keeps families together is the bond that is developed through out the years, not how clean and perfect their environment is... we are not perfect and as such we need to remind them that we are also human and doing our best for all of us...
please also take the time to have an emotional support for you... have friends, family, school,etc... dear J. be happy... life is beautiful take the time to enjoy it.... :o)
warmly,
sandy

Hey J.,
Always make sure to give yourself the permission to not be perfect at everything. That is our hearts desire but in this day and time it just is not the reality. Working fulltime, commuting, the rat race all make it too hard to be the wonderful creative moms who are the best at childcare, cleaning and cooking!!
Celebrate your successes and laugh at the things that go wrong. Try to focus on one of these goals each day, and be happy with what you accomplish on each of them. Your family will love you no matter how you manage to get it all done.(or not!) Another thing is to maintain contact with friends or family who will remind you of how well you are doing, sometimes it makes the world of difference just to hear it.
Hope this helps, take care!!

I know you got a lot of responses (WOW!), but I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents too. If this suggestion was already given, then just disregard. :o)

One thing that I find helpful is to make a list of the things I need/want to get done each day. Then prioritize. You can sequence the list by importance or by categorizing by who they are for (self, spouse, kids, church, work, etc.). Then you can "spread yourself around".

Don't think of what you did NOT accomplish, but rather what you DID! :o)

You may not have had the chance to bake the cake for after dinner or washed the car, but you DID read with one child, help with the other child's homework, spent time on the budget with your spouse, made phone calls for the ladies meeting at church, and got those dreaded lesson plans finished for the week. That's still a LOT done for one person and it was spread out pretty roundly.

I hope this helps even ONE mom out there.

Blessings to you, it seems that your plate is quite full, but take it one BITE at a time rather than by the PLATE full.

P. <><

Dear J., you don't have to be super mom, just do your best with all your love and life will be a blessing instead of a marathon. Love covers all the bases. No one will remember how well you kept house or if your kids are spotless but they will remember how much you gave your love. I have been a mother for 40 years and much has happened over that span but the things that others bring up was how much I loved my children.

You can do it! You've got to figure out what your husband (specifically) can do to help you and let him know. I don't know how old your two kids are, but I have a 4 year old and a 14 year old, AND the new baby 4 1/2 months. I tend to do everything for my kids and I started having the 4 year old do some more things for herself. I've also given the 14 year old a lot more responsibility. I work from home (real estate and real estate loans) but it's still hard to do everything. You also need to schedule relaxation time--time that is unstructured that you can do what you want to do--lay around, write a letter, surf the web, read, bake cookies, etc. You may not be a "relaxer" so your relaxation time might be doing something, but try to relax your mind. Try scheduling your day but if it doesn't work after a few weeks adjust your schedule.

J.,

This is definately not uncommon (as I'm sure you can see by the advice). I work 45 hours a week and have 3 small children. It is overwhelming most days. I am a perfectionist and have to have everything neat, organized and clean every night. My husband is also a perfectionist which makes things even more stressful, but I feel if I don't keep it all in order I will feel more overwhelmed, guilty and unable to manage things and be happy for my children. With all that there are bills, camps, extra curricular activities, sports, doctor/dentist appointments, laundry, etc. It is hard to avoid being overwhelmed, but then it all seems worth it in the end.

I hope you are getting support and equal help from your husband - that would make all the difference in the world.

For support I usually have a friend over once a week (during the week nights) and we share cooking and baths and the nightly duties (because my husband works A lOT and is not home to help). This helps me emotionally and gives me someone to talk to, while the kids have fun together (and the kids are less demanding). It is also nice to have some help with the nightime duties that I usually have to do alone.

Good luck and know you are not alone.

J., There's really nothing left to say except listen to all the great advice you've been given. I have overcome most of that inadequate feeling in my life, but still have days when I feel that way... at age 66!

I think we all feel like this some of the time. If you feel like this all the time, is there a way to reduce your teaching schedule while your children are in the stage they are in? Or perhaps get some help during the school year with some of your tasks? I, too, am a teacher and a mom (of 3), and with the oldest about to graduate from high school (and making a college decision this week), things are quite crazy for me, too, right now. My teaching job is part-time, though, and overall I feel I can usually handle things. I think the key is to decide if you have too much all the time--and thus need to change something about your setup--or if you are in a temporary state brought on by specific circumstances right now.

And...do be kind to yourself. Remember to consider the things you have done right. So what if you don't get to 100% of the things on your to-do list! Try to enjoy the things you are doing.

Okay, first of all...you give back to your community by being a high school teacher. Also, raising happy, healthy children with happily married parents is a huge undertaking and a gift to society as well, so...YOU ARE DOING ENOUGH FOR OTHERS RIGHT NOW.

I suggest you find a few ways to treat yourself, or more correctly, renew yourself and your spirit. Do you have supportive girlfriends? No matter how wonderful our husbands are, they cannot take the place of good girlfriends...they can even be friends you have lunch with at work. Perhaps you need a book club or group of moms (to gather WITHOUT the kids, though) to give you that boost. Promise yourself to do at least one small thing a day just for yourself...it will be a good start...I promise! Hang in there!

Hi J.!

I think this is what most all of us mom's "feel" at one time or another. As women, it's our nature to "get it all done" and we are usually very good at it. I mean, when I'm with the kids all day, not only do they get clean, fed, but I have time for chores, too. When my husband has the kids, he acts like it's a blessing the house is still standing when I've returned to the chaos. It's just us women who "feel" what are own daily accomplishments are. I mean, we KNOW if we don't get it done on THAT day, that the next day will be immpossible!

