Terminating Parental Rights??!!

we are going through the same kind of thing. We won't be able to do anything about having my husband adopt because the bio donor will not sign over just because he is a spiteful _____ (fill in the blank with the most nasty thing you can think.) and the "legal" system is a joke.
Ever since I left that [what ever you called him] my daughter kept asking me if her name was going to be my last name now. I kept having to tell her no. my daughter was 3 and my son was 6 months, that was 10 years ago. Years went by and the best answer I could ever give them was this "you are who you are in your heart". after I met my husband and got married almost 6 years ago both my kids have referred to themselves with my husband's last name, they call him dad and the bio they just call him by his last name.
At school they have signed all their homework and well, everything with the last name they want and they have explained to the teachers why and their teachers have been very understanding and they don't make them sign anything with their legal name.
If I have to make doctor appointments or anything like that and they hear me they get angry, not with me, but that they still have to be referred as the other name.
so we are still in this boat and it isn't likely to dock until the ex gets arrested or dies or my kids turn 18 and can file a restraining order against him and change their names without his say.

tell your son that even if you are not able to go ahead with adoption right away, he is who his heart tells him.

I am so glad that your new husband is there for your son. I grew up in a family where I was the only one with my last name. My 3 siblings and my parents all had the same last name and I was the only one with a different name.Our family pictures, christmas cards, and church books said their last name. Even our answering machine said their last name. I always felt left out. I don't know what you need to do to get it done, but bless you for doing it!!

You need to make an appointment to speak to a family law attorney in Wisconsin. Termiation of parental rights is a serious matter and would require a petition to the court and then proving the allegations you are making. Abandonment is a legal term and oftentimes any attempt of contact by the non-involved parent will prevent a finding of abandonment by the court. You will also need to serve your ex-husband and he will have the opportunity to respond and argue against it. You also want to consider that terminating parental rights all terminates any legal rights your son would have for social security, inheritance, or other property transfers if your ex-husband should die.

In a quick check of Wisconsin law on name changes, it appears that you also need to serve the ex-husband for the name change and he has the ability to appear and object. http://www.wicourts.gov/services/public/selfhelp/faqsname...

These are reasons why talking to an attorney would be a good idea. These proceedings, when contested, can take a long time, get really nasty and be really expensive.

You may also could consider having your son, or your whole family see a counselor or someone you could talk to about it. If the name is really bothering him, he may feel better talking about it with someone.

Its too bad when a father is not enough of a man to be a good dad. But its wonderful that you have your current husband to teach your son how to be a good father. Thats more important than any name.

Good Luck.

It will be very difficult to terminate a parents rights without just cause. You would need to show proof to the courts that he is an unfit father - which will take alot and from what you have told us, there isn't enough to get them terminted...sorry

As far as the name change goes, I believe the father must also sign the petition for name change. When my daughter was 5yrs old her father asked the courts to add his last name in addition to the one she had (my maiden name). He said he would bring her closer to her step and 1/2 sisters. He didn't bring into consideration her 1/2 brother (my son from current husband).

Good Luck with all this, as I know what you are going through....

A late response. Sorry! I had last had contact with my ex-husband in 1996 and in 2003, I contacted him because all 3 of my children wanted my new husband's last name so that we all would have the same last name. At first, the ex didn't agree to it, but then I finally convinced him. I had gone to the courthouse and gotten the necessary papers and drove him to a local bank to sign the papers in front of a notary. I had to wait 2 weeks after the papers were filed in order to see a judge. The judge had to review everything and agree before signing the papers approving the legal name change. She asked about the relationship between the ex and the children. After explaining to her that although he was paying his child support he had not seen the kids, the judge said that she would have definitely signed termination of parental rights papers had I decided to go that route. I still haven't done that, but it sounded pretty easy to me. I think you would have a good case with him not paying child support and all. That would be considered abandoning your child.

I'm going something similar with my daughter and from what I've picked up and learned is I cannot terminate his rights or change her last name without his permission I also cannot have anyone adopt her without his full permission and fighting it in court is suppose to be hard and near next to impossible.

Also if your son was to be adopted his bio father would lose all rights, and NEVER have to pay child support ever again so some dad's are willing to agree to that and other's aren't.

just an idea, if you cant change childs last name without bios approval could you add a hyphenated to it?

and i agree with other remark. even if it isnt legal you can call him by whatever name you want first middle or last :)

If your son's biofather hasn't had contact with him for 5 years, you can file for termination of parental rights due to abondonment. Otherwise, you can legally change your son's last name without a problem. Can you tell I have been where you are?

**Every state is different. These were the rules where I live at the time I looked into it.

You need to talk with a family lawyer. I don't believe you can terminate the bio dad's rights without his consent. HOWEVER, you should be able to change your son's last name to whatever you want, whenever you want.

Hi C.-
Sadly we JUST went through this with my sister and her kids. In the last 2 years the laws have changed...
In the state of Wisconsin- you CAN NOT change your kids last name from the birth certificate without the other biological parents permission and signature which needs to be done in front of a judge. Even if you are ONLY changing a name and not terminating rights.
And because your ex calls from time to time they will not terminate rights without MANY reasons.
Here is what we did with my sister... we would document every phone call that her ex made to her 3 kids, (time, date, length- even if the kids would not talk, and the kids reaction (spoke to bio father/would not speak to bio father/cried/etc) we did this for 3 years. Finally, after my sister took her ex to court (who also lived out of state for MANY of the kids lives) she showed the documentation to her ex. He finally saw how little he had involvement in the kids lives and signed over for my sisters current husband to adopt.
In the 9 years since the divorce, my 2 nephews and neice saw their biological father 2 times. And the courts STILL would not terminate.
Good luck!! It is not easy but DO NOT give up!