Suggestions for Safe Transitional Object (Blankey/lovey)

Hi,

My 15 month old has a huge liking for anything with a tag; she sucks on it. She likes washcloths with tags on them. It's small enough to not cover his face, so you may want to try that. Hope it's some help.

B.
mommy of two precious girls, Kaylee 15mos, and Mia 7wks

I have loved the way my 7 month old daughter cuddles her lovey when she sleeps... she reaches for it and once she feels it, breathes deep and falls peacefully off to deep sleep. We got a small green frog that she can hold and she sucks on his face when she sleeps. It's not big enough to cover her face unless she was very capable of pulling i precisely over her face. It's by douglass and we got the green frog... we even had her name put on it for her.. someone said get more than one, so we did. hope this helps you.

My little guy loves his "duckie" - It's actually a soothie pacifier with a small stuffed animal attached to it. He's used it since birth. www.wubbanub.com

Hmmm. does it have to be fabric? sounds like teething and my kids liked to chew on their pacifiers..they have a ton of products out there that are like bears or clowns with different tactile extremities..so you have the fabric body with chewable hands/feet.. at 6 months he should be close to learning how to manouver objects..

When my second son was about that age I started giving him a 'pillow'. I had a super soft receiving blanket that was soft fabric on one side and silky on the other side. I used to fold it up for him like a little pillow that he would rest his head on. After about a month he really got into it and would move is all over himself. He loved to rub his face on it. Now my son is 3 1/2 years old and still sleeps with the same blanket. He even has a special name for it. He tries to take it everywhere with him. He has also graduated to stuffed animals and sleeps with about 8 puppy dogs and bears everynight. It is so cute. Hopefully you will be able to find something your son will attach to also. Good luck.

My advice would be not to force a lovey onto your little one. We have to pick up and put down my little 9 month old several times, but she is getting better at putting herself down. You may get some good info from the baby whisperer. That site really helped me....but it's not for everyone.
If you're still thinking you want a lovey try a home-made crocheted blanky. If it goes over his face, atleast he can still breathe.

Hope some of that's useful.

S.

They say it's not safe at this age to put any objects in the crib that could cover a baby's face. I think you've proven your son will get caught up or covered in one if you do. Are you sure a lovey is what he needs at this point? What about some soft music (all three of mine have loved it and my 9 and 7 yr olds still have it on to this day for comfort) or one of those aquarium lights and sounds players? It just sounds like you are going to drive yourself crazy with the 'lovey' idea and your son is not ready for one. My youngest loves her 'blankey bear' (similar, I think, to what you described, but no teather edge), but she didn't really get attached to it until she was closer to one year old. She's now two and it's worn to bits. You also have to consider if it ever gets lost and your child doesn't except a replacement! Just some ideas to think about ... I hope it helps.

Have you tried a pacifier? AKA Binky. My daughter is 1 and they started her with it in the hospital. I think it provides her a great deal of comfort when it is time to sleep and have never had any type of scare with it. I don't believe it's recommended to but any type of blanket in the crib if your baby is left alone, just to dress him warm.
Mom of 1 year old girl.

I tried to force lovies on both of my children at that age, thinking it would make life so much easier. Neither child wanted one. However my daughter at 2 latched onto a very sweet little plush tigger that I bought at babies r us for our son. Let me tell you, I will never try to push lovies again because once your child is attatched the panic occurs.

I have been up at 2 am looking everywhere (including outside) for her tigger when she woke up without him. There is pure panic in her voice that I cannot calm if I cannot find tigger and bunny. She can fall asleep without them, but god help me if she wakes up and realizes it.

I suggest a routine and enjoy the lovey free time as long as you can. Reading, singing, rubbing backs, whatever you want to do. Good luck.

I think that our babies like our smells. So, if you and/or your husband wouldn't mind laying down on his crib sheet for a night before using it for his crib mattress, then he might not mind not having a lovey/blanket with him in the crib at night. he might be content enough with your body smells on his crib sheet. anything else might be worrisome because a large one could cover him and scare him, a small one might get stuffed into his air passages (nose, mouth) and also scare him. maybe when he is older, a blanket or lovey could be introduced if he still needs one to comfort him through the night.

the safest thing would be to choose a soft toy that is not big enough to cover his face. I've seen ones that are about the size of your palm, with little rattle heads (ours is a mouse) and the sides tied off into feet and hands. This is not big enough to cover our 6 mo old daughter's face. In the alternative, with my son (now 3 years old), we just waited until he was capable of pulling things off. His fav is a 12" X 12" blanket with a bunny head.