Let me tell you.....right now my house is a total disaster (in my book). I am WAY off schedule and routine. The only thing that is going perfectly are the kids and their routine. They eat well, go to bed on time, and are clean and happy. Everything else is a wreck, but because I've made myself "practice" this understanding over the years, I'm amazed how I'm NOT overwhelmed about it. I just know that it will all get done when I finally get to it. Inside I'm screaming, but I'm trying to remember it will all get done :o)

We sometimes have to temporarily "change" and simplify our routines and expectations. I didn't want to live each day with self-dissappointment, so I altered my daily routines and accomplished less. I basically "started over". It took awhile to accept it, but once I finally did, I was able to add more to my plate again. And now, amongst all my chaos, I'm emotionally able to handle it and not so dissappointed in myself. I'm just busy like everyone else, and have learned that I can only keep doing so much. My husband has been keeping up his responsibilities, and has helped me (after I've asked) do extra things to make it easier for me right now.

Hang in there, J.. Don't be too hard on yourself. Keep your family happy and healthy, and the rest will fall into place. Afterall, your family IS your priority, not the laundry. Yesterday, for the first time in 13 years, I actually pulled my 11 year old son's pants out of his hamper to wear to school yesterday bcause I'm behind on the laundry. It took me 2 hours to "get over it", then I finally stopped worrying about it. Why should I? There are TONS of kids who go to school dirty, etc....For one day, mine could wear recycled pants :o) It's things like that, that can make it easier for us to simply relax a little and focus on more important things.

Responding to you has re-lifted my spirits today, and reminded me what I'm supposed to do today......smile and be a happy, loving mother.....that's it. Everything else is less important until I have a year off :o)

N.

Hi J.,

I'm the mom to a 26 year old and a 6 year old...all biologically mine! I've had 20 years to mull this whole balance issue over and have come up with one piece of advice I try to live by dialy. Realize that life is an ebb and flow and that there will be times when one priority consumes you more than another but that is what life is. No one is able to balance it all and if they tell you they do or appear to I guarantee you they are not.

In realizing this you can focus first on not setting yourself up to be the perfect wife, mother, sister etc. since there really is no such thing. By setting healthy expectations with your family you will take better care of yourself and you won't overcommit and under deliver. Most families are just fine with that. Our children really don't have any expectation of us, right? We build it into them with our actions. Many studies show that a child will gladly take a fun play date with their parent over making sure that the house is perfect or dinner is homecooked vs. take out. Most importantly, be easy on yourself. It sounds cliche but it's not. If you start by taking good care of yourself and making sure there are realistic expectations of your role you will feel much better and so will your family. Create a priority of what's important like children and happy marriage and then each time you think of a commitment you feel you need to make, think about whether it really contributes to those priorities. My example is that I used to volunteer for everything. I found that while I was always involved in my daughters school, I wasn't involved with her. All my time was being spent taking care of the school and little of it was going to her. I cut back on the number of things I participated in and it allowed me to take better care of my daughter while still volunteering for the right things. Hope this helps.

I would like to second that! It is seemingly impossible sometimes to feel like you are being successful at everything on your plate or anything for that matter! I am also a high school teacher, and with a 16 month old and one on the way, I feel like I am barely able to get through the day let alone plan a great lesson everyday and play with my daughter. I was saying the same thing to my husband last night, but I have to agree guys don't quite get it sometimes. All I can say is that when thinking rationally and not emotionally I am sure you are doing a much better job than you think. And if it is any help to know that there are more people out there who feel the same way then you are definately not alone! So hang in there and if there is a possibility of a day to yourself, I seem to remember in a foggy past that getting a little me time helped with these feelings.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I go through the same thing. Most days I feel overwhelmed by some aspect of my life. Always try your best. Do what you can. If you do not have time to give back to the community at this point in your life, don't worry about it. There will be other times in your life when you will. There have been times, when I have apologized to others for my lack of involvement. They ALWAYS say, I remember what it was like to have two small children and a job. As for being a great mom/wife/teacher/person/friend/sister/daughter, I bet you are simply because you think about it. Most people remember a kind word and lovely smile. You don't have to go overboard to be great.

"Don't try to be such a perfect girl, darling. Do the best you can without too much anxiety or strain." -Jesse Barnard-

I think as women, we have such high expectations of ourselves and have so many responsibilities, particularly if we work as well as taking care of a home and the children. That is a lot of pressure to put on yourself. If you look at all the things you are doing, I bet you'd realize that you are achieving a lot. And it is hard to recognize that some things are less important and need to be let go. You need time for yourself, too, to do things you enjoy and to wind down.

I'm sure you'll get many more eloquent and useful responses here, but I bet your feelings are shared by many of us here.

E.

J.!!

Honey, we have all been there. I am there all the time. My husband is disabled so he is home all day but I work full time, deal with two teens, two graduations (DD fron HS, DS from 8th) at the same time, drama, etc. there are days I feel run down and so tired. My DH asks if I feel okay and I say no but I don't have time to be sick. There are days I feel like I am not allowed to be sick or hurt or be upset and that's upsetting in itself. My kids and hubby try to understand but they just don't get it. I am supposed t get 20-30 minutes of me time to relax when I get home from work....change my clothes, take a breather, etc., but you know what happens, ten minutes and I hear "Mom?" Ugh. I tell them that between 5 am and 5:30 pm, their dad is in charge of decision making because he is there (I work 50 miles away), but that doesn't stop the occassional call or text asking me something. Nor does it stop the hubby from calling and asking if he should let the kids do something. UGH!!

