So my son and I got in am argument about respect and he would not give me his cell phone. He stood in my face and told me no. I told him if he didn't respect my rules then to leave. He called dad and he picked him up. It almost seemed planned how fast he came to town. I told his father if he can provide transportation to school for him, he can stay there. Dad said he had none and wants to enroll him in his towns high school right away. I said I wanted to get his school counselors opinion first. Dad said ok. The counselor said not at this time of year right before finals. He could lose credits. I found out today that dad enrolled him in another school without my consent. I said maybe next year. We have a court order that says they attend school in our district only because dad was afraid of me moving way back after our divorce. Now what to do? 20 days of school left. I want him to come back and finish the year here even though hes upset with me and telling dad all sorts of lies to let him stay there. I would have to get the courts involved again and spend money on this when I said he can go in 20 days. He would lose credits and not graduate is my main focus. Shouldn't I make him come back and finish? Dad says he will end up hating me but I want him to graduate on time. I guess all I can say is I tried and it hurts me that he is making lies up about us to his dad. We feel awkward about how it's going to be when he comes back. dad is for this because his huge child support payment will go away since we both will have a child in our home and will do everything to keep our son there. He was always a bad influence and I don't want my child to follow in his foot steps but I'm afraid he already has and when he belittles me it's like having the ex back again. I realize there's no changing going to happen with his attitude so if we're apart more it may help us both. I don't like that dad is bragging about it and telling me he's wanted out for a long time. The worst part is his two siblings are going to be very sad, especially his little brother. I keep telling his dad that i would like to talk with home alone first and he's making me think he won't want to. I already told him he could live there soon. All because I didn't want him disrespecting me to the point where I would break down and cry because he was hurting me emotionally? I love my children so much and I hate to lose him but something had to be done. His dad keeps saying he enrolled him in school there because something had to be done since I kicked him out. I told him to get out since he wouldn't give me the phone. I thought his dad would have taken it away and had a talk with him about respecting me but instead encouraged him to stay with him. He has been trying to do something to get his dads approval for years now and now he's getting it by leaving my home. How messed up is that? The sad thing is that he thinks that town is so boring. Hopefully he'll meet people now that he's attending school there. Do I just leave him in that school now if he likes it? It's weird that the principal from that school hasn't called me back either. Does anyone know what steps I take from here as far as our custody papers and child support and all that? Do I contact my lawyer for this? Do I just forget that he pulled him out of his school without consulting me?
His new principal called last night and said he's in a school of only 200 kids. She said schools can't turn anyone away no matter what so I would have to go to my lawyer about this. I didn't just kick my son out but I said my house my rules and he decided to call dad instead of facing losing his phone as a punishment for a bad grade(an F). He told me last night that he can't believe i didn't come after him to have him come back home. That's exactly what he wanted me to do. Beg him to come back. I knew his dad was on his way so I figured he could go cool off and come back. I told his dad that he was welcome back if he started treating me with respect. My son has felt sorry for his father ever since our divorce years ago and has always showed resentment toward me since I left him.I left because my son was starting to see what his father was treating me like and i didn't want him to be around that every day. His fathers dad is the same way to his wife so it's something my child always sees. Anyways his father was telling me i needed to sign a release form before he can start the new school and the principal assured me that is not true and he is already at that school. He is trying to get me to sign over primary rights ASAP and i don't want to do that. As angry as my son makes me sometimes I love him dearly and that's why it saddens me that he's gone. I miss him to pieces. Everything I see or songsI hear remind me of him. I am glad he is making new friends and at a smaller school where the teachers can give more one on one attention but i hate that his dad went behind my back with something so serious and he never signed him out of his school. His books are wherever and they called here last night saying he was absent all day. My youngest son is having a very hard time with it as well. Even though his big brother pushed him away a lot he was his pal. They love each other to death. I hope weekends with him home will go much smoother. I would hate to pull him out of the school he likes and go through a big mess. I want him to be happy so I 'm probably going to leave as is now.
i agree with Patty k, let him go, and document that you disagree with ur boy switching school 20 days to go. 5 yrs later or more your boy will think, dayum, mom was right.'
Well if he does not want to come back so be it. If he loses credits and
cannot graduate, that is his problem. Just make sure you have that con-
versation with him and his Dad so it does not come back to bite you.
Cecilia,
I am a high school counselor. It is in his best interest not to transfer now. It is near impossible to pass a final exam at another school with less than 20 days left. And often incoming schools would not allow an entrance with 20 days left. I know some are saying let him move and he will be sorry later but you are his parent and you can't just let him fail. Losing an entire semester of credits may discourage him to even continue school and just drop out.
What I would recommend is that he returns with you for the remainder of the school. Let him stay weekends with dad if he really hates being with you that much. If he wants to move after the semester is completed and transfer schools then... go ahead.
I am not positive from your note... has he started this new school already? And for how long? Did he come from there before the school in your district?
I don't know much about the custody part of it but if he is breaking your custody agreement then you need to do something about this.
On the other hand, it sounds like you are the custodial parent. You are required by law to provide food and shelter to your children so you really can not kick him out. If you did indeed kick him out then your son had no where else to go and I would find it hard to believe that your ex would get in any trouble as he was providing your son shelter which you were refusing.
I would highly recommend some family counseling. I don't think you would like your son to leave, go live with his dad and no longer have contact with you. Is your son being a pawn between you and your ex?
You and your ex need to support eachother on education and child rearing. Come to some firm rules together that need to be followed at both homes. Having a cell phone is also a privilege unless he is paying for it himself. I don't know what your son did but I am guessing that there are other issues that have been building prior to this. Even if your son does not come back, I would recommend individual counseling. It sounds like there is alot going on.
Good luck.
I'd call the lawyer for all the legal questions involving the custody issue/schooling issue... But i would ask the school he's been with all year if they can somehow do an independent study for him so that he can take the finals of the teachers he has been with all year long.
Just a thought. Hope it helps.
IMO, you are doing a good job as a parent if your kids hate you sometimes. Stand your ground, keep him where he is. He is the kid, you're the parent, end of story. So what if he's mad? He'll get over it.
Is he 18 yet?
See if you can talk to your son alone without Dad. Maybe you can meet at a restaurant or neutral place. Tell him what the school counselor said. Tell him you are concerned he may lose credits and not graduate on time by transferring at the very end of the year. Does he really want to repeat more high school, and put his future plans in jepordy or on hold? At this point, I would let him decide. If he is going to be stubborn, he will reap the natural consequences. I would not mention Dad in the conversation. Just tell him to give it some thought and he is welcome back to your home when he decides to follow your rules.
