Should I Tie My Tubes?

If you think you may want another at some point, then you should wait. I would give it 2-3 years. I know people who have changed their minds in both directions after that amount of time, but I also know people who have only and still only want one! There's NOTHING wrong with an only child no matter what some ignorant people will tell you! You certainly don't sound like a horrible mother. At least you are THINKING which is better than a lot of people who just have baby after baby no matter how exhausted (broke, stressed, in a bad marriage, etc.) they are. Things DO get a little easier in some ways as they grow older, but kids are a ton of work! You should probably get an IUD right now. That has the highest effective rate of non-permanent birth control, and then you can either have it removed in 1-5 years if you decide on more or wait until it's efficacy is up and have one of you do something permanent. I have two small children, and I would flip if I got pregnant! Hubby's having a vasectomy in a few weeks!

I suggest you get an IUD. I have the Mirena. It lasts for 5 years and you will still have the option - just in case! This way you are not doing anything permanent (or something supposed to be permanent.. haha I've heard of tubes becoming "untied"!) and can still give it time without too much worry.

I've had my Mirena for 4 years now, and still only one child! :)

My mom always said, 'No one is busier than a mother of one." (She had eight children). Right now you are EVERYTHING for that little boy. It definitely gets easier as they get older, and the older children help so much with the younger ones, if you decide to add a sibling. I too wouldn't take such a permanent step. Definitely use good birth control for now, but I'd say give it time to let your life normalize before you make a permanent decision.

STOP!! WAIT!!!! You are stressed and tired and not thinking clearly. Your feelings will most likely change. I am an only child and it is TOUGH being an only. Don't do this to your child unless you have thought it through for a LONG time. PLEASE.

Wow, you really sound stressed which can be perfectly normal after having one baby. You are so wrapped up in the care of him and you might feel at this point you'll never be able to love another child the way you love your son so what's the point of having another one?

Well since your son is still so young I would tell you to wait a few more years and see how you feel then. What about getting on the Mirena (the 5 yr plan) so you don't have any accidents?

I waited 4 yrs before having my second child and also thought I never wanted another child but am now so very thankful for all of my children and my 4th is on the way! Keep in mind, kids get more independent as they get older so right now he's taking up soooo much of your time and energy but a few more years from now he'll be able to sleep through the night, dress himself, feed himself, entertain himself, etc.
I can't imagine having only one child, now that I have 3 and I am one of 4 girls so I grew up having 3 best friends "every single day" so I also can't imagine not having my sisters, my kids are each others play mates and I see how much they love each other and my husband and I also say often how we look back now and see how boring life was with just one child. Not a bad boring but we have so much more excitement going on every day with the 3 and can't wait to meet #4! : )

So I say you should wait, tying your tubes is a big thing and I know many women with ONE child who wish more than anything now that they had been able to have more after getting their tubes tied. If you do the Mirena, in another 5 years, if you still don't want another child, you could always do the Mirena again or get your tubes tied by then. I think its just too early for you to be making any permanent decisions that way, if you had 2 or more children by now or your son was much older, then that would be different but he's only 10 mnths old, you just sound a little overwhelmed right now with the responsibilities of a new child.

Good luck and take care!

NO!

My daughter died before birth at 31 weeks. Shortly there after I got pregnant again. That little guy also died. I couldn't fathom ever having another child ever again. I just didn't want the heartache. I had three living children and I didn't want to put them through more heartache. My husband and I were done. The doctors said that should I get pregnant again, I would probably loose it also. I decided just to concentrate on becoming more healthy and loving the children I had and one day I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. The doctors were able to keep this little one alive and I am telling you we all feel very blessed to have her in our lives. You really never know what on earth will happen. Give it time.

I also wanted to say that the first is always the hardest. If all mine were just like my oldest I would be crazy.

I agree...how old are you and are you using birth control? You don't have to jump right into a tubal but if you are that worried about getting pregnant, do something to keep that from happening and get on the pill, use condoms, whatever.

I am 36 about to have my 4th boy though and I will be getting my tubes tied. Everyone keeps saying am I sure I don't want to try again for a girl. I'd love to have a girl, but I also understand about finances and I want to be there for my children. I worry having any more than 4 regardless of the futures sex(es), will make me less able to be there for my children time wise and mentally. That isn't okay with me, but like I said, I'm getting "too old" anyhow. LOL

No!! Please don't do this-you will regret it so much. Talk to your doctor about the IUD that doesn't have hormones in it.

How does this make you a horrible mother? Not having more kids doesn't make you good or bad. Have you researched the options? If you hubby has a vasectomy there is a chance of pregnancy for some time. I would wait a few years before doing something drastic just in case you change your mind. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

My children are seven years, and then five years apart! I needed my children spaced far apart - wanted to spend time "babying" them, and quite frankly did not want the work and stress you talk apart either. I really did not want another child for a number of years after my first - and although after my second I knew I would want a third- not until later. I got my tubes tied after my third and LOVE it! But, would caution you because it is so permanent - maybe give yourself a few years and see how you feel - they are coming out with new birth control methods also - maybe something other than the pil would work while you think it over. Good Luck.