I have no space to myself in the house except the bathroom in my bedroom and that is NOT a great place to try and relax. There are days I want to scream. My family tries but some days....well, you know.

No, you are not alone. Yes, others feel the same way. I feel for you and sypathize and if anyone has a good idea let me know too. But my thoughts are there for you J..

I can relate to your stresses. There is so much to do and that I want to do. My life mostly revolves around by kids' (nearly 11 and 7 1/2) baseball and scout schedules and my husband and I both work full time. I feel like I am always letting someone down my kids, my husband, my self and I can barely squeeze the friends in. Family events abound and are a important but add to the stress. I don't know where the end is and I find it hard to communicate it all to my husband as well. We started seeing a family counselor first over issues we were having with our oldest who went full throttle into pre-teen mode and we are now going to work on communcation and support between the 2 of us. We love her and her name is Patt Saso. Her and her husband do seminars on parenting teens and she is a licensed MFCC. Web site sasoseminars.com phone ###-###-####. Her office is in Milpitas.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If you want more info. on Patt my email is ____@____.com
S.

J. I so get what you are saying but all I have to say is "YOU". You are your number one priority and I know some people may say WHAT when you have kids etc but I went throught this to and it all came down to that I was so unhappy because I had lost me and had no time for me that I just started feeling BAD in general. I also am a working mom but which mom is not but I work out of the home 10hr days then come home to work my 2nd job as a I call it and also run the moms group in my town that I started and while my energy level is high I found that when I am happy with myself and give me time I enjoy those around me. I made a list of what I was unhappy with and how I could really change things....A. Kids are one of our priorities but a husband can take care of himself so if you need some you time remind the hubby that you need that and that will basically in the long run better between you. Anywho I hope all is better for you soon and dont worry you are not the only one out there feeling this way.

Hello J.,
I'm not really responding with encouragement, but more of empathy. I am feeling exactly the same way. I guess parenting comes with a planet of guilt. I try to schedule myself so that I am not always telling my babies...hold on, mommy will play with you after I clean this or that. Or, just let me get this work done (I work from home). But, I have not been successful at feeling like I can designate certain days for chores, and just really make time for my kids. My husband and I used to have date night, but things have gotten so hectic that we've had to skip that for awhile. It's a tough job trying to balance everything. I hope you get the encouragement you neeyou are looking for. Thanks for putting this out here. : )

J.,
What you are going through is SO totally normal. You have too much on your plate as many of us moms do. It is impossible to do everything or sometimes "anything" really well. You just do the best you can with each of the things on your limited plate and try not to feel guilty. I don't know if you have family and friends around that help you. If you don't that is even harder. Is there anything you can let go off? If not can you just loosen up a bit on your expectations for yourself and your life? It might help. Just be OK with what you can do and when you can do it. None of us are perfect even if it may look that way from the outside.

Don't be so hard on yourself. If you ask the people you are referring to how you are doing, I'm sure they are more then happy with the quality of your relationship. Life is a juggling act and things are not the same now as it was without children. Enjoy each moment and don't let the stress of "what you think you have to do" get you down. Enjoy your husband, your children and most importantly, yourself.

It would be easy for me to say you that you need to stop feeling this way. Well I wont. All of us go through it. We all want to try to be the best at anything in our life. All we can really do is just keep going and know that every little thing that we do is important to not only you but to your family and friends. You may not realize it but it's true. If you weren't there to do the things you did, then it would never get done. My husband reminds me all the time of that and he says thank you to me too. That's big coming from a guy you know. Could you imagine how the house would run if we weren't there. It would be so chaotic! I always feel like there is never enough time in the day to do anything but eventually it will get done. In due time ... so just realize that you don't have to do everything in one day. It's not a race. Just take your time and enjoy what you have and try to live a happy life. I know .. it's easier said then done ... but it goes back to that saying "live life to the fulliest" and it's true.

Just the fact that you care about being a good mom/wife/person/friend/sister/daughter shows your heart is in the right place. Don't worry about being perfect, just do your best. I also am often overwhelmed. I am a new wife/stepmom to three and I work fulltime. Like you I love being a wife and I love being a stepmom but sometimes trying to be a caregiver, wife and employee is taxing. You have to take some time for yourself, do something you enjoy. I recently started going to the gym again, taking a spin class or yoga class helps relieve stress. The thing that helps me the most is fellowship on Sundays at church and trying to remember to give my problems to God. Don't overwhelm yourself trying to do it all alone reach out for help and find some supportive people in your life, girlfriends are great therapy. God Bless you and I hope you feel better.

Good Morning J.,

Seems like you have addressed a situation that most women face, being overwhelmed. Expectations and responsiblities of a wife and mother are demanding and never ending...truly a woman's work is never done.

I am a stay at home mom and to be honest it seems like I am busier now than I was when I worked full time. I have a 15 year old, 13 year old, 2 1/2 year old, and 3 month old. Oh yes and a 33 year old(my wonderful husband) What I have found to be helpful for me is to set goals for the day, plan out my meals for the week, and then walk away. If I have accomplished my goals for the day I refuse to feel bad about the laundry overflowing out of the hamper. Too much pressure is put on women to do all these things. A good wife has a home in prestine condition, kids are all honor roll, and is beautiful all the time meeting the needs of her husband. NOT!
My sister in law and I try to get together once a week and vent and pray for our families and husbands and of course one another. We kinda do what is done here on this resource, share wisdom and experience to help one another. I don't think husbands understand us but we can definitely share our feelings and see if they can lift some of the burden. I pray that you find out just how amazing you are already just for being a woman and all it takes to be one, a mother, and a wife and for wanting to be the best for your family. Just don't beat yourself up if you can't do it all okay?

