Thanks for Your Responses

Absolutely take him to an allergist. He may have multiple allergies...especially with all the symptoms you are describing. Perhaps Gluten...? My nephew has that with similar symptoms. Poor baby!

He may have hearing problems, that's why he does not respond to you or does not talk much.
I would consult with more doctors and treat his ear problems and then look for signs of autism, which most likely you will not find.

Good luck.

I personally would take him to a chiropractor! My kids have been adjusted since birth. It's helped with colic, colds, and ear infections. I've seen it help other kids with torticollis, asthma, allergies, bedwetting, and many other things. Worth a try, right? The nervous system cottons all bodily functions and the spinal cord sends all messages to and from the brain. It ring out of place (torticollis is an early symptom of this!) can interfere with that. It's possible his little body just isn't getting his brain's signals!

I don't believe sick and crabby and autism are connected. And autism is a VERY broad spectrum. Take a deep breath - find out what's REALLY wrong and do your best to reign in the assumptions. He's only 2, he's had health challenges. Deal with what is and try not to borrow trouble. It sucks, but figure out what IS and don't waste your energy on worrying about what isn't. Best wishes.

First you need to take a deep breath and look at your own post again. I think there are more health issues going on then Autism. You say he goes from loose stools to constipation, that could be a number of things. Allergies to foods, IBS, etc. And if he's got something like that going on that is going to make him pale, dark circles, and crabby (meaning not wanting to talk alot). I think you need to go to your ped. and if they don't want to look into any thing go to your local children's hospital and go to a gastrointestinal doc or an internist.

You talk of all these ear problems he's had and you say you're having a speech eval, but has your ENT done a hearing test? To me that could tell you alot, if after all these ear problems and he's got a hearing issue that would explain alot of the behavior. I think you need to keep pursuing the health issues and the ear/speech/ and possibly hearing issues first before getting yourself in a total frenzy about Autism.

Oh sweet lady. The word/label autism won't take your son away. It will give you something to work with; A way of understanding him and his needs better. Labels aren't a sentence, or an indictment. Labels are simply a way to understand. A way to gather tools. A diagnosis does not change our children.

You are the perfect mother for your perfect child.

I am the "mother" of such a child. No, she is not autistic. Nonetheless, her set of circumstances became our challenges. I saw her difficulties as insurmountable; As a barrier.

Instead, they've been a blessing. Through her, I've been able to reach deep inside myself. Damn near broke me, you know. Because I thought her difficulties were a sign of my own failure, rather than a means to learn more about myself, her, and humanity.

I believe this, and I know the language might be off for some. Please just replace words, if any are hard to relate to: We are all God's Children. God gives us more than we can handle all the time. We don't come to crisis knowing how to deal. We learn, through a messy hard process. Grief, anger, resentment - these are old friends of mine. They are okay. They are not an indication of your failure to love. These feelings are just a part of being human. We don't come into motherhood with a perfect understanding of how to best parent each of our children. It's a process; It's ever transforming along side our children's growth.

You will not only get through this, but you and your family will flourish. It's okay to be upset. I've been there. Many of us have. Eventually, we find the miraculous in what we used to see as the ugly and despairing. We learn how to love even more deeply, and that is reflected back towards our own self.

Your son is your son. The same child who you grew inside of you, and loved with all your heart. Autistic or not, there will be challenges. You will parent through that (no matter how messy it may look at the time), and you will learn that you really are THAT strong.

Best wishes. I appreciate your honesty and your grief. That, in itself, takes strength.

PS. The dark circles under his eyes...does he have any undiagnosed allergies? Whether or not he is autistic, allergies would cause him great discomfort.

