Should I Have Thanked My Sister in Law

She sounds high maintenance. And craves credit for all of her "kindness". The parent of the child and the child thanked her and that is appropriate.

If you were standing there you could say, "How kind of you!"

Or if you thought about it said, "I heard you gave grandson a cute outfit, I cannot wait to see it!" .But there is no rule on grandparents having to thank people for giving gifts to their grandchildren.

That's insane! She needs to get a life. She got a thank you from appropriate person. Is she trying to stir the pot?

I believe Thank you cards are appropriate and we always give handwritten Thank You notes.

However, I don't see why you should be giving a thank you when the gift was already acknowledged and thank you was sent. There is no need for everyone who knows a gift was given to send a thank you to someone... that is a bit over the top in my opinion.

SIL sounds pretty needy and into creating drama.

I don't think you need to thank her, you were not the recipient. Your grandson should be the one to thank her, and if he is too young to thank her himself, then his parents should thank her, which they did.

Can you say "Cray-Cray"? The woman is high-maintenance...you do NOT owe her a thank you.

Ohhhh, she's one of those. Sounds like SIL has to be fawned over. "Oh, Thank you, Thank you for all you do for all of us. Thank you for just being in our lives. We wouldn't be complete without you......"

I certainly believe in good manners, etc. but this is over the top and she needs to get over herself!!

M

No...if you were talking about it, then sure, why not...but I would not have made an effort to go out of my way for it. That's just weird.

My kids thank people for the gifts they get, it doesn't come from me.

I give my great niece gifts all the time and I would never, ever expect a "thank you" from my sister-in-law. I didn't give her the gift. Weird. If it were me, I would contact her and tell her you heard she is upset and you're sorry that you didn't thank her for the gift but that it was appreciated... by EVERYBODY, including you. Next time she gifts your grandson, call her right away and thank her profusely. Maybe it's just me being snarky, but that's what I'd do. Sheesh. People.

Nope.
I don't know what bee is in her bonnet but she's being upset with you for no good reason.
She can be upset all she wants but it has nothing to do with you and it's not up to you to repair her hurt feelings when they are hurt over some imagined insult.
That would only play into her fantasy.

she sounds like a drama queen.
@@
to keep the peace it might help to smooth things over now.
but you're certainly not in the wrong.
khairete
S.

So, your SIL gave HER great-nephew a gift and HER niece-in-law (the child's mother) provided a thank you and now SIL is upset with you, the grandmother? That's ridiculous. If your SIL expects multi-generational thank you's for a gift, I'd politely ask her not to send gifts.

My husband's aunt just sent a small monetary Valentine's gift to our two small (3yo and 9 mos) children. We (well, he) will send a thank you to his aunt, but I do not intend to tell my MIL thank you for it. She didn't send the gift ... Smh.

(Sorry ... I'm a little sensitive on thank you notes right now. I'm usually very on top of them and have lagged behind for a variety of reasons and my MIL has decided to be passive aggressive about it ... My husband will be writing the thank you notes for awhile for his side of the family ...)

If the child's mother thanked the gift giver, then the child's grandmother does not need to.

In the future, if it comes up in conversation, such as your SIL saying "oh, I found a really cute book so I sent it to Jimmy," then you can say something like "oh, that's so nice of you, thanks." You certainly don't need to bring it up though!

No, a thank you from YOU and your husband is not due to your SIL.

I have a feeling that there is a lot more to this with your SIL than simple etiquette. She evidently has "issues" and those issues are not your fault.

Just stay out of it and pretend it didn't happen. Don't cowtow to your SIL. For heaven's sake, if you do, she will just amp this stuff up...

If the parents thanked her there was no need to hear it from you, it was not your child that received the gift. IF the parents had not thanked her then, even though it still would not have been your responsibility, a thanks from you would have been nice. I don't think you did anything wrong, but it won't hurt you to send a thank you if it helps keep the peace.

S. - welcome to mamapedia!!

This is an interesting first question...

I'm sorry - but she did NOT give the present to YOU. Did she have a party at her home for him and you attended? If so - you should have said thanks for opening your home to us...

Otherwise? You do NOT need to thank her for giving your grandson a gift. That's just being OVER THE TOP, High Maintenance...

Thanks go out FROM the receiver (if the child is young - then their parent(s)) to the gifter....NOT EVERYONE who saw the gift being given....

What bothers me the most is...... How did you find out she is upset with you? Did she tell you herself or did another family member?