God bless you!
M.

The fact that you recognize and acknowledge that it is really hard to be the perfect mom makes you an even greater mom! It is really hard and I only have one. Just make sure that you do take time out for yourself, whether it is just going to a movie alone or a spa or ped & mani or just to a book store. There is nothing greater than being a mom. And remember you are giving back to the community also by raising a wonderful family who will become something wonderful in this world. And teaching our Teen, who will grow up to take care of our world. God Bless!

If it is possible I would cut back your hours at work. I felt the same way. I have always worked full-time & tried to do it all. I have had the opportunity to move into a part-time position at work. It has made an incredible difference in my life. Not to mention my husbands, & children. I am not as tired. I am able to get a little house work done before my hubby comes home. I'm able to plan better meals for my family. It feels so good to know I am able to take care of them. If I could I would not work at all. I think all mothers should be in the home more if it is possible. We need to be there to nurture our little ones & our hubbys. Who else is there to do it?

You are trying to do it all!!! I think that you need to take note of all that you do and maybe cut back on some activities. I am sure you are not failing at everything. I do think you are depressed and strongly suggest seeing a psychiatrist about it. You don't deserve to feel this way. There are many meds that can help. Good luck to a GREAT LADY!!!

Miss J.! Stop being so hard on yourself. first of all, we've all felt this, and some still do! all you can do is the best you can do. and that 'best' does not usually mean you get much done at all. Love your family. the housework, lessons, responsibilities of being a mom and wife and ... those will all be there to some degree. But as a mom whose baby is moving out this weekend, let me tell you all I think about is that I'm glad I got to spend so much time with her and I think that will help me let her go. I hope so, cuz damn it's hard! don't but so much pressure on yourself. Your'e just one woman, while an extraordinary one I'm sure, still just one person. Set your priorties and stick with them without an ounce of guilt. It is so important for you to enjoy your family at this time, because your mom was right..it goes SO fast. You'll have plenty of time to be great at all those other things. Right now, be great at loving your kids and showing them. Best of luck to you J..

V. T.

I know what you are feeling like. It is so hard to everything for everyone. The problem with that idea is that it can not be done. Whento try to everything to everyone the person who getts left behind is you. A happy mom means a happy home and family. as hard as it is say no to the things you can say no to. So community service gets put off for few years until the kids can do it to. so what if the dishs sit in the sink for a week. as long as the kids are feed and happy. So what if you take a bath instead of organizing some toys that are just gong to get thrown around again tommarow. Try as hard as you can to take care of what really need to be done and let rest go. Read this book. I really was a good mom before i had kids. It is wonderful and it is all about how to weed thru all the demands put on us as moms. When it comes down to it all the people in your life know you love them and when it is important you well be there for them. When it is not so important try to say no and take some time for your self.
A.

I am a marriage and family theraapist and I would say the #1 thing you have to do is stop trying to be perfect. No one is, and if she were, she'd just be annoying to the rest of us who aren't. I'm sure everyone has felt as you do-- I would recommend putting yourself first, then your husband, then your kids, then your job-- you can't give to anyone if you're exausted, your kids will be happier if you and your husband are happier, and you don't have to worry about them being 'neglected'-- kids have a way of getting their needs met. So, arrange some babysitting, go out with adult friends, go for a romantic dinner-- whatever would make you feel relaxed and energized.
Good luck!

Hi J.: Everyone else does it and you can too, and now, probably more easily. You really want time for everything. Look up Flylady.net and you will have time for yourself, your husband, your kids, your career and anything else you're interested in. Everything falls into place. It has SO MUCH wonderful information for home and work. It has easy routines, like make your bed as soon as you get up. Don't let the laundry pile up, one load a day and my favorite is that you can do anything for 15 minutes. Spend 15 minutes straightening up the living room, then dining room, then kitchen. In an hour you would have done so much that you can just sit and relax with NO GUILT. Life really can be wonderful and not overwhelming. And don't forget to eat right; take your vitamins and drink water instead of soft drinks. Eat the wrong foods and you WILL feel bad. Good luck.

Hi J.,

This is one of my favorite quotes for moms:

We can have it all, just not at the same time.

What worked for me?
I had to realize that it's okay for me not to be great/perfect at everything. In the beginning it hurt so much not to do my absolute best at work. I figured out that I can do less and still be a very good teacher.

You're right about the guy thing - my guy keeps saying "your day will come." I don't find that particularly helpful. One other thing that helped, we actually made a list and divided up the household chores. My husband wanted clean sheets on all the beds every week. It's his job now and guess what - every couple of weeks is suddenly okay with him. The difference is that now I don't feel guilty for not having done it in the first place.

Hang in there. I could have easily written your post. I'm sure many other moms mirror that sentiment as well.

Hi J.,
I know how you feel, I am juggling a lot as well and it is never seems to be done. You have to remember that you are enough! The fact that your trying and giving your all and loving that much is amazing and you ARE an amazing person, the fact that you care about so much shows what a large heart you have! The only kind of advice I can give you is to prioritize and make a schedule for what to do when, by what is most important and what you have to do, then everything else in your spare time. I hope that was helpful!
E.

