I have a kind hearted 4 year old son who has always been very well behaved. However, lately he has been lashing out, mostly towards his 2 and a half year old sister, by hitting and throwing things. He is also starting to lie some as well. I am not sure what is triggering this sudden behavior. Could he be bored? Or wanting more attention from me? I try hard to balance quality time with him and his sister while still keeping a clean house and working 20 hours a week. The only time he is around kids his age is Sunday mornings in his class. I am not ready to send him to full time preschool this fall but am considering part time 2-3 mornings a week so he can be around other kids more.
I so appreciate all you mommies! It's great to know I am not alone! My son's aggressive behavior has mellowed way down; I don't even remember the last time he hit his sister! Giving him more responsibility along side me and making sure I cut out time several times a day to just play has done wonders. His bed wetting at night has stopped too. As far as preschool, he will be attending mornings 3 times a week as well as taking karate which he is very excited about! Thanks for all your advice and "hugs"!
My thought is the same as Lisa, that he may be picking up some bad habits elsewhere. It could also just be a normal phase for him - you know how kids go through their tests to see how far they can go wtih certain things - this might be one of his.
C.
Sometimes this happens to my son when he's around other bad children and/or when I am slacking off on dicipline.Try giving him more alone time but being firm with your punishments.
HI T.. I'm no expert- but I'm pretty sure this is very typical behaviour of this age. I have a 6yr, 5yr and 17 mos old boys...I remember specifically right around 5th birthday for both of my older ones aggresive behaviour. and lying does tend to start around age 4. I wouldn't worry too much unless it intensify's...I would keep reinforcing your rules and take discipline measures when you do catch him hurting another person or in the middle of a lie. no chances - 1st offense - either taking a favorite toy away or some sort of privilage that he enjoys...it will take some time- but I think you'll see the behaviour will start to die down and you'll have another issue to attack before long...Good luck to you.
Nikki
I have to agree with the ones that say to look further into preschool. I know it is hard to let go of the time at home, but they really are expecting a lot in kindergarten now here in ga. Most children are attending a prek M-F or at least M- Thurs 9-12. There are many private church run pre schools out there that don't go all day, every day. Socializing with other kids and other teachers may also help with the aggression.
I know at that age younger siblings tend to get more into everything their older siblings are doing. He's probably getting aggravated with her.
My main reason for responding is because you said you weren't going to send him to pre-K full time. My son was in kindergarten this year and my daughter is in pre-k. I think they've pretty much replaced kindergarten with pre-k. If my son hadn't gone to pre-k he would've been at a real loss in kindergarten. Not just study wise but socially.
He's at the end of the year and they've already got him reading books by himself and doing a bit of multiplication. I'm not sure if this is normal or because of our school system, but you may want to look into it. Pre-k is a state run program in this area, it's just another public school. I don't think my son would've made it this year if he hadn't gone to pre-k.
I have a friend who says that boys need time playing around outside or they will act up. It sounds like you are working from home, trying to keep the house clean, and what is your boy doing during that time? That is not fair to him. A 4 year old needs social, physical, and mental stimulation. You need to get him in a summer program while you are working, at a church or daycare. If you don't do that, you will need to take him to the playground more often and join your local MOMS Club (www.momsclub.org) until school starts. It will be very difficult to find a preschool that lets him go less than 4 days a week. 4 year olds have a lot to learn and they need that time.
T., I understand completely what you are going through. My son started acting out a lot when his baby sister came along, too. He was a middle child and wanted more attention. 3 rs. later, he still does the same thing sometimes, LOL.
I don't recommend you keeping him out of Pre-K though. I was just having a conversation with a kindergarten teacher this weekend about children readiness and how difficult it is to prepare children when they have not been in pre-k. Pre-K is what Kindergarten use to be a long time ago. No more is it naps and playing. They are actually learning letters and sounds, color recognition and numbers. These are things they should know before going into Kindergarten now. Buy the time they leave Kindergarten they are reading. Kids who have already been in a learning environment have a harder time picking up these things as quickly as those that have.
