Should Grooms Parents Be on Wedding Invite?

Whaaaa?

If it weren't for the parents there would be NO WEDDING! The parents MADE the bride and groom. I don't see this as a money related issue.

I like to know who all "the players" are at weddings.

We listed both sets of parents out of love and respect. My husband was getting married just as much as I was -- the wedding's not just the bride's party, or a shindig the bride's parents are hosting -- so we wanted to include his family as much as mine. It had nothing to do with who paid for anything. We paid for some, and parents on both sides (all retirees) kicked in a little contribution. One of the joys of a smaller wedding -- less stress about keeping score on who pays for what.

I think tradition is to just have the bride's parents listed, as they're "giving her" in marriage. The man is typically listed without parents. Still, I had both listed on my wedding announcement even though my husband's parents didn't pay for much. These days, I think you can do as you please. It is nice to have both listed, but not necessary.

I think that both sets should be on the invite regardless of who is paying. BTW, my parents paid for everything but the rehearsal as well.
Ours said,
"Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
and
Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents
invite you to share in the joy of
the marriage uniting their children
Bride
and
Groom
on..."

Traditionally it is just the brides parents on the invitation, as they used to be the ones paying for it and giving their daughter's hand in marriage. Therefore, technically they were the ones hosting the wedding. I just had my parents name on the invitation because when/where we ordered them that was how they were worded, that was 13 years ago though!!!
I think anything goes now because weddings are less traditional. I don't think your parents should feel offended though, I'm sure it wasn't meant to offend.

We were adult professionals, paid for our own wedding, homeowners, etc...we did not put parents names on invites. It never occurred to either of us that either set of parents would be upset. If they were, no one said so.

Hopefully, everyone in your family will stay focused on the joyous occasion and leave egos at the door!

:)

Only the hosts names should be on the invitation. My husband and I paid for the majority of our wedding, and neither of our parents were mentioned. But it is not about paying per se, it is about who is hosting the event / running the show. It is the host's party and the host's invitation.

Usually only the bride's family is mentioned.

My mom paid for my wedding so the invite came from her. My in laws paid for the rehearsal dinner and the invite came from them.

My mother hosted the wedding. So the invite was from her only.

Italians in NY add the grooms parents name. I married an Italian from NY so I am sure I pissed off someone, somewhere. Whatever.

I wouldn't get upset - it's simply not worth it.

It doesn't matter if they're paying or not as long as they're on good terms. The invitation isn't a statement to people about who is paying for the wedding. Your brother and his fiancee should include all of the parents or none of the parents on the invitations.

We paid for the majority of our wedding but we made sure that both sets of parents were included on it because some relatives and old family friends on both sides of the family wouldn't have recognized us without our parents names on the invitation.

I thought it was only if they were paying for part of the wedding. Not including the rehearsal dinner.....but I may be wrong.

Traditional etiquette dictates the form of a wedding invitation given by the parents of the bride does not include the names of the groom's parents. It's traditionally assumed that the groom is supporting himself by the time he marries. It's not a slam on your parents, it's just a more traditional formal wording.

for me it's all about age: the older the bride/groom, the less I see the parents listed.

Honestly, if one set of parents is listed...then it's only fair for the others to be listed too.

I think that technically, the tradition began with the bride's parents "issuing" the invitation, since they traditionally were the ones paying for the "event" and were technically the hosts. The groom's parents were probably mentioned as a "lineage" type thing. In older days everything was much more formal, and therefore people wanted to identify what "family" someone came from... It may also have been a way to indicate that both families were happy about the joining of families.

Today, it's just tradition with no real "reason" to do so, or the couple is old enough that they are paying for and hosting the event themselves, so the bride's parents are not the actual hosts. So they may or may not be listed as such (request the honor of your presence at the joining of their daughter.... blah blah blah). I don't think your brother leaving your parent's off the invitation necessarily means any intentional slight is going on. How old is your brother? How formal is the wedding (is it HUGE and they have a consultant and everything? or is it a small affair with less than 100 guests that they are managing on their own with the help of friends/family)? Times have certainly changed, and people often don't even bother to consult "Emily Post" anymore. lol

We put both sets of parents, even though my parents paid. And even though we were (are!) old -- 34 and 39 when we got married 5 yrs. ago. The wording said that my parents were inviting the guests to the wedding, implying that they were paying, but my parents-in-law were listed after "son of ---". Even "the late ---" since my mother-in-law had already passed away.

Edit: I think it is practical to list the parents if their friend's are being invited and it's a large wedding. Otherwise if someone doesn't know the bride's name... well, I guess if they don't recognize the grooms name either maybe they aren't close enough to attend, so never mind. :)

Ours said:
"Together with their parents X and X invite you to witness...."
We didn't list our parents by name b/c we both have divorced/remarried parents and it was just too much! We paid for the majority of our wedding and rehearsal dinner (got married at 28 and 31) but wanted our parents included on the invite somehow and this is what worked for us.

It has nothing to do with who pays for the thing! You put the parents' names on! There are even ways to word it if they're DEAD or divorced, so they definitely should have put your parents on there.

And as far as who is listed first, isn't it just "ladies first?" I've never seen the groom's parents first.

That said, there's nothing you can really do about it.

