Hi N.,
I know exactly what you're going through.....I've had the same problems with my son since tooth brushing first started. He's now almost 2 and it still continues.
We've tried every different way to brush his teeth...if my Husband wasn't around to help I'd have to get my 6 yr old to help distract him or hold his hands so he doesn't yank the toothbrush out.
I'm very gently with him but he still just hates having his teeth brushed.
The only thing I've been able to start doing that's helped me "a little" is after I get him out of the bath at night and have his arms still wrapped up in the towel, I'll sit him on the bathroom counter and brush his teeth. I have my 6 yr old brush hers at the same time so he can watch big sister at the same time and realize that someone else has to do the same time......it seems to be helping but he still whines about it.
Maybe you or your husband can brush your teeth at the same time so he can see someone else doing it as well....it really is a good distraction.
I wouldn't worry that your little guy will become scared of the toothbrush, when he understands a little better, he'll relax more.
He's just to little to understand right now that what your doing is good for him.
I hope you get some great advice because I know this is a tough battle with kiddos! : )
Good luck to you and keep up the good work.