Seeking Ideas on What to Say in Circumstances

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If you say, "I don't want to tell you because it has to do with graphic female anatomy stuff and it's embarrassing" he won't press you, and he'll get it, and he couldn't guess specifically what. After that. you could talk about the other stuff related to it and say, "because of my health issue".

But to be honest, if he's a doctor, and you're never going to "date" him anyway, you should just tell him so he really can get the big picture. You saying he's "cool" sounds almost like you're not really there to get to the bottom of things, but to sort of "dig" your doctor personally and think he's cool. This could be wasting time getting the help you need.

Can you really not discuss female physiological issues with your male doctor because he's male? If you want to continue to see him for counseling but want to keep the "female genitals" discussion out of the therapy then just SAY SO.

"Dr. Hottie, I've been a bit uncomfortable discussing a particular topic with you because it has to do with female gynecological issues. I'm sure you can understand why I might feel hesitant to discuss that here. I chose an anonymous forum made up of women and women doctors to help me with this. It's nothing against you, it's just how I'm choosing to handle this particular issue. But there it is. It's not some dark secret. Now let's get on to next subject."

Why are you not comfortable saying you don't want to discuss some "female issues" with a man? If he is a professional I doubt he will be offended by this (or be surprised by what you might tell him). But if you have some topic(s) off limits it may get in the way of the progress you can make with this particular counselor. Would you rather see a different counselor or find a way to get past your embarrassment? It may eventually get down to that choice. Sometimes with counseling you have to push past your own comfort zone a little to make progress. Other times it may make more sense to work with a counselor of the same sex (especially for specific issues like sexual violence).

I would say, look I think you are awsome and I feel comfortable turning to you for advice in all areas but "GIRL THINGS" you're a guy and with you it will all just be theory and I need help and advice from a girl perspective.

I suggest that you be honest with him by telling him first that it has to do with your female genitalia. You used those words here. Or you can use less specific words such as related to being a woman. Then see what happens.

It is essential that you begin to tell him about this part of your life because it does impact what you're in counseling with him for. He's a professional person and will accept what you say in a professional manner.

I think that you're uncomfortable in part because you're attracted to him. He's "friendly and pretty cool guy." This is called counter transference in psychological terms. Everyone in counseling experiences this. I don't know the technical definition but it means that you transfer to him In your mind some of your feelings.

Perhaps talking about counter transference would be a way to get started. Ask him about the words and get an understanding of how the way you feel about him is getting in the way of your being open with him.

Do you feel this way when you see a male medical doctor for a health issue? Perhaps you're from the "old school" that says you don't talk about sex with men? You can talk to yourself to convince yourself it's OK.

To be effective, most therapy has uncomfortable times. It's beneficial that you're facing up to what makes you uncomfortable. Now, I suggest, that you give yourself permission to be open and uncomfortable so that you can get past this part of your therapy. You can do anything that you put your mind to doing. You can do this.

Start with a vary small part of it and gradually the rest will come out. You will be uncomfortable. That's OK!

I wouldn' t go back to him-you've already expressed that you don't feel comfortable about discussing a particular topic-he can, I'm sure, put two and two together and come up with four-so his incessant urging is inapropriate

You could tell him that you're more comfortable talking to a woman about those types of things. My guess is he already knows and he just wants to know if you'll tell him why you don't want to tell him;-) It's VERY common for women to feel more comfortable with women with things like that. So, if he's not already clued in to that as being the reason, then he needs more training...hehe. I would just be honest. Just tell him that you're more comfortable talking about those kinds of details with women. You feel out of your comfort zone when talking to a man about it. Then he might want to talk to you about that and maybe work through that issue with you. But you shouldn't feel like you're weird or bad for feeling that way! It's very normal. and, he shouldn't treat you with anything but total understanding and respect if you say that...though, he might want to help build the trust you need in order to share more with him...and who knows if you'll end up getting to that point or not:-) At least you're talking to those ladies! Good luck.

Hi D.:

This is a part of your deep seated problem.
It is a male thing that you are suggesting.
It sounds like you have certain hang ups about the male
person, like trust.

We are only 2 sexes, Male and female.

Even though we are different sexes we are still human beings.

We all have feeling, thoughts, and needs.

The only way to get past your fear is to talk about the fear that is causing you the fear. Talk about the shame and why you are ashamed to talk about the topic?

You don't have to talk about the issue, talk about the fear, shame surrounding the issue.
Just a thought.
D.