Don't do it... you are only 30. Maybe my story will help. At age 32/almost 33 I had my second child in two years and got mine tied. I was burned out from having two back-to-back high-risk pregnancies with hypertension, being on my feet all day as a teacher and trying to keep healthy during the pregnancies, and dealing with the normal woes of pregnancy - weight gain, slow movements, inability to exercise as I normally do, clean the house, etc. I was young and overwhelmed and could not IMAGINE having a third child or even being pregnant EVER again! I knew I'd always have to teach full-time and I just wanted some normalcy back in my life so I could raise my kids and teach and do a good job at that as well.

Fast forward two years later/last summer. My husband and I finally admitted to each other that we had both been thinking about how much we regretted the fact that I had the TL in the first place. To make a long story short, we looked into options for what we could do to possibly have a third child. As I write this, a year after that first conversation we had, I am planning to undergo an IVF cycle at the end of the summer in the hopes of having the third child we both want and wish we could do the natural way, as we did twice before. This decision did not come lightly and it has literally been a year of heartache, pain, regret so deep I can't see over it, more than I could possibly ever explain on line to someone I've never met. The IVF would be all out of pocket since I had an elective TL, by the way, but by the grace of someone "up there" I am going to be part of a research study that will give me the cycle for free in exchange for tracking me super carefully and watching how I respond to the meds.

I am grateful that science can assist us and other couples who can't conceive naturally, but oh how I wish I had just stopped and researched the TL a little more and REALLY thought about it. I can't believe how much different I was then, and I'm only three years older now. Time does change things and it changes your feelings sometimes in ways you can't imagine now. So if you never want another child, fine, so be it, but at least you know you "can" in the traditional way if you choose. My opinion is that the TL should not be done for women under 38, or without extensive counseling... who is in their right mind at 9 months pregnant? Just think about it, I wish I had.

Hmmmm...it's really a personal choice. I have O. child and know it's right for me. but I have not had my tubes tied and my husband has not had a vasectomy. We just make sure we are protected!

May I ask your age??? because depending upon what it is... believe me.. a person's perception about motherhood does change from year to year...
Also... apart from doing anything drastic right now , could you begin to chart your cycles and then you can determine from month to month, when it is and isn't safe to have sex. a good book is , "take charge of your fertility"
some would say that getting pregnant isn't so much the risk as NOT being able to get pregnant ... which leads me back to the original question, your age..
I am not suggesting ultimately tying one's tubes isn't a good thing, but try not to make HUGE decisions like that when you are experiencing depression.. (such as you indicated) ..... and realize too... tying of one's tubes isn't a cure all for all that you are currently experiencing... you will still feel depressed, sleep deprived ... however, those can be remedied via exercise, better nutrition and well more sleep.. which as we know, may not come until later :) again... try NOT to make a rash decision which tying tubes and or circumcision is............ try working on what you can do to try and feel better.. perhaps start with a simple 30 min walk... a good breakfast... and stay hydrated... being dehydrated only adds to depression.. .
best of luck to you

WAIT until your son is at least 2 years old. THe first year is REALLY tough. Things do get easier as time passes. My son's first year was exhausting. I was prego with number 2 from 9 to 18 months, which was even more exhausting, but doable. I thought I would NEVER want to be pregnant again. (I hated being pregnant.) Now my younger son is 18 months old and I am starting to think about getting pregnant again. I don't really want to be pregnant again. And I'm not looking forward to the first year, but the thought of having another child is tempting. Two years of suffering for a lifetime of blessings. I am glad I have the option if I decide.

To easy anxiety...be diligent about condom use. Also, do some research on ovulation and avoid having sex during the most high risk times. You may also want to consider counseling for the PPD, if you are not seeing someone already.

Good luck.

You certainly don't have to risk another pregnancy by not taking permanent steps to avoid it.

I felt the same way, that I could not imagine having another child when my son was young. But he is now 4 1/2, and the sweetest boy on earth. And I could absolutely do it now. I wasn't sure I'd ever get to the point where I'd feel like I would enjoy having another one, but now I'm sure I would.

There's no reason to do anything permanent at this point. There are way too many other non-permanent options. Give yourself the benefit of time to make any permanent choices.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with having only one child, if that's what feels right to you. There are many families who feel complete with one child. But personally, I just don't see any reason to make that permanent choice at this point when you are still a little overwhelmed (I know I was), when you have so many other options.

I don't know what your age is, but you should not do something drastic. Of course you're thinking you don't want another baby. You're a first time mom with hormones having a fun ride and you have a baby. But don't do anything drastic. There are doctors out there that won't even consider doing that before a certain age or without your spouses consent. Take precautions like birth control pills, condoms with spermicide, etc. Make your husband as responsible as you in this. It should never always be the woman's task.

