Wondering if anyone can relate!? My sister has a son who is 17 mos old and ever since he she had him, but especially since he turned one, that is all she is about. Everything he does is fabulous. He was outside today pushing a lawn mower that I handed down to him and she cheered and clapped (do I sound irritated?!!!!). The problem is that I have two boys that get pushed to the side now. My boys are in preschool and kindergarten and although I cheer them on in sports I can't imagine clapping because they ride their bike for the 1000th time. I feel like whenever we get together my children get the short end of the stick, not only from my sister, but everyone else in the room. My sons have started making little comments about it and unfortunately talking to my sister will do no good. My son recently graduated from kindergarten and my sister promised him she would come over and they would go out together to celebrate. Actually she said maybe, but I don't think he heard that part!! The day came and went and there was no phone call, nothing. I love my nephew, but it is becoming hard to be around him when everyone acts like he is king. Am I being selfish or too sensitive? Maybe I was this annoying when my first was younger, though I hope not and really don't think so. Adult conversation is even difficult with my sis since she has to interrupt to praise her son. Any advice? You can be honest!!!!
Thanks,
N.
This too shall pass...everything has a season and this is one of them...if it helps, I know it gets a bit old at times:)
I think that sounds obnoxious and I don't think your feelings are out of line. However, its a tough one to deal with. I would assure your boys its no reflection on them and that Auntie is just so in love with cousin that she gets carried away. Babies are cute for a reason: So that when they get to be older and a pain in the neck, we have already fallen in love with them and don't give them back! I'd be sure to praise them when they do well, like after a day with cousin, and if you can get an ear from other family members about how it makes them feel, maybe let them know. But I'd probably ignore it for the most part. Laugh inside when it seems like a ridiculous praise. Ask if thats the 1st time he's ever done that? Her excesive praise isn't good for her son, and if you find a book to back that up you could somehow get that info to her. "I was reading a book by a child psychologist about children and self esteem, and it said..."
Good luck!
It's HER firstborn. She's entitled to smother her son with as much praise as she wants. When the next one comes along, tho, two things will happen. 1. she won't be doing all the clapping etc quite as much, as she's already gone through it and it's old news. 2. the first born might be somewhat resentful that suddenly he's got to share mom, and then mom will have other issues to have to concentrate on instead.
I wouldn't worry yourself sick over the fact that she's not giving your kids the attention. When it was just yours, didn't they get enough? It's time to share the spotlight. Also, slathering on an over abundance of praise can have its negative effects, as in the kids won't understand when they AREN'T the best and lose to someone else. Or mom's praise, without the realism, will make them have false beliefs about their abilities. Can be as devastating.
You stick to your own kids, and if they feel deficient in attention, then you load on a little extra.
I can completely imagine how you feel - you've got two gorgeous boys and just because your sister's is youngest it seems like they're being ignored. I think we all get a bit obsessed when we have our first child, so hopefully she'll settle down a bit, especially if she has another child. I think I would limit the amount of time you spend with her at the moment - can you tell your parents how you feel so they make sure not to give your kids less attention. You could try talking to your sister, but I'm not sure she'll listen. I'm sure your boys are absolutely wonderful - enjoy them and just realize your sister's got an obsession at the moment - your nephew. Congratulations on your son graduating from kindergarten - my little one graduated from kindergarten too but had to miss the last three days of school because he caught the flu on Friday - anyway he's back for the last day of the year and so excited! take care - Alison
Seriously, I'd let her enjoy this time, and hopefully you can find a way to be supportive. You were probably the same way but just can't remember due to being so crazy busy now with two 'older' kids. Plus, when your first was small...he got tons of attention since your sister didn't have any kids! I understand what you're saying, but just think you should try to let it pass...the situation will resolve itself. Good luck!
I can understand completely. Your sister sounds as if she is very excited with the birth of her son as we all are. However, let her know that your sons (Her nephews) love her and want her attention as well. Maybe this will open her eyes. Or....maybe you could just distance yourself for a while. Good luck :)
I think something happened baby wise to her and she is over doing mom to coop. or she s weird no harm ment. But I think your not alone we all have them people in our families and honestly just so someone doesn't set her off they probably all give in to her at family functions don't worry they all appreciate you and your children and its also a good learning experience to your kids on how not to act and the feelings bhind it all. Although it sucks Good luck!!!
N.,
I can understand where you're coming from as you want to protect your children. Congratulations on your sons kindergarten graduation!
Think back to how you were with your first child and you may realize you thought it was cute when he pooped in his diaper. :) It's hard for a first time mom to understand how obnoxious they are being to everyone else. And it isn't something that you can explain to them either unfortunately. It should get better if and when she has another child. But, until then you may want to limit the time your sister spends with your boys or just make sure she understands how she's letting your boys down with empty promises.
Good luck and hang in there.
C.