Sometimes you just can't do it all, or do it all well. Maybe you need to simplify your life a bit and decide what the most important things are and focus on those. And you are only human, after all. Give yourself a break. And make sure you get enough sleep!

Hi J., My name is M. and you know what I feel the same way, though I'm a stay at home mom of a 3 year old and mt eldest daughter is almost 11. For me It's everyday issues/problem's/ this/that kid's sick. I know It's so hard at times, I don't think the guy's every really get it. My husband is a great guy, but when it get's down to helping me with the bills it's alwas a issue. I never seem to be budgeting right or balancing the check book right, Do you think he has a solution for this no way. I try everyday new ideas for dinner and I just feel so taken advantage of. The only thing I can say to you is just be the best you can, try and focus on yourself a bit. I'm not sure there ever is a perfect balance. I try so hard and one minute I think I've got it then the next minute I don't. I do belive we as women always have guilt in anything we do or say....Please try to make the best out of every situation, You know life is so short, trust me I had a mom who struggled with all of these issues and the final outcome wasn't good. Keep a strong upper lip and you will be fine. I hope I helped , Please feel free to email me back maybe we can help each other.. Take Care, M.

I can commiserate. But look back at what you wrote. Do you really expect to be all those things in one day? Hello fellow perfectionist. One thing that strikes me when I start to think this way is that I know my husband, who is our son's primary caretaker 4 days a week and who is a wonderful man, does not have these same expectations of himself. We moms somehow learn to expect this of ourselves, and it's destructive.

Maybe when you get home from work don't stress yourself out to be energetic and creative. Why not just sit down and read a couple of books with your kids or talk about your days. They probably would rather have your attention than anything else.

Stop reading parenting magazines. They are fun, but I think they are contributors to this sort of thinking because they feature all these roles a mom has in one issue. Or if you look at them take a more critical eye about the messages they are sending.

Anyway, just some idea. Good luck!

Hey J. H, So you want to be a superwoman ugh? Well, I hate to be the deliver of bad news - it is tough to be one. I would almost say you can't. But... I probably should not tell you what you can and can't do. But if someone answers and tells you that you can, please forward their response to me so I too can understand how they can do it. I am 53 years old, mother of 3 (16, 15, 7). I am retired after working 27 years and I am heavily involved in volunteering(Leadership role) in two non profits and I have personal interest. People tell me I am too busy but I am busy doing things I LOVE. I take great pleasure in knowing exactly what I want to be doing at this point in my life. I don't say "Yes" to everything. I have me time all the time. Do not try to do it all. First, decide what is most important to you. I hope your well being tops the list. Then after you decide on number 1, do the list. Decide from the list what you must do. Decide what you want to do but can't, then hire, delegate get somebody else to do it. Then decide what must be put on the rainy day list which means you may never do it. Now if you are failing, ask yourself if you have the skills to make you succeed. Maybe you need to take parenting classes. Maybe you need to attend a marriage enrichment seminar. Maybe you just need some quiet time to meditate. I think you get my drift. I have done all that. We go to college to get a profession. We take classes to improve life skills but a lot of us won't take parenting classes. We think we know but we really don't. We can't always mirror the way we were raised because these are different times. I know you can't tell some parents that but I am just giving you my two cents. I have a ton of affirmations I could share but I think you can find some of your own. Finally, get books on the topics you might be challenged in if there is no time for seminars. I also do a lot of reading. Just remember, your quality of life you live is a function of your actions, decisions and judgement. Live your best life now. D.

J. thank you for your post, and for everyones comments, I am feeling the same way as J. (sounds like a lot of us are or have) and reading all of the posts and comments is a huge help. I feel like society puts so much pressure on moms, and we turn that on ourselves that you are supposed to be able to do it ALL. We are supposed to handle everything at home (which is overwhelimg enough), but then also work full time too, and its like we are all pulling double duty. It does get overwhelming and we can not do it all. We are not made to do the work of 2 or 3 people. Family is most important first and foremost. That is the priority so make sure you take that time. Its amazing when the husbands help out, how much it can take off you. But why do we always have to ASK them and feel guilty asking them?? They can see the dust on the table or dishes in the sick as easy as we can! LOL. MEN! :) God bless and best wishes to you.

One word darlin: Anti-depressant! Many women at some point or another in their lives suffer from some level of depression and there is no shame in seeking help for it. In fact, your husb and kids may suddenly get their wife and mom back. Another three words for you that were very popular in the 80s (thank you Nancy Reagan): Just say no. Are you biting off more than you can chew? Until your kids are able to fend a little more for themselves, it's ok to back off on the community service stuff and focus more on your family. Hope this helps.

Hi J.,

Have you ever gone to flylady.com website? She is a mentor to people who want to get their lives organized. Everything from crisis cleaning for people who have C.H.A.S.O.S. (Can't have anyboby over syndrome) because their house is too cluttered, to menu's and recipies for the busy mom. One of her saying is "you can do anything for 15 minutes" or "you are never behind" A very encouraging website that helps you get into routines and make more time for the things you would like to do. Also testimonials from other readers (Flybabies we call ourselves) who Fly with the Flylady.

I hope it will be an encouragemnet to you.

Have a great week end!

