Seriously, and DH Wonders Why I Get Annoyed....

LOL yes! I've given up on training my husband and am working on my kids instead. My oldest son (13) washed the kitchen floor yesterday and for the first time ever, remembered to pick the dog dishes up off of the floor and actually sweep and mop that spot too. So I know that my kids can learn!

With my husband, I've learned to not be sarcastic when pointing things out and instead just say "oh hey this looks great! Can you move the crate and vacuum the ring of hair around it? Thanks" and it avoids a lot of drama. In my head I'm berating him for being a dope but saying it out loud doesn't help.

I would just be grateful he has a vacuum in his hand. I have several friends whose husbands have never lifted a finger in the home. Just show him what do do and tell him he will be richly rewarded for doing it the right way next time. When my husband does dishes I praise him up and down and sweet talk him till he blushes because I want him to know that he is free to do the dishes any time he wants! Even if it isn't the way I do it. He stacks the dishes wrong and doesn't dry them and put them away right away and he never puts the spatula in the right place. Oh well!

You are lucky he helps and they do need to be trained. Next time you might say "are you going to vacuum in the office if so could you move the cages too" I absolutely see why you are annoyed it has taken me a long time to get my husband to go the extra mile when he is cleaning things and he helps out a lot I barely do any laundry or dishes and he runs the vacuum almost always so I try not to complain I just mention things as he is doing it like I need to do this or that and he says I will get it.

LOL Who ARE these people???!!!

Seriously, I would have probably just said "Vacuum around the dog's crate, THAT's the secret hair hiding spot." and walked out.

And (and I'm not saying this as a jab to YOUR husband specifically), but, WHAT, exactly, are we supposed to do, HOW are we supposed to react when we are invited to see the end result of their "help"? Cheer? Stand on our heads and clap?
Does anyone do that for us when our homes are clean, presentable, picked up & orderly? Nor do I ever feel the need to fetch my husband & invite him to see how the toilet *sparkles* after I've cleaned the bathroom! lol

As a mom, there's never enough time to keep the house as clean as you'd like. It was nice of your husband to take the initiative to ask for the vaccuum without you having to ask him to do it and to vaccuum. While he missed moving the crate, you have a husband who ran the vaccuum!

this amuzes me because i think its the opposite inmy house.. when my fiances cleans which isnt often..but when he does it has to be absolutley perfect or to him its not clean.. i clean all the time and to me its like ehh it looks clean its good enough

He does not notice. He will never notice. So your choices are: Do it yourself, or accept his 'help' for what it is. Sorry.

And he was so PROUD of himself for doing it, right? He was looking for PRAISE from you, sigh.

I've noticed that accepting 'help' from the man generally involves a lowering of my standards as well, a sort of 'give and take', I guess.

I think, if he did everything to YOUR exacting specifications, then he'd be like a WOMAN, and you wouldn't like him anyway!!

I also think men need clear direction. So if you had said, 'aaaw, thanks babe, looks great. Can you move the crates and get that dog hair there on the sides, too?', he likely would've just done it.

Problem solved!

:)

LOL I know, right? We put our recycling out in the garage, yet every morning my husbands yogurt containers are on the counter. One day I asked him about it, and he says, "Well I try to be quiet so I don't wake you guys up when I leave. I don't want to open and shut the garage door a lot."
Hmmm. How about taking it with you, When you go to your car that's IN THE GARAGE!

Arrrrgh!

Oh, girl. I understand your pain. I think some men have to be taught. Its like when they open the cabinet to find a spice, but don't bother to move stuff around. Have your husband do all the yard work. I don't do yard work In fact, I don't have flowers because I don't have time to care for them. but I would like to have a garden so I wouldn't mind tending to that.

At least hes trying to help. Your definition sounds excellent to me.

Yes, I've had these moments. I imagine most women do. Some women are better at "letting it go" though. I have worked at that for years and gotten much better. I've learned a couple of things a long the way. Here is one that may or may not help you.

