Son Doesn't Want to Leave Daycare!

Hi
I had a similar problem. Now I keep a stash of 'special treats' in the car. I tell my son that he will get one if he leaves nicely and gets in the car nicely. The treats are just granola bars, or cereal bars, but that is the only time he gets them
Good luck

Hi S.,

I run a daycare and every now and then I get a child at around age 2 to age 3 that starts to throw fits when picked up. I don;t want to say this is common, but it kinda is. He has security at his daycare, not that he doesn't have it at home. Not knowing what happens when you get home, but it you are going home and he is set aside because you have to fix dinner or if you have other children or if you are doing chores around the house like laundry, cleaning etc.... it is hard for a child to go from a atmosphere where he is able to play and when he needs an adult they are there then go home and want to be with mom and dad and forced to go play. Remember they are playing and being active all day and when they get home they just want to be with mommie and daddie. Most of the time this is just is hard to do with most families. so maybe re-evaluate what is going on at home when you do get home. Maybe take the first half hour and do some one on one with him like a craft or coloring or reading. then when you come to pick him up he knows that when he gets home you and him will be doing something.

Good luck
M.

Hi S., I am a daycare provier and I see this everyday, what you have to realize that babies bond with the one who spends the most time with them, when they grow up in daycare, that becomes their home, I have a 17 month olds that has only been with me for 2 months, and his mom and dad have to pick him up and cary him out, sometimes kicking a fussing, and as they are caring him out he is reaching for me. I have a 5 year old who has been in my care since he was 3 months old, well, he lived with me these ppast 4 months while his parents have ben gone, his mom came back off of a 7 month delpoyment last Tuesday, last night Thursday only 2 dsys later he wanted to spen the night here instead of going with his mom, unfortunaly this two working parents, causes sacrafices that you really don't want, all my daycare kids call me mom, I say no I'm miss J., I have one baby in here who when he learned how to crawl, my family and his family were at the same Christmas party for our church, when he saw me he squirmed to get doem from his mom crawled accross the room through many people just to get to me, and stayed with me the whole party. The five year old that I told you about didn't wantto go home with his mom the sencond after not seeing her for 7 months. well when he was 3 his mom had duty Christmas Eve so she had brought some of his presents to my house since he was going to be here Christmas morning until she could pick hi up, well we were opening and she walked in, and asked him are you ready to go, he said to her get out, he paused and then he said it again get out, it was like she was invading his time with his family, she took him out throwing a fit, kids bond with the one they spen the most time with, J.

wow i think i would feel the same way. maybe try to explain to him that he will be back the next morning or if its friday that he will get to go back in two days and let him mark the calander. does he have a brother or sister at home to play with? it could be that he just likes to be around a lot of kids (or the few kids there). good luck im sure this will pass with time!

I had the same problem with my daughter, but hers was not wanting to get into the car, once she was in or at home she was her happy self again. I tried different things to get her to leave; we would read a story in the car, I would have a snack she liked waiting in the car, I had a favorite toy waiting in the car for her, I played some music she enjoyed in the car. Eventually she just stopped resisting. Now on the drive home I ask her what she did during her day. She likes telling me when she falls outside and bops her head or that another parent read her a story. Try not to let your feelings get hurt, they love you and they are only crying because they are frustated about something. You can also coach your son and encourage him to use his words to tell you how he feels instead of crying and you not knowing what he is upset or sad about. Good luck.

My daughter doesn't like to leave preschool. She is a bit older (5) and doesn't have a fit like your son but she is still unhappy about leaving. I don't know if you can do this or not, but my younger son and I show up a little bit earlier than normal and I let them play, when I'm ready to go, I use the same tactics as I do at the park, "OK, 15 minutes and we are going home" I count down till it is time to go. I've not had a problem since. Even if you can only stay 15 minutes, your son might be happy with that. Tell him when you drop him off, OK, today Mommy is coming a little bit early so you can stay and play. Then during that 15 minute countdown time, keep alerting him that you are leaving in X amount of minutes.

Don't take it personally, I'd prefer my child to not want to come home than to have a fit while being dropped off.
M.

I have two kids in daycare still and had this same problem with each of them on seperate days! I have learned that I need to make sure that I am not in a hurry when I get to daycare, this way the have some adjustment time from school to home. Then when we get home I spend at least 15 mins with the kids before I do anything else. This little unrushed schedule has been great for ALL of us, it allows all of us to slowly make the change for "real world" to home life. Good luck and dont take it to heart, think of it as a good sign that he really enjoys school and he is so happy there that he wants to stay!

Well here's my take on it (and it's lengthy). I am a daycare provider and have seen dozens of toddlers act in pretty much every way imaginable during drop-off and pick-up over the years. At three years old your sons experience with handling emotions appropriately is very limited. Every child misses their mom while she is at work (whomever the primary caregiver is I should say). It is not that he loves being with his daycare mom more than you. In fact, he loves you so much that it actually feels overwhelming for him to reconnect with you at the end of the day. But instead of embracing your return, he has decided to unleash on you with a tantrum. Here's some perspective... It takes many (many) years for children to view the world as an environment which does not revolve completely around what is important to them. Maybe he thinks that your job is making you leave him, or that you don't think about him while you're gone. I can come up with so many responses that a young child might believe. For this very reason I don't always see it as necessary for the child to say/hug their parent goodbye in the morning or even say hello when they return. Don't get me wrong though, it's always necessary for the parent to do this even if the child doesn't return a response. When you come for him at the end of the day he wants you to know that he's unhappy that he can't have your undivided attention while you're at work and he's willing to create a very dramatic scene to instantly get you into a zone where you are focusing an intense amount of energy on him (even though it is coming from a place of frustration on your part). I hope you see where I'm going with this, it is a very normal response and it is not a reflection of you. Your son doesn't (and can't) understand the sacrifices you are making on a daily basis in order to provide a good life for him. But don't forget who the three year old is in this relationship, do not give in to what he has decided is an appropriate way of handling your return. I'm not going to suggest that there is one right way to handle him when he starts tantruming. But I will say that the ground work needs to be laid at home. Help him as best you can to work through his emotions in a healthy manner. Let him know how much you think about him while you're gone and how you hope that he will want to run and give you a big hug when you see him after work. Try not to plan activities/appointments immediately following his pickup so that you can spend a few minutes at the daycare engaging in an activity that he initiates. But most of all remember that he needs you to embrace him with love and acceptance even when he's trying his best to get you riled up. I know it sounds strange but his tantruming is just his primitive way of telling you that he missed you while you were gone.
take care,
R.

I am about to start my son in Daycare and I am terrified he will HATE it! :), so I guess it's kinda a good thing that your son loves it so much he doesn't want to leave....I am a first time mom so I have no advice, but good luck, I would venture to guess it's a stage he will grow out of or get bored with once he realizes he is going home no matter what :)