ETA: Sometimes I think we are superstitious about diagnosis. Like giving something a name suddenly changes the nature of the thing itself. For example, let's say I have a red chair. My living room is decorated in golds, creams, deep browns, and warm blues. All this time, I've had my red chair in this room, and I insist it's a cream colored chair. Now, this red chair sticks out. My living room isn't set up for a red chair. It's set up for cream chairs. I've been angry with the chair, shouting at it, "BUT YOU'RE CREAM COLORED!!! WHY DON'T YOU MATCH". I'm scared to admit what it is, as though naming it will change it's nature, will destroy the cohesion of my space. Meanwhile, the chair was *always* cream colored. By giving it a name, a diagnosis, I have not created the cream colored chair. I have just accepted it.

Then, I get to rearrange my living room. I include rich salmons, royal reds, a few splashes of orange. I begin to love my red chair for what it is, rather than what I wish I could turn it into.

Sure, it's sort of a silly analogy. But for me, it's useful.
The child I mentioned above is my biological niece. She came to us at three. She is a methadone baby, and a sweet child who has experienced the trauma of her Mother "abandoning" her (my sister made the loving decision to allow us to raise her while she continued in her sickness). For a long time I was pissed and racked with grief. My not so perfect reality was being further broken, by a broken child. My niece screamed and threw fits from the time she woke, to the time she slept. It was agony. And I was already in deep grief watching my sister crumble into her deep addiction. It was rough.

I was waiting for HER to become a different child. Silly, in retrospect. I wished to stomp out her differences, her damage.

It was love that carried her through. Because we also had a lot of that. And finally, in acceptance: "you are hurting - your world is painful, and your internal value and trust in the world has been shattered". Okay. Now what.

I learned to love this broken kid, and in doing so, I learnt to love myself. I'm not kidding. That's as simple and complex as it was.

She's four now. Filled with light and sparkle. She is likely ADD (a diagnosis that's helping me find tools and understanding). She still is troubled sometimes, and grapples to understand the meaning of her life in this world. She didn't need me to be perfect. I just had to love her, and to try. And her healing began, and then led to my own. And now, I feel her in my bones, as much as I do with my biological daughter. We are a family. An imperfect, beautiful, loving family. And we are valuable. Even with our damage and mess.

Giving her pain a name, giving her exposure to opiates recognition, giving our situation a name "Kinship Care", has opened up doors. In acceptance, I find new options. Out of agony, I have found opportunity. It really is beautiful. For me, miracles are usually found in the darkest shadows. I am so grateful to raise my niece and to watch her brighten and become strong. She is so amazing, so sensitive, so intuitive. She really has taught me so much about myself.

Enough out of me - I tend to ramble ;-)

I would like to start a movement to take the fear out of the word Autism. Right now, it is an umbrella term that encompasses so many variances of developmental delay/disorder it really has very little meaning. When my son was diagnosed, the developmental pediatrician said the only value the word Autism has is that it opens doors to services more readily than something like "PDD-NOS". I wholeheartedly believe that in another 30 or 40 years, there will be names for the countless variables now included under this Umbrella of Autism.

My son's Autism has no real physical manifestations, so I really can't speak to the specifics of your son's case. It doesn't sound anything like my son's case, but I will never doubt a mother's intuition. I would definitely be knocking some medical heads together to get referrals to specialists who will find out what is causing his physical symptoms. It is going to be very hard to address the social and communication issues if your son is having all of these other problems. If your doctors keep shrugging off your son's symptoms FIRE THEM! Don't rest until you've found a medical professional who won't rest until your son is physically well. We are the best, sometimes only advocate for our children. They depend on us to fight the battles for them. It is fine to mourn the childhood you feel like your son is missing. For about 5 minutes. Then GET MAD! Let your sadness fuel your raging desire to get to the bottom of what's going on so you can get on the path to a better, healthier life. For your son and your whole family.

Good luck and best wishes.

