Terrible 3'S? - Chester Springs,PA

We call them the tyranical threes at this house! They are learning their independence and fight hard to have it! I do this, "We are going to color! Do you want a red crayon or blue?" Give them options.
My 3 year old used to throw fits if I'd try to help her. I taught her that it isn't nice to yell and be rude and to simly say, "No thank you Mommy. I can do this by myself" It has made a WORLD of difference!

My son didn't have the terrible 2's. It was the terrible 3's. I've heard other moms say the same thing. My girls seem to be terrible 2's...so maybe it's more of a gender thing?

The only thing I'd suggest is to try to give him as much say and control as you can. Give him options instead of telling him what to do. But only give him options you are okay with. My kids have chosen to not talk to their grandma at times too. I think it must be normal. I don't make a big deal out of it and they let it go. But at this age, they really want to be able to make decisions. But they need them limitedly. So, I try to do that. Then when he throws fits, I don't punish for that. It only makes it worse in my experience! I let him feel whatever he feels...and sometimes he gets to do that on his bed.

The book "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers" by Jane Nelsen has a lot of great ideas.

I have a 5 year old and a 2.5 year old, both boys. I experienced this same thing with my 5 year old, as did many of the other moms in our playgroup. In fact, the 4's were just as hard. But with consistent rules and lots of prayers, we've made it through this hurdle and he is a very sweet 5 year old. Hopefully it's smooth sailing until age 13 or so!

My 2.5 year old has been very good so far, even potty training early for me. He was a very laid back baby, so hopefully he just doesn't have a strong personality and his 3's won't be as bad. But I'm bracing myself LOL!

Preschool is GREAT for him (I'm a certified kinder teacher). You're right not to blame the change on that, that will probably help him grow out of the defiance stage earlier.

i say the terrible 2's are getting parents ready for the terrible 3's. They are wanting more options & wanting more independence.

Pick your battles, give him more options, & don't take the 'I hate you's' personal....but be consistant in your discipline/timeouts

I have two boys and the twos were fine, but the threes were the most challenging. I have heard this from other moms too. It's not just you!

My oldest daughter was a breeze when she was 2 , when she was 3 she was a headache, and when she was four I had to have Advil on standby every day. My youngest was a headache as soon as she started walking. Now that she has turned two and can communicate easier it is better but I fear the rest of the 2's and 3's with her.

Didn't you hear? 3 is the new 2!! LOL The 2s were a breeze....I loved the 2s. The 3s and 4s kinda suck - I'm not gonna lie :o)

My older two daughters are 3 and almost-5 and there's a WHOLE lotta attitude going on around here! I think it's because they're learning the power of words (hence the "I hate you" comments), testing boundaries and how far YOU are gonna go, starting to understand their feelings BUT are not yet able to control them.

My best advice is to pick your battles. Does it *really* matter what kind of clothes he wears as long as they're clean and weather appropriate? (for example). Probably not, so let him pick. That kind of thing, you know? And when you say "no", be darned prepared to back it up because they can *smell* hesitation! LOL You must ALWAYS follow through on your threats or they will mean nothing and your son will know that you don't mean what you say - you have to mean what you say!!

I hear 5 is a good age.....

Forgive me if this is a repeat, but it goes from the terrible 2's to the TRYING 3's.. when kids want to be independent but can't do anything on their own yet, ending in frustration for both parties.

Let him try to do his own thing, don't just go help hi,. ASK him if he needs help. YES, OMG STILL SEND HIM TO DAYCARE! The daycare providers will be used to such behavior and be able to help him with his emotions having dealt with it before. Keep an open line of communication with them, explain how he is at home and ask them how he behaves there, as well as which strategies work and which one's don't. They will be your best bet!

Also, bring it up the the pediatrician. Maybe there's something physically hurting him that's making him angry.

One more thing, get a good kids book on emotions. Help him draw out what he's feeling, and what made him feel that way. Emotions are hard for a 3 year old to grasp, and often ends, again, in frustration aimed towards you, since you're the mom, the helper, the hero ;) It's nothing against you personally!!

AAAAND, as far as the 'I hate you' thing, he doesn't know what he's saying, but he did hear it from somewhere and THAT'S got to stop.

It will get better :)

OH yeah. Soooo had the Terrible 3's at our house. Two years old kiddo was a love bug. Four years old kiddo was a love bug. 3's were hell on earth. Gotta love independence seeking :P Oy.

The best piece of advice I ever got about independence phases was from my mum:

"The harder they push you away, the faster they come running back. It's like they're testing you to see if you REALLY love them, or only if they're good. You just stand firm." ((Ever read the book "Mama? Do you love me?" http://www.amazon.com/Mama-Do-You-Love-Me/dp/087701759X/r... The child in the story keeps coming up with scenarios that are worse and worse, and the mother replies. The first Q's are simple: Do you love me? how much? with the mother replying (of course) yes, and to the moon and back, etc. And then the questions progress onward to "What if I _________?" Well, then I would be very ANGRY. But YES, I will still love you. "What if I ________?" / "Well, then I would be very scared. But YES I will still love you." / "What if ______, and ________, and ________?" / "Well then I would be...." etc. ))

And the best TRICK I ever learned:

Getting emotionally invested in an argument with a child is like getting emotionally invested in an argument with a piece of furniture. We all do it from time to time, but it's pretty regrettable.

I'll take the 2's over the 3's any day!

Hi, D.:

Do you give your child choices?
Just wan to know.
D.

