Ok, this might be a bit lengthy, but here it goes. My husband has an aunt who is a bit abrasive. Well, abrasive might be the wrong word, she is more like all out rude. She lives in another state so we don't see her often. In fact My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years and this was the second time I have ever seen her. I didn't realize how mean she could be until this visit, and what made my jaw drop was how rude she was to the wait staff at a restaurant. Here is my tale and question:
So my husband and our children went out to lunch with his aunt and uncle during their visit. It was a nicer little sit down restaurant, with a lovely little menu and we had a very nice waitress. We all placed our orders and my husband's aunt ordered trout. Everyone else really liked what they had ordered, but his aunt did nothing but complain then refuse to eat her fish, because it evidently tasted like fish. (HOW DARE IT, right?) She called over to the waitress demanding to know what kind of fish it was because she "Has had a LOT of trout in my time, and this does NOT taste like trout". The poor waitress who had been nothing but sweet to everyone ran back to the kitchen to ask the chef what kind of fish it was and returned saying that in fact, it was Rainbow Trout. This did not appease my husband's aunt. She went on to accuse them of preparing it incorrectly, and that it wasn't good fish. I mean I wanted to crawl under a rock and die, she was being so mean to this girl, who had nothing to do with the preparation of the fish.
I wanted to see if I could catch our waitress and apologize to her, but I think she went into hiding as we were leaving, and I don't blame her. I did however, wait until his aunt had left the dining room, then drop a huge tip for her. After this meal, I refuse to go to a restaurant with her EVER again.
My question, is there anything that I can do for or say to the wait staff so they know that it's not their fault, that she is just a rude person? If so when would be the best time to do so?
If I would have had a pen and a scrap of paper I would have left a note saying so. If they would have had paper napkins I would have put a note on one.
Thanks so much for all the replies. I really do not want to go to a restaurant with this woman again, but if there is a family gathering in a public place, I suppose it will be unavoidable. Suz T. hit it right on the head. She is not only rude to servers, but everyone who is not blood related to her. I did get my share of harsh comments from her myself, but, although I can't say that I enjoyed it, I was expecting it.
If I am ever in this situation again I will go back and share a few words with the manager about how nice the wait staff is and how rude my husband's aunt can be. Causing even more of a public scene I think would be very counter productive with this type of person.
Some techniques I use with my 18 month old may have helped...
"Aunt Maria I understand you are not happy with what you ordered. Would you like to order something else or should we end the meal"? The next time she opens her mouth to complain you repeat it, and if it happens after that you leave!
It's Love and Logic....
Someone saw you leave that tip, I guarantee it. The staff was bitching about her the entire time, out of ear shot, and was waiting to see what the tip was. You are definitely in good standing there, while she is not. Feel free to grace that establishment again, they will give you great service. They know it wasn't their fault, they deal with idiots like her on a regular basis. You did the right thing, and on behalf of servers everywhere, I thank you.
Hmmm. Very nice of you at the end of the meal to go back like that. Perhaps you could excuse yourself from the party as you are all walking out the door as needing to use the restroom, then double back (after they can't see you) and ask for the manager... and ask them if they would please let the very nice server know that "the aunt is always like this, it had nothing to do with the service"... that way, not only does the server get the kind words, so does their boss, who might otherwise have seen things and thought the server did something wrong.
I'm sure the extra tip didn't hurt either. :)
My MIL once accused a restaurant of putting Glass into her food so she could top a woman who always gets sick on vacation. We all took turns eating her food assuring her it was fine in front of the staff. I went to the bathroom and told the manager we are not suing and she has mental problems. I apologized and told them we wanted nothing free as it was not her fault. we left a 100% tip.
I used to wait tables and for me the huge tip always worked. You get used to dealing with rude people and not taking it personally. A big tip shows that someone at the table recognized she was out of line. I feel your pain at having to be there with her, it is embarrassing to be out with someone who is so disrespectful to others but if I were in your shoes I would have done exactly what you did. It never hurts to call and tell the manager how great your waitress was either, just a quick call to say you had lunch the other day, so and so was your waitress and service was fantastic : )
"Misery loves company"...your hugh tip will explain it all.