I would think a little bit harder about the whole "lovey" idea.
First of all your son is only 6 months old. The risk of SIDS is still a very real risk. I was told to reduce the risk of SIDS that you should have nothing but a tight fitted blanket in the crib w/ your baby. As you said with the blanket "he couldn't pull it off." At 6 month, babies aren't aware or coordinated enough to maneuver those types of objects (especially in the dark while they are sleepy.)
Also, let's say you do find an object that is crib safe... Do you really want your child to be dependent on that object to fall asleep? What if you're on vacation and you forgot to bring it?!
The best thing is for your baby to learn to self soothe. Give him lots of love during the day and get a nice bed time routine down (for instance: dinner, bath, books, bed.) Then let him figure out how to fall asleep. Transitions are always rough for a bit, but he'll get it, and then you'll have one less thing to worry about.

Your baby is too young for this. He still needs to be with you. No "blankie" can possibly take the place of a warm, loving, responsive human parent. I'm really surprised that you put that in his crib and then walked away. Dangerous!

"Sleep training" is a crock. Human babies don't need to be *trained* to sleep, they do it just fine if nursed, cuddled or worn in a carrier to sleep. Babies have evolved through millennia to become scared and upset if left alone, and rightly so. In the past, this could have left them prey to wild animals, lost or abandoned. A hearty piercing cry upon finding itself alone has probably saved many a baby's life.

I always laid with my now 4yo son to get him to sleep. I cuddled or nursed him, sang songs, and then slipped out once he was deep in slumber. Yes, he became used to my comforting presence. No, I didn't *always* feel like staying with him until he fell asleep. But this time in a mother's life is very short, and I never felt it was acceptable to let my baby cry and feel abandoned.

Today he routinely sleeps 12 hours straight. He is not afraid to go to bed, or sleep in his room by himself. He never fights going to sleep, he looks forward to it.

I also have a 1yo baby boy, and he sleeps 12 hours a night with me, naps wonderfully well, and is happy and healthy. I have never done any form of "sleep training" with him, I just make sure that he knows that I am there for him and responsive whenever he needs me. If he wakes and cries, I go to him and nurse him or pat him back to sleep.

I don't expect him to be able to fall asleep without me for another year or so. That's just not how most babies work.

Research done at Harvard University bears out my instinctual feeling about this:

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNee...

<i>Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry.

The pair examined childrearing practices here and in other cultures and say the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds -- even separate rooms -- and not responding quickly to their cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these children reach adulthood.

The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons and Miller.</i>

So please, reconsider your plan for "sleep training". Just be with your wonderful baby and enjoy the time. It passes quickly.

Whatever you get buy more than one so you have one in reserve in case of loss, damage in the washing machine or just plain worn out:-).

At many baby stores you can get little un-stuffed animals that are velour and super cuddly - about the size of a wash cloth. I would sleep with whatever your choose as a lovely and the baby for a few days before putting him in his own crib - then the lovely will smell like you. And, if he likes pacifers, I would put several in the crib so that he can find one if he needs one. Good luck with your decision on this and the sleep.

This is a bit of magic I discovered.
I had a terrible pregnancy and birth. It's a miracle my son and I both survived. I was not well even still after he was born so I kept him mainly in my bed with me so I could nurse him and nurture him. When it came time for him to be in his own crib, he hated it. And he was just a little baby when I had to have another operation. So, what I did was take my pillow case off of my pillow and lay it under him in his crib and lay him on top of it. Being able to smell me I guess soothed him. He is 12 now. And still has that pillow case.

Kids always pick their own object. It might be a blankey or a binky or a thumb or nothing. So you can't really choose one for him. My daughter had a little silky square blankey that was only about 8" square, so it was relatively small, but I picked it for her she liked it but it wasn't her special object. Maybe a stuffed animal? The main point is that your baby has to pick it. See if he seems bonded to any particular object he has access to. Maybe try to surround him with a few things you feel are safe and see if he picks one.

For my twins around that age I went to Ross Dress for Less and picked out a lightweight basket weave blanket. It was a loose weave fabric that seemed like it would really breathe. Then I took it home and cut it in half. You could also cut a blanket like this in quarters. 8 months later it is still working like a charm... plus you have backup blankets for when one is in the wash.

I would suggest not using any items to help your son drift off to sleep on his own, but rather a transitional routine. You might want to try purchasing a crib mobile, such as The First Years Dreams-In-Sight Projection Mobile. The routine I had with my daughter was that I would feed her, then bathe her, get her ready for bed and then lay her down in her crib awake but with the room dark and her crib mobile on. She would usually fall asleep within 10 mins just watching the lights and listening to the music play. The mobile was $40 dollars but in my opinion worth every penny. I never gave her pacifiers or "loveys" to help her fall asleep. I was too fearful she'd suffocate with a lovey, and I didn't want her becoming depend on a pacifier to help her fall asleep because eventually it would fall out and she'd wake up crying wondering where the heck it went. So...the transitional routine we used worked wonderfully. We started it when she was about four months old. There were times when she did fuss and cry, but she did eventually and quickly learn how to put herself back to sleep. Your son is six months old and is just the right age to learn how to self soothe. Hope this helps and good luck!