D. B. : )

J.,

I don't even have a kid yet and I feel like this all the time!! (I'm barely pregnant - 9 weeks). I'm always thinking about how I will make it work when I have even more demands on my time. For me, the best way to think about this is to remember that you are human, you are not Wonder Woman (though you can still wear the wrist bands for fun). The way I often make things work is by getting real about scheduling. I usually try to "work in" time for socializing, time for myself, time for community work, and then it never happens. But if you fall in love with your organizer/planner, more seems to happen. You have to put as much importance on the things you want to do as on your work, so give it the honor of making it onto your calendar. I hated thinking of my life this way since I thought it was rediculous that I'd have to schedule up my free time, but it has worked for me. Maybe not your syle, but worth a shot?

Hi J.

I go through phases of being overwhelmed and what I found really helped was to simply my life (e.g. telling the kids that they can choose only one after school activity); say no to some demands on my time (volunteering at school for example); make sure that I have enough energy with quality multivitamins and taking Omega 3 supplements (1200mg of EPA Omega 3 is known to ward off depression); getting myself more organized by reading books such a FLY LADY (a great book!); and other positive thinking books like The Magic of Thinking Big, and Attitude is Everything.

Hope this helps.

M.

Dear J.,
Based on your letter, I would say you already are all the things that you want to be. However, trying to meet the measure of your expectations may be impossible. One of the traps that we all fall prey to are setting the bar always just a tad higher than we think we currently can jump. I would say that because you are clearly an achiever, this is the trap you will need to get wise to. Its a form of perfectionism, and you will always fail, and you will always berate yourself and then try even harder and fail even more.

Rather than fall for this, focus on what you have, who you are, what you have already achieved and then let go. The things you mentioned in your letter are life long, big commitments and you are doing them! Everyone gets worn out by these sorts of things. But, you wouldn't have it any other way. Try instead to pick up a small hobby or small detail of what you do and focus on improving that one thing. It will give you the energy burst because you'll see improvements. After this works, move onto a new small thing, etc.

Learning and growing always make us feel energetic. Instead of the shoulda's be thankful and give yourself a pat on the back for having done well and then find a new part of who you are!

J. I feel the same and I ended up making a doctors appointment and talking to my doctor. She suggested a medication to help me not feel so overwhelmed. This feeling is normal and I'm sure a lot of Mom's feel this way at some point in there life.
Try and take some time for yourself. Try going for a power walk on your own to try and release your stress and you'll find the more you start to exercise the better you will start to feel.
Good luck!

Hey, don't worry. There's a saying, "God couldn't be everywhere, so he created "MOTHERS". You will see/get your rewards , after your kids have grown up, when they will really show you and tell you just how much you mean to them and what a "WONDERFUL" mother you have always been. There are no rules to Motherhood, you just do what you do, the way you do it - and it all works out GREAT!

Enjoy them while they are young.

No, you are hardly the only mom who feels that way. In the midst of so much giving out of myself I have to remember to take care of myself otherwise I don't have much to give. It feels hard to take time out for me, but if I don't all my relationships suffer (sometimes my health too.) It's not impossible to do it all in one day, but highly improbable that it will happen even most of the time. I guess my best advice is to go with the flow, stay in the present moment, and follow your heart. When we push or pull or live in the past or the future we make life harder on ourselves. And when moontime comes, give yourself permission to go to the moonlodge (take some time out for nourishing yourself.)

And, no men don't get it. LOL!!!

Hi J.,

You say it all perfect and trust me I have been there before and many times I still do find myself there still. One thing I have tried to learn to do is not be perfect and make everything have to be done. There is a lot to do in a day as you said, I work nights with 12 hour shifts and go to school and have a four year old and my husband plus house well you know. So what I have tried to do is if the house is a little messy so be it I will get to it later in the week if it means taking my son on a bike ride. I do not have a lot of time for myself to do the things I like so now what I am trying to do is a scrapbook night once a month and the mom's can bring their kids that way they do not have to fell bad for leaving them at home but the kids can play with other kids and the mom's can still crop and talk and have a little time for them, if you are interested in coming let me know. Trust me there will always be that feeling of something having to get done so just try and say well today one of those things is not going to get done and then be alright with that. Hope some of this helped and you are not alone by any means in the way you feel.

Hugs, M.

:)
Check this book out from the library:
"I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids". It addresses EXACTLY what you are saying here. I just finished reading it. Very enlightening.

Hi J.,

First off....you are great just as you are....remember to tell yourself that everyday. The job of a Mom is a gift and not all moms are great, but you sound like your one of the stars..and you have a loving husband...some ladies aren't so fortunate...don't be so hard on yourself...learn to turn off those negative voices in your head that are saying "not good enough"..YOU ARE WONDERFUL JUST AS YOU ARE. Many struggle with trying to be all things to everyone in their life..and miss on on life itself...and is any one complaining that your not doing a good job....I venture to guess the answer is no...only you..so when you awake each morning remember how loving you are and let that carry you through your day....do what you can for the people in your life...but never fail to love yourself and take care of yourself, or you will be good to no one. And there is no nobel prize at the end of life for trying to do it all...cut yourself some slack..sounds like you might being trying to do to much. Concentrate on your family..the community stuff can be on hold till the little ones get bigger and more time opens up....Good Luck and Smile....we all struggle with fitting it all in...were human not robots.
xoxooxox P. Have a Happy Friday!!

J.,
I am also a high school teacher and mother and wife, etc. I have to go by the quality vs quantity philosophy. I try to have quality time with my daughter, my husband, and myself, and at work while knowing the the quantity of the time will be limited for all these things. I guess that is how I rationalize my division of time and try to do the best I can with the time available.
Hope this helps.
T.