The GA pre-K program has excellent programs for children and its FREE. And for you, I think that the biggest benefit would be that he gets constant interaction with other children and learns structure, if nothing else.
The most difficult part for Kindergarten teachers is teaching children who have never been in a learning environment to sit still in the beginning of the year. It takes away valuable learning time from the class. So if you don't want him to go to Pre-K because YOU are not ready, you should reconsider. HE may very well be ready to take that plunge into education. It will teach him a lot and may very well take some pressure off of you for a few hours. He'll come home more content and less willing to pick on his baby sister.
T.--I have three boys--12, 6, and 1....I think what you are experiencing is very normal. Even though each of my boys has a completely different personality--at least the older two have passed a point where they act like heathens! I would say, and I have GOT to believe this is hard in your situation (having lost two) that you cannot tolerate this behavior at all. Boys are VERY black and white. And you have to consistently tell them the difference between right and wrong. You really have to find a form a discipline that works for you and your child. NEVER tell him you are going to have a consequence that you are uncomfortable carrying out, because you cannot lose. Taking away favorite toys or tv time worked well for my oldest. The very thought that Mom was mad, made my 6 year old cry.
On the preschool front....you are LATE for sign-ups for preschool. I would say you need to find a couple of them that you like ASAP and get on a waiting list. Because they expect so much out of them in school now, that FUN social time that used to be kindergarten is now filled by preschool. I will also say that when my 12 year old went to preschool I was worried because it was EVERYDAY (M-F)....He loved it...it was only 9-12 and most days he would beg to "stay-late" and play! All of my children have gone to school--and stayed for K5 if they could do that too---at this wonderful caring church program....but they fill up fast around here, and prices vary wildly.
I hope this helps!
C.
Who watches him while you are working (perhaps something is going on there)-- or do you work from home?
T.,
Most of the postings I read I respond within myself never taking the time to share my thoughts with the one asking for help, but this one struck me. My personal thoughts, and I do not claim to have any sort of professional advice on this, are that all 4 year old's lash out every once in a while, especially to their siblings. My children are two years apart, and my oldest was never agressive either until he started to notice that his brother was becoming more independent and some what of a threat. This will, eventually, in my opinon, get worse if not worked on. NOW, my biggie -- get that 4 year old in preschool. If you think that for one moment he NEEDS more time with you, you need to really reconsider who needs more time with who. I don't mean that harshly, but I have taught preschool for the past 6 years, and I can pick the children who have never been in a preschool setting within the first half hour of the first day of school. You are, again, IN MY OPINION, disableing him by not allowing him to be with children of his own age and learning how to handle himself when issues arise. Preschool is not only a lesson of ABC's and 123's, but also that of social skills which are extremely, if not just as, important. Think about your son the first day of kindergarten and how he might feel walking into a room full of children based on what it's like once a week in Sunday School. I wish that you were a friend so that I could hug you and tell you that I say all of this in love. I just feel very strongly about children having social skills and having them before being sent to Kindergarten where that in itself is overwhelming. Good luck to you. Oh, and once they get away with lying - it snowballs. My 8 year old is getting a very hard lesson in that right now. It hurts me just as much as it does him.
My brother and I have about the same age difference. He was a nice kid too, except when it came to me. We were close enough in age that I wanted to do all the same things he was doing, but he often found that to be annoying. I would follow him all around the house and often jump right in the middle of whatever he was doing. Although I don't remember that far back, my mother has told me the stories, and I can remember being a pain in the behind toward him until we were much older. When he would complain to our mother, she would tell him to quit whining and learn how to play nice. His response was to come back and hit me. Really, I think what he needed was for our Mom to set some boundaries. He needed to know that there was either a place in the house or a time of day at least that he could expect to be able to enjoy an activity uninterrupted by his little sister.
Starting a Pre-K program might be a good experience for him. It would give him a chance to play with other kids his age and maybe give him a break from his sister.
Hope that helps. Good Luck!