I wanted to comment about adults who still carry their baby blankeys! I still have mine but it is tucked away neatly in a drawer. I don't carry the blooming thing with me everywhere I go! My 40 year old daughter-in-law does this and seems to think it's okay to instill the same dysfunctions (or insecurities) in her children. I think adults who are still on the blankey have A SERIOUS PROBLEM!

I don't agree with all of the principles in "Babywise" (some of them are okay, like getting your baby onto a good nap and daytime feeding routine) but, letting a baby cry to sleep can often backfire. We tried it twice when our son was a baby, and it was awful. He got so riled up that he wouldn't sleep for hours and hours after that, even after we went in to comfort him (and no, it's not a matter of an infant being "manipulative", or you needing to be "stronger"). For days afterwards, we had to un-do the damage.

However, there is a really good bood called "The No Cry Sleep Solution" that has helped us tremendously. You can check out some of the advice she gives at www.pantley.com/elizabeth

If he's not able to move the object away from his face, or if it's bothering him during his sleep, I'd say forego it for now. It's not worth the safety risk.

You could try a small, tiny stuffed animal, but I doubt it's going to be much comfort to him, since he's probably too young to know how to really snuggle it.

Some things that might help would be to take a bean bag and microwave it until it's just warm, then lay it next to him in the crib (the weight and warmth simulates a mother's hand) - they even have ones that are shaped like hands.

You could also use a hot water bottle or heating pad before he gets in the crib (be sure to remove it first) - but this will make the sheets feel warm.

We used to use a sleep positioner when our son was small. It would keep him from rolling over, and it also had an attachment at the top that went around the top of his head (infants will often scoot themselves up toward one end of the crib, so they can feel something against the top of their skulls, because it reminds them of being in the womb).

Good luck, and remember, his safety is most important.

Try a small, completely soft (no hard button eyes, etc) stuffed animal that has limbs he can grip. My daughter loved a small (6" at longest) Piglet at that age. She transitioned to a larger stuffed animal on her own at about 1 y, but that piglet was very soothing to her for those months.

And if he finds something he likes, buy multiples! It's not something you want to be in fear of losing or having to wash before nap time...

I purchased a small little blankey for both of my boys at a website called cherishandjoy.com. The blankets are the perfect size with a soft silky border and they have different kinds of materials to choose from for the inside. They never had a problem with it covering their faces--but can understand your panic when you walked into his room to see the blankey on is face and him all beet red. Maybe you should wait until he turns over so then you know he can get it off. My boys are 2 and 4 and both still carry their blankeys with them. They use them for naps and night-time. good luck to you!

Hi Marieka,
I agree with Dana and Jan. If you feel your baby *needs* a lovey, try sleeping on the crib sheets before you put them on the crib. But some babies don't want or need something tactile to go to sleep, they simply need routine. I would suggest the book "Babywise". My pediatrician used it with all 3 of her children and recommended it to me. Take the suggestions and mold them to your comfort level. It is not about a strict adherence to schedule, but rather introducing your baby to a natural routine of eat, play, sleep and the transitions in between. Using Babywise, my daughter was sleeping through the night at 12 weeks. The first 3 nights were bad--she cried herself to sleep. Get some help and support in NOT going back into the room those first few nights. But after that, it was heaven! She is 5 now and still loves going to bed. From 16 weeks to 2.5 years, she slept 8pm-8am with no fussing or waking in between. The right sleep routine will lead to a happier, healthier child for you in the future and some much needed time to yourself for about 12 hours every night. :-)
Good luck!

Baby Gund makes soft little stuffed animals called My First Puppy, My First Pony, My First Teddy... that both my kids still love and cuddle with at 18 months and 33 months.

North American Bear Co. makes a very small flat lovey in a variety of styles. I got one for my second child on a whim when he was 5 months old. It is a yellow bunny who is cute and simple and also very soft. He is now so attatched to it that we had to get a "backup bunny" in case one is lost. (Luckily he believes that the washing machine really can restore a toy to like-new condition!) I found it at a Baby News store in SF (Citikids) but I think any store that sells NABC animals could order it for you. This one is pretty safe because it's too small to pose a real suffocation hazard. It's also machine washable and pretty durable - I've never needed to repair "Bunny." All in all I swear by the North American Bear Co bunny and highly recommend him and his "siblings" to other parents in need of lovies.