The Big "M" Word!!! How Long Do You Wait?????

15 months is plenty of time to get to know someone and whether you are compatible for a lifetime, in my view. It's perfectly OK for a woman to raise the topic these days -- no need for him to open the conversation about his interest in marriage. If you want to marry him, have that discussion soon!

Maybe YOU should bring it up! Have a conversation about what each of you are thinking, feeling, and expecting from this relationship. Communication is KEY!

My husband and I dated for just over a year and he proposed. We were married 10 months later. But we talked about what we both wanted from the beginning! My sister has been dating her boyfriend for 10 years now. She brings up marriage all the time and he completely ignores the subject. Yet she chooses to stay........ HAVE A TALK WITH HIM!

You say you are really ready to spend the rest of your life with someone, but you don't say you love THIS man and want to spend the rest of your life with HIM. I get that you want to be married really bad, but it's not a one-size fits all type of thing. The relationship has to be right. Marriage is work. If you don't at least go in thinking that you've found "the one" (not just someone who will marry you), the marriage doesn't stand much of a chance. Your question seems to be how long should you wait before you bring up marriage, if he doesn't, but that question should come after you answer the question of whether this is the man you want to be with for the rest of your life. It doesn't sound like the answer to that one is yes.

I think you are panicking needlessly, though I understand how you feel. I didn't get married until I was 33 (and certainly had no prospects at 29), and it was fine. I met him when I was 32 and we were engaged within the year. If you rush into something because you are feeling time pressure, you may find yourself single again just a few years down the road. Wait until it is right.

The most important thing about the "M" word is that it is with the right person, no matter how long you have been with him. Do you guys have an outstanding relationship? Do you get along great and talk about how perfect you are and how great it is that you found each other? you did not mention much about his thoughts or actions. I dated my husband for 2 months before he asked me to marry him, we were 30 and 31 yrs old. We got married 7 months later and are coming up on our 10 yr anniversary. We knew right away. When he asked me he literally said, "when you know, you know, so why wait?" and he is right. That cliche' term was made up from someone who really knew...I mean, if you don't feel it within two years I would say it is not something you want to push. With that being said it does not mean those that date 10 yrs before marriage are not meant to be but you have to wonder, why did they wait so long? I would give it two years and then ask him what his thoughts are on your future together. Don't push, just be curious, but if he is not responding, you might want to move on. I had my first child at 33 and my second at 35 almost 36.

I've known people with strong and healthy marriages who dated only a few weeks or months prior to getting married; and I've known people who knew each other and/or dated for years prior to tying the knot, and they had short and miserable marriages. There is no single "set time" for how long you should know someone prior to marrying him, but there is an old saying that goes, "Marry in haste, repent at leisure," which shows that much of the time when people married without much courtship before, they were sorry that they didn't really get to know their spouse.

My best advice is to go to the blog What Women Never Hear (http://wwnh.wordpress.com) and peruse some of the posts on male-female relationships from an older (and much wiser) gentleman's perspective.

It sounds like your boyfriend is pretty comfortable in the relationship as it stands now, so has no reason to change. Perhaps it's time for him to become a bit less comfortable. :-) Read the blog to understand what I mean.

It seems odd to me that after 15 months you don't know where his head is - what he wants for his future? If you haven't talked about it, you need to start. that isn't pressure, that's part of getting to know each other. If he feels "pressured" then he isn't for you. I'm not saying you need ot walk down the aisle tomorrow, but you need ot be on the same page with the direction of the relaitonship and you both need ot be happy about wha tthat page is. Saying "someday" isn't a good answer, if you want to be married wihtin a year for instance. Also wanting to be married is not the same as wanting to be married to HIM. Give that some thought. Good luck!

you guys need to TALK. pick a relaxed time and bring it up. he may feel like you do and be afraid to bring it up thinking you are satisfied with things as they are. always keep the lines of comunucation open and honiest. good luck, i don't think it is something you can put a time on. R.

I was with my husband two years before we got married but I knew right away we would be married on day. My brother has been with his girlfriend 6 years and just recently proposed. I think it's different for everyone, just depends on how your relationship is. Just be honest with yourself, do you REALLY see yourself with this person for life? If you have doubts, don't do it.
I don't think you would come off pressuring him if you asked if he saw you guys getting married one day. Maybe he's wondering the same thing and doesn't want to pressure you? :)

Your question focuses solely on the amount of time = the far more important issue is the amount of love. First, 15 months is nowhere near two years, it is barely over ONE year. Second, you don't talk about the man at ALL, you only talk about yourself. Third, you seem far too preoccupied with what others do/think/say, rather than on what you feel and your partner feels. If you cannot be honest with him about what you want regarding getting married, how do you establish a relationship that will stand the test of time? You may be nearly 30, but you sound very immature. IMHO

Um, my husband brought up marriage to me and we had only known each other like a month and a half! to be honest, his parents brought it up first b/c they knew he was already thinking it.