With your kids or your husband, when you go in after them and "finish the job" you may as well have said to them, "You aren't good enough. You can't do it right. Only I can do that." I know that sounds harsh, but to some degree this is true, and although you don't say it, and they don't say that is what they are hearing....... it's pretty true. So, I do my best to fight that urge because it undermines their self-esteem and willingness to help you out. I do NOT always do a good job, but since becoming aware of this I do much better. I've gotten much better at allowing what "they" do not to meet my specs, and leave it at that. When you can't manage that... At the very least, without rolling your eyes, you can say to your husband, "That looks great honey. Do you mind moving the crate and getting that hair too. That would make me feel better."

Wow...your husband actually knows how to use a vacuum??? Heck, my husband doesn't even know what a vacuum is!:)

Updated

Wow...your husband actually knows how to use a vacuum??? Heck, my husband doesn't even know what a vacuum is!:)

My dear friend put a list in every room of the house. It went something like this:

The dining room is finished when:

The table has been cleaned and wiped off. No food spots
The chairs have been wiped down
The plants have had a little drink
The shelves have been dusted
The floor has been swept, dust pan used, and mopped, no food goo

The play room is finished when:

The toys are in their tubs
The tubs are on the shelves where their home is
The riding toys are parked in their spots
The chalkboard is clean and dust free and the chalk is in the craft cabinet

The bathroom is clean when:

The toilet has been scrubbed and flushed
The tub has been scrubbed and rinsed well
The sink has been scrubbed, rinsed, the counter tops around it are clean
The laundry has been put down the chute
The towels racks have towels on them for the next person to use

They were on the inside of a doorway or cabinet so that the person responsible could look and make sure they had not missed something. This sounds like it would be a good idea for hubby too. Each room could have a list you and he make together. That way he would not think it was all about him. If he participates it may put it into his long term memory better too.

We also have divided the chores. He does trash, some of the dishes, and outdoor stuff. I don't care how it gets done. He can pay someone to do it or do it himself, he is a heart patient and has had quadruple bypass surgery. I don't care how it gets done, just that it gets done by someone besides me. I am not responsible for it. If the grass grows 4 feet tall it is not my job. I do not rescue him, he has to pay the consequences if the City puts a sticker on the trash cans saying to get the yard taken care of. It only took once. Then he has always had it done at least once a month by someone.

My hubs barks orders to the kids from the couch...so I would take him doing half the vacuum job over sitting on the couch barking orders to the kids. He say something three times and they still haven't done it...jeesh just get up and do it.

He DOES NOT bark orders to me...he learned that a lot time ago was a not a good thing.

I totally hear you!! Today is my "when do I get to be sick?" day. Hubby has been sick all weekend so I'm stuck doing everything. When I get sick I still have to do everything! I HATE it when he gets sick.

Back to you... I can't agree more. Would it have killed him to move the crates? He probably just doesn't realize that it needs to be done. But at my house I have a little rule... If you complain about the job I'm doing you might have just earned yourself that job! If you don't like the way I do it... it's ALL YOURS!! so in that same vein I do not complain (to them) about the job hubby (or the kids) do and am thankful for all that they do (unless hubby is sick, ha ha). I would have thanked him for doing it and maybe point out that next time it would be great to move the crates and get all that hair. Then I'd commiserate with the ladies at work at how he couldn't move the stupid crate, ha ha.

Troy hates the way I do dishes, but I am happy with the results. I hate the way he does dishes but he is happy with the results. So I ignore the differences between the way we clean and so does he.

Is there still the line of hair around the crate, sure, but the rest of the hair is gone so there is now less hair in the room. You need to stop looking at it as not done as you would and start looking at it as better than before. Trust me it will keep you sane.

That way you don't feel like you have to finish the job because in my experience it always happens when you don't really have time to finish the job. Then you finish it and that makes you crabby and annoyed.

You have much less housework to do if you work full time and your hubby and kids are gone as well. There is simply not as much time/hours in the day to trash the house if everyone is gone and the dogs are crammed into crates in the office.

Your husband seems to be willing to help out with the house work. Have a nice conversation with him about what you would find helpful. In reality though, there is always something that can be done in the house...it's never ending.

Oh Sweetie, men are oblivious. The sooner you accept this and learn to give detailed instructions, the sooner you will be less annoyed.

He's a MAN. They don't notice things like that, Give him a break and be thankful for what he DOES do. Some don't even do that much,

As a mom, I have come to realize that the cylce of cleaning is never ending.