My daughter had the "terrible 18 mos to 3 1/2," seriously! I thought I would go insane, but our ped said it sometimes happens that way, the "twos" are in the name because that's when toddlers typically begin to claim their independence and the rebellion is more obvious then. My little guy is going through the terrible twos, he's 28 months, but recently I have been reading and hearing that the "fours' are to be feared, too :((

I did not read all of your responses, but I do have a trick that will likely work. My DD did the same thing, 2yrs was pretty easy but oh man at 3 I thought a demon had possessed her. LOL The best advice I got from my pediatrician was Over praise the positive, acknowledge and correct the negative but don't linger on it and give lots of warning for change in activity. Basically anything he does that is what you like, make a huge deal out of it, even if is something he does without issue anyway. Do this for all of his correct choices, it does not go on forever, but it does make a point. Then when he behaves in a manner you don't like, correct him for it with as little attention as possible and move on. In other word smother him in kindness. Kids only want to please you so they will do the things that make you the happiest. If he knows you will make a big deal about how he puts on his shoes, he will want the happy party. If he learns you don't put a big focus on him when he throws his blocks, it will be less intriguing. He wants the happy party. It sounded silly to me and I thought yea this will never work, but OMG did it work like a charm. With in two weeks I had my child back to her normal self. Remember to give warnings, like soon it will be time to go, It is almost time to go, Just a short time left before we go, Okay it's time to go now. Do this with every activity change or "leaving" episode. It gives the child time to finish what ever story line they have in their head or play with what ever toy they need to touch. It also lets them know what to expect. As his behavior improves, you can do less of the Big Happy Party and move to encouragement. Hope this helps and Good Luck

My son, was so mellow since babyhood, 1 years old, 2 years old, half of 3 years old, then BAM once he made 4 years old he was just like that.

It passes ya know.
Its another age phase.

Ya gotta enforce boundaries, rules, what is right and wrong and nice and mean etc. and explain to them, why.

Most of the time, my son just wants understanding. He will actually tell me when he is irked, frustrated, irritated, grumpy and why. He is articulate. I don't go against him... I will validate him THEN... segue him toward what I am trying to do with him. Then he is more palatable.

And then if he is unreasonable, I simply do not, give in.
The kid will turn into a Komodo Dragon, then, calm down. Then apologize.
The thing is, they KNOW they are being... icky.
By this age, they know.
But their emotions are still developing....
So you have to teach them how to communicate, still. And how to express things, in a palatable way.
Its okay to be grumpy or irritated for example... but teach them HOW to express that, in a more palatable way and express when they may want/may not want or need or not need.

I have also found, that WE parents really irk kids too.
Because we may not understand them or their cues.
Or they are over-tired or hungry or may need a nap.

Ugghhhh! Everyone warned us that 3's were way worse than 2's and its happened with our son, almost like a light switch the day of his 3rd birthday. We had our final appointment with his developmentalist before they released him from Early Intervention (he was a premie) about 3wks after his 3rd bday, and she said that somewhere between 2-1/2 and 3-1/2 they start to learn about their own emotions. Prior to that, they could say they were mad/happy/etc, but didn't truly know how it felt inside. Its a milestone they get thru to finally understand that others have emotions and the planet doesn't revolve around them :)

Our son was having soooo many meltdowns, just heartbreaking. And to compound things, he had 3 ear infections in 3mos (never had them before), my husband was missing alot visiting his dying father, and his father died, causing difficult travel twice in three months. Our son became our anti-son, he was someone we felt like we didn't know.

The developmentalist asked me to try and measure how much he was not himself vs. how much he was himself - it was about 50/50 - and that was an indicator that it was just a behavioral hurdle he had to break thru. She said to give it 3mos and call her back. Almost to the day, he got back to his old self! He still has his moments, but its more like once every 3wks as opposed to (what seemed like) 24/7.

Hugs!

I didn't read all your responses, but we too had no problems (or minimal ones at that) when our oldest was 2. It's like once he hit 3, it was game on. Defiance, talking back, yelling (when mad), etc. He is a sweet boy and is good at home when he wants to be - atleast we've heard he's good for others most of the time. But when he wants what he wants, it's crazy! He just turned 4 about a month ago and we are still battling the same issues. The key is consistancy. The pedi told me at his 4yr appt that he is old enought to realize when mommy & daddy don't agree with something and will use us against each other(so true - if daddy doesn't give him the answer he wants, he asks me). He said we need to be consistent with discipline and that when we disagree about something regarding him we need to talk about it away from him. It's the age and I'd love to say it gets better, but since my son just turned 4 (and has a 5mo old baby brother) we are still going through it. Hopefully it will pass soon. Just be consistent and take deep breaths to get through it - this too shall pass!

Yeppers.

I thought we were lucky because "2" was soooo easy. Then he turned 3! LOL

I didn't read the other responses so I may repeat others ideas. Yes, I thought I was home free when my son really didn't exhibit any difficulty when he was 2, I thought wow, terrible two's not so terrible. Well, I think he was saving up!! :) Just kidding, my son was normally very happy, and very laid back so his bad wasn't horrible but I wasn't used to it. At 3 he just started being more aggressive, saying no and being more defiant. We give lots of choices and that works well for him, b/c he's not very intense to begin with. I do also think that when they go to school they're exposed to alot of things other kids say, so I had to get used to and correct when he picked up something another kids was saying that I didn't like. Now, he's five and he seems to "hate" everything, or everything is "stupid". I don't like him saying certain words, not that they're even curse words but words I just don't think are nice to say. We also have a magnetic responsibility chart that works wonders and has basic responsibilities like brushing teeth, getting dressed, taking a bath along with other chores and he loves this chart b/c he loves getting magnets.

One other thing, is he getting enough sleep? My son always gets grumpier when he's overly tired. But keep in mind, it's just a phase...and then they move on to something else that completely drives you crazy!! :)