Calm down here first. I know some amazing autistic kids (one has a more serious case and he is only 8 and an amazing pianist!), and their families have overcome a lot and are still able to have lots of fun. You of all people know the spectrum is very broad. You need to read or reread the whole autism parable (I'm including it below). Would you tell another women who was worried about her child with possible autism, that is is just absolutely dreadful and absolutely horrible and a bad dream? No, you would probably be supportive and remind her of all the wonderful things these kids can do and tell her to snap out of her funk and get to work. It makes me hope noone with a child with autism will read this post. Really though, the constant sicknesses could be something entirely different and effecting his moods and social development, which is perfectly normal, especially for a child his age. It sounds more like he has chronic health issues, possibly allergies or something that needs to be figured out and the other behavior issues will likely fall in line. As for the saying words and not saying them again, this is common, especially in two year olds, and especially in those with health problems. I also studied Infant and Toddler Psychology in college.

***

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Emily Kingsley is a writer for Sesame Street and she has an adult son with Down Syndrom

Dont worry yourself sick unless you know. It really doesnt sound like Autism. I agree, take him to an allergist.

I will pray for you.

If he's had hearing problems from the start, for whatever reason, you need to expect some congnitive, emotional, behavioral and physical delays. What you are describing could be the result of those hearing problems. Thereisn't anything you can do about it so the sooner you accept it, the better it is for you. I am not trying to be mean and harsh. But its kind of like if your kid breaks his leg and starts limping and you deny that he's limping cuz he broke his leg, then you aren't doing your kid any favors to help him further along.

I read through your post and I can't help but admire you. You said so many positive things about being a mother while going through so much of your little one's illness. I wish I could be more like you when my kid gets sick, and that's maybe once every month or two? You are dealing with it all the time! That's a mother's love and devotion if I've ever heard of any!

Let your older 2 help you when they can. If you can't be involved w/them individually, it might help to involve them in your LO's healing/development. B/c in the end, if one of your older 2 was suffering in some area, they would see you would ask the same of your other 2 children. Plus, they will see what mommy and daddy will do for any of their kids and it will give them a sense of security. Give them 1:1 time when you can but give yourself a break as well and don't feel guilty when taking care of a sick child is your top priority.

You sound like an AWESOME and very giving mother. If only there were more mothers in the world like you! gl and keep us posted :)

Have you ever taken him to an Allergist?
He seems to have a ton of ear and sinus issues.
Which are causing him... a great deal of problems.
He is pale, dark circles under his eyes, mucus, puffy eyes,
I mean, c'mon... take him to a Specialist, an Allergist.... who WILL diagnose him, properly.
Not just a Doctor that always gives the generic answers of "oh well it must be a virus... oh well he blew out his ear drums... oh well, its another virus... oh well, take out his adenoids, etc."

Take him, to an Allergist.
THAT is what you should be doing.
First and foremost.
Why have you not done that yet?

He has so many health problems with his ears and sinuses and loose stools etc., so why are those not addressed, properly... AND what about his hearing? I mean, he had a perforated ear drum, mega sinus and ear problems.... too.
You need to address that.

What you are describing... is a child who has been constantly sick and ill, since he was a baby. And it has NOT been addressed nor has potential allergies been addressed, and he is still.... sick.
No wonder he is sick and crabby "always", as you said.

Your child is sick.
Take him to a proper Doctor and Specialist.
Test him for allergies.
Constant runny nose/puffy eyes/dark circles/pale face... is illness and/or allergies.
My Husband is prone to allergies and Sinus Infections.... he does not get a fever either. BUT, he gets Sinus Infections. NOT virus. Infections.
So he needs Antibiotics. Sinus and allergy problems... causes a lot of pain... headaches, sinus pain, ear pain, eye pain, etc.
KNOW that.
My Husband is crabby too when he gets his allergy related Sinus problems. AND it affects his ears, too.

Why are you trying to diagnose Autism... when your son's health problems/allergies, has not been addressed nor properly diagnosed?

Take him to an allergist ASAP. If they haven't tested him for allergies then shame on them! Our son wasn't talking much and had ear trouble galore. We got his ears fixed and adnoids out. Then we went to the allergist. Poor kid was allergic to everything. They put him on meds for a while and now he doesn't have to take any medication. I don't see this as autism and you need to get that out of your head for right now. You need to focus on the symptoms. If he has green snot he is sick. If you are not getting what you need from your current pedi get a new one and quick!

