Time Outs

We use the high chair for time out. We have faced it in the corner, and we strap him in. This has worked really well, I think we have only had two actual "time out" sessions. Now all I have to say is, "one more time and I'm going to send you to time out" and he stops... :)

Not a big fan of time outs, myself.

Also, not a big fan of punishment... and not a big fan of the focus on "naughtyness".

I am a big fan of teaching, -detailed- -practiced- -teaching- on the right thing to do, catching kids doing the right thing (lots of praise and High Fives), and quick apologies when we step on someones toes.

Sometimes just a quick step back from a fight and a blurted out... "Oops, I'm sorry for "whatever"" is enough of a repentance. I'm a big fan of getting passed the bad times quickly and moving on to practice doing the good and right thing for the majority of the day.

But, when consequences are unavoidable this is what I think:

I am a big fan of taking problematic toys away. Of walking away from tantrums. Of sending children to their beds to "calm down" on thier own.

A "calm down" can be because of yelling in the house, jumping off couches, hitting, running about so crazy that the kids keep getting hurt and crying too much, etc. Also, for me, toys are acceptable during calm downs. Music toys such as hand held pianos, pressing sound buttons, leap frog books, View Master slides, coloring, or just weeping into the pillow are all perfectly OK calm down devices.

I only use a time out (either a split-second timeout or a two minute time out) when I can't do the other option or when it's just one of those challenging days where that's all we seem to do is just cry in our pillows, sit in time out chairs, lay on the carpet and kick our feet, and yell in the house a lot. Those days seem like a total failure. But, honestly, they do pass and they are not the majority of the time.

Just keep in mind that the consequence should match the crime. If the problem is actually being "too riled up" than the solution should be learning how to calm ones self down. Wasn't that the original purpose of the whole time out trend anyways? To take time out for calming down.

From what I've heard, you don't want to send them to their room, because then their room becomes a "bad" place that they dislike, which can make bedtime that much more difficult. I read the supernanny book, I love her work..don't remember exactly what she said but I have heard that two year olds are too young to really get it, mine won't stay in one place when she's happy let alone mad!Most of the time if I talk to her and tell her that what she did was not nice and why, she seems sad enough to be considered apologetic. Or if a toy is involved, we take away the toy in question for the rest of the day. It's difficult, but there must be some reason we and our mothers and grandmothers have done this for years and survived, right? Just remember you're not alone in this stage!!

I started my son with time-outs at 2. He would go through fazes where he just wouldn't stay in time-out, I think to test me. When he did this I would get his high-chair (it's a pretty compact IKEA model) and put it in the hallway facing the wall. He would stay in the highchair, even if I didn't buckle it. It usually only took 2-3 days of the highchair timeout to get him to stay with out it. My real issue with timeouts is that sometimes I forget he's there. Once he sat in timeout for 20 minutes. I recommend getting an egg timer. :)

My personal experience is that 2 years old is still a bit too young for time outs, they just don't get it. Their attentions spans are naturally short and the whole concept of time out will be lost on them. A stern voice that's is low in tone will communicate very clearly that what they did is not ok and while I know some women prefer to go without any physical punishment sometimes a swat on the hand is effective and it doesn't really hurt them, it just gets their attention and lets them know that you're serious about what you say. But remember that you need to keep it short because if you make it any longer than their attention span it's all lost on them, they just aren't ready for that concept yet. Some child development books may offer some good ideas.

Good Luck!

I am having the same problem with my daughter, so I am really glad you asked and I think the responses are great..... Although I have to disagree with Tasha. My daughter is definitely old enough to understand (perhaps because she has been watching her older brother get time-outs). She looks at me and sternly says, "No timeout mama" or "No sit down". Also, even though a swat on the hand does not hurt them, I think it teaches them that hitting is an OK way to get another person's attention.............which is not OK.

I had the same issue with my daughter. she just wouldn't stay put. We ended up putting a pack and play in a place downstairs where she couldn't see the TV and we would ignore her while she was in there. we stick to the 1 minute per year of age and it really seems to work well for us right now.

Good Luck!

Hello,
My daughter started this phase about 2 weeks ago. Let me tell you I sure can sympathize. It isn't the most fun stage we've gone through. It seems like for my girl she really wants attention. I send her to her room and walk away. That is the only thing that works semi consistantly. After a few minutes of screaming and rolling around on the floor she realizes that I'm not paying attention and she tells me she's sorry for throwing a fit. It's getting to the point now where sometimes if she is starting to throw a fit I can give her a withering stare and she controls herself. Of if I know something might cause a fit I prepare her before hand and remind her not to throw a fit. I can see her trying to control herself sometimes and then other times all hell breaks loose. I hear that this stage does end as long as its dealt with appropriately. I just wish I knew for sure what that appropriately was. Good Luck.
A.

I know a lady who wrote a book that is absolutely fabulous! I was a single mom for years and met this woman at the local library who was doing a tour for her book. She helped me so much! One time I couldn't find the book I had bought so I called to see if I could get another one and she actually answered the phone! I wasn't expecting that. I told her I lost my book and was having a problem. She helped me with my problem and then I ordered another book.
Here is her website and you can probably find an inexpensive copy on amazon.com.
http://www.sandymcdaniel.com/products/recipes.htm

Try standing right behind him and just keep him in the same spot. When you move him back do not say anything, just move him.

J.,

My son was the same way. He went through a whole phase of not listening to mommy as well as not staying in the corner. What I did, was start taking things he loves away. My son loves Thomas the train, so I would take them away and put them on a high shelf, while he watched me do it. Then I told him that he would only get them back if he stayed in corner for the designated amount of time. Now, he knows he needs to stay in the corner, and his time doesn't start until he stops crying!

I found a great book called 123 magic. My daughter has a really hard time following my directions but once i use the method outlined in the book she straightens up and does what I want her to. They say to count to 3 but 4 is much better for her. She needs the one last chance to get it right. But the tecnique is not all about counting. You should pick it up.