The Question You Think You Are Prepared For.......

My daughter was six, I answered it with the truth in terms she understood. Putting it off is freaking and now she is filling in the blanks herself. I don't envy you when you get around to it because now she should have a hundred more questions.

It was actually quite amusing looking back because she kept taking what I said and informing the rest of the girls in her class who's parents kept freaking out when asked. I actually got a call from the principle asking me to stop answering her questions. :p

7 was the age my daughter started asking. We got her the book and video "Where did I come from" from the library and let the book and video do the explaining.

I would be completely open and honest, at 9 she is ready for the whole talk. Girls are being pressured for things like oral sex at younger and younger ages, and 9 is about the new norm, so the more information she has the better she will be able to deal with the peer pressure when it comes.

My very polite son asked me what SEX was in the busy waiting room of the doctor's office and I almost had a heart attack! My mind was racing. I was thinking..."You have to ask me this NOW? HERE?"

It turned out he was asking because it asked for "SEX" on the paperwork I was filling out. What did the M and the F stand for?

I said, "I'm a girl, so F means female. That is my sex. You're a boy, so M means male. That is your sex".
That's all he wanted to know.
Whew.

I would ask your daughter what she thinks or what she's heard and take it from there. You can give information without being overly graphic.

You know, kids who grow up on farms or raising animals just tend to have an innate understanding of these things. It's just part of life that there are seasons for baby animals to be born, etc.

The main thing is to not psyche yourself out. You don't have to focus on what men and women do. We're mammals. You can teach kids about reproduction from that standpoint without the bow-chicka-wow-wow.
It also helps to explain why girls develop breasts and why they have periods.

You don't have to give too much "adult" information.

Just my opinion and good luck!

I would have made the time to validate her question and answer it right then. Because??? The next time she has a question that is possibily intimidating to you and she knows it due to your reaction, she may not come to you because she thinks you can't handle it or you are too embarrassed to discuss the topic.

Rest assured, at 9 she has heard how mom gets pregnant. She probably heard from children at school or doing her own research out of curiosity. She wants mom to tell her the truth.

Communication is SO key with children. I have always been an open book with my daughter because my mom was very prudish and I never understood her stance. I swore I'd never be like that and we have had open communication with our daughter (now 17) since she started talking.

Set something up THIS WEEKEND because you said THIS WEEKEND and make sure you answer her questions. If you can't face her, do it while you are driving or walking through the park, etc... Jusst do it.

Wouldn't you rather her feel comfortable enough to ask you anything or just rely on what she hears from others? Believe me, as she gets older this communication this gets way bigger and more important.

Good luck

OK--now I'm thinking that 9 is the magic age for this talk.

My son (9) knows all of the body part terminology (actual & slang), that a baby grows in the woman's uterus and exits (usually) through the vagina. He knows that when a man & woman are in love and want a baby, they ask God, and if God agrees, a baby is "placed" in the woman's uterus and it takes 9 months to grow, blah, blah, blah....

The ONLY thing he is missing is the "insert tab A into Slot B" part which, like you, I feel is getting VERY close, based on questions he has had...I just need to suck it up and connect the last dots.

Why do we hesitate, I wonder? Is the end of innocence? For a kid who still (questions, yet) believes in Santa Claus to have this information...

Good luck. Right there with you!

My daughter started asking when she was about four. I explained sex to her, using correct terms for anatomy, and without giving her a Kinsey seminar. No "God gives a mommy and daddy a baby," no storks, no cabbage patches. Simple, straightforward information.

All this stuff is fundamental to the continuation of our species. I think any human being who wants to know should know about this stuff. My children started asking about 5 or 6. I just told them as matter-of-factly as possible. I also bought the book 'Where Did I Come From?'.

Make sure you have a talk with her THIS weekend. Otherwise your daughter is seriously going to think you have blown her off. My kids talk about this all the time (6 and 3) -- they would like a baby brother or sister. We have talked about how Dads have half of the stuff required to make a baby and Moms have the other half. That Dad and Mom get together to put the two parts together inside mommy to make a baby. Keeping it age appropriate, that's about as far as I've gotten with my kids. However, I believe the key is to keep open, honest and frequent communication with my kids so that I can answer any question with them at any time it comes up. Some good tools to have are open ended questions back to them like: What have you heard about it? What do you know? What do you think? Then give them a bit of an explanation and ask Would you like to know more than that? or Did that answer your question?
How babies are "made" is a question of biology, and what's so taboo about that?

At church the other day, in the womens group, we had a talk about how to talk to your children about sex.

First of all, Kudos for tellling her "I think that's an excellent question." They suggested we use the phrase "I am so glad you asked me that question!" which gives you time to think of a response, plus it encourages them to come to you with any question. They suggested we, as moms, not show any discomfort on the subject, as sex is a natural gift from God.

We talked about how if we (as moms) don't teach our children about sex, the community and media will be happy to do the job for us. YIKES! Just think of what you see in/on magazines and on tv and even bilboards and commercials.

I have heard also that children as early as 3rd grade are talking about sex and their bodies and that they come informed or misinformed and talk to eachother about it. Your kids will get it one way or the other - best it come honestly from you.

PM me if you want me to get my notes out and send you more detailed 'instructions.'

I used anatomically correct terms and was very matter of fact. It was in the car.
Because we are Christian and believe in the Bible I used that to explain why people needed to wait until marriage to have children, but that anyone who has hit puberty could get pregnant.