Please, please have your Pedi do a CBC count right away and tell him to look for immunity issues with your son, especially something like neutropenia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neutropenia

Your son sounds a lot like what was going on with my son IN MANY MANY ways ... he was diagnosed with pediatric neutropenia, he grew out of it :) ... however if illnesses are not treated correctly while the white blood cells are not working correctly well you get a crapstorm of what you have described. Check it out.

Read the second story on the page of the link I am sending you.
http://www.glutenanddairyfree.com/ourstories.html
It may not be autism because of the loose stools and dark circles it may be an intolerance to certain foods. I know that it sounds crazy but what can it hurt to try the diet and see if you have any improvement. I know that it is a hard diet to follow because we follow it at home at least the gulten free part. We found out years ago (19) that my son had celiac. I can tell when he has some gluten it affects him in many different ways . If you want to have her checked for Celiac she needs to still be eatting gluten so do not try the diet before being tested. or just go with the diet to see if it works. Good luck

Hey - I'm the mother of an asperger 14 year old girl. Just when I think I've got her all figured out, she changes and I have to figure it out again. A lot of your post doesn't make me think autism (which I know is different than Aspergers), but . . . I don't medicate my daughter, instead we use a gluten free and casin free diet. In addition to her Asperger symptoms, she also had extreme moodiness, constipation/loose stools, stomach aches, daily headaches, cronic ear infections (had adnoids removed) - these disappeared rather quickly once we removed gluten/casin. Might me worth trying on your own as I couldnt find a doctor who supported it. Now my pediatrician has changed her tune once she saw the difference and heard it directly from my daughter. If you want more information, let me know, I'd be happy to share.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. As I read it I thought the same as some of the other did...allergies. There are very comprehensive allergy tests for food and environmental triggers based on your geographical location. This is a very simple blood test, no need for the skin prick test. Good luck.

I hear a lot of 'poor me's' here.

You are a teacher--do some research. Autisim is a condition and can be treated. So much better than cancer.

Did you know that Bill Gates, Donald Trump, and Dan Ackroyd all have Aspbergers Syndrom? And Ackroyd also had Tourettes?

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take care of your son.

Aww, you sound like such a loving and caring person and mother. Take a deep breath and relax...I would get a second opinion. I too am an elementary teacher. I don't have a lot of experience with prek; however I can say that the things your son is doing...
"He loves to be held, cuddled, and played with. Eye contact is great! When we sing a song he looks right at me and smiles along with me.".............these are NOT signs of autism! It's hard for me...or really any of us to give you a concise answer or solution without seeing your child, and really it should be someone in the field giving the diagnosis...if there is one. I just wanted to give you that little thought of mine. We are here to listen! Good luck!

First relax, that doesn't sound even remotely like Autism!

Second Autism isn't the end of the world.

It sounds like your son has some serious issues fighting off infections and has some major ear issues, focus on that instead of finding new problems.

I'm so sorry that you are so upset; I would be too :( Hang in there mama!

Ok, so I think there are a couple things going on; you are obviously concerned and worried about your little guy - he has been so sick for a long time - and I'm sure that all of the worry added to the running around to the different appointments has got to be exhausting - both mentally and physically. Now, you also have a background in early childhood education which would normally be a great advantage, but in this case I think it's making you jump the gun on diagnosing him with autism.

Based on what you've written, it sounds to me like the behaviors you’re basing your diagnosis on could very well be attributed to moodiness and coping with not feeling well. If I felt crummy for so long I’d get grumpy too! It sounds like he has a bunch of good days, which is very reassuring. As for his indifference to you, sometimes kids can act that way simply because they’re used to you being there – especially if you’re a SAHM.

Now, I’m not trying to discount or dismiss what’s going on at all! I think it’s good to get him tested. But don’t give up!!! IMHO, I would take him to a different medical group or a specialist - has he been tested for allergies?? Maybe try a naturopath. If he’s been off and on sick for so long maybe there is something in his environment that is wearing down his immune system.

