Should We Send a Baptismal Invitation to My in Laws?

Hello MCL, I have 5 children and went through much of this situation but with my father and step mother and my birth mother who I hadn't lived with since I was a child. I tell you this only to help you understand what I am going tosay. First and formost do not expect them to ask for your forgiveness, and to get that they have to take the first steps to the healing process.
When my husband and I took in several children and considered and treated them as ours we thought that our families would do the dame and treat them as neices and nephews and grandchildren. I learned that it was a unreasonable expectation to have. My husband is a wonderful man and had so much to give yet his family didn't think that since we didn't give birth to these teens they didn't count. So I see what your mother in law is doing. They are not blood and unless adopted are not really your husbands children. This is just a fact and one that you have to both accept. Even though you as a family disagree.
We had to make a choice and decided that our family was more important than ourt extended family. I have to admit that at times I do miss them but I know that it was the right decision -- as when my husband was dying they could not be bothered to even come to his funeral. I know it sounds like I am makeing it all about me BUT the point is your child's blessing is a specail day and one that you want to create memories and they don't need to be ones of fighting and sorrow. It doesn't sound as if they are Religious people( with all the fighting and discord) so it won't really matter. If at a future time you want to let them know of a special event then do so but not this day of joy and happiness. You can always have a picnic in the park or Zoo-- with them so they won't have to be in your home. Your home is a place that should keep the world outside and be a place that is safe and secure for your family. Let me just say that you could have a sign on the door that says how we choose to raise our children is our business and see if they even get it, or when they just stop by get everyone ready to go and say your just out the door.
I encourage people to just drop on by but then I have few that will cross the mote to face me as a dragon and cause problems after seeing what I did with my birth parents. I know that this is a lesson that you can pass on to your children and to future son anddaughter in laws. Take pain out of this day and only have the few people that are special and supportive in your life and your child's. God Bless,

Wow. what a horrible mess! How does your husband feel about inviting them? My guess is he's just as conflicted as you are. My strongest inclination is to not invite the stress that they represent. But the problem with that is that slights like that have a tendency to last forever. I guess the question is, does your husband have any hope that it will ever be any different? If he doesn't, then why invite the stress to an already very full day--a birthday and a christening!? The problem is, he will probably still get a call and have to deal with either his mom or his stepdad. I would say it's probably mostly his call, so to speak, and if he decides to invite them, then he has to deal with them.

It sounds like he and his mom have a LOT of issues that need to be dealt with someday if they are ever to have any kind of non-combative relationship.

I'm so sorry. I don't imagine I was much help, just sympathy if nothing else. Isn't it amazing how horrible some family members can be?

I wish I could help more. But again, my inclination is to not invite stressors--you have four kids, that's enough stress right there!

best of luck, sorry I couldn't be more help.

I would not invite them until there is some sort of apology, if that even happens... Don't live your life out of feeling obligated to others, we as women do this much too often trying to "keep the peace", be the "buffer", etc. You have ONE lifetime, surround yourself with positivity, joy, love and flourish, you thrive on happiness, your family feels it, if you are stressed your family feels that too. Don't feel guilty, the grandparents are obviously in the wrong and until they "right" the situation, I think you should just let sleeping dogs alone. Good luck and I'm going to check back in on you to see what you decided to do. Hang in there, being a wife, mom, cook, housemaid, lover, chauffer, homework assistant, laundry specialist, grocery shopper, chef and a million other things is a tough job...especially a family enrichment specialist. Good luck.