I've been waiting tables for 8 years now. Feel free to go back to the restaurant to eat again, it wasn't you who caused problems. If one person in the party is rude, we can pick out who and usually tell if others feel the same or if they are embarrassed to be at the same table.I bet if/when you go back without her, wait staff will be pleasant. Thanks for leaving a nice tip. That sure helps dealing with people. I've experienced several tables that almost everyone in the party has a complaint about something. Then they feel the need to not tip at all. One time a family came in to eat, kids started a food fight amongst each other, HUGE mess. Their bill ended up being about $60. They paid with $100. left 62 cents at the register for me. I ran out after them telling them they forgot their change. They said thats your tip, I told them if thats all they could afford after paying with a hundred, then they obviously needed it more than I. I love serving tho. The good times/good people outweigh the ridiculous people most the time.
She probably knew that she was just a rude person. I waited tables for a few years, and encountered similiar situations where one person out of a party was a total jerk, while the rest were perfectly nice.
You left a nice tip, so i'm sure she realizes that you weren't agreeing with the aunts behavior. It's nice that you realize it wasn't the waitresses fault. Waiting tables is a really hard job, and people like that are the reason. Once I had a man eat an entire order of wings, THEN complain they were too small and he wanted to be refunded.......?? After I had asked a few times how everything was. He himself had a $50 tab, and after waiting on him and his friends for over an hour, left me no tip.
In the future if this ever happens again, just be sure that YOU say thank you as much as possible, the waiter/waitress will appreciate your good manners :)
Your tip is a fantastic start. The only thing I could suggest is just calling the manager and letting her/him know that everything was fine. Just in case they caught wind of a lot of complaints that night, it would be nice of you to share that you were at the table and none of the complaints were justified. I have not waited tables for about 12 years but it still always boggles my mind how some people don’t realize how stupid they are to treat people who handle their food and drinks so rudely. Honestly, I never did anything to anyone's food/drink. I once had a table of monsters though...and after they were gone, I learned that my friendly bartender spit into each of their drinks before I served them....he told me "he took care of those rude people for me" Seriously people, even if your server is horrible and you feel the need to tip poorly, leave it at that...Don't be a monster to the person who is bringing you food/drinks....for your own good :-)
I think the huge tip will explain everything
I don't waitress but my daughter does. You could have interupted auntie and said something like 'the waitress doesn't prepare the food just serve it and you owe her an apology'. Then look at her and say either eat what you ordered or request something else.
A bully is a bully I don't care if we aren't on the playground anymore auntie was being a bully. I firmly believe bullies need to be stopped in their tracks.
You said it all by leaving a huge tip. Good for you!
I went out to eat once at a restaurant with a group of ppl and one of the people with us is just flat out rude and very outspoken. The waitress that we had was very friendly and nice and all that and the rude chick that was with us asked the waitress if she was pregnant. She was clearly a bit heavy around the waist area but definitely did not look pregnant. When the waitress turned and said "no actually Im just fat but thanks for pointing it out" I thought I was going to crawl under the table. Then this horribly rude person went on to argue with her that she had to be pregnant because look at you. OMG Im not even making this up - ever since that day I not only wont eat out with her but I avoid her at all costs
I think everyone else at the table with her wanted to run from embarrassment but instead we were all kind of deers in headlights
I wanted so bad to say something to help this waitress but really what do you say?
I still cant believe there are ppl out there that do this sort of thing
i've had similar things happen when i've dined out with *friends* whom i didn't realize were psycho. (i tend not to maintain friendships with people who act that way. over the years i've realized that people who are vicious under these circumstances are truly truly unpleasant. this flavor of ugly is rarely solely related to servers.) i've been on the other end too, during many years of waitressing and bartending.
if it's possible to have a private word with the server or manager and let them know you're embarrassed, that's nice. but the big tip will really really get the point across. and as a server, it means a lot to know that the entire table wasn't jerkified, and that while everyone may not be comfortable nailing aunt zelda and standing up valiantly for the beleaguered waitress, most of the nice folks at the table were mortified.
you did good.
khairete
S.
...isn't there a saying about being able to tell the character of a person by the way they treat wait staff? Sounds like you went way up on that scale while your aunt plowed thru bedrock!