I agree with you. From what you have told, you son is sick. But I don't think you should think you are seeing signs of autism, yet. At the age of 2, he might be becoming more independent (wanting to get out of his crib himself, etc). I have three sons, the youngest is high-functioning autistic and the other two are diagnosed with Asperger's.

When you say "He is pale in the face and has dark circles under his eyes even though he is sleeping well", I couldn't believe it. With the pale face and dark circles under his eyes, he is NOT sleeping well. He may be sleeping through the night, but not getting the rest he needs. Those symptoms are very like sleep-deprivation.

My dear, I hope you are not returning to the same pedi and the same ENT doctor! It seems, to me, time for a second opinion! I think it is just awful that you have been told "it must be a virus" and practically given the cold shoulder treatment. I wonder if there are vitamin deficiencies, gluten allergies/sensitivities, or something else. I would want to know what sort of bedding he sleep on. Maybe it's not the right thing for him.

Please act around him like he is physically sick. I may not like it that people are scared their child is autistic but I would encourage you that, from the little you have shared, there isn't much evidence supporting an autism diagnosis. I hope your son gets to feeling much better very soon.

I just wanted to make a comment on something you said. You said that he will say a word and then never say it again? My youngest daughter was the same way. Except she didn't talk. Until she was 2. She only said wa-wa (for water) and da-da. But then randomly she would say cookie and I would think ok so this not talking thing is in my head, but then I would never hear the word again. Eventually she was diagnosed with dyspraxia. As her speech therapist explained it to me, her mind is ok but her mouth just can't figure out how to say what she wants. She's 4 1/2 now and she still has a bit of a delay (she only started speaking in whole sentences last year) but the strides she's made in this short amount of time is miraculous. Hopefully by the time she has to start school she will be completely caught up. But it took intervening at an early age and I was extremely persistent. I knew something was wrong and I didn't listen to anyone else. Go with your gut, if you're right you get early intervention if you're wrong, well then you're wrong. On a side note of my rambling, my nephew couldn't talk either until he had tubes put in his ears. He was always sick for one reason or another when he was small. Allergies both food and enviormental always kept him with cold like symptoms. I hth in some small way. Good luck.

It is so hard to be thrown the curve ball of a child with chronic illness. It can happen at any time. I have 3 kids 3, 6, and 9 and they were very healthy normal kids, THEN BAM! my then 8 y/o starts being rapidly crippled. So much to the point that it changed our entire lives. He became incredibly depressed and angry, we no longer could even make a simple trip for groceries w/o worrying how to get him through the store. We spent months in physical therapy, and being bounced from specialist to specialist all the while trying to put on a brave face for the rest of my family and juggle things, while at night I cried also for the son I was losing. My son who was never a strong athlete was now faced with being unable to walk. My son who did enjoy drawing and playing the piano had his fingers become so painful and clawed that he didn't want to do anything anymore but sleep. My son at the ripe old age of eight had lost his will to play. It is so devestating for the rug to be pulled so completely out from under us when we had this picture of our family in our minds...

Fast forward 3 months and my life is more balanced again. My son has Juvenile Arthritis. He takes a nasty cocktail of drugs and injections that are getting his symptoms under control. I still worry very much about his future, and drug side effects. My son still can't walk for long periods of time, so I have a wheelchair in the back of my mini-van, just when I thought I had been liberated of the stroller, lol. BUT my point is that when you take it one tiny piece at a time, and you actually know what is going on, it is easier to swallow. IF your son is autistic, then you will have physical, occupational, and speech therapy. You will see specialists and fight with insurance companies, you will sign up for workshops and meet other parents in your shoes. do what it takes. It's not easy but eventually you will probably have it bother you less. I PROMISE THAT EVEN IF HE IS AUTISTIC, YOU WILL WAKE UP AND BE OKAY. I am telling you that because it is something that I wish someone would've told me a year ago. Just take it one step at a time :) Mama's are very strong creatures. God Bless!