I always thought it was normal to have both sets of parents on the invite. Brides on top because they usually pay for it. I think it is to show they are in favor of the union.

My invites for my wedding next month have neither parents on it since we are coughing up the bank for it. :p Apparently dad wants no part of round two even though he likes Troy better than my ex. :)

Well, my husband's parents paid for nothing but I still put them in as hosts with my parents. I felt it was the right thing to do...they would have paid some if they could. I do think your parents should have been on the invitation. So sad that that is just the beginning of leaving the man's parents out. As crazy as it sounds it is something I already worry about with two little boys.

I think it does have to do with who is paying or who is "hosting". I paid for our wedding but I put my parents' names in the traditional format because I wanted to. I don't think they would have been upset if the invitation was just from me and my husband/fiance though. My inlaws hosted the rehearsal dinner so that invitation was from them. That invitation didn't include my parents... I think nowadays, invitations can be worded however the bride and groom want. But I don't think anyone should be upset if their name isn't on the invitation if they're not actually paying for part of the event... Like you said, it's preference but of the bride and groom and perhaps her parents if they are the ones paying. It wouldn't be worth starting a fight over in my opinion so I'd have put my inlaws if they really wanted but I don't think they would have had a reason to be upset if it wasn't at first worded that way. Your brother's fiance is likely going traditional and it is her parents hosting.

I think in these more modern times that when a bride and groom have been out in the world and perhaps even living together it's silly to put anyone else's name on the invitations. It's their wedding and not anyone else's. If the bride and groom want to add the parents, whether they are paying or not, then it's really the couples choices.

I agree that it's just tradition. The "together with their parents" or "son of" is nice if the couple and the parents are helping pay for the whole thing but are not necessary. We didn't include our parents at all because we paid for our own wedding.

After reading some of the responses, I just don't get the hang up with listing the bride and/or groom's parents. An invitation to and event is sent from the hosts. I think that in this day and age, most couples can host their own wedding. My husband and I were inviting guests to our wedding, not our parents, so their names would have been inappropriate on the invitation.

My husband's parents were not on our invite. Then again, my parents paid for our wedding and we paid for our rehearsal dinner. I wanted a very traditional invitation, but had they contributed financially we would have included their names.

Since my parents both hosted and funded the wedding but we still wanted my husband's parents listed on the invite, ours was done as follows:
Mr. & Mrs. XXX request the pleasure of your company at the wedding celebration of their daughter XXX to XXX, son of Mr. & Mrs. XXX.
I believe proper etiquette is to list the person(s) hosting the wedding. Hosting does not always mean funding. My husband's parents hosted his side of the family - even though it was a destination wedding for them. His folks coordinated dinners, etc, on the days around the event.

Our invitation said the following...
__________

and
__________

together with their families

request the honour of your presence

at their marriage

on ... date time and location.

my first marriage (and not a good idea at that age lol) had both as both sets of parents were paying for everything 50/50. I don't know if it had to do with paying but they were paying so they got their say (we were teens at the time)
My second had my son inviting to the marriage of his mom and his new father dh. Not traditional or etiquette proper but then we aren't traditional lol

If the parents aren't hosting the wedding then typically their names would not be mentioned on the invitation. The parents' names would be on the wedding announcements (ex. in the newspapers).

The invitation would/could read something like "You are invited to attend the wedding of Bride and Groom" or "The honour of your presence is requested at ..." something along those lines.

My parents and my husbands parents are divorced. My dad and stepmom paid for most of my wedding. My mom paid for my dress and a few other things. My husbands parents didn't pay for anything. Not even the rehearsal dinner (which is customary). When I made the invitations I didn't even know if they were coming since they live across the country. I included every single one of them, even the steps, on our wedding invitation. I can't remember the exact wording, but it was something like Mr & Mrs SoandSo along with Mr&Mrs Soandso invite you to attend the wedding of their daughter ME! to Husband to Be, son of Mr. and Mrs. Soandso and Mr. and Mrs. Soandso. I felt like it was proper to mention every one.

Some of the sample invitations I looked at had all parents, some had just the brides, some had steps and some didn't, some had none.

Personally I think it's kind of rude to just mention the bride's parents, even if they are the ones paying.

I like the respect factor and listing both sets of parents....If you have a great relationship with your and he with his that's fine. My parents were on the invite. However, my husband's parents were deceased so they of course were not on the invitation.

Haven't read your answers but, the wording on the invitation traditionally shows who is hosting (or paying for) the wedding reception itself. Of course it used to be only the bride's parents who were expected to pay for the wedding, but that's changed now and often everyone helps out. If ONLY the bride's parents are paying for the wedding, then it would read something like Mr. & Mrs. Bride's parents invite you to join in celebrating the wedding of Bride & Groom, son of Groom's parents.

If both sets of parents are paying, then it would be Mr. & mrs. bride's parents and Mr. & Mrs. Groom's parents invite you to the wedding of their children . . .

If the bride & groom are sharing the cost, then it's Bride & Groom, together with their parents (insert names) invite you to join them . . .

BTW, it is traditional that the grooms parents pay for AND host the rehearsal dinner. My MIL and FIL didn't know this and my parents ended up hosting and paying for the engagement party, rehearsal dinner and the majority of the wedding.