We got married about 11 months after our first date. We have been married going on 8 years now.

Now is the time to plan for your future. If you two are comfortable with each other, I'm amazed that you guys haven't talked about where you are heading yet. Who knows, he may be the kind of guy who never wants to get married or have children! That happened to a friend of mine who waited for several years for the man to speak up, and when he finally it, it was to tell her that he planned to be a bachelor.

You don't need to go proposing to him, but you do need to figure out what you want together. Just straight up ask him what his plans are, that you would love to get married and start a family within the next year or two and what his goals are.

Seriously, on my FIRST date with my husband, we asked each other what our 5 year plan was. Our plan was the same, to be married and have a child or two and be finishing up with college. That took the pressure off just by asking what our goals and plan was for ourselves, not necessarily with each other.

However, marry him because you love him, not just because you want to get married soon. It has to be the right guy, who will cherish you forever, who will also make an excellent father, who yearns to be a father some day.

He may not be ready for marriage, just yet, but if he isn't interested in the idea, then tell him goodbye so you can start fresh. There is no point wasting your time on someone who doesn't want to end up with you in the long run, or have similar goals as you.

Good luck!

I see that you already have some good input. Do you want to get married - or do you want to be married to THIS man? Has he EVER said he wants you to be his wife? You are not happy, evidently, with whatever arrangement you have now. Maybe he is!

Talk to the man! You may not hear what you want to hear, but that's not as bad a thing as wondering and waiting and guessing.

The truth is that no matter how much you want to be married, there are worse things than being single. Find out if this fella is worth giving up your singleness for.

If he says he's not interested in marriage (or "not interested right now," which is just another way of saying he's not interested), you'll know for sure. If he doesn't want to talk about it, you'll know for a certainty that marriage to him is not going to happen any time soon, and that he wants to control the situation.

If he says you're pressuring him just because you want to talk about it, you'll definitely know he's not for you! Can you imagine committing your life to someone like that?

If you can't talk to him now, you'll have a miserable time trying to talk to him after you're married. Communication is such a crucial thing. You need to take courage and talk to him!

P.S. Since some other women mentioned a previous post of yours, I checked out your previous post. If I read it correctly, this man you're waiting for doesn't want your children's father around, and yet he's not too interested in being their father himself - as far as real, on-paper commitment to you and dedicated care for your children are concerned...? Sounds to me as if he would prefer to remain a boyfriend rather than be a husband and stepfather. Boyfriends have lots of privileges and very few responsibilities.

I may be off track and I might even offend you just a bit. Sorry if I do. However, I did not hear, he is a wonderful man, love of my life or any endearment terms most would say about their special someone. Also, your quote "I'm REALLY ready to spend my life with someone" is telling me that at this point the 1st person to ask you to marry them you will say yes. whether it is your boyfriend of 15 months or someone you just meet.

Stop and think if this man is the man you really want to spend your life with or if he will "just do". Don't settle for SOMEONE find the RIGHT one.

I'll say ditto to my advice from your last question.
You have 3 kids.
You live together.
I think if he loved you enough to move in with you then he should love you enough to make it legal.
Do the right thing for your children.
You say "Im REALLY ready to spend the rest of my life with someone" but that doesn't mean this O. is THE O.. And if he's not, your kids shouldn't be living with him.

Some people don't want to rush into things.. my husband was one of those! He wanted to be absolutely sure about everything before hand... granted we got married after a year and a half, but he's Army so we had to rush things.

My parents were friends for almost 10 years before they got married. My mother-in-law and father-in-law dated for 14 years before they got married. They had 4 kids, and were very happy. They are married now, and very happy.

I'm inpatient though. I think that AT LEAST after 2 years if there hasn't even been talk about it, I'd walk! BUT... that depends on if you are in love with him. If you're in love, then you shouldn't even be asking this question.

Reiterating what others have said but you said "I'm ready to spend my life with SOMEONE." Did you mean "him?" I think so, but wanted to point it out. If you want to marry him and be with him for the rest of your life, tell him so. Say, "You know, I really love you and want us to get married. What do you think about that?" Then gauge his reaction. Be honest - if you want to be married in the next five years, say so. If you want to be married in the next two, be up front about it. He'll either agree or disagree about getting married. If he disagrees (for whatevet reasons) sit down and tell him that you do not think things will work out. If he agrees, but wants to be together longer, I do not think that is unreasonable.