First of all, I would get a second or third opinion on the ear situation. When a kid hurts they are a different monster. I think knowledge is power in this situation. If things keep getting worse then get him tested. You can treat something in a more controlled manner if you know what you are dealing with. If he needs the extra help then the sooner you find out the better it is for everyone. Sometimes a mother knows what is best.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is so hard. However, try as hard as it is to take it one step at a time. I am NOT a Dr, but my daughter had 11 ear infections in her first year of life starting at 5 weeks!!! At 3 yrs old, had adenoids and tonsills out - NEW KID! Get the adenoids out if you have not. They can cause pain because they creat the perfect environment for ear infections. ALSO, dark circles and runny nose sounds like allergies to me - which can also make you miserable. Both lead to probelms w/ sleep and talking, hearing and eating - the perfect recipie for delays in development not to mention crabbiness. I would focus on the physical first - then go forward. Best of luck to you. Whichever way it does turn out, sounds like your little guy has a loving family and he is very lucky. Hang in there Mom!

Please try not to freak out yet. Sometimes all the early childhood and special education knowledge can be a curse. I'm not saying your assessment is wrong, especially for the problematic health issues, but some of this stuff IS normal for almost 2 year olds. My 3 often totally ignored their names. If he's making eye contact with other people, but not you, then it doesn't seem like he CAN'T focus on people.

My crazy whacko difficult 2 year old often doesn't look at me when I come get her out of bed, or she'll ignore the person holding her and move on to other stuff. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ignore those outrageous speech milestones. I'm sorry, but I think "early intervention" for 2 year olds should be banned unless there is severe detection of non comprehension going on. SO many moms freak out when 2 year olds aren't talking, and I know MANY brilliant boys who barely talked at 3. My son didn't say a word at 2 1/2, my whacko 2 year old GIRL barely talks at all, and they are FINE. My son is now three and speaks better than lots of 5 year olds. Kids do not all do these things at the same time, and the milestones have gotten way out of control. My friends were all like, "get him early intervention and testing..." at 2. ??! I thought they were completely insane, since I have a family with over 30 cousins many of whom did not talk at 2 at ALL. Especially boys.

Keep using your knowledge to monitor his progress, and definitely keep making his health issues a priority, but as for his development, even if he has Autism, you will be able to care for his needs, it's just really too early to freak out. Your husband feeling he is fine is a good sign. Dads are often more suspecting of "things wrong" when moms know they're fine.The fact that he doesn't feel a frightening disconnect in your son is good. You're equipped to deal with whatever happens, just try to stay positive.

I am so sorry you feel so sad and scared. I wish I knew enough to tell you if your son has autism or not, but from what you describe it doesn't sound to me like he does. The bottom line is that he isn't feeling great and maybe he's picking up on the fact that you feel like something is wrong with him. It amazes me how perceptive kids can be even at an early age. With so many health problems in the past 2 years it's no wonder he is a little cranky sometimes. Try your best to be sympathetic to him when he's not feeling well and love him for who he is instead of evaluating every move he makes as to whether he could have autism. And if it turns out that he does have it, try to be thankful that it's not cancer or something worse. Autism is a spectrum disorder, which means kids fall into a whole range as far as symptoms go and with the support of a mom who knows child development I'm sure he will do well. *Hugs* and good luck!

My son is 4.5 and diagnosed PDD NOS at 3......he has 'symptoms' of autism but doesn't fit any actual autism diagnosis. From the time he was born he was high maintenence but because he loved cuddling and hugging others and seemed social I kept giving myself the 'whew, it's not autism' talk. As he got older - chronic ear infections, two sets of tubes, and adenoids removed - things were blamed on him not hearing well all of the time - speech therapist even believed this until 6 months, then 8 months, then a year went by and it seemed speech development was extremely slow in catching up......I knew - I'd done the research - he didn't fit any diagnosis exactly but there were signs.........at 3 when he no longer qualified for services through EI he received a diagnostic evaluation from a pediatric psych and her team and I heard what I knew but something "final" and very 'heavy' about hearing the diagnosis from someone. I cried later - and learned it's normal to go through a grieving phase - you still love everything about your child but in my opinion you are grieving bc of the challenges your family and your child are going to face, etc. I understand and I wish I could give you a big hug......

