Sharing Kids

So far so good...I have three kids and will be married 8 years next month. I hope I never have to get a divorce. We have our ups and downs but both of us are committed to eachother and family. :)

I have to share my son and it saddens me to my core.

My son's father and I get along wonderfully (now) and that makes sharing parenting a great deal easier than I know it is for some families. But it still makes me so sad for my son that he has to be one of "those kids" who has to jump between families/households because we didn't work out.

It also scares the daylights out of me that one day, my son might choose to live with his father. I dread that day. I hope it never comes. Yes, that's me being selfish. But I can't help it. To let my son go, would be like losing my own heart. Really. Which in turn also makes me sad for his father, who loves him equally as much, and has to let him go when he comes back home with me. It's just a sad, painful situation all around.

The upside is that my son doesn't know any different life, because this has been the way it was since he was 6 months old. This is normal to him.

I never wanted this for him... and you might be thinking 'well then, why didn't you make it work with his father?' I tried for 16 years. His father suffers from depression and addiction issues, which disabled him from having/maintaining a healthy relationship. When my son was born, I had hoped that his presence in his father's life would be enough to prompt him to get help, but unfortunately, at that time, his issues had too much of a strangle hold on him to do so. So I decided that I couldn't let my son grow up learning these behaviors from his father. Being that he may already be genetically predisposed to suffer from depression/alcoholism, I couldn't add to that by letting him 'learn' how to live by watching his father.

Thank GOD, today, his father is in recovery. And doing fantastically. I'm so proud of him, and so relieved for his and my son's sake (although I am fully aware of the probability of relapse.) However, I reserve my right to be cautiously optimistic, as this is the best I've seen him, well, ever.

So that said, I am so happy that my son is getting to have the dad he deserves, if not everyday, at least when he sees him. As I said, we have a wonderful friendship. And had I not moved on and met a wonderful man whom I am engaged to marry, I might have reconsidered our relationship, for my son's sake. But too much time has passed, and too many things have changed.

But yes, my son will be a "shared kid" and even in the best of situations, it sucks. Plain and simple.

Together for 9 years...married for 4. We are happy!!

I divorced my ex when our daughter was 5. She spends time with us 50/50. We are on a schedule where she has "Mommy nights" for 2 - 3 days then has "Daddy nights" for 2 -3 days. By the third day at either house, she seems ready for the change.

As she has gotten older, she would chose to stay with me more often, but I think it is important for her to spend equal time with each of us.

When my stepkids (who are grown now) were 13 (son) and 16 (daughter) they made the decision to live with us fulltime. Putting the decision to kids too young puts TOO much pressure on them because they want to please everyone. By about 12, a court starts giving some weight to their wishes.

As our daughter grows up, and any changes happen with our situations, we may need to modify our current schedule. The most important thing to both of us is that our schedule works for our daughter.

20 years 2 boys although we never actually did the wedding.
my 15 year old is one of 3 of his friends with their "original parents"

I'm both a stepmom and a mom. I'm with the father of my daughter. We have been together for 10 years, married for almost 8.

I don't think my stepkids always love the arrangement (my stepdaughter had a hard time when she was about 11) but overall I think it works for us and is good for them. My husband had primary physical custody from when they were young (my SD was only 3) and their mom gets EOWE, some holidays and summers. We were loathe to split the kids between households, as we felt that both kids need both parents and they also need each other. My stepson wanted Mom-time just as much as his sister. I don't agree that boys need dads or girls need moms more.

While we have had discussions with the kids over the years, it's not just up to the kid. There are a lot of factors, and we are unwilling to change custody on a handshake. The court would consider their input at this age, but it's just part of the puzzle. I think that compromises can be made without major changes to the routine. For example, SD just asked to trade weekends so she can do something with her mom. DH was fine with that. SD doesn't need to live with her mom to be able to do those things with her.