My poor son, he is homeschooled now. He just turned 11. As I was explaining sex he was very worried that they were doing it in the high school. So he said well when I get up to Sissy's school I'm just going to close my eyes when I walk to my classes. I sure don't want to see it.
I thought my then 13 yo was gong to wet her pants she was laughing so hard.

I remember when I was 9 years old and in school with girls who knew about 'periods' and I knew it was something important they were whispering about and asked my mother and she said "When I was older". That was years ago and things are not the same anymore. I think I should have been told the answers to the question I asked as if she didn't tell me the kids at school would and their version was not nearly as correct and nice. I would tell your child as much as you need to and not any more. They'll ask for more if you explain things in a simple, honest way and not acting like it's a hard thing to talk about. It's a beautiful thing to describe how God made us and yet too much too soon can not be able to be handled by some kids. Don't be uncomfortable or they will be. They should be able to come to you with any and all questions and hopefully this will not be as hard as you think it will be.

For me, it has depended on the child, and their maturity level. Not all 9 year olds will be able to handle the same amount of information. We made the decision to answer the question by telling them what parts and details we felt they could handle at the time. It keeps the communication open, without over-sharing or telling too little and leaving them more confused than they started. In my opinion, It will change for everybody.

My oldest son, who is 9 pretty much knows all the key points (not in a lot of detail, but the majority of the basics). My 3rd son, at 8 knows very little, pretty much just that the mom gets pregnant and the baby grows inside her. He is also quite immature for his age, so we did not feel he was ready to hear more details. In a few years, when the question comes up again (it always does), i'm sure he'll be ready to hear more.

I would recommend telling your daughter enough to answer her question. You will know what parts she, personally, could handle hearing and what parts to leave out. And trust me that if she isn't getting enough information, she will keep asking more direct questions as to what specifically she wants to know. We also advised our children that while we feel its ok to share that information, not all parents want their kids knowing that much that young, so it would be best if they did not share their knowledge at school or play groups.

I just told my kids that the mommy has teeny, tiny eggs deep in her belly and sometimes one grows into a baby, incomplete, but true! That was enough of an explanation until they were around 11, that's when we had "the talk."
But...
sounds like your daughter already knows what's up and she wants to get some kind of explanation/confirmation from you. It's not uncommon for young children to talk about sex/babies/body parts. Even as a little girl in the 70's living in clean, small town Iowa, I remember kids talking about this stuff, and I remember being both horrified and fascinated.
I know there are some good books written specifically for children and parents to read together, but I don't have the names (?)
Good luck!

at 9 i'd almost bet she's heard something somewhere else. it's really kinda old to just be encountering this subject for the first time. but i love your calm response and promise to get back to her soon.
give her very very simple explanations with the correct terminology and let her ask questions. there's no need to give overly detailed descriptions but do be prepared to let her inquire. most kids are very good at leading the discussion if they're allowed to do so.
khairete
S.

My kiddos are too young for this one. My parents used the book "A Child is Born" to show me how a baby grows in utero. It is an AMAZING book. When I was pregnant with my second I would show my then- 2.5/3 year old the pictures and talk about how baby was growing. It does have pics of birth and breastfeeding at the end, so you would of course decide your comfort level, but the science content is fabulous.

The most important thing is to tell her about love, the love of husband and wife and that they share this so deeply that they are given a gift of a child, like her and her brother. Don't speak of the biological side of it yet. That's for later in life as an older child. At this point its more important that she understands that from two come three, from love and the desire for a chlild. I know this may seem trite or unreal but it really isn't. If she asks for more just tell her it's an attraction like magnets that attract. Children aren't really asking for the whole blown verbage of the actually act like so many adults believe.
Having animals/pets that are pregnant and having the children see birth can be a magical thing for them. Watching nature like the birds in their nest hatching their eggs etc. These are much more benificial than any explaination at her age. Let these things in her life take on a natural process.
The explosion of unwanted teen pregnancies are not from lack of sex education it's from lack of sex respect and reverence and lack of respect and love for their self and their life. Teens get pregnant more from their feelings of lack of love from parents and look to boys to fill that gap. Just sayin'. Not saying this is or will be your case. We have more sex ed. than ever and yet more unwanted and or planned pregnancies than ever in our modern history. Sacreness is lost. I've always told my girls (at the time when needed) that their virginity is their's and don't give it to any one till you are ready and really know that person loves you. YOu can only give it once. I know I got off on a tangent there. sorry about that -

Don't be afraid of these things, go with it and let answers come from the heart. You don't have to spout out answers right away, let yourself have time to reflect. I have handled my children with this basic approach and have never been sorry. They didn't start having children till they were 30 and gave it a lot of consideration. I, on the other hand, had my first when I was 18 and although I don't regret it, I now know I was looking for approval and love form someone I thought truly loved me, because I felt my parents didn't.

Love is always the answer. The best to you and your lovely family.

Begin by asking her a lot of questions. What do you think happens, what have you heard, etc. It will help you formulate your response and keep you from jumping off the TMI (too much information) deep end.

wow nice job handling that on the fly! i hope you get some good answers, mine is 5 so haven't had to go into much detail yet. just wanted to say congrats for keeping it cool under pressure ;)

Read the book "Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle" My husband and I did it with our daughters when they were 10. It is never to early to start. This is a book you will read the first half and do the second half with your daughter. There is also one for boys. Very helpful. Good luck and God bless.