Shelter

personally? I would keep him. i would petition the courts for adoption and keep him. If he is, as you stated, blossoming under your care - to put him back in that situation is harmful to everyone. You will be wondering and worrying.

Just get a lawyer. Petition the courts to adopt, get him the psychological care he needs and continue to love him unconditionally and watch him become a wonderful human being instead of what he MIGHT become under your sister.

Pray about it. I'm sure that God didn't put you in this position without purpose and reason....

O. thought: If you let him go it will also change your future.

Another thought: Sometimes the things we pray for (another child) come to us in unexpected ways. Maybe this child is your unexpected answer.

I'm not in your shoes. (I don't even have a sister) I have two brothers and if I had care of O. of their kids, I could never give him up after providing this much stability. Much less to foster care.

Good luck deciding.

Me personally, I wouldn't give up. What you describe is totally age appropriate (like big sibling adjusting to little sibling)... which is kind of the case, since as of now, these kids are being raised as such.

Don't give up on your nephew. He didn't ask to be born. In all honesty, if it were me, I'f be fighting like hell to adopt him as my own.

First never put yourself or your families lives in danger. It doesn't sound like your nephew has been severely abused. Has he been to counseling? Has he had a psych evaluation?

You sound like you have been amazing role models for him and for that reason alone he has blossomed. If you let him go to anyone else he will take a major turn for the worse, that abandonment feeling AGAIN will set him over the edge, there will be no hope for him. I hope you keep him.

My sister took my nephew from my other sister. She walked in to see her, and saw needles from drugs, and alcohol everywhere. She scooped him up, and got an attorney. They got custody through the courts. About a 9 months after getting him, she decided she couldn't handle it anymore. Instead of calling ME or my parents, she called CPS.

This is what I feel about the situation. SHE in that moment and the days, weeks, and months after made the CHOICE to take on this child. She CHOSE to help him. She OWED it to him, to follow through. HE didn't have a choice. Do you think he is better off? No, he is not. It's terrible and we are currently fighting for him back. I mean, it's really REALLY terrible what he has gone through. All because, she decided it wasn't up to her anymore. HE wasn't hers, she didn't owe it to him. Sounds pretty awful, right?

Ask yourself this, if you adopted a child from another country and they ended up being incredibly difficult...would you just return them? No?Think about what you are suggesting. You are suggesting turning a child over to a shelter. You are suggesting that even though you made the CHOICE to take him in, since he's not "yours" giving him away is an option. A child is not a puppy. You can't just decided, "Nope, too hard" and hope they will find another owner. You are talking about a HUMAN BEING. Maybe, you won't have a kid now. Yes, that's sad. What about the living, breathing child that you CHOSE to bring into your home? Maybe, he will actually heal in your home, and you will have another child. Who knows? That's the CHOICE you made, when you invited a child into your home. Honestly...to be very blunt...I can't imagine ever justifying giving up on a child. My sister did it, and it disgusts me beyond words.

I realize that you're not just going to turn him over to CPS or a shelter. But, in essence, you've said that would happen should he be returned to your sister. In my mind, there is no difference.

You really don't detail all of his issues here. However, if he really is blossoming in your care, I would be hesitant to move him now. If you want another child of your own, then I would not let this stop you from doing it. Have you ever considered adopting him for real and legally? It doesn't appear that his bio Mom will ever step up for him sadly....

Whatever you do, don't give up on him. There are people who have multiple kids closer together than this, and there's no reason you can't have more. Kids are work no matter when they are born, how old they are, etc.

My heart breaks for your nephew! Poor guy didn't ask to come into this work or have a horrible person as a mother and another one as a father. Horrible.

You and your husband have done a great thing taking him in and I commend you for that. I'd keep at it. Give it some more time and decide if you want more kids. But you cand do that even with him in your home and life.

Being in foster care.... will derail him.
He will be at ground zero again.
There will, possibly be, no one that will nurture him.

Perhaps, get Therapy for him?
Since professional assistance, may help you/your Husband's overall stress about it.
there comes a point, when outside professional help, is needed.

Or.... contact a local Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization... and get him a Mentor. That is what this organization does.

Letting him go, will change your future, not just his.
You will worry about him. Wonder if he is happy. Wonder if foster care is taking care of him. Quality of foster care... can really vary. He will be a cog in a wheel. And a child, will just think that no one wants him. Since that has been his life, already.

