So Gets Upset When Dad Travels

Updated on October 06, 2009
K.H. asks from Chicago, IL
4 answers

Hi Mamas, I'm hoping that some of you might have some words of wisdom for me. My husband travels for work about twice a month and is usually gone for 2-3 nights at a time. We have a 22 month old boy who is generally a good kid, but has been acting out lately when his Dad is gone. "Acting out" is probably a strong way of putting it. It's more that he gets upset when Dad is gone. I've noticed this happening more recently as my son and husband have really been bonding more (he's really Daddy's little buddy these days). When my husband travels, my son usually has at least one night where he gets up numerous times and sometimes won't go back to sleep. The other night he got p at 1 a.m. asking for Daddy. I tried all the usualy tactics to get him to go back to sleep, but nothing worked. It was like he thought it was the middle of the afternoon and wanted to play. In general, he's a good sleeper, so this behavior is definitely related to his Dad being gone. He also get's upset very easily when Dad is gone, doens't want to go to daycare and cries for every little thing. I work as well so when this type of behavior happens I get exhausted and it's difficult for me to function at work. Does anyone have and coping tactics for myself or my son? Is ther something we can be doing to better prepare him for Dad being gone? Thank you.

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M.J.

answers from Chicago on

Hi K.! I feel your pain. My husband travels 2-4 nights a week for work and I have a 2.5 year old little girl. She too has recently been acting out. I put a picture of her and her daddy in her room for her to look at when she misses him and she has even slept with the picture in her bed. She has not been getting up at night but has been acting out in other ways. It is really hard but just keep reassuring your son that Daddy will be back soon. Maybe when Daddy is home he can do something special with your son. That is what my husband does with our daughter. Good luck!

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J.C.

answers from Rockford on

Maybe there are some children's books about someone special leaving for a trip that you could read together? If your child has any experience saying hi to someone on the phone, maybe dad can call each night before bedtime and that will reassure your son. If your family is technology savvy, then you could use webcams too. If your son has some contact with dad maybe that will help him adjust better.

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M.C.

answers from Chicago on

My husband travels weekly for work. When my daughter was that age and had trouble dealing with him being gone, he will send funny e-cards, or call. I also bought a calendar and have her X off the days before bedtime - showing her the date he would be home. It really helped. While she is still not thrilled that he is away from home so often, it has gotten much better.

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E.P.

answers from Chicago on

My husband travelled every week, when the kids were young. He was usually gone one or two nights - every now and then, it was three nights in a row. Three nights could be brutal!

My husband called EVERY NIGHT! He always asks about our day and we ask him about his day. It's funny to hear my kids say things like... "So, how's that long ride with Jim? Did you make the sale??? What did you have for dinner?" When they were younger, sometimes if it was a lengthy trip, he would call twice - once in the daytime. And we end the call with, "I love you. Have a safe trip." He has always brought home SOMETHING. Whether it was just a bag of peanuts or raisins from his flight, or crackers, anything. If this is ongoing travel, just be consistent and watch your own body language. Make sure you are positive and consistent when your husband leaves. Change any wording of .... we're going to miss you".. to... "when you get home, on Thursday, we are going to (i.e. have a nice dinner, play a game, etc....) Just try to stay upbeat. Every now and then, have him make specific phone calls to his son, too. Your son should ease into this travel. There may still be nights that will be difficult but just try to be matter-of-fact about the travel then try to distract your son and get him on another subject.

Then, when Dad walks in - make a big deal! It's cute even now, when my husband comes home, my son is 11 and he carries Dad's briefcase to his room, then begins to dig through it, looking for any cookies or treats that were stuffed in there. And, I don't know why this was, but, when my son was younger, it was always harder on my son, when my husband travelled. My daughter was much more matter-of-fact.

Good luck to you... yes, it can be exhausting for you! Just don't ever let Dad "sneak out". I think that's much harder on a child.

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