Hi J.,

I understand how you feel. I am a first time mom to twins and work full-time. I am married and have a wonderful husband. It is hard to fit everything in during the day. I went through times that I felt I was not good enough, I could not take care of the twins and keep the house clean and forget dinner for us. Then I figured out a routine and made little goals for myself. I do not try to do everything anymore. I set goals of what I will do for the day. Then I move on to the next goal. I also started talking to other moms and realized I amnot alone, everyone and every couple go through the same thing, have the same conversations and frustration.

You are not alone and this is a normal feeling. Always remember to do what makes you happy, everything else will follow. Little steps make a big difference.

Forget about giving back right now. You need to give to yourself. You will have plenty of time to give back.

Good Luck

Hi J.!
I'd really just like to thank you for posting this. It looks like it's an old post, but my daily mamasource email highlighted it. Last night I kind of had a meltdown because I feeling exactly how you described. Overwhelmed and inadequate at everything that I was doing. With so much to do, I jsut don't feel like I'm doing anything to the best of my abilities. Waking up this morning to all of the wonderful encouragement from mamas that feel the same way was exactly what I needed to start off my day. Thanks again and I hope that things are getting a little better for you now that it's been more than a month. I Love Mamasource.

I talked to this lady and she help me out a great deal www.optimisticcoach.com

Good Evening J.,

I saw your request this morning and I have been thinking good thoughts for you ALL day....Did you feel them? I think you might be trying to hard. Sit down make a pro and con list and above all take a little "ME TIME", each and every day. You can't take care of the ones you love if you don't take care of yourself.
I have found great peace of mind and solutions to what once seemed unsolvable through prayer and reflection.

Blessings to you and your family.

Hey J.!

one minute summary:

Book: "Sequencing" means not having it all at the same time! Helps the sanity!

Extraneous details:

I just saw this and at the moment that I'm responding you've received 108 replies - have you hit a common chord or what?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a flower child - teenager in the 70's - back when the trend for women to work outside the home was pretty strong. When I had my first child I read a book called "Sequencing." I don't remember the author. It helped a lot. From what I can it said something like "you can have it all, but not at the same time"

Real life: you can't have it all at the same time! Or at least most of us can't! Don't put that kind of pressure on yourself!

So, I chose not to work while my kids were little. I've got one in college and the other is halfway through high school and I'm starting work next Monday!

Over the years, I've actively looked for ways to afford living on one salary - buying at thrift stores, paying off the credit card right away (no interest), being careful at the grocery store and avoiding excessive eating out. I haven't been a killjoy, but we are not extravagant!

A.

HA!! We all feel that way, I think! I too teach HS and I think there's that added give give give that you do at your job all day that makes it even more difficult! I have no words of advice but you are defintely not alone!
Hang in there!

Hi J.,

I don't know what else I can add as far as suggestions (I also recommend the book "I was a really great mom until I had kids" that someone else mentioned. If nothing else, it will make you laugh!). Sometimes just realizing that this is something almost all women (not even just moms) deal with at some time or another makes it seem a little better - you're not alone. I also agree that you might want to talk to your doctor. I also suffer from depression and one of the signs can be feeling completely overwhelmed and unfullfilled. There really isn't anything wrong with getting some counseling taking medication if you need it. It has made an enormous difference in my life.
Just remember that it's ok to let some stuff go. I had always envisioned myself being the kind of mom who would be able to keep the house totally neat and make all my son's food from scratch, etc. Well, guess what? But that's ok. Sometimes I can do those things and sometimes I can't, and that's ok.
Oh, and if possible, get your husband to watch the kids once a week at least, so that you can get out, or even just have some time to yourself at home to read or do hobbies, or whatever you like to do.
Good luck to you, and take care,
T.

Hi J.,

I know how you feel. You have been given great advice and I hope you know you're not alone. Being "great" at everything is difficult to achieve and maybe you should pick one or two things you would like to feel successful at but most importantly take care of yourself. If you are happy your family will be happy. You have put a lot of pressure on yourself to be creative, energetic and fitting it all in. Just enjoy the moments you have with your kids and husband. Remember the old saying "It's not the amount of time you spend but the quality of time together." It's so diffucult to fit everything in to a busy schedule but I find if I stop everything to give my kids hugs and attention for even a short time they are better behaved and happy. As far as spending time with your husband...many couples try to have a specific date night arranged each month (get a babysitter or swap dates with another couple) so you can have one quality night without being interrupted by the kids. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one to focus on...don't overwhelm yourself with high expectations...take a few moments each day to breath deep and relax your mind. Don't let life overwhelm you just enjoy the little moments that make you feel great.

Teaching is an overwhelming job to begin with because the day does't end when the bell rings...you have so many things to do to prepare for the next day and week. Try to let go of some things at work that won't affect the students so you can spend more time on yourself and family. Enlist the help of parents in your classroom (it doesn't hurt to ask if they can help with correcting papers, getting supplies organized and even coming in to assist you). Parents are always very willing to help out a teacher even in high school!

Chin up! Don't be so hard on yourself.

Hang in there, mom. I go through days like this quite often. Get out of the house and relax. Grab a glass of "what ever" you enjoy a good book. Go outside under a tree and RELAX :) Let the kids run around while you take time for yourself. Don't let the stresses of life take over you. You take over them... Good Luck to ya

Hi, J..

