Suggestions for Counseling

Dear M.,
Hi Sweetie, please call me.
XXOO, J. Fendelman
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My suggestion is to skip the medical mumbojumbo that can come along with Psychiatrists and Psychologists. I went to see a Master Social Worker to work thru some of my own personal and family problems and it saved me! Her name is Joan Leshner and she is in Ahwautukee. She never wants to tell you whats wrong with you she just wants to help. It's like having a completely unbiased friend that you know will never tell your secrets. She was amazing! Good luck to you!

Hi M., I went thru this with my cousin, who is 9 years younger than me (I'm 41). We are both only children so basically raised together like sisters. She did many, many hurtful and unforgivable things to not only me, but her mom, my mom and our grandparents when they were both alive. I tried to be the 'bigger' person and be loving and accepting, but there is only so much you can take! So I finally just told her that I was not going to be in touch with her any longer and I was going to start getting rid of the stress and negativity in my life. And I did. About 8 years later (about 2 1/2 years now) she ended up contacting me and we slowly started emailing back and forth. She has 3 kids and I have 2 and we wanted the little cousins to know each other. Although she has never formally apologized for her behavior, I know she was younger, and was having some issues. But that didn't mean I had to be a part of that. We have now spent some of the holidays together and are basically back to a good relationship. So my advice to you is to get counceling (call your insurance carrier and they will let you know what is covered) to help you deal with this now and after some time, and maturity, maybe your sister will realize how important family is and make an effort to get it together. I wish you the very best of luck but think you are doing the right thing!

This is a sad situation...I'm not sure if insurance pays, you'll have to check with your provider. If you cannot afford a "professional" I would suggest going to your local church. The pastors are usually very receptive (this is their line of work after all!) Another added benefit of church would be you involving yourself in a moms' group or women's group. These are groups where life-long friendships are established and "sisters" are made. You are right to move on though, no matter how hard. You don't need that poison in your life and neither do your husband and child. Good luck!

I'm sorry you are sad and going through a lot. You need to check with your insurance company. Sometimes they cover a certain amount of visits. if they do not cover it, then check with some counseling services to see if they offer a service of charging a fee based on the salary that you make.

Hi M.,
I would check your insurance first to see if they cover counseling. Then I would check local churches. I agree, join a church. Even if you are not religious or spiritual, going to church and being a part of something brings so many others blessings and comfort to the heart. I recently joined a church (no one would probably ever picture me in a church) and I have already began to feel it's power. Also, I would check interfaith counceling places, sometimes you can work out a payment plan based on what you can afford. Sorry, I don't really have any other suggestions that the other women that responded however I want you to know you are not alone. I have had to let go of family members as well as friends, so I understand.
I have learned the hard way (with my mom and dad especially but many many others too), that you can't make anyone change. You can't make them live a better life no matter how you try, they have to want it themselves. I do believe in trying and sticking it out but you can only take that for so long and get walked all over so many times. Unfortunately there are times you have to walk away for the good of your own self. I have learned not to dwell on what I don't have but to be thankful for what I DO have. There is so many people out there that are suffering far greater than I.
You sound like you already know all of this, so I wish you the best. May God continue to give you strength and may he bless you with wisdom, courage and love.
Best of luck to you.

In addition to checking with your insurance carrier, you could also have your husband to check with his employer to see if they have an Employee Assistance Program. Many EAP's offer services to employee's family memebers and usually at no cost for a certain number of visits.

Hi M., Wow, I am truly sorry that you are going thru such a tough time. I don't know how you are feeling but I must say that I can relate. Families can be pretty tough some times and I used to feel so unimportant and hurt over the way I was being treated and I felt let down alot. How ever, One of the biggest gifts that I have recieved is learning to forgive. I am in a group called the Family of women and they really helped me to understand why poeple act the way they do and how I am a part of it. At first, I denied every thing that they said AND I let my ego get in the way of looking at the true picture. When I learned to forgive, it opened up a whole new world for me and I had a choice...... To either allow this to continue and feel hurt and victimized or Set up a boundary and taking care of myself first and taking back my power. You would be surprised how many of us get fed up and stressed out because we have forgotten about our own needs. When we do this. We suffer. Our children suffers and our husbands suffer. and we create chayos. Yes its unintentinal but we women are the velcro of the universe. We are the ones that hold things together. Wouldn't you agree?
So..... I understand that your sister has not been very sisterly to you and your family has not been very supportive (forvgive me if I miss something) With everything and all the responsibilities that you have as a wife and mother, Can you please give me one stress free reason why you you need to hold a grudge against your family? granted, they have done alot in the past and they continue to do so.what I am saying is that the way they act is a representation of what is going on inside of them. My mother (bless her heart) she drives me crazy but I forgive myself and her so I set up a boundary and go on my merry way. I love her but I don't have to take her with me when she stresses me out, I let it go because she has her own inner turmoil to deal with. If I want to hold on to it I ask myself the question. Give me one STRESS FREE REASON why I should hold on to this?
Answer. THEIR ISNT ONE....
Your probably great at realistate so
Don't give them free rent in your head.

I have been involved in simaler situations. My MOm divorced all my Aunts. She hangs it over our heads too. We walk on eggshells all the time. I finally threw in ther towel with out guilt. I found peace too! Luckily my pastor showed me the light. I encourage you to go to church and seek council through your pastor. I believe you'll get better council then a therapist and it's free!
hugs to you,
good luck,
N.
www.aromaticbotanicals.com

Hi M.,

Perhaps life coaching would support you moving forward in your life and in letting go of the people and things that don't serve you well. If you would like to know more, I offer a complimentary session so you can try it out and see if it is a good fit for you. I can also recommend other coaches if you would like to have more choices. Whatever you choose, I hope you are able to find a good path for you and I wish you the best.
L. Bottomley, CFLC
Certified Fearless Living Coach
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