I am happy to report that a year after my sons first evaluation we went in for a followup evaluation......the dr and her team said, "wow, different child, had we seen him for the first time we'd likely not even diagnose him on the spectrum, whatever you're doing, keep it up!" Social skills - improved so much; quirky stuff - not as quirky but what kid doesn't have those; the words I thought I'd never hear him say "I love you mommy" a lot; conversational skills-so much better.... My son, at 3, transferred to the early childhood special education preschool program through our school district - in the classroom he has his teacher, a speech therapist, OT, and then a psych and social worker come in a couple of days a week. As my son is a winter baby he'll be starting his 3rd year in two weeks......I am so glad he has one more year to mature before kindergarten and I can't wait to see how he progresses.

It's ok to be sad - give yourself time - I still have my days..........

My first thought is to get with a nutritionist and do an elimination diet to check for food allergies. Yes you could do scratch or a blood test, but both are not fool proof and often have false positives and false negatives. I'd wonder if he isn't wheat-gluten sensitive/celiac or corn sensitive/allergic. You might also consider dairy and soy.

I grew up with my dad who is celiac and often his main symptoms after having even the slightest amount of wheat/gluten were breathing problems that resemble asthma or at the worst, pneumonia. When he was a kid he also had a lot of ear infections.

There's also a tiny tiny percentage of celiac kids that present signs of autism (and often diagnosed autistic) until they are stopped being given wheat/gluten foods. This isn't to say that they aren't autistic, but the symptons get better and the kids become more adaptable and "normal".

My other thought is that once you have a diagnosis (a label) than things become vastly more easier because you then know what to expect. You can plan routines and ask for advice from the parents who've gone through it before. We live in an era now where you can get the advice or suggestions that actually work by those who actually know - not just guesses from well meaning family/friends/professionals/strangers.

And just a side thought - from the little you've described, it sounds like he might be an aspie (high func autistic - which is easier to "treat" then full autism) or he might be all ADD/ADHD without the hyper.

Have you ever heard of "Welcome to Holland"?

http://www.our-kids.org/archives/Holland.html

The good things are that you recognize IF something else is going on that you will be getting him into the services and supports needed and you have been addressing what's he's needed before. Every mother experiences a mourning period when there is "something wrong" I had my own with my son. He was developmentally delayed and at 9 months old he had to begin tube feeding. I remember thinking why is this happening to us? Everywhere I looked all I saw was healthy, pudgy children who ate whatever they put in front of them. It was very depressing to accept that this was our life. Not only doing it, but the questions and stares from others as we were tube feeding.

BUT... it gets better. My son was diagnosed with a form of Autism when he was 5. By then, we had been tube feeding all those years. I have learned to "appreciate Holland" and love Holland. I can't imagine my son any other way and this is just how our lives turned out. I treasure how it has made me better. I'm more patient with him, I explain more to him, and b/c of this I think I have been way more involved with him and truly knowing him.

Understand your mourning period and talk to people and learn to love Holland if that's where your plane is landing. Autism can be a beautiful thing and I am proud to say I have a child diagnosed with Autism. Best of luck to you :-)

Just want to let you know, I feel for you. I am going through some issues with my youngest, that I have yet to get any concrete answers and my oldest son has been a constant challenge developmentally and medically. If you need time to "poor me", go for it! As long as you are being attentive to your son ( which according to your post, you 100% are), you can vent all you want, especially if it makes you feel better. I get the feeling that it's not the possibility of Autism that is causing your pain, it's more the fact that your child is in pain and the impact his pain is having on your other children.I bet if someone told you , "yes , your child has autism but we can stabilize his health", you would feel better than the other way around. I have no real advise because I'm going through a tough time myself but just wanted to let you know that it's OK to feel bad for your child. I hope you get some answers soon that will lead to some peace.