My husband got advice from a friend whose parents were divorced. Friend said that it was better for him to grow up in two happy households than one miserable one. DH did not want his kids to think that fighting all the time was normal and after attempts to salvage the marriage failed, it was better to offer the kids stability than to stay together. Sometimes while it is unfortunate that the kids have two homes, there are worse situations they could be in.

My mom refused to let me feel like a victim when she and our father split (and he later refused visitation). I think you can acknowledge that divorce affects kids without making them feel like they are permanently damaged.

my daughter's father gets her every other weekend and rotating holidays. it is all she will remember. she's been having visitation with him since before she was one. she seems to enjoy it. she talks about her daddy all the time when she's at my house. my biggest fear is that some day she'll decide that she wants to go live with daddy. i'm not sure if he would even want her to live with him. my fiance currently treats grace just as well as he treats his own sons. (i'm going to be a step mom too). he gets his sons every other weekend and rotating holidays. the boys sometimes want more time with him, othertimes they don't. i don't know how they really feel going between houses. i just try to keep rules as similar to their mom's house as possible. that seems to help, so they don't have a total different set of rules at each house.

I am married to the father of my kiddos and am doing well. We have been married seven years and have been together for almost eleven. Like many of the Mom's below we have had our moments but overall have a great marriage. Several of our friends are having issues and a few have separated. This sounds strange but their separation has brought us closer. Most of those going through their tough time have all been married 7-10 years. I come from a broken home of whoms parents nevera got remarried. My husbands parents have been married for 35 years so we do have different views on things and my family is not as close as his. I hope we "make it" into our golden years and enjoy the life we have and the life that is ahead of us :)

We have been together 9 years and married almost 7 years. We got married in a church and were required to do intensive pre-marital counseling before getting married. Although we thought it was funny at the time, that has been our insurance policy. The things that we discussed and skills we learned pre-marital counseling have kept us from becoming a divorce statistic. We have a 5 year old and a 7 month old. We have to work at our marriage but I think that everyone has to put effort in for a marriage to survive. Overall, we are happy together.

I don't have to share my oldest son. His birth father's leaving us was the best gift he could have given me. My son may feel differently, but time will tell. My husband and I have shared his daughter with her mother for most of the past 13 years. She lives with us now and we are working towards making that situation permanent. I can't imagine being in her mother's shoes, but at the end of the day, if I were her I would have made different choices and would NOT be in her situation, ever.

My husband and I have been married 7 years and our two bio kids have never spent time away from either of us. Our marriage sucks more often than not, but we will stay together come hell or high water until our youngest is out of school so that they can grow up with both of us. Neither one of us is willing to spend time apart from our kids, so we have committed to being together even though it's hard (and of course, we are actively working on healing the problems in our marriage and make sure that we're not a situation where it's worse for the kids for us to be together than to separate and heal).

We have always given heavy weight to my SD's preference to live with her mother and that was a mistake. At her age, her opinion will matter to the court but we won't back down from acting in her best interest even if her preference is for a situation that is not good for her.

My ex and I share custody of my oldest, now 9 years old. He spends very close to 50% of his time with each household. It means that my ex and I are constantly talking, and have had to learn to work together very well. It has been difficult, but I believe it has truly been the best thing for our son. He knows that he is loved in both houses, that his parents will present a united front, work together, and he will never have to choose between us for anything. He has a very close relationship with each of us. Our houses are about a 5 minute walk apart, and at this point, our son knows that if he really needs to see the parent he is not with, all he needs to do is say so and as long as our lives allow it, he can visit. I think it really is the best way a custody arrangement could work out, given that all people involved are trustworthy parents.

I am happily with the father of my younger two children, together for 7 years, married for 4.

Life is very good, and all of my children are happy.

Been married to my kids father for 12 years, but we have been together for 16. We have a daughter 13 and a son who is 8. We have our moments, but have always managed to work things out. I was a kid that had separate homes, and multiple step parents (dad married 4 times and mom married 3) and I don't want that for my kids. My kids are in the minority, it seems that all or most of my kids friends have split families. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, I just worry about the impact on our culture.