I am kind of going through the same thing right now. I am keeping a bit more distance than usual and making sure I keep telling my kids how awesome they are. I have also been letting off steam to my friends - they're great sounding boards. Hopefully this all will help. This too shall pass, hang in there!!! =)
Wow! I am trying to think about how I act around others to see if it could be perceived by others as you perceive your sister's love for her baby... and I probably could! I am a first time mom of a 17-month-old and I know that I am totally excited whenever my daughter does anything new on her own. I clap and get excited and think she is the most amazing person. I am even more excited when my siblings or parents get to see some of her latest new things. I would like to think that my siblings are happy to see me as a parent since there is such a large gap between the first kids in our family and my first baby! It is nice to finally understand the maternal joy and pride that I have seen in every woman who has ever had a baby.
On the other hand, it is not cool that your sister made promises to your kids that she is not holding up. I think you should just call her out on it. Or tell her that your son has asked if Auntie is going to take him out... and maybe offer to watch your nephew so they can have some one-on-one time and you can too with your nephew.
Be patient with us new moms... we are new at this. :)
I wouldn't talk to your sister about how she is being with her child, that is her business. HOWEVER, I would mention that "johnny" was very upset that she didn't take him out like she had promised. I would use the word promise since that is how he felt about it, even if it wasn't what she actually said, it was obviously how she implied it. She has a right to praise her children as much as she wants, don't go there. Just choose not to be around her as much, she will eventually get the hint.
As far as the rest of the family, you can talk to your parents, but it might be a good idea to video tape the next family event, the whole thing, and then review it yourself, or have someone else do it for you, and write down how much attention that the kids each get, before you talk to your parents. Make sure that you are right and not just hurting from the loss of your relationship with your sister. I wouldn't use the tape as proof to your parents, don't even mention taht you did it. It will only be to provide yourself with a realistic look at the situation. You might find that it is only your sister that is being lop sided and you don't want to start a family war if it isn't necessary.
Really jsut stay away from all of them for a while. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and when you get back together, grandma and grandpa will be so happy to see them, the tide will turn in your kids favor. It works for us.
hey N. my mother in law treat mt sister in laws kids like that or should in i say kids her daughter adoptid kids like that and mine feal it but mine are the younger one and the older one get the big deal made of so if you can let the way your sister acting roll off your back you can't change how people act once they become mom
I agree with the replies below. That is up to your sister how she chooses to parent her children. Your choice would be if you want to be around her and her family given the way she parents.
You need to carry a camera with video! Start recording these events and say "Oh, that was so cute! Let's watch it again!" and let her see herself...over and over again acting obnoxious. If that doesn't work, fight fire with fire...start overly praising your children for stuff in front of her, especially right after she has praised her child for something...even if you are praising your child for walking into the room...lol. If she asks what you are doing, just tell her you noticed her constant praising of her child and thought you were not doing a good enough job as a parent and wanted to take a que from her and copy her...lol. Then ask "What? Am I doing it wrong? I'm only doing what you do". Then maybe she will get the hint...lol. Good luck!
I would suggest just letting your sister do what she wants with her child. She might be over the top to you, but it sounds like she may have a different parenting style than you do and that's okay too. I mean, my 14 month old just fully mastered walking and I still get excited when she walks across the room. The novelty hasn't worn off. Give your sister some time to let the novelty wear off of him pushing the mower or doing whatever it is that she thinks is great. I suspect that once he's more stable and doing less "firsts", she'll chill with the theatrics.
However, since it's affecting your boys, you should definitely talk to her about it. One child is not more special than the other. I know it's exciting when a baby does things it has never done before but hey - your son has never graduated kindergarten before either!
You need to realize that it's not your nephew's fault, though. Don't take it out on him or you'll start to resent him, and he's not the one to blame. Your sister is where you need to direct your attention.
Hopefully she will get over this. What she needs is more children! Be as patient and supportive as you can. You won't hear it if you try to tone her down. Everybody knows someone like this but it's especially annoying if your own kids are just as wonderful but you have a more balanced perspective. Too much praise actually isn't such a good thing, it turns out. There's some stuff being written on it lately - not that she'd realize it! I think, when she has something else to distract her or another baby, she'll calm down. Meanwhile, grin and bear it. You could try using humor with her but it may backfire.
Since you said we could be honest, I think that you need to take a few steps back and realize that he is a lot younger than your kids and it is a huge event when the little one does something that you've seen him do over and over and finally does it right.
For instance, my guy is 15 months and it is a huge deal when he does something smart or well or does something by himself for the first time. In someways, I'd say I am like your sister. However, I can't imagine doing the same thing when he's able to perform a lot of these tasks automatically.
Your guys are more indepedent than her little guy. Give her break.
Hi N.,
Let her have her "my son is best" time. It's her first kid and she probably doesn't realize how she's acting. Hopefully it will be a phase she will outgrow. Keep in mind your kids will be doing thigs before hers will. They will be first to read, first to drive a car, first to graduate high school, most likely first to get married, etc. Time has a way of evening everything out. Be patient. If she doesn't start coming around then you might want to consider not being around her as much if it's affecting your kids. Maybe she'll get the hint if you don't come around as much. Then if she calls to ask why you could always tell her and if she interrupts again to praise her son then tell her to call you back when she can talk to you without interruption, that you need some exclusive adult conversation. It may take a shock to get her to open her eyes. My sister is self absorbed and I haven't talked with her in a long time but I don't deal with the "my kid is the only one that matters" attitude either. Since we've been apart I've seen a drastic increase in my boys' self esteem. It all works out.
S.
