Yes - a lot of 16 year olds are selfish. I don't know why you weren't in her life - but I agree - she probably does harbor some hard feelings about it. It sounds like she needs some RULES, and consequences for BROKEN RULES. First of all - when I was a teen - I wasn't even allowed to date before I was 16, and then the prospective guy had to make a special trip to the house to not only meet my dad - but be approved for the date! It paid off in the long run - as I had very few boyfriends in school, and the ones that I did have - were very respectable, respectful young men. I also had a BED TIME - the entire time that I lived at home, while in school I had to be in bed by 10:30, my grades were monitored - and if they weren't good then certain priviledges were not allowed (no after school fun, no weekend dates etc). There was not dating on week nights, and on the weekend - I had a curfew. If someone that I was out with wanted to do anything after 11 pm - it would have to be done in the living room at my parents house because certainly boys were not allowed in my bedroom either. I had a job at the mall in high school as well - if those grades weren't up to par that would have been cut out too! When my friends were getting cars for their 16th birthday and subsequently wrecking them within months - I had to save my $ and buy my own car, which I drove for 2 years and sold for almost the same price that I paid for it because I cherished it and took very good care of it. My neighbors used to laugh at me and say that I was going to wash and wax the paint right off of it! Once my car was paid for - I started saving $, and actually bought my own first house when I was 19!
To me, it sounds like this girl is spinning out of control. Unless you're prepared to be a grandmother, and she is prepared to be a mother - she better get some structure in her life and some self respect, as well as respect for authority. Good luck - I certainly don't envy your position! I'm quite sure that his parents are tired of having her there too. If she has an "entitled" mentality - she most likely isn't contributing around there in any way by buying groceries, cleaning house etc.. They most likely are getting sick of seeing her sitting around, lying around sucking face with their son and "playing house" at their house at their expense. I can't understand why they let this happend to begin with - what kind of parents might they be? If these kids want to "play house" - I say - let them get jobs and start pricing an apartment, groceries, utilities, transportation, insurance, etc... Maybe then - they will appreciate being a MINOR CHILD and understand that we all should have some kind of boundaries within which we should live.