Sometimes knowing too much can be a downfall - since you've studied child development so much, you know what symptoms to look for, but what about the symptoms that are not signs of autism? When I took Abnormal Psychology in college, the first advice my teacher gave us was not to self diagnose ourselves! We will all find symptoms in anything if we look too much into it.

If he has had ear tubes with complications, maybe his hearing is damaged. He may look at the lady at Target because it's a new face and he sees you every day! He's crawling out of his crib because he's showing signs of independence.

Has he ever been tested for allergies to see why he always has a cold/congestion/puffy eyes? As far as I know, those aren't signs of autism are they?

You don't *know* for sure, but get the evaluation done ASAP if you are so worried. You have enough education to know that if he does get a professional diagnosis from an evaluation that early intervention is a successful way to adapt you and your family IF autism is factored in. And if it's not, you will save yourself a lot of tears and heartache and get to the root of the problem. Good luck.

My son was diagnosed with SPD and I still question autism for him so I totally understand the devastation. Really I do and I feel for you. But truly, maybe your son is sick a lot. Kids with a lot of ear infections etc can have a lot of problems with speech etc...maybe he just doesnt feel like himself. I think sickness affects kids a whole lot different then it does adults or even older kids. But, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and so sorry you are going through this.

I am so sorry you are going through this, I am not an expert, but this does not sound right. Did they do any tests? Blood work?CT/ MRI? Mold /heavy metal poisoning?Reaction to some foods? I have a good friend who's 2 year old son has an Autism and he does not act "normal" one week and "off" on another.
and check this out if it is Autism
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/0...
(you will have to sing in)

I 2nd Susan C.'s suggestion of a gluten allergy. I've recently learned a lot about this subject & it's truly astounding the things that can be affected by this. It's at least worth looking into further.

I second Donna's advice. Also, don't be too terrified of Autism. I know it's challenging, of course it's not what you hope for, but the fear of it may be so much worse than taking your son for a second or third opinion and really getting answers. My 20 year old cousin is on the Autistic spectrum, and he's fairly well functioning, actually quite popular with female classmates and able to hold down a job. My Aunt has to encourage him to engage and take on new challenges, but it's not a desperate situation. The first thing to do is get real answers on what's causing the behavioral issues you see (it may be nothing), then go from there.

The ear and sleeping problems...poor little guy, my heart hurts for you. How hard it is to see your child suffer, and so much! Surely there are peditricians in your area that specialize in Ear, Nose, and Throat. It really sounds like you are doing the absolute best for him you can, and how lucky is he to have a Mama who is trained to be able to help him with the challenges he might face!

I'm sorry you are in this position. It is obvious that you feel devastated. I think you need to talk to his pedi about it and start the eval process like you said. I think you need to do this so that you know how to proceed. At least if I were in your position, I would need to do this so that I could KNOW that yes he is on the autism spectrum, or no he's not. I'm sure you know more about special needs and autism than I do based on your education, so I am not contradicting what you are interpreting, but be weary of jumping to conclusions and making yourself sick with worry until you have an actual diagnosis to back it up. Perhaps there are other issues at play. It really hit home when you said how your son reacts to you in the mornings. It is my son exactly! He is 16 months old and when I hear him in the morning and go to him, he refuses eye contact of any sort and will look right past me. Usually pointing to something that he wants or whatever. He's happy, just not interested in me. I pull him out of the crib and off he runs without ever looking back! I have never been concerned about his lack of interest in us because he's just a busy guy and this is just HIM in the mornings. I don't know, I am not comparing our situations, just cautioning you to not jump to conclusions and stress yourself (and probably your kids) out. At least have him evaluated so that you know if all the worry is worth it. If he is autistic, you can get a game plan in place for how to meet his needs and if they say he is not, find out what else may be going on. Best of luck to your family!