It's easier to stop taking the pill to get pregnant than it is to try to reverse a surgical procedure. You don't want regrets down the road. Give yourself a year, by your child's 2nd birthday and then discuss it again with your husband. By then your hormones will have settled and you will have time to think things more thoroughly.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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I think tying your tubes is a little drastic. If you do not want to have another kid now then think about getting and IUD. The paragard is hormone free and is easy to insert at the doctors office. Talk to your gynocologist. I am 41 and did not want to be on BC any longer but did not want my tubes tied. You can always use condoms also. I have the IUD and so far so good and I am glad I went this route. If you decide you want another then you can always have it removed and the best part is that is not something that is not reversable. Good luck

I would go with Mirena or something similar. It lasts 5 years and is piece of mind. I have 3 little girls and also believe I am done but you never know. We may decide later to expand our family so I didn't want to do anything permanent. Mirena provides a reversible solution to your problem. If you still don't want children in 5 years you can tie your tubes then or just insert the Mirena again. I've been on it for over 6 months now and have little complaint.

I agree with Denise in that it should be a personal choice. You may consider something like Mirena that can be reversed should you change your mind once your little guy gets into school.

Paraguard may be a good answer for you. I wouldn't do anything so permanent until your child is a few years old, because it doesn't sound to me like you don't want another child, but rather that you are afraid that you'll be overwhelmed. The overwhelming feeling may go away once your child is a few years old and you've had some sleep!

Hi, M.:

Yes, Go ahead.

Don't let them cut or burn the tubes in case you change your mind to have the surgery reversed.

Hope this helps. D.

I think you are better off telling yourself:

I don't HAVE to have another baby ever again. I can go out and get my tubes tied anytime I want to.

And while you are constantly telling yourself that pregnancy cannot be forced on you, sit back and enjoy the baby you do have and seek out some very reliable birth cotnrol.

Your current theory that you don't want another could very well turn out to be true. You may never decide to have another one. But at 10 months, your body and hormones are still reeling and that is not the place to make significant, permanent decisions from.

You do not sound like a horrible mom! Stop beating your self up! The first year was, for me, pure, unmitigated torture. I too had PPD and a baby that didn't sleep and it almost killed me... thank god for Zoloft. I swore-- swore-- we'd never do this again. And guess what? My son is almost 3 and we're starting to think about it again. I've had the Mierena and aside from some wieght gain, it has been perfect. Take a medium-term course of action, like an IUD. THere is essentially no fail rate with them after the first month (you could still have a tubal pregnancy, but that's pretty darn rare and can happen with anything except sterilization). If at the end of 5 years you feel the same way, you can go ahead with the surgery. The copper IUD is 10 years-- talk to your doc about the pros/cons.

Hang in there- it does get better, though I know it's hard to imagine now.

You're only listing the actual physical and monetary inconveniences which doesn't make it clear if you would really not want another human in your family to love one day. If you really don't want any more kids because you are content, have enough, and just don't see yourself in the future as having and loving more than one child, teen, adult relative in your life, then have your husband tie his tubes (much better than the surgery you'd need). But think long and hard, because the reasons you list are all temporary. Except the expense, but again, it depends if you think a human is worth it.
We kept all three of our surprises, despite everything you list, but when anyone mentioned those points, I strongly felt "That's not important!" So I knew for me the strain paid off, but lots of people only want one child because they only want one child. Just be sure before you go to the doctor.
Also, your baby is 10 months old. You're still reeling from the ordeal In a few months you'll feel much more on top of things and the horror will have faded. OR you'll be even more sure that you're content with one. I wouldn't rush it. Bust out the condoms and be DILIGENT with them. Good luck!

First I think you should wait to make this decision. Wait a couple of years and see if you still feel the same way. My son is 11mnths and I can't imagine having another one right now....I just couldn't handle it, a couple mnths ago we even thought I might be pregnant again and it really scared me, but I do think that I will want another one eventually and you might to. that being said if you decide that you definatly don't want kids (I know that I dont want anymore than 2!) you shouldnt get your tubes tied. that is major surgery and why go through that when your husband can get an in office procedure down. oh and feeling that you can't handle another kid right now (or even ever) does not make you a horriable mother it means you know whats right for you and your family and that makes you a good mother

How about your husband? Have you talked to him about this? Some men are like women... meaning they actually dream about having a certain amount of kids.

I am like you in that i cannot take birth control. I have a very high stroke risk. I have not tied my tubes or let my husband have a vasectomy. I want to make sure that both of us are ready for such permanent measures.

I do agree with the other mom's. You are probably exhausted and not thinking clearly. Please wait before take permanent measures.

Hi M.,

I chose to use the Paraguard IUD. It lasts 10 years. You can have it removed at anytime if you decide you do want to have more children. It is extremely safe. There are no drugs to worry about side effects and your Family history of health.