I know you are in a tough spot. But getting rid of him, because you have a child and want another one, will not help him.

Since he has "aggression issues".... I really think you need professional help for him. If this were your own child.... what would you do?

Your nephew has no parent.
He only has you and your Husband and your family.
That is all he knows, now.
He needs... to know... that there is someone he can rely on.
That is a basic need as well, for a child.
That person is you and your family.

What you describe as his behavior sounds very common for children who have had attachment iSues. Now that he's attaching to you, you're considering shaking his world up again. Any change of living arrangement would likely be verydetrimental to him and his ability to attach in the future. I feel sorry for the kid; it sounds like no one really wants him. Kids know that too.

Having worked through a 2yr old's attachment issues, I've been there and know it is really hard work. It's also very rewarding. I highly recommend reading "Attaching in Adpotion," even if you aren't legally adopting him.

Bottom line is...either commit to him for the long-term (I.e- forever) and to raise him equal to your bio kids or contact social services to see about foster to adoption options through the system. Keeping him "until" sets up huge attachment and other emotional issues. He's a child...he deserves a family, where his needs are consistently met and where he is loved whether that's through you or an outside adoption.

I would contact the foster care or whatever system to find out what support you would get if you were to take him. There could be a lot of support out there that you aren't aware of. Foster care will screw him forever. Check with the school system and have him evaluated so you can see if there is support for him in any way. Any therapy that can happen for him will be helpful for you all. Good luck, and blessings for you for being such a loving person.

Why can't you make arrangements to be his foster parents? You will receive a monthly stipend for helping with his needs.
Many, (not ALL) foster parents will take in kid after kid for the money. It doesn't mean that money will go directly to the betterment of the child's life. I know wonderful foster parents, but I also know of kids who have been bounced around so much and not treated very well at all.
At least you are family and you do love your nephew.
I don't see why him staying with you should deter you from having another child.
If he were your biological child and had special needs of some kind, would it keep you from wanting to add to your family?
He's only been with you for 8 months. Hopefully you have a good child therapist for him.
If you truly fear for the safety of your own children, you need help and resources.
If he goes into foster care, it could be him locked in a room for who knows how long at a time.
The "system" does what it can, but we all know that the "system" fails some children miserably.
Those children grow up to be adults with issues.

Make sure you are taking advantage of any and all help available to you in your area before deciding anything.

Best wishes.

IMO, you keep that child! Sometimes in life we are faced with HARD choices that determine the path our lives and others take. You took this child in, please don't let him go now. Its a hard position, for sure, but you are giving this little boy his shot in life, don't take it away.

Just a thought.....you wanted another child, and God gave you one! Keeping him will change both of your lives for the better! Give it time and you can still have yet another one.

has he seen any kind of counselor.. obviously what youve done for him has helped him tremendously.. it can only get better as he gets older if u continue to do what u have been.. a year from now he could be a completely different kid and it wouldnt affect u having another child at all.. id give it some more time before you make such a drastic decision.. is there absolutley no hope at all that sometime in the future your sister would take him back??

My committment to my abused nieces did not end when I had my child, but my own child and family ALWAYS come first. It is not fair, but if every M. and Dad put their own kids first, every child would be better off.

We took on two teenage girls. We knew the oldest was already ruined, but there was a chance the younger one might heal. She turned out to be as bad as her sister, but hiding it with religion. It broke our hearts but they chose to revert back to their mother's sick ways.

Can you live with giving up your life and knowing it did not make a difference? It is a small consolation to say "We did the right thing. We put their needs ahead of ours. We were there for them even when it cost us."
If you have to give up having your child, I would say let him go.

PS I was abused in every way and fought hard to get to college and to finally get a degree, therapy, and such. I do know foster care will fail him.
Your priority is always your family.

Do you have legal guardianship? If not, I would see about contacting a family attorney to see what can be done legally.

Who handles his medical insurance? Were you able to add him to your family plan?

Or.... can you contact the county/state foster system, and see about taking just him as a foster child? I've known of other families that have done that.....That way he would be eligible for the state assistance, and you could get the different needs attended to.

Is there another family member who can take him in? One that does not have any children?