Self Confidence and Self Motivation

Wow, your boy and my boy are so alike! Also, eight years old, we had so many of these similar problems. Here's what worked for us.

We felt we needed to inspire him....my husband and the boy read together every night for weeks, a chapter a night about George Washington. (Illustrated Classic Series) You could use anyone that you think might inspire your son. They took turns reading a chapter a night, then discussed how brave, determined etc that George Washington was.

Then the following days when I would be working with him, I'd remind him..."Do you think George Washington would give up when it got hard?" My son always got back to work on whatever he was struggling with. Washington was also a soldier, and so we used war analogies with my son too, which helped in his own determination.

It took time, which was tough for us, but I tell you, we haven't had an issue for 6 months.....I know he is trying his hardest at school, even when grades come home not-so perfect, and I can honestly tell him, how proud I am that he did his best.

Overall his grades did improve quite a bit, but we had to give him someone to want to be like....someone inspiring to want to emulate. It worked for him, maybe something similar would work for your son too.

**Also, we did encourage him with a reward system for slowing down in his work....better grades got more privileges at home.

Good luck!
~sahmatwork
www.familysentinel.blogspot.com

You could be a pushy, nagging mom (in the best way possible). It might help. If your family culture does not accept a lack of effort as being okay, then eventually he will get the message. It is important, though, to let him understand that HE is okay, just not the lack of effort part.

You set the standards for behavior in your family. Him not knowing how to do his best will put him at a serious disadvantage as an adult.

Please understand I am not condoning any weird parental extremes that make kids end up in a psychiatrist's office, but just the normal parental controls that we institute to help our kids grow and develop positively.

Have you spoken to your pediatrician? You say he seems to lose interest/motivation easily...maybe he is becoming distracted which can leave him feeling nervous in turn not feeling confident and therefore unable to concentrate on tests or tasks at hand. This could be a sign of ADD/ADHD. I had an 8 year old son who started displaying signs such as yours but I didn't think anything of it until he was like 15 and we were still going through the same type of thing when he was 8, had I caught it earlier...well I think things could've been different for him. It is worth just looking in to. Good luck!

What IS he good at and puts effort into?

My experience: you are probably not going to change this type of kid. He's just mellow and excelling doesn't matter that much to him. There ARE some positive aspects of this personality type. They tend to be more easygoing than the driven types (I have both).

If you start pushing him endlessly, you are going to cause problems at home. As long as he does his work and does reasonably well, don't make your home miserable over this. He's not going to be an A student, most likely.

Just praise him when he does well, and get him more involved in those things he does care more about. Have you tried theater?

One day he will find something he is passionate about and will work harder at it.

ADHD?? Please. Why does everyone want to jump to this conclusion? Look at ourselves as adults. Do we excel every day, do our best at all things, and have endless energy and motivation? How many of us are really like that? Most of us are average, and that's okay.

sounds like my 11 yrs old son exactly, except that he is a above grade level with reading. all the way through from kindergarten to grade 2 he was above level. Now he just does enough just to remain at average. i am at a loss to get him motivated to push himself. the teachers all agree that if he put in effort in his work, that he would excel. like you, i don;t want to be a pushy mom, but i still want him to do his best.