My husband and I dated for four years before becoming engaged. About a year into it, I was ready for him to propose (I was 22 at the time). He said he would propose when ready (ie: when he had enough money to buy a ring). Although I told him I don't care about a ring, I just wanted to be married, blah blah blah, he said he would have never proposed with out a ring. Turns out his dad proposed to his mom without a ring and she still doesn't have one and his dad made him promise to get a ring for his future wife BEFORE getting engaged.

Talk to him, feel him out then you'll have a better idea of where you both stand.

Good luck!

Start watching movies just before he gets home that will drop hints.
- 27 Dresses
- The Wedding Planner
- An Officer and a Gentleman
- Nanny McPhee.

Just be honest with him. He can't be mad at you for being honest. However, if he does agree that you are the one and its time, don't have a LONG engagement. I was engaged for 2y and it drove me nuts! I let him set the date, didn't want to pressure him, we were only 21y. I waited a year to start planning and had the whole wedding planned in less than 2m and then had to sit around and wait.

M.

I was with my ex-husband for 4 years before we got married. Obviously got divorced lol. Then I started dating my boyfriend and got pregnant 3 months later (although I do have to say I have known him just as an acquaintance for a number of years) and I knew we were meant to be with each other. Crazy huh.
Honestly there is no proper amount of time. You need to discuss it, and you can do that without "rushing" him into it. If you don't communicate everything you want in life, the marriage may not work anyway. Good Luck!

If you'd be willing to walk away after 15 months of dating because he hasn't asked you to marry him, then maybe he isn't the one for you.

If you really love him and were to spend the rest of your life with him, you'd not be concerned about how long it took for marriage to be brought up. You wouldn't be willing to look elsewhere. You'd be happy with the love of your life beside you and you'd feel comfortable enough to bring marriage up.

My first marriage...we dated for 12 months, married exactly 12 months to the day we met. Married for 6 years. Divorced.

My second (current marriage) we met/started dating in June 2001. Moved in together Thanksgiving of 2001. Married in Aug of 2003.

Well, in my case it was nine years. BUT I first met my husband when I was 17 and he was 14 - so we had some growing up to do! We finished collage, and we became engaged before he moved in with me, and we planned a 1 yr engagement. (Our 21st anniversary is coming up.)
One of my former co-workers got married after 1 week. Unfortunately the marriage only lasted 7 yrs (she had an affair).
Another of my former co-workers came from India, and when his Mom told him it was time to marry, he went home and married a girl he met for the 1st time 3 days before the wedding. The parents had it all arranged, and my friend and the girl had the right to refuse if they wanted to. He trusted his Mom to pick the right girl for him. To my knowledge they are still happily married.

LOL, you say you're ready to spend the rest of your life with "someone", like another responder said....are you ready to spend your life with HIM.
I totally know where you're coming from, I was 30 when I got married, and was totally under the impression 2 years before it was never going to happen. Then I met my husband, and we were engaged in 10 months. BUT it's because he was unlike anyone I had ever met, and I never doubted our relationship one time, from day one. Maybe that sounds a little fairy tailish, but I had been through alot of relationships where I just knew they WERENT the one for me, and ended for no other reason. It may sound cliche, but if it's meant to be, it will be.
If you feel like HE is the one, talk to him. By now you're mature enough to really know what you're looking for. And if it's him, then lay it out there. But if you're just looking for it to be someone, then move on.There is no "proper" time frame in my opinion.

I feel your concerns but why can't you mention it? I think there is a big difference between bringing it up and pressuring him. I don't think its fair to think if he never brings it up or asks he doesn't want to get married and you should leave him. Just ask him straight out one day how he is feeling about your relationship and where does he think its headed? Tell him honestly how you feel. Obviously, he heard you from the beginning so I'm guessing he wants to be married some day too.

Good luck!

everyone is different. To me, 15 months seems like plenty of time, but my husband proposed on our 1 MONTH meeting anniversary. We waited a year and a half to get married though because he was in the marines and was going to be deploying, so we waited. But, now we have been married for 8 1/2 years and I will say it hasn't all been easy, but we always work through things and we are still here and in love. He just suprised me with a love note yesterday that he wrote when he was at work. We were also younger. We were 19 when we met and 21 when we got married, so we were impatient back then. So, I think everyone is different and there isn't really a set time of when to get married.

What's wrong being direct? It's inconsiderate to expect someone else to read your mind. Tell him that you'd like to get married and wanted to see where he was on the whole issue. If he doesn't or isn't ready and doesn't know when he will be, then you have a choice to make.

I dated my husband for 9 months before he proposed (I told him after 3 months that I knew I wanted to marry him) and we had an 11 month engagement after that.

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