Now, I know why some of my friends homes w/kids were clean but always had clutter & why the poor mom always looked tired .

You have to let some things go in this busy world of working & mommyhood.

In this case, just be glad he did what he did. No criticism. No "that's great but just one more thing....". Don't worry about the ring of dog hair this time. If it still bothers you then vacuum the dog hair ring when he's not around.

If you continue to criticize when he helps, he will stop helping. It will damage the marriage & he will be resentful.

Men never notice things like that. Mine wouldn't even ever vacuum. Hope that helps.

I am not a big cleaner myself - yes, I do get the job done but I probably go a few times with out moving the dog crate - now our large one has a peice of wood on top and it holds my purse and our son's backpack and becomes a catch all due to it's location so unless it is a deep clean day (once a month) it probably is missed. Sorry, but if you know he is going to do the office say, please move the dog crates in a nice tone as a reminder, what is obvious to you is not to others, a lesson that is hard learned.

oooh T.!! I'm sorry!!!

Hire a cleaning crew to come in once a week to take the stress off of you!!!

Men are different than women. They see things differently. It's great that he helped. VERY SWEET!!! Good for you for NOT showing your frustration!! Not many men will operate the vacuum!!!

Well, while we are venting. I love how we have lived in the same house for 10 years, yet my hubby still has no idea where we keep anything, especially in the kitchen. He was baking with the kids this morning and giving me a break. Except in that break I had to retrieve six different items out of our kitchen because he couldn't find them. Erghh! Good thing he's cute. ;)

Unfortunately, I think this is actually fairly typical. For many men, "vacuuming the floor" means just that in it's most literal translation. It doesn't mean, "move things to vacuum behind and/or under them" as well.
My son and I stayed at a friend's house while she and her husband went out of town. She needed someone to watch their kid (who is the same age as my son) and the dogs. One of the dogs was shedding like crazy so I asked the kid where the vacuum was. He told me they didn't have one.
Now, I had known this kid's mom since he was a baby and she had NEVER been without a vacuum. It was a new house for them so I looked around until I found it.
I cooked breakfast the next morning and wasn't sure what she did with her bacon grease so I asked her son.
He looked right at me and said, "I don't know. I have to tell you the honest truth, I don't even pay attention to half of what goes on around this house".
Granted, he was 14 and it was actually funny the way he said it, but I remember thinking, "Heaven help his wife when he gets one".

Men and women's minds don't work the same. They won't just automatically do things the way we do because they don't usually think like us.
For instance, they can take the garbage out, but not put a new liner in the waste basket. It seems like the next logical step, but sometimes men think they got the trash out. Task accomplished.

I don't think it's deliberate.
I don't think it does any good to get irritated when you have to be specific about things because what seems SO obvious to us, simply isn't automatically obvious to them. And, I'm sure they feel the same way sometimes.

Yes, we have moments like this. This is a generalized statement and I know of both men and women this applies too but "They just don't think" is what comes to mind. Bottom line is that men and women think differently and therefore act differently.

What really gets me isn't just that they don't think but we can clean the whole house, fix dinner, clean up, do the laundry, and they need to get a pat on the back because they took out the trash!

It is just a FACT that *some* men (not ALL, mind you just some) are NOT as detail oriented as *most* of us women!

~I have learned to deal with this sad fact as I have a house full of boys! Argh!

Just take a look at my question under "Husband lacks common sense." If you figure yours out, let me know.

Most men never learn how to clean. They think if they get the obvious the rest takes care of itself. If he is open to the idea start teaching him how you would like it done.

Don't complain too much. At least he trys to help. My ex would not clean or even pick up after himself.

My personal "favorite" is most men are oblivious to crumbs on the counters or table, and when it is pointed out to them, they brush the crumbs onto the floor.

Yep! My guy is so un detail oriented! It drives me nuts! I'm constantly going back over things he was supposed to have done :(

I understand. My husband cleans the kitchen after dinner many nights, while I get my daughter to bed. Somehow something is always missed & I find it the next day. Generally the table isn't wiped (in addition to whatever else is forgotten). Last night - the broccoli pot. Nasty. I just joke with him about it by now.

Get a second vacuum (used) and give him that one for his office.