Separation Anxiety in 3 Year Old

Sounds to me like she is definitely NOT ready for preschool. I think also that with a new baby sister, she's still just getting used to a lot of changes in her young life and wants your attention. For sure it is exhausting! Have you tried letting the nanny watch the baby and spending some quality alone time with just the 3 year old each week?
After our 12 month old was born last summer, we really had a rough time with our son, then 3. He was a little terror for the nanny... hitting her and basically acting like a big jerk. He was just dying for more attention from mom & dad.

It really sounds like she's longing for your attention and knows she'll get it with this kind of clingy behavior, same way our son knew he'd get it by making us angry...

When you leave her with the nanny, does she cry all day long for you, or just for a few minutes? A few minutes of crying is probably pretty normal... even at 3.

Also, I probably wouldn't give any options about who is going to watch her.... i.e. if she needs to go to the pool, then that's it. Pretend like you have to leave for work or something. Then she's not thinking that she could just stay home with you...

Children are very sensitive to our own energy.
Find a way to calm yourself & she will follow.
Look into a simple and surprisingly effective technique called energy tapping (emofree.com). You can learn it from the site or find workshops.
I teach it for adult education at Wright College & I have had reports it works beautifully when you use it on little ones.

Hi,

There is much information on anxiety. We are a family of people of anxiety, and this is not something you grow out of but learn to cope with. My cousin's son's anxiety came through in this manner too. I suggest finding a child psychologist to help(they are great resources and if you child needs someone to talk to about their anxiousness when the get older or through drawing they can be helpful in help you teach your child how to cope with leaving), but watch his behavior leading up to when he separates to see what he "does". It may seem like he does nothing, but even withdrawing is a behavior. My older daughter really did not experience this, but my two year old has this summer. I have been on both sides of the coin being the teacher and parent. This what I did:
1. The first time she went I went in with her and played for a few mintutes, and told her everything was ok and that I would be back in after "camp" was over. Then I handed the little girl over to the teacher (she cried).
2.The second time I did less and gave her kiss goodbye and then gave her a teacher.
3. The last time I just gave her to the teacher, and told her that I will be back in two hours when camp.

Here are some good sites with suggestions and resournces:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/separation...

http://content.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=1368

http://www.marvistavet.com/html/body_separation_anxiety.html

Please just let her be as attached to you as she needs to be now. Children who are attached (allowed to be) to their parents are actually MORE independent later on. She is trying so hard to get a feel for how you feel about her, especially now with the new baby having come this last year. Please allow her to be attached to you.

She's not ready for preschool. Respect that about her and let her stay home another year. She's really not ready to be away from you or from home.

I highly recommend you read Dr. Sears's books. The Discipline Book is great, it deals not only with discipline, but with attachment parenting. Kids need to be attached to mom and dad this is totally normal. We push our kids away far too much in this country, encouraging independence from such a young age. It's too soon.

Dr. Sears has lots of other books that would apply to your dd, I would look on Amazon and see if there is one that appeals to you.