If it is the former and she brings it up, then I would redirect the conversation to ask is she received a thank you from the grandson or parent of grandson and keep the conversation there. If you have knowledge of how he likes the gift I would let her know. Otherwise it is not your business. She gave your grandson a gift because???????? I would just keep it between them.

If it is the later, why in the world would that person tell you besides to start up drama.? The hurt feelings should've come directly from you SIL to you and your husband. Not from a third party. I would have some firm boundaries with these members.

No, you do not need to thank her.

A "Thank you" is such a small thing. If it makes her happy, why not? I might even tell her thank you now and then tell her again next month.

And what if you are not thankful? That's OK. Tell her anyway. If it will make her happy, do it. If you can brighten one person's life by saying the words, "Thank you" you have brightened the world very inexpensively.

Good luck to you and yours.

As others noted, the appropriate adult thanked her (the child's parent, her own niece) and I hope the son thanked her too, if he's old enough.

I wonder: Does this SIL tend to be sensitive, think she's not appreciated, claim that she is somehow politer or more thoughtful than others, or is she generally touchy or one who tends to want to throw the spotlight back onto herself, even over little things at times? If so: That's who she is, and this is a small example that is almost predictable, so totally ignore it. Her "upset" will move on to being upset about, oh, something else.

If she is NOT like that, and this seems out of character or just unusually touchy, and you and she usually get along: Chalk it up to her maybe having bad day the day she decided to be offended. And if you and she are usually on good terms, just say, "Hey, Billy really liked the (thing) and DIL says he plays with it a lot. That was nice of you, thanks." Do not mention that you heard -- second-hand, not from her directly, right? -- that she was mad. Just bring it up casually. If she goes off on you, well, bigger issue there, but you will have acknowledged the gift.She might actually be upset about something utterly unrelated and might not be truly upset with YOU at all, but transferring her feelings about something else onto this nonexistent "offense." Don't overtalk it and don't overthink it either.

Huh? Did she give the gift to you to give to him?
Then, "thanks, I'll see that he gets it" would suffice.

I think if your grandson sent a thank you note that should be good. Why would you thank her? Is this her nephew? I would call her and say something like "x" really liked the toy. And be done with it.

Uhhh... the MOTHER of the child thanked the gift giver and that's the person who should have thanked her. I might say to her, "I knew that Emma, Jimmy's mom, thanked you for his gift from you. I know that he still enjoys it. However I didn't realize that you expected further thanks from me or that you were upset about this for the entire past year. I'm sorry that your feelings have been hurt. Next time your feelings are hurt like this, please tell me sooner so that we can talk it out."

However. It sounds to me as if she doesn't feel at all appreciated by the family (her siblings or even her mother). If she's caring for an ailing, aging parent by herself and not receiving help or breaks or thanks, then that's going to add to other emotional issues that can occur for Caregivers. If she's not appreciated for the Really Big Things, it's going to sting when she's not acknowledged for the Little Things too... and then suddenly the Little Things become Bigger Things because she's got this distorted view.

If I'm reading the situation correctly, have someone take the Mom Duty from her for a little while. The siblings all need to take turns, because caregiving for ailing and aging parents is stressful, upsetting, and depressing and it takes far more than a couple of hours a day. It's emotionally draining and physically draining. I think the siblings need to figure that out so that they can appropriately learn to appreciate what she's been doing.

I would have all of the siblings invite her out to a nice dinner and then let her know that they'd like to try turn taking and setting up a schedule that works for everyone and makes the care more equal. Even if it's something like giving her weekends completely off. If there's great distance involved, then offer to pay for private pay home care on weekends for a home health aide or a personal care assistant.

http://www.caregiver.com

This situation is hard to follow. Is your sister in law your husband's sister? Sounds like typical in-laws. Finding a reason to get mad at the other side how ever possible. You should have known this about her decades ago.

Go away and cover your bases and say thank you. Say "I just learn you gave my daughter's son a present. I want to thank you for being so caring to your great nephew." I do not think your daughter would be her niece-in-law, correct? This is her bother's daughter who gave birth to her grand nephew.

If not a thank you but some type of acknowledgment would have been nice from you; hey that was sweet, he really likes the gift, my daughter in law said it was thoughtful?

What was the gift? and why didn't you feel compelled to thank her?

I always say a thank you, whether it be a small act of kindness or a large one.

Yes, you should have thanked her - unless your grandson is an adult (and even then, I still would have thanked her).