I have to wonder if your husband is helping out a lot at home... it's not woman's work anymore. One thing I learned is that you need to learn to say NO. Sometimes we get caught up in trying to do everything for everyone else and we forget to take care of ourselves and eventually we just wear down. I feel you need to prioritize your items... what is most important... family, job, etc. and take one day at a time and don't try to run the universe. If I didn't learn anything else in life, I learned that housework is not the most important... skip the dusting and spend that time with the kids or the husband... the housework will still be there tomorrow! Best of luck.

It sounds like you need a little vacation with yourself. It is all overwhelming but it is what it is and I think it is important to take some time for yourself even if it is just an afternoon. When you do this you feel refreshed and it is not so overwhelming. So go get a pedicure or go to the bookstore.... and then get back to that overwhelming life that is very gratifying after we take a little time for ourselves.:) Hope that helps.

I know exactly how you feel. I felt that way for years. I felt like a complete failure, like I was running around doing everything but not doing anything well. I was a bad mom, a bad wife, and a bad employee. What did I do about it?

Well, I realized that the reason I was so unhappy was because I was trying to conform to the world's standards of being a "super-mom". I grew up being told that women work, that's what they are supposed to do. Our value is not in being a good wife and mother anymore, but in a career as well. That's what was sinking my boat, I wasn't called to work! I didn't have time to be the wife and mother I was called to be because I was too busy trying to be the "career woman" I wasn't called to be.

Once I stopped caring about what the world would think of me, I quit my job. We adjusted our lifestyle to live off one income, and suddenly I was happy. Who knew?
I'm not saying I have the perfect house and the perfect children (although they are pretty cool). But I am the one raising them now. They are no longer spending the majority of their time being cared for by others who may or may not share my values and beliefs. My husband is happier because he is now the "man", we don't compete for the role anymore, and I have time to pay attention to him and support him in his career.
I still have days where I feel overwhelmed, who doesn't? I have four boys, one on the way, and I homeschool. I'm entitled to have my "off days".

I'm not saying you should quit your job, only you know that. Just thought I'd share what worked for me.

God bless you.

you received lots of wonderful advice! you are definitely not alone. you mentioned great....how can you judge something like that? do we put pressures on ourselves to perform to a standard? maybe. I gave up great awhile ago...now I stride for just making the right decision regarding my family and an attempt to get what needs to be done done. I prioritize each day with a to do list and I walk and exercise regularly....that really helps! when I take my morning walk (fist thing I do each day) I think about what needs to be done or problems I am encountering in life. when I get home I am refreshed and have a better frame of mine. meeting my with friends for lunch also helps! I think someone already mentined priortize your life, what is the most importatn part of it right now. then work towards those goals only. there will be plenty of life later to work on the less important goals.
hope that helps!

Dear J.,
I couldn't let the day go by without giving you some encouragement. I am a single mother to two great kids and the word overwhelmed is such a part of my vocabulary that I even pray about it.
I don't know that you can avoid your feelings. And you most likely shouldn't. But, you have a lot going on because of how blessed you are.
The main thing would be to learn to say NO to things that leave you feeling over extended. After work, you, and your family come first. Most men just don't have the same inner struggles and if they do, they usually are not good at acknowledging or expressing them. You've got kids, a husband, and kids at school that you teach. Realize that you are giving to all of them in very special ways each and every day. Don't worry so much about "giving back to the community" because you are already doing that.
You are not SuperWoman. And what I tell myself when I start thinking that I have to try to be SuperWoman is, "If I think I need to be a super hero, would I really want to have to be seen in public running around in the tights and the cape?"
It's just a funny way for me to remind myself that I am not a super hero. I may be super. I may even be a hero to some. But the whole super hero thing is not what I really want to try to be. Seeing it that way can take a lot of pressure off. You are awesome. But no matter how awesome you are, you can't change the fact there are only 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. So, do your best to manage your family priorities in the given time and try to give yourself a break now and then.
You will continue to be super.

Best blessings!

J....I looked at what you typed & almost cried. I have one child...she's 7 months. I teach pre-school. I feel like my house looks like boxes have just exploded with things everywhere. I started telling my husband (who unfortunately got laid off) that I don't want to work anymore. I don't mind the work...but that, on top of being a mom, wife, & trying to find time for others & myself...well, I feel like I'm on automatic pilot. I took Wed. off this week & it felt good. Unfortunately, I got a cold that made it impossible to do much, but I enjoyed my baby's laughter screams. Take care of yourself! I'm trying to find some time to just take a walk. It isn't far, but I get outside & enjoy the sun & trees. Most of the time it is with my baby & husband. It helps to get out of the house & enjoy the warmer weather with some signs of spring around the corner.

I feel the same way, and a lot of women I know express the same frustration. We go 100 miles an hour from morning until night. I don't think you are failing. don't get overwhelmed by the volume of things in your life. Take one thing at a time and when that issue is done let it go, don't dwell on it. Look for positive things you have done, (I am sure there are a lot) and think about the good things you have done not the things that didn't work out.
You have a great job with a lot of responsibiity and probably very litte thanks or positive feed back. You have kids and kids by their nature do not thank us for all the things we do. So you need to praise yourself, take a look at all the things you accomplish every day. You are helping to support your family, you are raising two kids, teaching them what they need to know so they can become successful memebers of society. You are the center of the household. You are doing a great job. YOU need to see that and feel good about it. The only person who can help you feel good about yourself is you